LUCKY ME

Ain't having good luck so cool? Man it just makes you feel so good. But you know when somebody says lucky me, they aren't bragging about having good luck.

More like, oh my god, I'm in deep doo-doo. Yeah, you sure don't feel thrilled by that kind of mess. At least I don't.

And let me tell you that happens way to often over at STINK. I wish I could blame this on old rat boy, Junior, but in this case it is more because of all the creeps we have to deal with.

Them darn griminals are so pesky and annoying. I hate them for the times they mess up a perfectly good assignment.

Okay, I can understand how you know, they would not be thrilled to say get caught doing griminal stuff. I mean I'm hardly very sympathetic with some dude who goes around creating lots of messes.

And so for me, there ain't no way I'm going to be all that thrilled to wish any luck on such creeps. Unless that includes my bashing them till the scream or go unconscious from my bat.

Ah that is really the kind of lucky me that isn't quite as bad. Unless you know it all happens in the middle of trying to do something fun. Then it is another of those lucky me things I hate.

But I hope you understand that I'm not complaining as much as just reporting. I mean I could take up a different kind of job. One without as many lucky me options.

Then the problem would be I'd have to give up the joy of beating them senseless and I don't know, that just is way too much fun. So it is a trade off. And one I live with, though I don't necessarily enjoy.

In any case, I do try to cut down on the lucky me stuff. That isn't always easy, but let me tell you it sure is nice when you miss out on a couple.

Oh yeah, one missed lucky me can really make your day. Just knowing some other poor slob got stuck with the deal makes me happy.

Course I do try to act you know sad for them. But not completely. I mean I know that darn well when I'm not there and they hear I got stuck with a lucky me deal they are all that upset.

In fact they are doing what I would be doing. Basically, sitting back and saying, "oh yeah, it's not me this time." Yeah, it is kind of silly, but then shoot, a lot of junk is like that if you like to think about it.

SOME FUN

Well the way this first sounds, this is a good thing. Only the some is really sum and it just don't add up. Instead, it normally ends up being a real zero in terms of actual fun.

That ain't what I look forward to as fun. However, I don't get a choice on these kind of deals.

The some fun kind of deals are when somebody who is not cool, but you are stuck dealing with, decides what is fun. Normally, it is somebody like a boss who has no sense of humor.

Now where I work, my boss, Dr. Hemoglobin, does have sort of a sense of humor, but it is kind of different. Oh he will laugh, but only about stuff that isn't all that funny to the rest of us.

Basically he likes funny to do with clean. And that can be hard to kind of always see as funny at times. Soap is good, but it don't always make you laugh.

But he is still better than dealing with rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin. Now his idea of fun is really dumb. If it ain't cheese, with him it ain't funny.

Anyway, I wish I could say fun was only a problem with those dudes. The truth is a lot of the guys I work with are also something other than cool in terms of fun.

Grimefighters are good guys, but honestly, when they ain't bagging the bad guys then it doesn't always end up meaning a good kind of fun. And even though you know I love talking about beating up the bad guys who love to litter, I don't like to talk about them all the time.

I mean there are just too many other good things to talk about in my opinion. Personally, one of my favorite things is to talk about stuff like what if.

That's where you imagine how things should work if things weren't so screwed up. And this can be really a good thing too if you happen to be thinking in terms of actually trying something.

Man, that can be lots of fun. I mean when I get to imagine a giant machine that taste garbage and turns it into tasty jelly beans now that is fun.

Only the other dudes just don't appreciate that as much as I do. So I have to put up with them talking about junk like ways to make the world a better place.

Heck, the way I figured if we all had enough jelly beans we wouldn't have to be worried about all that other stuff. And that would really be some fun that ended up with a sum.

Which would be one that made you smile, not groan. Works for me.

DUH ME AGAIN

How come so many people are so good at telling you junk you either don't need to know or already know? I mean obvious crap that you figure out for yourself, but you just never truly have a reason to think about because it is something everyone seems to know.

Now I suppose it is helpful to be told some junk that somebody thinks you don't know, but otherwise it can just be annoying at times to be bored over it. Only try to get some dude who thinks he is a genius accept that part?

You just can't get some people to appreciate how they aren't always the expert on things that they thing they should be. And if you make the mistake of mentioning it then you can be sure it will only make things worse.

And so you get stuck tolerating some crap that just begs to be replied to with duh? I didn't say you enjoyed when they made you have to feel that way either.

There is just something really annoying with such people who think you they know everything and you are too stupid to see stuff for yourself. But you can be sure they will do that all the time.

Meanwhile, I do my best to avoid them if I can, which is never easy. Because there are times when you have no choice to let them sit there and ramble on till you know for sure they will feel they have told you stuff you don't know, even if you honestly do.

I wish I had a better solution to this problem, but I don't. Well not one that I won't get into trouble for trying.

I mean there is that simple solution, the one where you sit down and smile and then when you have the chance you just whack them on the head with your back. That normally works great for taking care of the problem.

Only Otis won't let me exercise that option. Believe me I have tried, but he just refuses to be cooperative on that part.

So what I have to do is exercise my 'oh look at that' kind of duh. That's when I figure some way to distract him and get him out of the room.

Then when he is gone, whammo. Ah, it is just something that feels do dang good at times. Well, to me, not to the other dude. But is sure cuts down on the duh problems at times.

Only never permanently unfortunately. I honestly wish it did. But there are just too many folks out there with that problem.

Lucky for me I got more than one bat. It really takes care of the problem and makes life easier when you got a spare bat.

YEP

Oh boy is this fun or what? This isn't yeah, or yes, it is yep. Which is even cooler in my book. I love it when Otis says it.

That is because he saves it for the times when he wants to agree to do something fun. Normally like when we are on stake out or something crappy assignment and deserve a break.

So if he says yep, I know it will mean we are going to get something cool in the process. And that makes the whole night lots of fun for me.

Whereas if Otis says yes, well that's kind of formal. It means something to eat, but nothing fun, just something that is generally boring.

If he says yeah, that is a little cooler. Just not as cool as with yep. That means we will find something to eat, but he's not too concerned if it is great.

So that for me translated into wait and see. Which I never know tell we stop somewhere if it will be really great or just okay.

Now the thing is I imagine some people might think you know that being a super hero I ought to be more concerned about other junk that eating. And I am honest.

I worry about fighting grime and catchy griminals. I concern myself about keep the world clean and save from fith.

But doing all of that is something that works up such an appetite. So you got to allow me the right to get a break on the food thing.

After all it is only fair you know. A super hero needs super food in order to have super strength.

Otherwise how can I really do lots of cool super hero stuff that can truly be considered as super? It only makes sense to me.

I just wish more people were cooperative and understanding. I mean there I am out on dump stakeout all day, having to stand in some pile of rotting garbage. Afterwards I'm tired and hungry.

But if I stop off somewhere to get something to eat, do they thank me for saving their butts from possible grime? Heck no, they look at me like I was disgusting.

I tell you those wrinkled noses they have sure don't say thank you very well. And man, try wanting to sit down in some place instead of asking for the stuff to go. Let me tell you the word, yep, is not the one you are going to hear. It is a whole lot of others, but they all come down to his please leave. Some thank you huh?

TAKING IT TO THE SORT OF, WELL YEAH

Taking junk somewhere is part of my job. Taking it to the limit is when we take it to the dump and that is at the city limits.

Which is find by me because with it smelling as bad as it does, nobody needs that stench in the city. So you'll get no complaints from me on that part.

But what has taking trash to the city limit got to do with some other junk? Er maybe I should stuff?

The reason I ask is because I heard people talk about taking things to the limit and I know they were not in anyway hauling garbage. Lord knows what other kind of strange stuff they were talking about.

Why I bet they are part of some weird group that are involved with stuff like dumping crap along the side of the road because they don't want to pay to use the dump. Now those kinds of people really piss me off. And well, yeah, that ain't cool!

Anyway, just you know thought I would take the time to pass that on. Just in case you are one of those kinds of taking it to the limit dudes.

Really you need to get another hobby or get help. Shoot just call my boss, we'll pick up you stuff and take it to the limit, only we will actually dump it in the dump and not some side of the road.

Otherwise you risk the chance of me coming across you some time when you think you are being clever and getting away with it. And you can be darn sure I ain't going to be all that friendly if you are messing with that kind of habit.

As for everyone else, well I hope if you by chance are talking about taking something to the limit, you just stick with thinking about it. Because you sure don't need to get involved with that kind of mess if you can avoid it.

Now I hope I have managed to make myself clear on that subject. At least so I don't have to bother saying it again.

I mean it is bad enough to just know there are such crazy people out there. I sure don't want to imagine them getting worse with time.

All I can hope is that somebody actually wises up from reading my advice. I figure if I keep one person from taking whatever to the limit of the city and leaving it by the side of the road it was worth the trouble.

So I will assume that the rest of you will at least think about it. That would be a start and I will definitely be thrilled if that happens to end up with even one less hunk of crap being left by the city limits sign.

THERE HE IS

Now let me tell you this ought to be the coolest thing ever. But that would require the person to be the coolest ever.

And let me tell you some of the dudes that I've heard this said about are anything, but cool. With them, there he is comes as a warning, meaning run for your lives, that dirty rat is coming.

Honestly, how come something good always ends up as something sucky? Why can good only be for good things?

Well, it would be, er good wouldn't it? Only I don't think that will ever happen. Not as long as that old darn rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin, is hanging around.

Let me tell you, I have no idea what the good Lord was thinking when he decided to invent Junior. I can only think it was to you know help out the poor cheese makers. Maybe they didn't have enough business or something.

But was it really fair to the rest of us? I ask you couldn't he come up with a better way of helping them dudes without producing some creep who could make even Santa Claus puke?

Guess I'll never get a chance to answer that one though. I mean if I was given an option, with Junior, you would only have to say, thank god he's leaving.

However, that don't happen no matter how much I keep hoping. I even went over and say the Reverend Analbe once to, you know, to see if he could check with God on that part.

I figured maybe the good Lord was extra busy or perhaps having an off day when he got around to Junior. And what with being busy running the universe perhaps he just hasn't had a chance to check the dude out lately.

Now, I'm not unrealistic here. I appreciate that you can't just make Junior disappear. Trust me if I had ever had a chance I would have figured out that one myself.

But no way I could be that lucky. So I'm stuck just hoping maybe God will change his mind and give the rest of us a break.

Shoot he could even have Junior luck out and become owner of a cheese factory. I wouldn't mind if that happen.

But then I guess the poor working people who have to work there might be miserable in the process. So perhaps it wouldn't be so cool.

I mean after all they could mess up and make some really bad cheese. And who wants to bite down into a burger with rotten cheese?

ALWAYS

Well there is one thing you can say about this word, when it happens it can sure make life easier. The big hassle is that you can't always be sure when it will be true.

Take for example with that stuff called love. I see it on cards where somebody says love always. Well that can be a pretty cool thing I reckon. I mean when you are talking about mushy stuff like love, which makes people act goofy, I can appreciate that you might want it to last always.

From what I've seen you sure don't want to act like that just for a little while. I mean man does that suck to act that stupid all the time and think it will be always and then suddenly you don't feel that way any longer.

Speaking for myself, I don't think I want to personally mess with it. When I see people who say they are in love they get really weird.

Of course, I know all about being weird, but that is from my view in a good way. Like acting weird about jelly beans. I don't think it is weird myself to stand in front of a candy store so you don't mess out on the fresh ones when they open.

My buddy Otis doesn't look at it that way though. He gets pretty bent out of shape about it. I suppose he might not if I didn't call him like every hour to see what time it is.

But you know it is hard to read my watch in the dark and besides it gets kind of boring just standing out there all by myself. So you would figure he wouldn't complain about me calling up to just say hi and ask what time it is.

Otis calls that weird. But let me tell you that might be weird, just no where near as having to act as goofy as some of those dudes act who say they are in love.

I figure there ought to be a cure for that kind of weirdness. And no way it ought to be expected last always.

Still, those people with that problem sure don't seem to feel like always is terrible when they act that way. I figure that is all part of them being so dang weird.

Thank goodness my buddy Otis doesn't get weird that way. Oh he has come close a couple of times with some ladies over at this donut shop we visit.

And I get a sense he would be okay with it. But so far he just seems content to have some glazed donuts instead.

Plus, whenever they seem to be having a good time chatting, I go up to see what all the fun is. All I do is ask a few questions. Then they don't seem to want to chat with Otis again after I do any talking. Now that is a whole different kind of weirdness I guess. Don't think I want to find out either.

INVITED

Now is there any cooler thing than getting invited to a party? I tell you all the joy it gives me to sit and dream of cakes and cookies and all things tasty, just makes me so happy.

But then darn it all, there are times when people give you invitations that are so bogus. Really frosts my cookies with frustration when they do that.

You start out thinking it is going to be some great party and then they end up wanting to sell you something. And to make it worse you don't even get any cake!

It is like this deal I got in the mail. It was an invitation, which had me thinking party. True, it didn't say the kind of party, like a birthday or costume type, just that I was invited.

Well I called the number listed and they told me I was invited for sure. Then the dude on the phone talked about all this cool stuff I was going to get when I showed up.

So I got all excited and agreed to be there when they said it was time to have fun. I didn't bother to tell my buddy Otis though. I figured you know, no sense bugging him with it when they just invited me. Didn't want to like hurt his feelings or anything.

Then at the time on Saturday when they said to be there, I showed up. Since they didn't tell me if it was a costume or birthday party I figured I'd play it safe.

So I took the time to get a costume. They were out of all the good ones, so I ended having to settle for this purple skunk one. Then I even got a birthday gift too.

There I was showing up at the place as I was told, all set for cake and ice cream. And maybe some fun games too.

Well when the person they called the host saw me, man was he acting weird, but he did keep smiling at least. Then the took me over and show me this little slide show about something called a time share condo.

I never even knew you could share you time with somebody else. I just thought we each got the same amount of time in a week.

Apparently though with him the sharing part came down to you know, only being allowed to do if for a week out of the year. Then you had to pay for it too.

Sure didn't sound like much of a party to me. In the end, I never did get any cake. But that dude sure got a nice idea from my little bat buddy.

I bet he'll think twice before trying to sucker people in for cake and ice cream next time when all he wants to do is tell you weird stories about time. And next time I think I'll make sure they tell me the flavor of cake before I agree to some stupid invitation.

Thought for the week: "How come they say when life are gives you lemons, make lemonade. Couldn't they whip up a nice pie instead?"

CARRY ON

I always hear them tell soldiers this in movies. Only they never mention what it is that they are to be carrying. It this some secret I'm not suppose to know? Like they got a set of weights or boxes somewhere they are suppose to go about lugging around? I guess that is okay if that is what soldiers are happy doing.

But then since it is always some office that is telling them to carry about it is hard to say if they are happy about it. At least if they are you can't tell. Not from what I was able to see.

What I sort of figured out though is sooner or later it means the soldiers have to take a plane trip. And whatever they are lugging has to fit in some kind of baggage.

That's because they talk about carrying on baggage on planes. So I reckon those soldiers need time to pack and all.

Which is kind of thoughtful I reckon of the big shots to take time to tell them that you know that regular dude he can start packing. I just hope that the regular dude was happy and this isn't like something he will have to hate later.

Now that isn't cool if they are like sending them off some place by plane and don't really know where for sure the guy has to go. Or if he will even find out in right time.

Plus you hope that they did include a parachute on that plane. I know how much soldiers seem to love jumping out of planes and all. So I just figuring in that carrying on baggage they have room for a parachute. And especially one that is going to work.

You never know though. I mean those darn soldiers do get to be involved with like going off to invade someplace. We all know how that is sort of part of their jobs. Gee, I wonder if they other passengers happen to be told that too?

Shoot what if they are going to head over and bomb some place? Soldier dudes do stuff like that.

Heck, that carry on baggage could get really heavy if you have it full of a parachute and bombs too. Man I'm sure glad I don't have to lug around.

And I also got to wonder if say they decide to go bomb some place do the bother to tell the other passengers? Would seem like only a fair thing to do.

Then it also makes me wonder if they also bother to even tell those passengers they might need parachutes too? After all when you got off flying somewhere to bomb someplace they aren't likely to be happy about it.

Why I imagine they probably might try to shoot your plane down. Shoot man I know if I was a passenger on some plane that was going to crash and they didn't tell me about needing a parachute, I wouldn't be all that happy about it. Guess that why that have thing called, Coach class. That's probably where you go to get coached about parachutes.

YEP

Oh boy is this fun or what? This isn't yeah, or yes, it is yep. Which is even cooler in my book. I love it when Otis says it.

That is because he saves it for the times when he wants to agree to do something fun. Normally like when we are on stake out or something crappy assignment and deserve a break.

So if he says yep, I know it will mean we are going to get something cool in the process. And that makes the whole night lots of fun for me.

Whereas if Otis says yes, well that's kind of formal. It means something to eat, but nothing fun, just something that is generally boring.

If he says yeah, that is a little cooler. Just not as cool as with yep. That means we will find something to eat, but he's not too concerned if it is great.

So that for me translated into wait and see. Which I never know tell we stop somewhere if it will be really great or just okay.

Now the thing is I imagine some people might think you know that being a super hero I ought to be more concerned about other junk that eating. And I am honest.

I worry about fighting grime and catchy griminals. I concern myself about keep the world clean and save from fith.

But doing all of that is something that works up such an appetite. So you got to allow me the right to get a break on the food thing.

After all it is only fair you know. A super hero needs super food in order to have super strength.

Otherwise how can I really do lots of cool super hero stuff that can truly be considered as super? It only makes sense to me.

I just wish more people were cooperative and understanding. I mean there I am out on dump stakeout all day, having to stand in some pile of rotting garbage. Afterwards I'm tired and hungry.

But if I stop off somewhere to get something to eat, do they thank me for saving their butts from possible grime? Heck no, they look at me like I was disgusting.

I tell you those wrinkled noses they have sure don't say thank you very well. And man, try wanting to sit down in some place instead of asking for the stuff to go. Let me tell you the word, yep, is not the one you are going to hear. It is a whole lot of others, but they all come down to his please leave. Some thank you huh?

TENNIS SHOES

Okay when it comes to shoes, I'm a sneaker dude. Sneakers I understand, no problem. They are cool. And you don't have to polish them ever. I like that part the best.

What is weird to me is that while I like sneakers, some call them tennis shoes. Which is really strange if you ask me.

To me tennis is that weird some call a sport. I don't know why though. Nobody ever gets beat up or anything. And they totally waste the use of those rackets. Which I think would make great things for bashing people. But they use it to whack a ball.

I assume the big problem is that they don't know how to dress. How can you be expected to honestly get upset the right way and bash someone when you are standing around in your underwear? It just don't work if you want my opinion.

Which is the whole thing from my view that is a problem that starts with their shoes. They take sneakers, which are just plain old sneakers and call them tennis shoes. Like it makes everything okay or something.

That sure don't work for me. How come they can't pick on some other kind of shoe to mess up that thing they call a sport, but isn't in my book.

All I know is that while these weird dudes are out their doing their strange stuff, the rest of us are acting smart. I mean you really got to wonder about some sport where the people bat this ball around and then every once and a while talk about love. I hate to think what that suggests.

And if that wasn't bad enough then they add some strange stuff about it being a whole lot of love like forty love. They never say what forty are they talking about.

I sure hope they aren't talking about something terrible like forty pair of dirty underwear. No way I would love that!

But since everything else they do is strange, I have to assume the same applies to that too. And as long as they don't ask me to love forty pair of dirty underwear I'm cool.

Well since I'm not planning on going to the tennis court anyway, I guess I won't worry about it. Besides I wouldn't want to go there and find out that somebody was going to give a ticket. I mean it is a court.

They never tell you what kind of trials they judge though. Hope it ain't the kind that you end up standing around in your underwear and having to hit those stupid little balls.

That is too weird for my tastes. I would rather stick with my sneakers. At least nobody makes me get stuck standing around in my underwear. And I ain't going to do that no matter what somebody says about loving it.

DANDRUFF

Is this the end of the world or what? Well let me tell you it must be if you listen to those commercials where you have to use some special shampoo to get better.

I don't know, but it just seems to me that a few flakes on the shoulders are not that bad. And if you happen to wear something white, then no problem.

But try to explain that to people that get all jazzed about this deal. Man you would think you had an industrial case of BO or something.

Which to me is really weird. I mean you can really smell the scent from BO, but heck dandruff don't hurt the nostrils.

At least not as far as I can tell. So the way I figure it is all the fault of the shampoo dudes. Yeah, if they didn't scare you to death with all that stuff like you are going to be hated for all eternity if you don't bother to you know get your hair full of their soapy stuff.

All I know is that I ain't buying it. Nope I don't need that type of headache. I mean all that trouble of going to the store just to get that special shampoo.

Then when you check out some clerk sees you order it and they know, this dude sure has a dandruff problem. Yeah, you might as well shout it from the tree tops. And who needs that?

I know that I don't. So I never bother to actually go for the shampoo for the dandruff thing.

What I do is buy regular shampoo. But I learned this from my buddy Otis. What you do is when nobody is looking you bring this empty bottle with your. Then you pour out the shampoo into it. Afterwards, you take some of the dandruff shampoo and put it into the regular bottle and then put the regular shampoo in that other bottle into the dandruff shampoo bottle.

That way you can you know buy the regular shampoo bottle home and don't have to worry about the funny looks from the clerk. Course I imagine that might not make the person who actually bought the dandruff shampoo all that happy when it didn't work.

I did mention that to Otis. He just said that if the person was okay with buying the dandruff shampoo then they probably wouldn't mind having to do it again.

I really enjoy when Otis says things that make sense even when if I didn't them I wouldn't feel that way.

And the nice thing is we never worry about dandruff. Cleaning up shampoo off the aisle floor maybe, but never dandruff.

BEGUZZLED

Oh man this is one of those deals where you really, really feel stupid after the fact. It is when you are like totally thirsty and all you can think of is guzzling as much of whatever as possible.

And since there ain't any like guzzle police to keep you from doing it, you just start drinking all you want. Only your tummy doesn't warn you quick enough that it is full.

So you end up with a really bad stomach ache, which sucks big time. Plus you can't do much for it.

See if you tummy hurts from eating something bad, you can take some kind of medicine. However if it hurts from being too full, you can't add more to it. You can even try without it making you feel worse.

So it really is a crappy feeling big time. And you can't even blame somebody else for it. Oh you can try, but when they look at all the empty pop bottles with your lips marks on them, it just doesn't work.

Course it is fun to try and blame somebody else. I took a shot at it a few times. But so far I haven't had good luck at it.

Maybe I should have you know, not tried to hard. It was just at the moment it made sense. What can I say, the idea of Alien Cheese Warrior running over from trying to conquer the world just to force me to drink too much pop sounded so impressive.

Didn't work though. That was the pits. I had hoped it would, but it didn't. Otis never believed it no matter how much I tried to look sincere.

And even that old rat boy, Junior, didn't think it was believable. Heck, I mean of all the people you would have figured he would have believed me.

I mean he is such a cheese addict. But no, he thought it was stupid too. Man that was probably the biggest pain.

Oh well, I have learned at least. If my eyes are too big from my tummy and I think I am thirstier than I am, I just have learned to not complain if I get too full.

It is kind of hard to sit there with my tummy all bloated and not say much. But it sure beats those stares like I'm a moron.

Just a few words to the wise in hopes of sharing so others my avoid doing the same thing. And perhaps share the rule about pop.

Never think you can keep drinking when you tummy screams tilt. Because when it decides to tell you its unhappy it sure does know who to make you feel the worse.

BLOSSOMS

This is one of those flower deals. That's when they like suddenly look so extra cool. Before that they sort of look kind of boring like they are sleeping.

Which is okay I guess. As long as you don't get stuck having to sit around and wait for the thing to blossom. You know like it has to make up its mind it is time to look cool.

Personally, I think that sucks. What gives these darn flowers the right to be that finicky? I mean how come it is okay for them to do stuff like that when if something else did it we would get totally pissed off?

I don't know, it just don't seem fair to me. And I know if I have my way, I'm going to fix that problem.

In fact I call up a flower shop just to check on how they could improve that problem. My first thought was you could spend more time inspiring those flowers.

I mean I got no idea what gets a flower excited, but I'm sure there is something that does it. Just not sure what.

And that what I tried to find out from the flower dude that answered the phone. Man you would have thought he had some reason for not telling me.

It was like you know, he would have messed up his flower business by talking about it. Like trying to get me to believe he couldn't control when flowers end up blooming.

Does anyone expect me to buy that nonsense. The man is a flower dude. He works with them and handles them, shoot I bet he even talks to them. And he thinks for one cotton picking minute I'm going to accept he doesn't know all there is about when they bloom?

I'll tell you one thing, man you can be sure I let him know that I didn't think his not telling me was a good thing. Well, I won't say what he said in return, but it sure wasn't thank you.

So now, I'm going to check this out another way I suppose. Just not sure where to start first. Probably over at the grocery store. There flowers always seem to be in bloom.

Maybe they talk to them different or not something better than that flower dude. And while I'm at it, I can maybe snack some too.

Yeah, when you don't have a chance to feed your mind with answers, then you can at least feed your tummy.

That works for me. As long as in the process I get to smile and fill my stomach without getting a headache from not finding out what I was asking to know. So guess my next stop is the grocery store, or perhaps to buy a new bat, in case they ask like that flower shop dude.

LEMONADE

I like this stuff, providing you fix it right. Okay, just for the record it ain't lemonade unless it has a lemon flavor, but not so sour it curls your nose hairs. That is not my idea of good tasty stuff.

Now what I wish is that there as some way to you know get the lemons to stop being sour in the first place. Seems like it sure would make things easier. Only I don't imagine anybody is going to fix that problem.

I mean there is that place in the government called the Food and Drug Administration. If they are in charge of administering junk to do with food then how come you can't like get them to work on this thing.

The way I figure you just have to like figure something to add to the lemon trees to make them start out sweet. Seems like a reasonable request to me.

But since I don't know how to get a hold of these dudes I'm not sure if you can get them to listen. Plus it don't say if they spend more time messing with administrating food or drugs? So I can't say if one is more important to them that the other.

Guess it would be a nice thing to find out. So perhaps when I got more time I'll see if they got some kind drug lying around to work on that problem.

Yeah, you never know, they might be all set with that kind of drug just sitting on some shelf and nobody bother to actually check it out. What with all that administrating stuff they might just gotten busy or something.

Well, it worth checking out. Gee, maybe they could even like work on the problem of lemons only tasty like lemons.

That could be fun. You just never know for sure. Hmmm, I wonder what cool stuff would do to make lemons taste like?

If they were to ask me I would vote for jelly beans. That would be so cool. Only I wonder how they would manage that?

Guess that is for them to figure out. I'm more the idea kind of dude. Let those science dudes figure out those details.

Sounds like it is time for me to sit down and write a few letters I guess. And I sure have had plenty of practice at those.

Just wish the mail wasn't so slow. I've been waiting for a whole year to hear back from the milk people on making milk different colors. That way it would go with different types of food better. Apparently, it takes a lot longer that I should have expected. But then you know, they are probably busy messing with cows.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:

"How come all the important stuff in life is related to fruit. I heard is said, life is like a bowl of cherries. All I know is somebody got my share. I hope they choke on the pits."

READY OR NOT

Is this stupid or what? I mean if something is going to happen even if you don't want it to then is there any point to act like you have choice? Or is there any value in claiming it is some kind of warning?

Honestly you do have to wonder about the dunces that say that kind of crap. There are too many of them if you ask me.

And let me tell you the one you never can be ready for under any circumstances is that wacky gal over at STINK by the name of Truly Grimy. That gal is one person that there just is no hope for in my opinion. I hate to rag on her like that, but there is no way I will ever be ready for anything she wants me to do.

That is mainly because most of the time the only thing she wants you to be ready for his something she cooks. Boy I don't care who you are, there isn't any way for that to happen.

You could like have a whole month to prepare by eating the worst crap in the world till you puked constantly and still never be ready for her crude. I'm telling you it's just down right scary to imagine the stuff she comes up with.

And no matter how bad it is and how many times she gets told her stuff is crap, she never gives up. That is in this case, not a good thing.

I only wish there was a way to be sure I didn't have to worry about this ever again. I suppose I could consider giving up being a grimefighter. But the thing is you know, once you get in the habit of saving the world it is kind of hard to give it up.

Which is what makes it so tough. Because our boss, Dr. Hemoglobin gets in these moods a times where he decides it is really important to try and save money.

I can appreciate that. After all it ain't like the grimefighter business is for getting rich. So he does stuff to try and make sure we save a buck or two.

Along the way that means there are times when we get stuck with him deciding to see if this time Truly can fix something decent. It is always a big mistake, but it doesn't keep him from thinking it will save money.

My only regret is that rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin, doesn't end up being stuck having to scarf down this crude. Just seeing him turn green would make it all worth her leaving us with a need to puke.

But I suppose there ain't much chance of that taking place. At least as long as we get stuck with Dr. Hemoglobin griping about the times when spend money. Hey, can I happen if that truck need repairs? It does happen. Well, true perhaps it is not something you know that might have been necessary if I hadn't misread the gear shift and back over that police car with the garbage truck. Can I help it if I got confused and thought R stood for right turns and not reverse?

GOOD FOR NOTHING

Tough to imagine very many things that fall under this category. Well I realize garbage ain't worth too much, but even it can be you know used for something.

Which is my view. If a thing can be used for something, then it isn't a nothing. So I see no reason to treat it as good for nothing.

What really amazes me is when I hear this said about people. Now even a scummy jerk like old rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin, is good for something.

I'll admit it is hard at times to figure what, but I just reckon I haven't spent enough time thinking on that one. Actually, I'm not too keen on even thinking in those terms.

I mean if I really let myself dwell on it, then I might get depressed. Because if I found out what he was good at I would end up having to respect him for it. That would be terrible.

I can even imagine the idea of telling that jerk he was good at something. Turns my stomach just to think of it.

At least I do have the benefit of not having to think about him all the time, so I can avoid that problem. Which doesn't have much to do with wondering about all the other people who you wonder if they are good for something.

With them I guess I figure the hard part at times is trying to remember what they are good for. It can be a challenge with some folks admittedly.

But the dudes I work with you just do the best you can. However, the tougher part is trying to convince myself that those darn griminal types are worth something.

With those guys I pretty have decided they are most useful for batting practice. Oh yeah, I can never get enough of that.

I just wish I could get Otis to appreciate it more. Man he can be so picky in that regard. Honestly it is such a pain with him.

I try to get him to tell me what good those dudes are for other than batting practice and he never manages to give me much of answer. So I end up just imagining how my bat swings really great when they are begging for mercy.

Ah well, I suppose they might have some other use. And I'll work on it the next time I get a chance.

Which may be quite a while away yet. Because you never know when the timing will be right. For me with griminals that is when Otis ain't looking and I get to use my bat. Whew is that a way to see them as being worth something.

VISIONS

What kind of nut came up with this idea? Yeah, I said nut. I mean really is this a good thing?

For me this is another of those goofy deals. In this case, it all comes down to some kind of stupid deal where somebody decides they can see things that aren't really there.

Normally if somebody says that we figure there is something wrong with them. But if they say it is a vision, whoa, then it is okay.

I mean is being crazy alright as long as you call it a vision? Sure doesn't see like it is true to me, but don't try telling some of these people that.

For if you do they will think you are the one who is crazy. So of like if you don't believe them it is you who has the problem.

Okay, I suppose I should just nod and say cool when some clown says he talked to a dude from some other planet. If he says that normally with a straight face you got to worry a bit.

Now if he happens to say, he saw it in a vision, then it is like, everything is fine. And I'm suppose to believe it is true?

It sure doesn't do any good to try and explain it to the person having the vision, that is for sure. I don't care how stupid or idiotic they are, if they all their insanity a vision then it suppose to make it all better.

And what gripes me is if I say something was a vision, they never believe me. It is like they have some special talent or license where they alone get to claim to see junk.

Heck, I see junk all the time, but nobody believes me even when I say it was a vision. Guess I should tell them it was a vision before I told them what I saw.

But I reckon it isn't going to matter much with some people. They are just hopeless. You can spend all day making a big deal about them being weird and you being okay and it just never helps.

In any case, I'm pretty much bored with the whole vision deal. I just am not interested in hearing any more about talking spoons and man eating plates. Yep, all done with that.

Now that I've sworn off that stuff, I can feel better about not letting them bug me with their visions crude. I just have to hope they don't bug me with it.

That is the part you have to hate. When they won't shut up. That is when I have to solve things the easy way, but using my bat to be sure they get some real visions. The ones of seeing my bat just before it hits them in the head!

IDEAS

Now I guess this is a good thing. I mean it is sort of like thinking up junk you didn't think of before. And it is even better if nobody else thought of it first.

That can be the tough part though. I mean you can think up something and figure it is special and unique. Then you go off feeling so good and figuring you are some kind of genius.

Which would be wonderful except for having some clown you know who is practically brain dead end up thinking the same thing. It is kind of frustrating. I mean they dude shouldn't be allowed to say something smart if he is an idiot.

Just doesn't seem right. I work really hard at this idea thing. Strain my brain to no end trying to come up with cool thoughts and then the next thing that happens is I have to hear that idea from somebody else.

Well, guess I just have to tolerate that kind of situation. It doesn't mean I have to like it, but I will tolerate it.

What really drives me nuts though is having some weird dude trying to pass off completely insane thing as a good idea. Now that is when it gets scary.

It truly does worry me when I hear some of the junk people come up with that they think are good ideas. You just have to sit and shake your head and wonder.

Yeah, that is something, which truly bugs the heck out of me at times. Like you want to sit and strangle them for being jerks.

It probably wouldn't do any good anyway. Such people never do run out of ideas. At least what they call ideas.

And let me tell you if ideas and you can't be serious are the same thing, then it is cool. Sure doesn't work for me though.

But at least I do what I can to avoid such guys. It gets easier when my buddy Otis helps. He's really good at finding ways to get those rascals to go somewhere else.

If I'm really lucky he'll manage to send all those wackys to see Junior. That is admittedly the best idea you can have.

As for me, well I'm working on the best idea I can think of. How to turn air into jelly beans.

The first problem is trying to figure out how to get the sugar to stick to the air. But I reckon once I get the hang of that part the rest will be easy. I mean coloring the air ought to be easy I imagine.

BROKEN

Okay, I kind of think I understand how this works. Something is broke, but not so bad it needs to be fixed with glue or whatever. So you just have to adjust whatever.

Only nobody really says when this works for some stuff and when it doesn't. At least not that I can figure out.

Personally, if it was up to me, then I would just keep this simple. If you can't adjust it with a hammer, then don't bother.

Just my observation I guess. Yeah, it just seems that if you can't take care of whatever with a good whack it is just a waste of time.

Okay, I admit that don't always work on people. Wish it did. Might make life so much easier.

But then there are just too many people who are down right picky about that sort of thing. Here you are, making life easier for others and that is the thanks you get.

Instead, I get stuck with this junk of having to do things the hard way. When something needs adjusting Otis makes me go and get a wrench.

You know, I've tried beating on stuff with a wrench and it just ain't the same. Never does quite as effective job at whacking.

Which is not as tough as when he tells me to try and use a screwdriver. Man you can hardly hit something hard at all with one of them.

I tried explaining that to Otis once, but he just came up with the silly idea that I should hit stuff at all. Can you believe him suggesting that?

Well, he can say what he wants and come up with this insane idea that somehow I can adjust something with a screwdriver. But I know it doesn't work for me.

Why when he showed me the place where there was this screw to adjust, I did try adjusting it with the screwdriver. I must have banged on it for ten minutes and it didn't make any difference at all.

So I gave him and went on got my hammer. Then I clobbered that sucker good. Course with that machine, it didn't get it to work.

But then I figured that was because of the time I wasted on it with that stupid screwdriver. Only I'm not going to tell Otis.

I figure why depress him over such things. While he keeps messing with screwdrivers, I'll stick with the things that work. Well at least they do sometimes.

MIND LIKE A PRETZEL

Oh man now this is a good thing. Yep, there is nothing better than a dude with a brain as bent as a pretzel.

It really is cool. You can spend time with them and they never get boring. Man they are so cool. Why heck they can carry on conversations all by themselves.

Plus they always have lots of friends too. Okay you can't see them but they are there because they keep talking to them all the time.

And I really enjoy how they have so many wonderful things to say too. Why the stuff I've learned is amazing.

Who else would bless me with the fact that sun is really made of sauerkraut that turned sour. See what I wouldn't have discovered that as valuable unless I knew such dudes.

Why I consider that to be such a blessing. And it amazes me how all these super smart dudes just never are that busy.

I would have figured knowing the secrets of the universe would sort of keep them in demand, but for some odd reason they don't have that problem. In fact a lot of times people just seem to leave them alone all together.

Which is okay by me since it means we have more time for me to learn the secrets of the universe. I haven't really learned all of the quite yet.

I hope to one of these days. It could be helpful at parties and you know in saving the world. Stuff like that can always be a benefit to somebody.

Yeah, I really hope to get that all straighten out of these days. It would be so cool if I could finish it up by say next week.

That way I could save the world in time for the next Tuesday's sale of jelly beans. I'm sure they would be happy to give me a break on the price if I managed to save everyone else.

But since it isn't likely given the fact those kinds keep disappearing for a few days at a time, I don't think I'll lost any sleep over it. Might wish though.

All I have to figure is where in the world they end up going when they disappear. I tried asking one of them once, but he wouldn't say. Just mumbled something about meds.

I'm assuming that is some kind of secret code. You never know when I might have a chance at those meds myself.

I wonder if they come in jelly bean codes?

TASTY

Is there anything cooler than getting to eat something tasty? I don't think so. Nope, I really believe it.

If only we could agree on what is actually tasty. My rule is if you can stand eating it when you mix it together then why would you expect your tummy to be happy when you mess with stuffing it with all kinds of stuff separately.

What I mean is that if it looks like crap if you toss it in a bowl it will feel that way when you eat it. So go ahead, put the pop, pizza, ice cream, potato chips and other good stuff into a bowl and mix it real good. That is what your tummy is going to do.

It is amazing when you that how some stuff really looks ugly or down right disgusting. But then the big deal is how much it smells. You know does it smell bad or good.

As for the taste, well I kind of like the flavor of pizza and ice cream together. It really does work for me.

I got to admit though there are times my tummy sort of disagrees I guess. Because when I do eat something like that it will end up upchucking it later. I just figure that it is being moody.

Course I don't do that all the time with food. Just more of experimenting you understand. Yeah, it really is not something I would do all of the time.

Plus my buddy Otis won't let me. Why he won't even let me try it when he is home. Can you imagine that?

I guess I can't blame him. I mean when he is around when I get inspired he does kind of turn green.

Which ain't his regular color. And that is not a good color for him either. Not when he ends up nearly passing out in the process.

So these days I just stick to doing this when I'm by myself. I used to try it when others were around. But most just don't seem to come over when I'm feeling creative.

It sure is funny how they just have so many things that come up when I ask them. Yeah, I never knew so many folks that had to you know, wash their stuffed animals at the same time.

But I supposed if they want to miss out on the good stuff, that is okay. As for me, well shoot, I'm having a good time.

True, it does get kind of boring not having anyone to share it with, but hey, some times being creative is lonely.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "What it the deal with this 'got milk' stuff. Like I'm suppose to always have a carton with me? Sounds like some people have weird idea of fashion."

PEELING SOCKS

This is an awful feeling. It happens when you forget to put some dryer sheets into the dryer. Then all that stuff they call static electricity drives you nuts by making so many of your clothes stick together. Which normally includes socks.

Now I ask you, can't we figure a way to stop this problem? How come the electric company people can't do something about it? I mean they are supposed to be the experts right?

And you know I even went to so far as to call them to find out if they were going to fix this problem. I mean heck, you figure they would want to just so they could not have any free electricity running around.

I wish I could say it worked out okay. But you would have thought they might have appreciated the call. Like I said you would have thought they might have felt grateful that I called.

Man from the way that lady in customer service behaved you would think I was calling them to complain. That's the thanks I get for trying to help.

All I wanted was for them to come over and take the leaking electricity out of my dryer so it would cause so many problems with my socks. Is that to much to ask?

I guess it was for them. Why that darn lady got so down right insulting when I called, like she was pissed that I even bothered to call.

And no matter how I tried to explain it she kept insisting they didn't do anything with gas dryers. I wasn't asking her to do anything about the gas part. Just get rid of the darn electric part.

But she just flat refused to send anybody over to help. Which sure didn't help me with my problem.

So I figured the only way to improve this problem was to figure a way to show them the problem. Which is exactly what I did.

I walked over to that place where the electric company was located with a big basket of my dried clothes. I figured once they saw my problem it would make a difference.

Wish it did. The lady behind the counter wasn't any more helpful than the lady on the phone.

At least I did solve the problem to one degree. They shut off our electricity. I haven't told Otis yet. For now my socks aren't having problems with electricity. They are cleaned, but that is different problem.

Just have to hope Otis can figure how to get some batteries to replace the electric company.

WHERE FOR AREN'T THY SHORTS?

I heard about this couple once called Roadmeo and Jewel-lee-et. I guess he was into road things and she was busy worry about jewels and eating a lot.

Now given how the two of them were so busy doing stuff apart all the time I reckon it would make sense they had times where they weren't sure where the other one was. So they would spend a lot of time no doubt using a cell phone to text message each other about where for aren't thou?

You would sort of think they could have kept better tract of each other if they spent more time reading maps and stuff. But I reckon they didn't think of that.

Anyway, I do sort of wonder that if they had trouble finding each other would that mean they got confused over things like who did the laundry last. And I imagine you would end up with one of them asking, hey where for aren't thy shorts?

Only you know they were too embarrassed to admit that part when people told their story, so it just got forgotten. I can't blame them for that. I wouldn't want the whole world knowing I didn't have any clean underwear either.

But somebody still got stuck doing the laundry. Which might always explain why they were always asking the other person where they were.

I mean I'm sure one of them was probably thinking how they were hoping the other one would get home first and do the wash. But it sure doesn't sound like either managed to get around to it very often.

And you know I heard it must have just gotten worse as time went by. Because I heard they eventually both croaked.

Now for me that is taking the laundry just way to serious. I mean no matter how dirty the clothes get you can always take them to a Laundromat or something.

But then I reckon if they had trouble finding each other maybe they didn't know where the Laundromats were located either. You would have thought they could have dialed information to find out.

It is a shame nobody told these poor people about such things. But then people do weird junk when they are in love.

Well, don't quote me on that part, it is just what I heard. All I can say is if they were in love it sure ended up a killer.

Boy I wonder if all those people who talk about how great love is bother to mention that part. Personally, I reckon it was that little neked dudes fault, Cupid. You got to wonder about a kid who runs around without any clothes and has a bow and arrow.

PROOF OF DELIVERY

Okay, I guess this is good. I mean if you sent something out it is good to know it got there for sure.

I don't imagine you know it is a good idea just to take some delivery dude's word for it. I wish you could, but obviously it ain't enough if somebody is running around saying prove you delivered this sucker.

Which is okay by me I suppose. But that isn't the part that concerns me the most. It is this idea of having somebody only give you partial proof.

Like a per cent of the actual proof. What is that suppose to mean anyway? They sort of delivered it or only delivered part of something?

And this mainly seems to apply to booze I guess. I heard them talk about fifty proof. So I'm assuming the dude might have broke part of the bottle and lost it or something. Have to wonder if he was like drinking it himself.

Anyway, I guess since I don't drink I won't worry about that kind of delivery too much. Do kind of get concerned though when I hear the crazy thing about one hundred and eighty proof.

Shoot does that mean if they are late they end up say giving three times as much or something? How come they can't do that with other stuff?

Yeah, I would love ordering jelly beans and end up with more than I ordered. I wonder if perhaps the dudes that deliver you know like booze would do that with candy.

Now I wonder if by chance I told them it was booze and only in a candy box it would help? Heck it would be worth a try.

All I got to do I reckon is to just call up one of those delivery places and check with them. Only I have to be careful on that part.

I mean I have called them once before. And they sure weren't that friendly to me. Yeah, all I did was ask about this thing call over night delivery.

I wanted to know what kind of over they delivered at night. I was hoping we were talking about turnovers.

But I won't bother repeating what they told me. I don't use that kind of language. Was a little confused when they mentioned shoving something where the sun don't shine.

I reckon that has something to do with closets. Not sure when they deliver closet. Seems like they would have trouble getting them on a truck.

Well I'll wait to talk to them to find out.

SHIPPING DATES

Is this supposed to be a good thing? I was ordering this deal out of a catalogue once and noticed this thing about shipping dates.

They had a list of days of the month they shipped stuff you ordered. Like if you ordered it one day, it will give you a date of the month you can expect to get your order shipped.

Now personally, I have to wonder what the heck is up with that? I mean how come there can be as much as a whole week between the time I order it and they actually ship the darn that?

I have a feeling it is because some clown working at the place forgot to make the whatever. He was probably taking some nap and didn't get around to finishing it like he was suppose to.

So they have to go and kick him in the butt to wake up to get him to do his job. Really is pathetic if you ask me.

But I can only hope that it isn't for some other crazy reason. I would hate to think they got some real evil reason. Such as they stuff is spoiled in some way and they need to clean it up.

Man it is so scary to think of. I just hate the idea of buying some crap that ends up being crude. You just have to be careful in what you order.

Which is why I always make sure I get the details on this shipping thing before I order. I want to know the name of the dude who is doing the shipping.

Yeah and if this guy is careful or a klutz. That makes a big difference too. You got to be sure he doesn't drop anything.

That can also be a big reason why they have this shipping date thing. I thinking what if they happen to like bring the thing and need time to glue it back together.

You always got to look for clues when the thing gets delivered. Like if it has cracks in it. Providing you are ordering something that might have cracks if it got broke. No problem say for example with chocolate. They just melt it and all the cracks go away.

Well I'll have you know too that the other day I nearly got ripped off. I order this one thing and when I got it I had to return it. It was all broken and they didn't even attempt to glue it back together.

Which was such a shame since you know the picture looked so cool on it. Only you sure couldn't tell that from all the pieces they sent.

Boy was it a hassle to return too. I mean I don't care if they did say it was a jigsaw puzzle, it should have come looking like the picture. Why should I get stuck having to put all those pieces together?

THE GOOD STUFF

The one thing we know about this is it is good. Which is so much nicer than bad. And we know we are talking about stuff.

That is the tricky part. Since a whole lot of things can be called stuff. And some of them are necessarily the kinds of things we would enjoy having.

Unfortunately, since we don't necessarily agree on what is stuff and therefore which of it is good. Nope that is hard to do when you deal with some people.

See the thing is there are those crazy dudes out there that would treat garbage as stuff. Oh that is not all bad.

But man if they want to treat it as good, then they have a real problem. At least in my way of thinking.

Anyway, my rule is if it smells bad then it ain't good. Seems like a fair rule. At last it works for me.

As for them strange types that think otherwise, well you can spend time with them if you want. I'll pass.

Yeah, I walk right pass them and let somebody else worry about them being their friends. Because otherwise you can just end up risking them wanting to spend time showing you their idea of good stuff. And I sure like that part.

Now outside of those strange people there are the ones you have to mess with that think good stuff is something you only imagine. Which is even stranger than strange.

I don't know why, but I've run across a few of them on occasion too. I just don't hang with them very much.

Because if you agree to hang with them it only makes things worse. Does for me at least. I just find them boring.

I don't know how else to describe when you are talking to somebody who is weird like that and you get dumb and decide to keep trying to talk to them. I used to think that was okay, but no I don't think so.

And it is mainly because of the fact they sooner or later end up wanting to show you their stuff. Which they always say is good.

Naturally the idea of good covers some pretty crazy crap too. As for me, well I'm just happy when it is not something that includes jelly beans.

Because when it does, then I have to worry about them wanting my jelly beans and who needs that?

RUNNER UP

Man is this a lousy term or what? To think of someone having to run and then end up not winning is terrible.

And how come the runner up was the loser and the person who won doesn't necessary run? You don't hear it said runner champ instead of runner up?

Plus heck what is the deal here with calling losing as up? Honestly I wouldn't feel up if I lost. And if that happen while I was running that would really be the pits.

So this really doesn't work for me. And it brings up all kinds of questions. I mean do both the winner and the loser have to run or is it just a punishment for the loser?

I would have thought losing was enough punishment. Unless you know they had that as one of the rules of the contest up front. Then it would be okay.

I don't think I want to participate in that kind of contest. They can keep that for some other dummy to try.

But apparently there are plenty of suckers out there who don't mind. Hmmm, I wonder if they like give you a chance to you know practice before you have to do that running up stuff? Seems like a fair option.

Plus it never say how fair you have to run? I would think they could make sure about that part too.

After all if we are talking like around the block it is a whole lot different than if say you were talking a long way like say two blocks. Now that would be going to far.

Guess I won't have to worry about it anyway. I understand this whole thing starts with you know somebody tossing their hat in a ring.

And there is no way I'm tossing my beanie into any ring, wherever it is located. You can't forget that part.

Let me tell you I sure will never figure out why some put up with such strange practices. It really sucks in terms of expecting it to make sense.

Which I guess doesn't bother some people. They just never think these things through. Which is okay by me.

Only I sure hope they don't start complaining when they get handed a part of sneakers and are told, sorry loser start running. That is a little late to complain in my book.

Which is the one where I keep the rules about stupid things I never will do. There are other things on that list too. But for now, this is enough.

IN BETWEEN

Now this is not always being in the exact middle of sometime. Like you can be in between spots, but close to one than the other.

But that is pretty easy to figure out I reckon. Yeah, how tough is it to know there are two ends to something?

Well I don't mind that part too much. I can figure that out easy enough. But what kind of bugs me is when somebody talks about reading in between the lines.

I mean like there is something there, but space. However, if you listen to some people there is all whole lot more than something blank. Some people sure can think the strangest things I guess.

In any case, I don't know that might be strange, but I know something even stranger. I heard a guy talking about being in between jobs.

Which sounded really crazy because it was like he was working at something where you had to do a lot of traveling from one job to another. Only if you are in between them, what is up with that?

I do have to ask. After all, how come you just can go to wherever instead of just saying you are in between. And all I can figure is that these two places to work really suck so bad that you would rather be here than there.

That can be cool I guess. Sort of makes sense I imagine. Only I would sort of figure you might want to consider you know getting some type of job where you didn't enjoy just being in between.

Course this in another of those things I imagine like in between a rock and a hard place. Not sure where that place is either.

Only I don't think I want to go there myself. Sounds kind of boring and life has enough of those moments as it is from my point of view.

Which for me is not one that includes being in between if I can avoid it. Unless you are talking about being in between meals. Now that allows for what you call in between meal snacks.

And those are so cool. Heck I enjoy them so much I just love eating them all the time even during dinner.

Well the way I figure on that part it is no big deal. As long as at least one minute happens before you actually eat dinner.

Works for me, of that you can be sure. But then when it comes to snack, most things do.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "If a lemon turns bad does it get sweet instead of sour?"

LAST

Well, I reckon if being first is normally good then being last would suck. Again that depends on the situation. I mean being picked last to be put in front of a firing squad would be good. Course it would be a hopeful thing to pray they ran out of bullets before they got a chance to shoot you.

Last ain't cool though when you are talking about waiting in line for something. And it is extra crappy if you are last in line for say dinner.

Let me tell you, at STINK, the poor dude at the end of the line is lucky if there is anything left when you get there. Because we do work like a team, but when it comes to food, it is every grimefighter for himself.

Yeah, you can forget anyone standing there and thinking, I better leave some for the next guy. It just doesn't happen. Nice if it did, but it doesn't.

So that is why when it comes to lunch time you can be pretty darn sure, nobody dares to be late. That is one thing you only risk when they have their casserole surprise. It is too often one where Truly Grimy has helped fix it and that is something that inspires a lot of us to try going on a diet. At least for that meal.

Course you can't tell her that. Otherwise she would end up wanting to fix something else that would make us puke big time.

Outside of that problem I guess the basic time we really hate to be late too is on payday. Yeah, nobody likes being late for getting paid.

Plus the problem is that rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin, often ends up giving out the last few paychecks. And there is nothing that can ruin a perfectly good pay day than having to put up with that dude.

That is because he'll sit there and make all this snide comments about how you are overpaid. Which sure don't make you want to say thank you.

Not me at least. More like I would prefer to say whack. Only Otis sort of convinced me that was not what he called tactful.

Which is his way of telling me if you can't avoid being seen by witnessing then forget about it. Oh, he never says it that way, but it is pretty much what he means.

And I've been working on it. Only so far I just can figure a way to avoid there being witness on payday.

Hmmm, I wonder if being really late would do it? Yeah, I could say, what bat? Sure it works for Otis when he says what Spam when they want to know why some is missing. Guess it is worth a shot.

FIRST

Now this is lots of fun. Oh yeah, being first is so cool. Well, most of the time at least. I have to admit that there are times when being first may not be that great.

They just don't count as most of the time. So I'm not that thrilled at mentioning them since they aren't that big of a deal.

But I suppose I ought to mention them just the same. For the benefit of those who might be wondering.

See, being first is good if it is for something where you get something great in the process. Like say standing in line to get some jellybeans. Now being first in that line really would be cool.

On the other hand, which really sucks at time, since you can't be sure it is clean, there are those moments when being first could be painful. Such as if you are first in line when Bugly Ugly Savage decides he's in the mood to turn some people into pretzels.

That kind of first is definitely not cool. And you can be sure that whenever I hear he is in one of those moods I am the first to find a nice safe place to hide.

Now another first I don't want to have to endure is when that rat boy creep Junior decides to try and make me first on his assignment list. I do have to put up with assignments, but it doesn't mean I do the happy dance when he wants to stick me with some really crummy assignment.

And you can pretty much know if Junior has his way he going to be sure he sticks me first and foremost with the worst assignment he can think of. That is one thing I have learned I can expect from that jerk.

Oh it isn't just me. It will do that to Otis too. So he doesn't get thrilled about being first with Junior. We both just make sure we do what we can to avoid that option whenever possible.

It can be tricky though. I mean when it comes to thinking up ways to make people feel like crap, Junior is sure first in that department.

The only exception is when he's looking for someone to pick up some cheese order. Now that is when it really can be fun.

Because you can count on Junior to be sure you get the best wheels to drive so it won't break down. Plus he will also take care of seeing that you don't have any problems that might interfere with making that pick up.

The big problem is being first on that list. Sometimes we have to be first on the other list before he will let us be first on the cheese list. What can I say, it is a living.

BAD GOOS

Well for the most part to me, goo is not a good thing. Oh it can be at times. There is the goo that comes from fixing some bread dough. It is decent and can be tasty too.

Other than that goo just seem to be short of the letter D to make it good. And let me tell you that is a whole lot of less than good if you ask me.

Which can be pretty darn important too. The kind of important that can make the difference between life and yuck.

Now that is really an important difference. Because without the D you just got to big a risk at having a mess.

See anyway you look at it goo is not naturally a good thing. It can be downright messy and dangerous too.

That is when goo becomes goop. Which is where it goes from just being your every day ordinary crude to something a lot worse.

You really have to be careful about that part. There are griminals out there that are real sneaky in that regard.

They sit around and plot ways to make goo into something really disgusting. They just can't help themselves. It is just part of what they do.

As for me, well in order to avoid such problems, I always have the practice of making sure I clobber anyone I think is peddling some goo. Just to avoid that risk.

That sure is safer than risking some mess. Because with goo it is sticky and makes any mess even worse.

I know it might seem a tad extreme to some, but there are times you just don't have a choice. At least I don't feel you do.

And so far nobody seems to complain about my view on it. I guess they might complain if I gave them a chance, but I never do.

However, there is no reason to start from my point of view. It just wouldn't be worth the headache.

Okay true, the headache is normally the one that the other person gets when I clobber them. But the way I figure that is important to be sure I can take care of keeping messes under control.

Ah it is difficult to always be smart on this subject. But my rule is spare the rod as in bat, spoil the mild (which is when they act like a child.)