WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Yeah, this is a good question. I really think it needs to be asked in some situations. Like when a moron does something stupid.

What can you say when they prove they are morons? I told you so? Well not a good option.

Because they won't listen. Nope, you can count on that part. Why would they? If they did in the first place they wouldn't be morons?

But since they are, you are stuck with their stupidity. And with them not getting it, whatever it happens to be.

Now what I hate is getting stuck with never getting these clowns to do different. I mean I really don't want to waste time on them.

Otis won't let me use my bat either. That bugs me. I mean it sure cuts down on the problem.

But he keeps claiming it only makes the people dummer. Not to me. I think it makes them smarter.

At least while they are unconscious they can't ask any questions. So that is a big plus to me.

Still would really enjoy making this easier. Get so tired of bashing when Otis isn't looking.

Plus sometimes I admit that I get a little incline to bash too fast. So I have made a mistake at times.

Was it my fault that I didn't know what a mime was? Hey, I figured he was just being insulting.

And that sort of is how I dealt with it by using my bat. Honestly really did seem like a good idea.

But at least the dude didn't wake up before I left. And the cops never did get him to give a good description.

Now all I have to do is avoid the park where he was performing and I'll be okay. Yep, that is the smart part.

Sometimes I can manage that myself. As long as I avoid then clowns and working on that to be sure.

Just have to be sure they are no mimes.

SHAVE IT

I wish this was a simple project. But let me tell you it sure isn't from what I have seen. Nope easy just isn't a word that applies.

Well not to me. See I haven't figured out why this is a good thing. I mean it you would figure they could make it easy.

But just like too many things it doesn't work out that way. Well not from where I sit. Just too many things don't work out right.

I mean first of all there are no rules. Some people have you know beards, other mustaches and others nothing at all.

Is this suppose to make sense? Did some of them lose their razor? And how come they can't find one?

And then I got other thing I don't like. Such as this shaving cream business. Why can't it taste good?

Here you are putting in near your lips and you can't dare to put it in your mouth? Now it that fair?

So I think we ought to be allowed to make this more creative and even tasty. Or be allowed to forget it altogether.

Yeah, if you can't find the fun it in, then why bother? And why bother other people about either.

See this is where the good would be to make it more fun. You know make shaving cream like a kind of whipping cream.

Then you could use it while you were drinking hot chocolate. Sure would make shaving different.

But I guess I will just have to be the first one to try this. Yeah, I bet I could make a fortune selling flavored shaving cream.

Bet I would find lots of customers. Most guys do have to shave. And I know they have to eat too.

Sounds like a good deal to me. One I'm ready to give a try. Now I'll I have to do is figure a way to you know get a cream pie to fit into a can of shaving cream.

Hmmm, maybe if I hit it with a hammer enough times? Yeah, I bet that would do the trick.
Can't wait to try that when Otis is home. Be a nice surprise I bet.

KISSES AND FELL

Well I can't speak for anyone else, but this is a dangerous thing to me. All that risk that comes when you don't eat Hershey's kisses the right way.

It is really hard to be sure you don't like mess on up this one. But it sure does happen. And for starters it is best if you are sitting down.

That way you don't risk messing up. But you can end up spending too much time unwrapping the kisses and not watching were you are going.

Let me tell you that never is good to fall down with a mouth full of chocolate. That is not a way to fall on your face.

Now while I'm at it, how come they can't make these bigger? Would sure cut down on need to unwrap them so much.

Yeah, like if they were the size of watermelons that would be cool. But then unwrapping them could be a pain.

So maybe we just get rid of the wrappers completely. And if they were all as big as melons you would worry about walking.

Well not sure how I could get that take care of in terms of who to mention it to. Tried the candy store.

Problem is they just never seem to appreciate my ideas over there. I sure give them enough.

But I'm not going to be upset by that fact. Nope I'm going to keep trying. And that is where I have to keep trying.

And along the way I've been wolfing down a few kisses for energy. Which is kind of helping.

At least when they don't give me a headache. That can really be hard on the mind and body.

Yeah, I have found out that if I eat ten bags worth at one time it does that. But then that is the time I have to stop and get a drink.

Normally, a find a few gallons of pop helps. Maybe five or six. That always helps for a while.

But for the long run jelly beans help the most. They make life perfect. That is when I eat enough of them..
Which I always do.

Ah, now you are talking one cool deal here. For you know when it comes to foods, if they are sliced they are good.

Well the important ones are at least. Yeah, that really is a good thing to know. I sure am happy when I can look forward to things like French Fries, potato chips or onion rings.

Kind of helps slice away at whatever bugs you. And that really does give you a reason to smile.

Which we all need in life to be sure. So I use them as a nice form of helping me feel better when I need a change.

Okay, I admit I also have plenty of times when I end up you know with this situation where I just crave grease. Well something fried in grease.

Really slides down the throat easy. Plus when you feel like your throat is getting kind of clogged up by the grease you can drink gallons of pop.

Of if I look like I'm really suffering to bad then Otis buys me a milk shake. Okay normally three.

Sort of depends on if I had two or three buckets of fries that time. Which is kind of tough to decide till the time comes.

Oh you can bet I do try and plan it. But sometimes at lunch I'm not quite as hungry as others.

Like say if for a snack an hour before lunch I had five or six dozen brownies I might not be all that wanting four buckets of fries. Always good to keep that in mind.

Wish I could in some way you know figure out a better means to save the extra fries. Been tough to come up with a good option.

I did try to you know give that a lot of good though. Like leaving them in the refrigerator. But that didn't work out so good.

I even though of keeping them in my pants to keep them warm, but it didn't work either. Oh well, I'm not giving up.

I have been working on the idea of you know that perhaps I could use a dishwasher to help out. Haven't figured out a way to use the water line to fill with oil.

You know like to sort of wake them up. I gave it a shot, but Otis didn't like taking dishes out he thought were clean and finding them covered in oil.

So I have to wait till he goes to bed to try again. He sort of told me not to touch it again. But he didn't say anything about using oil in it.

Thought for the weeK: "There is lots of free dirt around, can't we give some to the dirt poor."

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME

I think this is good when you mean it. Gets real tough when you don't. And let me tell you that ain't no fun when it happens while taking a poll.

Otis and I get stuck doing this from time to time. Man is it a pain too. I mean let me tell you it can be so much of a hassle.

Well see the thing is we have to go out there and knock on doors from time to time in order to ask questions for STINK. Maybe about dirt.

You know all the important ones that really count. Like are you now or have you ever been a serial filther?

Hey, we got to ask. Part of the job. Just hard to get the people excited about answering. They kind of get rather uncooperative.

Maybe we should try it other than Saturday morning. Or after sun up Yeah, that would really be helpful I guess.

Couple of people mentioned that part. Really were not very happy about it. Course Otis said we still had to you know say the part about thanking them.

Which really didn't make much sense to me given the fact they never did give us any time. So what did we have to be grateful about?

Otis said it anyway. Although I'm not sure they heard us what with slamming the door in our face and all.

Well I was perfectly happy to give up. But not Otis. Man did that not impress me, but he still made us keep going.

Let me tell you that time thing was not much fun when nobody talks to you. And sure hard to be thankful for that.

Still Otis didn't look at it that way. Which wasn't much fun to me. But the nice thing is the break time.

That was sitting down at the donut shop. And then after a few donuts Otis felt different about things

As in he filled out the surveys without his own opinion. At least Dr. Hemoglobin was happy when we got back.

Made him thrilled to find out how many people were crazy about clean. Was sort of true. Well almost.

THE THREE R'S

Now the way I understand this the three R's standing for re-heating, riding and reach for a stick. Well those all sound nice

The reheating is cool. You know when we have a chance to like warm up something it is a good thing.

And I sure like to do that a lot. Just a good way to take leftovers and make the like new. Which is very cool.

Now with writing, well I can appreciate it too. I mean you know it is extra cool too. After you get something to eat that is a good time to have a nice ride somewhere.

Unless you only got a bicycle to use, then it may not be that cool. In any case riding can be cool too.

Now beyond that there is the reach for stick. Another cool thing. Oh yeah that is so wonderful.

Providing you get to do something good with it. Like poke a jerk. That makes the time so much more worth it.

And let me tell you that is all cool. I just love when this happens. And I will always savor.

Sort of like having a real tasty meal. Oh yeah that is so cool. I really love that. You get to reheat it.

The ride around while it settles in your tummy. After that you get to really enjoy having a good time by getting a stick

The stick is for the jerk who made fun of my moped. Oh yeah that is some time to need a stick.

Even two if you can find them. They aren't always easy to find. Which is what I do like to find as a choice.

But the nice thing is if you work it right then it is so much fun. Yep, I really love it and that is the best part.

Providing nobody else steals the r's from you. There are too many like that out there. Really sucky people.

But with the stick no problem. I love it when I get that joy out of life. And if you get to do it more than once, cool.

Oh well food for brought as they say.

BOOK LEARNING

Now I have no idea where all these books are that need to be taught, but seems kind of strange to me. I mean who makes books that are retarded?

Is this a big problem that nobody wants to admit too? Honestly it is scary to thing about from my view.

I really can't understand why anyone would dare to start out making a book that could even learn from the junk inside. Now that is really stupid.

Honestly, I know that I've seen those signs that say, "slow school," but I always figured that they were about you know places were kids were kind of sluggish or lazy. But now I do wonder.

If they are ready books that are too stupid to learn how is the poor kid going to learn? Sure don't seem like it would be a good option.

And who sells these books anyway? Honestly, what kind of an idiot intentionally makes a book that is lacking in ability to teach you anything?

Where is the joy in that? I sure can't think of any. Well then I know better than to trust to some book in the first place.

Lord knows you can find them on most every subject. But hopefully a few make sense and are not going to make you dumb.

There are enough stupid people in the world. We sure don't need to add to the numbers. At least I don't think so.

You know I guess we do need to like help these dudes get some help. And I reckon we can't achieve that without you know the books being smart first.

Now maybe the problem is that the books leak. Yeah, maybe all the smart leaks out. Sure wouldn't help much.

I've heard of books on tape. Perhaps those are like where they taped it to keep it from leaking its smarts.

Yeah, I hope that would help. Really would be good to be sure they didn't get any worse. At least one would hope so.

Just not sure how much tape you would need. Probably would depend on how many holes it has.

And you can be sure I want to know before I dare to look at a stupid book that might risk leaking stupid all over me.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Well, I do admit that this is a strange thing to me. Yeah, you know if you have to ask what then you know you got a problem.

So why bug me about it. If your brain is out of order, get it fixed. How tough is that to figure out?

I'm sure you can go to one of those places that do brainwashing and get fixed right up. Heck, I would even drive you there.

But then people do ask weird questions at times. I mean really stupid ones. The type that leads to groans.

And that is hardly cool. Well not in my book. Oh yeah that will not get you many smiles when talking about somebody acting that weird.

I think I need to get this subject the attention it deserves. You know rip up the old stupidity to make room for some new types.

I'm sure it would be a nice change. Maybe even open the door for a whole new kind of stupid.

Oh yeah, that really does make a nice thought to me. You know be able to break up the monotony.

Just take the dullards away to make room for new ones. Then we can all have a different kind of fun.

Like making room for the old ones somewhere cool. So perhaps they would get the smarts.

Yep, I think I can figure a nice way to take care of those folks. Get them some place to sit down and take a break.

Just enjoy life a little so they don't got so nuts. And that will all make it better. Just a chance to maybe be happy again.

Then they might not have need to ask silly questions and would find something better to do. Like take up a hobby.

Perhaps one that isn't the type that will require them asking even more questions. Just you know that wouldn't be a good option.

However, I imagine that if you let them you know go play somewhere else it would help. Yeah, I would think that is a good idea. But then not sure they would listen if they were still asking stupid questions.

NICE TRY

NICE TRY

Does this really help to here? I mean nice try is not like OMG that was fantastic. It is about as exciting as glue.

Well that is the kind of thing that I think is kind of boring. Yeah, when you only get a nice try and feel you deserve a trophy.

That is never quite the same. Never impresses me. Not in any way. I want to have nice try said with a gift.

You know something that will really make you happy. Like cash. That will help. Just enough to really make things cool.

I don't know, just expect this to be a lot more fair than it is. Just give me more than a word.

A nice reward would be good to go with the nice try. Like make the compliment as good as the reward should be.

Just isn't really enough. Not to me. Nope I want it all. The joy the happiness and a reason to smile.

Now is that really to much to ask? Not to me. Nope that is enough to make it all count. And I plan on keeping it that way.

Now all I have to do is figure a way to convince the rest of the people I know to do this. Which sure isn't easy.

Oh well I will really hope that it can be achieved in some way. Honestly I do wish I could count on making it happen.

But then I got to depend on others and that sucks. People are not that cooperative in that regard.

Boy do I actually plan on trying to do this too. And you can be sure I'm going to practice this in a good way.

I'll pass out the nice try with a bag of jelly beans. Well at least to start. But they sure better plan on giving them back later.

I don't mind doing it to like make a hint, but I expect them to do that same. And let me tell that better happen too.

Otherwise forget it. Not going to put up with giving unless I get too. Crummy jelly beans horders better not do this with me. Otherwise the nice try will be about me bashing them.

OH NO

You can sure say that again at times. Oh man when you go to say this, no ain't what is going to happen.

Of that you can pretty much be guaranteed. Not that we like the idea. Nope it ain't filled with oh boy.

That is sort of the opposite. Like in wow this is so cool. I can handle those all day long and then some.

But this oh no business just plain sucks. There ain't any other way to describe them. Nothing good about them at all.

You know it kind of ranks up there with the other types of things that mean life sucks in this case. And it ain't never going to be fun.

Now in case you were wondering the others would include stuff like, OH MY GOD, Holy Crap, Oh Yeah and the ever popular, you've got to be kidding me? All standard freak out phrases.

And they all have one thing it common. You don't say them with a why thank you. Unless you are a moron.

We know there are plenty of them around. Too many. Wish there was a way to you know un-moron them.

But that ain't going to happen that I know of. Instead, it is more likely to get worse. At least from what I've seen.

Well that is unless you got some reason to presume that dumb people are suddenly going to get smart. We're talking some sci fi movie on that one.

Might be fun though. Have a bunch of aliens come to earth and make everyone extra smart.

Got to admit that would be fun. Oh yeah, I could enjoy seeing that happen. But the sci fi movies all seem to be about aliens liking us being stupid.

Yeah, you know where they have a chance to make us look like jerks. So they can lord it over us.

This is a good thing? Just don't seem like it to me. And I sure wish somebody would give me a chance to write one of those movies.

I would sure show them how to do it right. I would have them zap us with a special jelly bean laser happy ray. Then we would have happy tummies and happy faces too. Oh well guess I'll have to wait till theater usher passes on my movie idea to some producer that I wrote on that popcorn box.

GIVE ME A

The giving part is good with this. I like to have a chance to be giving things. Just not all things.

Kind of important to keep that part clear. Just can't you know get into this deal of only deciding to let yourself just accept any old things.

Because you can be sure that is what you are going to get is something old and not very cool. Been there too often.

It comes from letting your brain get too excited over thinking things are very good when the word is mentioned give. Yeah that is so easy to happen.

And let me tell you boy can you feel stupid if that turns out to be a joke. Like you are thinking great and it ends up crap.

Just have to be careful you know, to always take time to lesson. Like is this person who is talking giving a nut case.

I sure don't want to have some hopes of a good thing only end up with it being something weird. Really does suck.

Now that is kind of the important part. Not good to have things that suck. They really don't make the day go well.

However, I've been working on a system to help with that problem. You know a simple way of not being left feeling stupid.

First rule is to be sure that you are careful to listen. Are you talking to an idiot or a genius.

Really does make a difference. Oh yeah that is dang important. We just need to be careful we don't mess up on that part.

Then too you need to be sure we always know if the person can be trusted to actually tell the truth. Oh yeah that is important.

We really can figure if the person is the kind that always fib they ain't going to change on this thing. A cream pie that turns out to be a rock will not be cool.

There are too many dumb people out there like that. Really they will tell you some incredibly stupid thing that they say is good.

But that is okay, I have learned to avoid them. Just never get near them if I can avoid it. Just a good rule.

Hope this makes sense to you. If not reread it till it does. That will help.

Thought for the week:"Is there a cure for being boring that doesn't involve kissing somebody's behind."

NO LESS, BUT OTHER THAN ENOUGH

Boy can this be confusing with some people. I tell there sure are some strange people around.

They are just plain weird. I mean it is just plain crazy who you can find so many people who really don't know what they want.

Really is so dang silly. I mean enough is well enough. How hard is it to figure out? Apparently pretty dang hard for some.

But that is okay, I really don't think I will try to help these dudes. For it is kind of pointless.

Such guys are such slow learners. Really you figure that you either have enough or more than enough.

If it is less there ain't any enough to even talk about. So no point in even talking about it right?

Got to wonder. At least I do. And let me tell you I sure don't plan and spending much time finding out either.

See where this came up with me is at this buffet place. Some lady in there was asking about sugar free stuff.

Well that's cool I guess. You know you only pay one price there. So I didn't think worrying about the price of sugar should even matter.

It sure did to her though. Oh man it was so crazy to me to make all that fuss over something you weren't even paying for anyway.

Never did quite understand the part where it was important have more in that situation. All I know is somehow it had to have less calories.

I reckon for some crazy reason she didn't want to pay for some of them. How can you decided which ones to pay for?

I sure didn't want to find out. Nope not for me. I was just happy to take them off her hands.

Only she didn't seem to have them where I could see. Which might be good anyway. Not sure I want used calories anyway.

Oh well, reckons I won't worry about it much. That lady said she wasn't going back there again.

Which means more for the rest of us and that is enough.

BLINDFOLD AND DUCKS

Well you got to admit this must be pretty dang important if I mention them together. And to me if you are given a blindfold you better duck.

Because nobody hands you a blindfold unless it is for a bad reason. Of that you can be sure.

Unless it is for a surprise party. Then maybe it is cool. But that doesn't come up that often.

And you pretty much figure that part out because it happens around your birthday. So that is easy to figure out.

What ain't as cool to know is when it is for some other reason. Then you got a problem. And that ain't good.

Well not to me. Because if they give you a blindfold they might also give you a cigarette. And those things will kill you.

So I sure don't want anybody doing that to me. Not when they are going to try and stick some cigarette in my mouth.

For that they can go elsewhere. And you can be darn sure I won't let that happen if I can avoid it.

Now I reckon I ought to say something good about ducks. Seeing how they were mention in the title and all.

Well I guess I could say that at least you don't need a blindfold to look at them. Yeah that is a good thing.

So I will hope that is enough good talk about them. Other than perhaps that they do like crackers.

And you don't need a blindfold for them either. Yeah, so I think that is a good deal also.
Well at least if you hang around with ducks.

Don't know if I will be ready to like go over and check out any ducks any time soon though. Not my idea of a good time.

But if that is your thing, then cool. I would not prefer it myself. Them duck quack to much for me.

Otis says he loves duck. Something about being with orange sauce. I wonder if that is some kind of blindfold?

Oh well guess I will stick with jelly beans and no blindfold.

ALL HAIL

There must have been real tough times for weathermen in the olden days. I saw this movie once about the days when gladiators were around.

Must have been a real long time ago. At least fifty years. Yeah and these gladiators when surrounded by the Roman dudes who were always saying all hail something.

Reckon they had big problems with bad weather a lot if they got lots of hail. Because that don't happen in summer.

Sure isn't something I want to be looking for that is for sure. Only never understood if they were worried about hail why they didn't dress better?

They were always wearing shorts. You would figure if hail was a big problem they would dress different.

Plus, it was kind of weird how they didn't along that well. They were always fighting and junk.

Even took the time to do it in front of witnesses. Yeah, that is kind of strange. I mean you would thing they wouldn't want to be seen where the cops might find out.

And you would thing they would not stay outside that much. Honestly, if you are worried about being clobbered by some hail why not stay inside?

Now it would seem to me they could have figured that part out for themselves. I guess they were too busy fighting to think about that.

Oh well I reckon that was not a big deal on their part. They did have shields and helmet. Must have been a pain to wear in a shower though.

Sometimes I really do wonder what makes some people thing. Sure ain't from having too much smarts.

Can't see where that was a big issue for them. I mean really don't know if I wouldn't have at least pointed out that to some body.

But then perhaps there is a lesson to be learned from all of this. Like never get into a sword fight if you ain't wearing underwear.

Er, something like that. I think I will work on that part. In the meantime I'm glad I don't live in terms with all hail.

Yeah, one of the things to truly be grateful for. Can't have enough of them in life can we? Nope I will always be happy when I don't have to worry about such things. Leave it to those weirdoes.

MY BROTHER'S KEEPER

Well this is easy for me. I ain't got any brothers. Got lots of cousins, but no brothers. And so I kind of don't think I need to worry about it even though the Reverend Analbe sure made it sound important.

That is the problem when we go to his church on Sundays. He always comes up with this kind of stuff that doesn't make much sense to me.

All I wish is he would have it make more sense at times. I'm sorry, but I know the difference between some cousin and a brother.

And I know with some of my cousins they could benefit from a keeper of some kind. Not sure what kind though.

Well in any case, I guess I have to worry about it since he said brother's keeper and not cousin's keeper. Didn't mention sisters either. So I guess they are out of luck too.

So this does make it simple I guess. All I have to do is worry about brothers who need keepers.

Hmmm, I wonder if I ought to find out where all these keepers are located. Yeah, in case I need to hire one.

Might really be a good thing to find these places I reckon. Just in case you know the issue comes up down the road.

You just never know when somebody wil come along to make this a problem. They might even you know change things till you go to deal with buds or cousins.

Then I could be in big trouble if that happen. Because the keeper police might come around to beat the snot out of me for not keeping others.

And who needs that. So maybe I ought to practice. Well there is only one way to do that.

I would just have to find a brother and keep him. Man only have no idea how long? Hope it won't be all night.

Yes, I will definitely want to watch out for that happening. Those crummy keeper dudes could be anywhere.

And I sure don't want to have them sneak up on me either. That would be the best part for me.

And I guess I will get some notice if this becomes a law I reckon. At least before I have to steal somebody.

TELL ME ABOUT IT

Yeah, please do this. I want to hear all about it. Well providing it ain't boring. I am not that impressed with it when it is boring.

Nope you can forget bothering me with boring. Honestly, is that being unreasonable? I don't think so.

See maybe the reason some don't you know get people to hear them more is because it is boring! Think about it.

Okay, so I'm sure everyone has at least something decent to talk about. I might be unfair on that seeing I'm a writer and all, but like to think so.

Now if you don't then maybe before you tell me about it you ought to try and make it sound more fun. I sure would appreciate it.

I'm not saying that you know it isn't okay to gripe. But you ought to make it seem decent enough to listen too.

Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so. If you are going to talk about some stupid jerk, then tell it in a way that makes it fun to hear about. Toss in a little humor.

Anyway, that really is something I hope some will work on. Maybe they will need to practice.

And I don't know, I don't want to be unkind, but I sure don't wish to hear only boring crap if I can avoid it. So make it funny if you can.

Now that would make it so much easier to listen to. Then I would be able to move on and do what I need to do.

Which might include you know having a chance to actually tell you something too. I think that is only fair. Just a chance for me to know the side of telling too

That is only a fair thing from my view. But I guess that is not a good thing. We need to see if we can work on this I think.

Just a little practice would help. At least I think it would be a good thing. Not perhaps all at once.

Enough so people don't get nuts. Then we can all smile. And who knows maybe not get pissed in the process.

Hurray for that part. Just move on and save the time for better things. Which is only a nice way of making the day go better. So if we all do that, we can smile as well as complain.

GIVE ME MORE

Now this is a good thing. You get more of something you really want. Such is a good option in life.

Providing the more is your choice and not some jerk face is running amuck and making you enjoy his idea of more. Or take your more away like you didn't count.

I should have as much right to more as the next person. And it ought to be a good more not some crappy more.

But it is not that easy to always get this part when you want it. Man let me tell you it really sucks.

Because there are too many darn people out there that make life miserable for you if they don't get their more. Which is when they get it at your expense.

Now for me, the big deal is that the worst people for this our griminals. They want more filth.

Who would think of that as a good form of more? Not me. I really hate it. And that is why I am a grimefighter.

I really want to you know make sure they never get any more of whatever. We don't need more of that stuff.

Which is something different than the give me more I like. I want clean. I want more clean too.

Enough so I don't even have to pick up trash. Yeah, couldn't we like figure a way for people to unmore that part of life?

Is that too much to ask? I guess so. But not from my point of view. Nope. I want to do what I can to see if I can get this more eliminated.

I don't think it will be too much to expect a little help in that regard. Not like get rid of trash completely.

Just less of it. Maybe people could buy less crap. Yeah that would be a good start. You know just a few less things.

Why I bet they would even miss them. Nope, not at all. And with practice they can really work a solution to make things better.

At least for me. Which I will not complain about at all. Love when things get better. It is a good kind of more.

Just have to find it that's all.

BUY NOW PAY LATER

Buy Now Pay Later

I really like this idea. Yeah, it is cool. All you have to do is go down and pick out what you want, sign a piece of paper and you get the thing you wanted.

What is kind of vague though is the part about pay later. That really doesn't help if they don't tell you exactly when.

Or they try to pull a fast one and make it sound like there is no rush in paying it back. Like oh well take your time when you are ready then cool.

Only eventually it is whammo, we want it now. Honestly is this fair? Not to me. I mean later ought to be a later I choose if I'm paying it back.

But that is okay. I won't complain. Just still will pay it when I decide to. They do try to scare me with this business about interest.

Which sure don't interest me much. And they got this thing called an APR. Sounds like some kind of ape.

Who needs that? Not me. If I want to pay some gorilla I will go to the zoo. But heck that sure isn't my idea of a good time.

Well I did try sending them a banana once. I figured that was a good thing. Only it never ended up that way.

You know the whole banana wouldn't fit into the envelope with the bill. So I had to peel it and slice off some.

This doesn't quite make me happy. In any case, I did send them the banana. But you know when it was all smashed in the envelope it kind of stained the check.

Like I was supposed to think of that. Well they seemed to think so. And they didn't even think of saying thank you for the banana.

That's gratitude for you. Yeah, they didn't bother to say a nice word of appreciation for the effort.

Just asked for more money. Boy that sure wasn't kind. Not to me. And I leave that part to thinking it was best to not use this credit business again after they did that.

But you would think they would understanding. Only they still insisted on sending me more bills!

I'm teaching them though. I have plenty of bananas and I bet they run out of bills before I run out of bananas!
Yeah that will really teach them.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Is there a cure for being boring that doesn't involve kissing somebody's behnd?"

MY PARKING SPACE

Man you can forget this being a good deal at STINK. Only people who get special parking spaces are Dr. Hemoglobin and his son, rat boy, Junior.

The rest of us are out of luck. We just get the leftovers. And that ain't ever good at STINK.

Now the big problem is with the fact that we got more vehicles than parking spaces. So if you are late, you end up parking across the street.

And that sucks big time. Because the lot across the street is made of dirt. And it can be really yucky when it rains.

You know such a mess to park there and then wade through the mud to try and get to the Headquarters. Being all covered in mud doesn't not make for a cool look.

There are times when Otis and I ride the bus so that ain't so bad. Then there are times when we get to use a diaper service van and that works too.

But sometimes it just comes down to me using my moped. That happens when Otis gets busy and I have to come by myself.

I don't mind it, but man does it suck if I am you know having to do it on a rainy day. You can't get any windshield wipers on a helmet you know.

Or for your goggles. Wiping them with a sponge just ain't working. Let me tell you that sure don't impress anyone.

Plus my brakes don't work that good either. But can't be sure about that part. I mean you know when I have those darn swim fins on it is hard to be sure they are working on the brake pedals.

Well I do have to be so dang careful. You never know when a rain storm will cause a flood.

And I don't want to risk drowning or anything. So I figure the fins are the only safe option.

I wanted to you know get a life preserver, but couldn't afford one. So I had to like make one up.

About the best I could do was to take the toilet seat and tape some marshmallows to it. I figured they would float.

Only I forgot to put the seat back later. And Otis wasn't too happy when he tried to sit down and his naked butt touched the cold bowl. Did make a nice sound though. Well it sounded good to me.

MARCHING ON

MARCHING ON

Now who loves to march? Like this is a popular thing. Well maybe for the dudes in bands.

I figure you know with them it is sort of law. Yeah, they can knock themselves out lugging those darn instruments and playing them and all that stuff.

They can have that stuff. I will watch, might even listen. But otherwise, forget it. Oh well they aren't the only ones that do this thing.

Soldiers march too. I suppose that is a good thing. They need the practice I bet. For holidays when they do the parade thing.

Yeah, that is fine with me. Only I'm not sure this is going to be something I want to mess with.

At least I hope they learn from all of that in some way. Which I think it the most important part.

And you can be sure that even if these people think this is cool I ain't joining them. I guess I wouldn't mind the idea of marching except for the lack of bathrooms.

All that moving around is bound to be hard on the kidneys. So for a dude like me it really is tough.

And what am I suppose to do if I marched along and they don't let me stop? A guy can only hold it so long.

Well I sure hope they appreciate that part. Seems like it is sort of important. Not sure why, but is to me.

In any case, I don't think I won't bother worried about it at this point. I think I will just take time to savor walking without all that marching.

I do have to admit I did give it thought once. Just you know one of those crazy ideas that maybe it was cool to march.

But you know that really ain't that big a deal to me. Since I figured out that in reality this probably has to take place in the month of March.

So we are only talking you know like one month out of the year. I could handle waiting till March.

Gee makes me wonder if all those other dude have a calendar who go marching the rest of the year. Maybe I better get them a few.
Yeah, I could do that if I don't have to march.

SALUTE

Okay this is suppose to be a big deal I guess. You know lifting your arm and putting your hand to your head to salute whatever.

About the only part that sort of makes sense out of this is knowing you that when you do this people get to find out how well your deodorant works or doesn't work. And you know this mainly happens to soldier types.

They do have some strange rules anyway. Like that attention business. Just standing and not moving. Like that is a good thing.

Not to me. I don't get where that helps much of anything unless you want to be sure if any of them fart they get caught big time.

But I guess you know, you do have to make allowance for weird crap like that. I mean these army dudes are always out blowing stuff up, which is cool, shooting bad guys, which is also cool and in general making sure crazy people get what they deserve. However that does mean they need to salute all the time.

Like do they have to do it when in a tank? And would anyone notice. Oh well that is a big problem.

And at least I don't have to do it. At least so far. We almost did once though. A long time ago.

That as when old rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin, was decided we needed to be like an army. He got himself a nice uniform and all.

Didn't look that cool on him. Might if it was more modern. He got this one from a costume store.

It was one worn by old west cavalry soldiers. Had a saber and everything. Just not very up to date to be sure.

Well he made us all wear these crazy outfits. Ones he got from the costume store. I guess that was a good idea.

But honestly not that impressive when you know think us being dressed as a bunch of cavemen or green chickens all that helpful. Sure make it hard to salute while holding that club.

Too bad we didn't get to use it on him. Now that would have really been fun. Yep, I could be so happy with that option.

Oh well didn't work out that way. So I just had to live with the fact that he gave up ont he idea.

CLASS

This is suppose to be important. Or so I've been told. Which is why this subject has been on my mind.

Only not really sure how I find this. And I only got preoccupied with it a while ago. Mainly because of Otis.

He was telling me about how class was something that made you look really special. Not like some moron.

Course nobody wants to look like a moron. So I figured you know, best to get this understood is find out a place where people have class.

I tried to ask Otis to explain it too me. Only he was kind of vague on it in terms of where I find it.

As best as I could figure from what he said is was about listening to stuff called Opera and the Ballet. Never figured out how that is real class. But must be if Otis says so.

Then he talked about stuff that is elegant. Only I didn't quite figure out all that was either.

In any case you know I figured the best way to understand this is was to go out and find this for myself. And let me tell you this is not easy.

Now of course the best way to do this for me was to take time to think about class. And the first thing that came to me was school.

You know they have classes. Lots of them. Only I wasn't too keen on going back to school.

Part of that is a minor worry. Okay this might not be good, but you know, I had this one time I sort of made up a story about why I didn't have my homework done.

And well it was just one of those things. I got kind of busy doing chores and all the other junk I needed to do.

Then you know I kind of figured well maybe teachers talk and all that stuff. So I don't want to go back and risk them asking too many questions.

So well after that I just stood outside and trying to see what about the school would make it class. Oh yeah that was tough.

But it came to me. Chalkboards. Yeah, they always have them everywhere so surely they must be class too.

Well got me an eraser. Figure it was a start.

CATTLE PRODS

I heard of this things. And you know they are like full of electricity and can really sting the butt.

So how come cattle are allowed to have them? How do they even hold them? Seems like a fair question.

Maybe in their mouths? All I know is they better not come near me. Nope that will not do.

And if any stupid cow is messing around with that idea they are in big trouble. No way I plan on letting some darn cow sneak up on me with one of those.

What I want to know is who was the maniac that darn to give these to cows in the first place? Must really be sick.

All I can say is I better not meet that clown. Boy will I tell him what a jerk he is. Guess he is you know some deranged farmer.

Not sure that would be a thing a farmer should be giving cows. Just don't seem right to me.

But then you know people can be strange. Oh yeah, I guess you do have to appreciate how with farmers spending all their time when growing junk and animals they might strange ideas.

All I want to do is make sure they don't come my way. That is my big concern. I mean what these darn cows get loose?

Or what if that dang farmer just decides to let them runamuck? It could happen. Maybe he like gets bored or something.

Of maybe they like threaten him. Who can say what goes through some cow's mind. Really might be scary.

Then they come stampeding into town to get even for everyone drinking all that milk and not giving them any money. All goes to the farmer and they might get pissed off about it.

Well that is okay. I will just not let it be something where they visit me. They can spend all day running around wherever, but I ain't going to be there.

Which is fine. Really is a good deal if they stay away. Hmmm. let me see. You know cheese is made out of milk.

Wow, I could let them visit Junior. Yeah he deserves anything he gets. Hope I can send them his way some time. Now that would be heaven.

TWILIGHT ZONE

Will somebody ever tell me why this is important? Is there a zone at twilight that is a good thing?

I haven't found this so far. Nope that is not easy to find. Just is never where you look. And trust me I have looked.

All over the place. I have gone everywhere at twilight and looked for some kind of special zone and not found it.

Well you would think they could have at least taken time to give you a decent sign. Is that too much to ask?

I don't think so. And let me tell you I sure would love to have a chance to find it. I mean if they have a place named then it must be important.

Why shoot I even you tried asking around. Didn't get very many reactions. Well none I want to remember or talk about.

You know you would figure that somebody would know. And I'm sure it would be great if somebody said where.

Or at least gave me a hint. Now that would be nice too. Just say go over there behind that whatever and you will find it.

But it never happens. I tell you this really sucks. You know just something that would give you a little help.

Is that really a problem? All I can figure is that somebody is doing this on purpose. You know keeping it a secret on purpose.

Yeah, I bet this twilight zone has all kinds of cool stuff. That would be my luck. And that really is unfair.

But that is okay. I bet I will find it eventually. I do have one clue. Over at this restaurant once I heard these two guys talking.

And I know I heard the one say something about knowing a person who acted like they lived in a twilight zone.

Well that means it is out there somewhere. Just a clue this is no joke. But it is just too bad I couldn't get him to talk.

Oh I asked him and he just snorted. Well that was until I used my bat then he got a little appreciative of my question. Just didn't answer. Hard too when you are unconscious. And if that cop hadn't showed up I bet I would have found out. Maybe next time.

PLAY FOR LESS

How can complain about this? Well I guess the ones that charge for playing. But if you are the one doing the playing.

I know I sure am not complaining. Really do love when that happens. You know you get some extra fun for the same price or less.

Bargains are so cool. Too bad they don't come about when a person wants them to happen.

You know how it is. All that time you have to spend working on finding fun cheaper than the regular price.

But what bugs me is when you get a discount coupon out of the paper. Say for something like a burger for less than regular price.

I mean that is so cool. But sometimes they don't play fair on that part. You know they sit down and tell you that it is cheaper. However it doesn't end up being true.

Like the other day. I had this coupon for buy one burger and get one free. Well heck that was so cool.

So I went over to the burger place and wanted the free burger first. I mean it didn't say on the coupon that you had to buy the burger any time soon. So why couldn't they just take my word that I would buy it eventually.

Well we argued over that one for a bit. Then I took the time to you know make sure they weren't just being snots on the whole deal.

That's is when I finally agreed to buy the one burger. Only they still didn't give me the free one.

They looked at the darn coupon a second time and said it was no good. Can you believe the nerve?

They had some lame excuse that it was not made out for their burger joint. Does that suck or what?

I mean there was nothing on the thing that said it was only good at some other place. Now I ask you was that fair.

But they sure did not like you know bothering to do that. And I guess I was forced to take the time to cope.

It wasn't easy with the coping part. Especially when your tummy is saying food first. I can tell you it sure don't work for me when it shouts. I got myself a nice burger at somewhere else. Still got my coupon too.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Life is full of many surprises, too bad some are when somebody cuts the cheese."

SUCH A WONDERFUL THING

Let me tell you, don't even believe this if Junior says this. He is the one person you sure don't want to let say what is wonderful.

Now I admit that I have a thing about jelly beans. I mean I think they are great. But they are not the only thing that is wonderful in the world.

I know I might be shocking some people, but I do like a few other things too. Well okay on the wonderful scale they don't quite equal jelly beans, but they are cool.

And my buddy Otis has a thing for Spam. Which is not all bad. At least he sort of likes other stuff though.

But with Junior man it is insane. That guy has this thing for cheese. It don't even matter the kind. Just has to be cheese.

Oh well that is him. And that would be okay if he kept it to himself. Only he makes it a big deal to the point he bugs the rest of us about it.

And let me tell you that sure doesn't help when he gets into one of these moods where he decides wonderful means we got to get him more cheese. Like he doesn't have enough already.

Now if we have meetings over at STINK headquarters it is even worse. Because they will have something to eat.

I'm okay with that, but if Junior gets involved it has to include cheese. And that sucks. I mean don't get me wrong, cheese is okay.

But I don't like my brownies with cheese sauce, especially if it has like hot stuff with it. And the same goes for stuff like cake and ice cream.

Really I tell you that is a big deal. I sure don't enjoy it when that is the option for refreshment.

And most others don't either. Which makes for bigger problems when none of us ends up eating the cheese whatever.

Junior just ends up saying that is wonderful while his rat face drools at the chance to suck up some more cheese. Which makes it only wonderful for him.

Meanwhile, we need to keep this wonderful in the right perspective. That for me means being able to celebrate the joy of not letting it mess me up.

As long as it doesn't involve Junior then I really do find it the most wonderful form or wonderful.

KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE

Oh yeah this is important. You can count on that. For if you don't know the difference you are big trouble.

And really there are so many things this applies too. Like food. Yeah, if you like totally don't know mold from food dye you could be in big trouble.

Well at least your tummy will be in big trouble. Of that you can be sure. Because you can be sure that it will not end with you smiling.

And that is definitely a big problem at times. You just have to be so dang careful if you don't have the smarts to do otherwise.

Heck there are just so many times when this matters. A really big deal. But then even with that you have to know the difference.

Man it just happens all the time. You need to have a break and be sure you don't do the stupid choice.

Because you just can't be too careful. And that is what really matters. What can I say this is all the usual stuff.

However, even if we think we know it there are times we really don't. And I sure what to know the difference on that part.

Strange how many times we just don't get it. I hear that a lot. People just don't get it. Well if you don't know the difference you sure aren't going to either.

In any case, what works is to get the smarts. You know to finally wise up and learn the difference.

Might be best to try and like take a few hints though. Really it is very important. And then you got to be sure you ask the right person.

I mean if you ask the person who doesn't know the difference either that will hardly help. Got to be around too many like that.

So I do hope that is all clear and understood. I would hate to have to repeat it for some reason.

I will if needed. Some people need that extra whatever. But unless they are around me for long, I hope they will figure it out eventually.

And you all know if you need more info just to let me know. I will be glad to give you extra info.

Well providing it will do any good.

ANOTHER TIME

Oh yeah like this really means that. It is more like another time that will never happen. At least that has been my experience.

Because it is normally said by somebody who really doesn't want another time. So they just say it.

And you know they don't mean it because they will never mention the exact time if asked. Oh they always got their reasons.

Just like the creeps who put really heavy junk like chunks of cement in a trash can. Then when you go over to ask them about it they make up some lame comment.

That is providing they even bother to answer the door. Which they often don't. I figure if they are like so darn thoughtless to put that crap in the can then they should be awake at five when I get there to explain themselves.

But man if you knock on their door, providing they actually open it, they will look mostly asleep. And I'm sorry, but a mumble just don't make it for this kind of thing.

Oh well that is okay I guess. I mean they aren't the only ones that give me that kind of trouble.

I got a neighbor who really bugs me on that part. I try to be nice to the guy and he just gets so darn unwilling to be friendly.

And I do try so hard to be a pal. Heck I really try too. I mean I go over there a lot. Each time I try to do a good deed.

Like the other day. There I was you know standing outside and noticed he had a flat tire on his van.

I've heard about how important it is to have your tires balanced. So I figured it would be a good idea to make all his tires the same.

What I did was to let the air out of the other tires. That way they were all the same and thus balanced.

Now you would think he would have appreciated my help. Only he sure didn't seem to feel that way about it.

Nope, he got all upset like I did something wrong. But then you know later after that all was over he did still not act all the friendly.

And even after I had a pizza delivered to his house. Hmmm, maybe I should have not told them to deliver it after midnight.

JUST A GAME

Boy this is great stuff. Those times when you don't have to worry about being yelled at. Wish it was all the time.

Sure would make things easier at work. I mean if my boss accepted that things were okay not to take serious.

Oh I'm not saying that is a great thing at time. I do know we need to be serious at times But it is nice once and a while when it can be fun to.

I do like my job, but honestly that is just not to mean it is always fun. Griminals are hardly into having much in the way of fun.

But that is okay. I do the best I can to find the fun. It isn't always easy, but you can be sure I won't miss it when i can get it.

Nope that is not how I choose to handle it. I would prefer to just hang in there and be patient and wait for when it does work.

Which often handles sooner or later. Just not when i expect it. And that is hard to find out at times.

But I do try. Just can't say for sure it will always turn out as I would like. I don't know, it is just more fun when I can find the fun.

I just wish that more of the people I worked with felt this same way. They get all jazzed about acting like everything is a big deal.

I mean well yeah, capturing the griminals is a big deal. But heck it doesn't mean we can enjoy it.

So what if we have to get a little creative about it. You know give points for the most whacks given.

Have a scoring system for determining who gets the most points for the number of griminals that you left unconscious. Now that would be great.

But then it does get rather complicated. You need a judge and witnesses. And then you have to time the whole deal so it is when there are enough griminals to make it all worth while.

Just not quite the same if you are talking one dude. I mean then we all have to take turns whacking on him.

And you know that is no fun just trying to get him to wake up after each beating. Really doesn't work that well.

DRAT

This is such a great word. Oh yeah, the simple word that says, man does this suck big time and why can we fix things?

Some would perhaps be willing to cope in a better way. Yeah, that is important. At least when you take the time to admit it.

Which doesn't make the things improve. But you feel better saying it just the same. Which is a good thing.

Yeah, that is when you feel like you made progress even if you didn't really make any. Still I like it.

There is just something cool about saying the word. You get to feel like you did something.

And I can totally be satisfied with that. Just that I still hope for more. Which is a pretty big deal to me.

I just want my drat to eventually become a hurray! And you can be sure I will work on that part big time.

It really would be great to me to come to this point when I have a chance to move ahead on this part. But figuring out to make it possible is the thing I'm working on.

Still I got hope. I want to reach a day when I got all hurrays no drat. This will be perfect to me.

But till that happens then I can still use this drat goodie as a nice way of feeling better when things such. Sure is the fun part of crap.

Yeah, I like that. Oh yeah this will be a great dream to find that moment drat is my reality of the part.

And in the process I sure am ready to move ahead with the dialogue that isn't about something bad. You know where it ain't including when you mess up.

Haven't gotten to that point yet, but sure am hoping too You know at least at some point soon.

Really ain't fun when you miss out on those moments. So I do like Otis way of dealing with it.

He always makes something up. And that makes it all cool in its own way. Really nice to find a way not to have to forget the whole deal of drat in a way that will result in crap.
All the better for me.

RATS

This ain't about them darn mice. They are the dudes you deal with who are total and complete losers and jerks.

Why they have to exist I have no idea, but they do. And you can be sure it doesn't make the world a nice place.

Nope, not in my book. That is the one where I keep a record of everyone I would like to run over with a truck someday.

Not as much fun to read the ones that I would like as real pals. That is the one I would like to have come true.

Only it doesn't quite end up being the way things work out. Really does suck. I hate it when that happens too.

Now what I do wish is that I could find a nice big mouse trap for those kinds of rats. Boy that would be so cool.

I have no idea where you might buy one. Sure wish I did. Might cut down on the problems a lot.

At least I would hope it would. Only problem is even if I found one figuring out how to like catch a rat and stuff him in it might be hard.

Still I would say that if this does exist it would be a great thing to have. In fact have like a whole lot of them.

That way you could pass them around to all the places the rats hang out. Still, guess if there was such a thing it would be hard to keep in stock.

Plus it might get kind of vague you know trying to be sure that I had all the details on ho it worked. That way I didn't mess up on it.

And I imagine you could find yourself with lots of problems like having them ask you to prove the person is a jerk. Which could get real complicated

But that's okay. I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard. Rats do sure hand out a lot. Yeah, there are plenty of them.

But that is one thing I do intend on changing. I wonder if you know you can maybe buy a extermination kit for them?

Kind of one that would maybe unrat them? That would be enough for me. Just a little chance to have them act almost human. Just not sure where I can find it yet. Bet it is out there somewhere.