AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEP

This sure is weird stuff. Yeah, the idea that something happens when the beep sounds. Don’t sound cool to me.

Most of the time you know a beep comes from some car. And it only sounds when you are in front of some jerk with a problem.

Makes you want to strangle him with that darn horn. Yeah, sure got some crazy people out there.

Now I would like to improve this problem. Yep, I want to make some changes. I think we need some good beeps.

I’m sure there are some out there. Don’t need some huge sounding horns. A nice beep would work.

Might be kind of hard to you know always find the right kind of horn. Or be sure that the right person gets to use it.

We sure don’t need a lot of problems. Nope, don’t need them at all. I think though there are places it would help.

Now you know such as if you had a place where people weren’t aware it was there enough. So you could send somebody around on a bike to advertise.

That would be cool. And then you know perhaps when the repair people come to your house it would work too.

Instead of ringing some doorbell since they don’t always work anyway. It would be cool to like make it something that you could expect.

I had even thought it might be something good for us to have on our garbage trucks. Yep, that would be different.

Might take the edge off those who are say so dang fussy when you need to ask them a question about their garbage. They tend to get so grumpy at five in the morning.

Yeah, you can be sure that might help. And heck if I could work it out I would even add say a beep for something like ice cream trucks.

Just to sort of make things you know more consistent. Then we could try to work on other stuff too.

We just got to like get this all figured out the right way. Maybe set up some school for it. I would like that.

We already got those traffic schools. So that ought to be easy.




THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "What is the exact change for making sense?"

DOWN IN VALLEY

You ever grow up in the valley? Nope, down seems to be the only choice. Well I guess if you went to some valley in a mountain maybe, but who are you going to tell?

I reckon you know the big question is why even go into that valley? I mean is there like a mall there?

Some cool amusement park you love to visit? Or is it just about nature? Yeah, there are some who get all jazzed about that stuff.

Nature is okay I guess. I mean I suppose flowers can be good. But really how many of them can you look at?

I guess the answer for some is a lot? I mean a whole lot. Which is fine. But what else do you do beside look at them?

Forests are cool too. The trees can be fun to climb and what not, but you know that even after a while they lose that joy too.

So going into a valley is alright. As long as it really has something worth going there. And I hope they valley comes with some kind of sign.

Personally I like the signs that say, “Candy store.” I mean jelly beans are nice to look at, but also tasty.

So they give you even extra reasons to visit some valley. But then why bother with that when there are so many candy stores that are not in valleys?

See I bet lots of others don’t think of that part. Yeah, they sort of count to some degree. But I just know how many depend upon me for these kinds of things.

Otherwise they might waste the whole day doing stuff like looking at cards about valleys and not ask the important question. People do that.

I am glad to do my part to help. Never hurts to be helpful to others. Don’t even ask for any thanks.

Yeah, that is the fun part. I can be nice unlike some and don’t expect you to do anything for me in return.

Which is kind of good since I don’t run across too many ready to say thanks anyway. Guess it sort of slips their minds.

Course I figure too that you know sometimes they are just overwhelm by my thinking. Yeah, they can get so crazy.

Give me so real strange looks. Guess that is from being impressed.

UPS AND DOWNS

See this is not something I think ought to be. I think you need to make up your mind. Go up or go down. Don’t mix them.

People seem to hung up on that if you ask me. Yeah, look at all the junk that you go both up and down.

Like hot air balloons. Airplanes, elevators and escalators. Is somebody trying to tell us something?

I do wonder about that part. Maybe we need more roller coasters were you sort of you know never go completely up or down.

Just get part of the way there and then can see you are going down again. But then in the end you just stay even.

Sort of sounds far better to me. Yeah, I think it is what matters that you have hope. And not some lame thing where you only get it part way.

Now that ain’t saying escalators and stuff aren’t important. They are. But wish they had a plane that was really non-stop.

Oh I hear the talk about them all the time. Just never see them. Like they are sort of you know a dream.

Might be cool though if they were for real. Probably be a space ship. One that is own by them alien types.

Only I ain’t sure them trips would be cool. I saw how them space dudes can be so strange.

So not sure it would be worth you know that kind of problem. Nope, not to me. I think I will just keep hoping they make a law about them fights.

They seem to make a law about it with everything else so why not that too. Probably under that frequent flyer goody.

They would be the ones I reckon who would enjoy it the most. Yep, I would be sure they knew it was okay.

Providing that had some decent you know movies and what not. Might need a lot on a non stop trip.

But then I guess I wouldn’t mind. Providing they had enough snacks. Really got to be sure on that part.

Well guess I will wait for it to come on the news. They do that with everything else.

DOWN IN THE MOUTH

Man is there anything more useful than mouthwash? I mean in the morning when you mouth is like some car floor mat it really can make a big difference.

And man they sure give you so many options in terms of taste. You got the medicine one and the minty one.

Then there is that one called wintergreen. Now that one doesn’t make much sense to me. I mean winter is about snow.

So where do they come up with the green? Is it like artificial? Well hope it ain’t green snow.

I know what causes yellow snow, but not sure on the green part. Must be something really awful.

Unless like say they were able to save something from summer. And you use in on snow to make it green.

Well why you would want to I have no idea. But somebody thinks it is a good idea. Oh well, tastes good just the same.

I don’t bother trying to find out where it comes from. Sort of better in some ways not to ask.

I find that is a good rule with some things. Makes life easier. My rule is if you enjoy it then don’t ask.

Works pretty good with foods. As long as you don’t find out later they are bad. That is when you stomach surprises you.

Would be better if it could say something before you ate it. But that don’t seem to happen very often.

So I figure this whole deal comes down to the ordinary thing of being best when you are talking about food. Other areas don’t seem to work as well

What I’m working on is a way to maybe help spread this around more. You know sort of figure a way to make mouthwash for people’s attitudes.

Boy some of them are sure crappy. And you just have to wish there was a way to improve that part.

Well I do have one solution. It involves my bat. But that one doesn’t taste sweet. Just feels good.

Well at least to me.

DOWN AND OUT

Now this is not the best option we have. Oh yeah I got to admit that being in some basement and out of batteries is not cool.

But that is the part you have to work on. Making sure you don’t run out of batteries. Nope that is a bad idea.

So the way to get around this is to try and not forget. You just have to be sure you always have plenty.

Only pain in the butt is how this so often is not a good option. I mean you may not have a power outage for a long time.

So that means you get stuck with the whole deal being such a pain. Oh maybe you have batteries, but you didn’t check your flashlight lately.

So that means you just end up in a mess. Because the time to remember you didn’t have batteries is not when you are in the dark.

Boy is that a bad feeling. Yeah, really sucks. And that is the time you need to sit back and decide the best way to not look stupid.

This is the part of knowing what to say to some other person who is in the dark with you. Yeah, they may be inclined to decide this is not cool.

So the best option is to pretend you can’t find the flashlight. That is what Otis does. Only you better be sure it is when the person visiting is not there from before.

I mean otherwise they might remember. You know that is what I hate with this stuff. See you need to sit down and give it some thought.

Now it might be nice if you were dealing with the kind of think you could plan on. Yeah, I wish there was a way to do that.

I think it would be beneficial of the people running stuff if they would give us more warning. I don’t see why they can’t.

But then you know that is not how things happen. Nope, I wish it was, but it isn’t. Instead, we end up being surprised.

That is never a good deal. Not to me at least. I think it sucks big time. Some people have a real sick idea of humor.

And that is not my idea of fun. But I reckon eventually there is way to solve that problem.

Just have to figure out how.

Courage

Now you sort of have to have this to be a super hero. It don’t work too good to deal with bad guys if you hide all the time.

The only thing that bugs me is how often those super heroes in the movies have super powers. So you know they can’t lose.

So is that really courage when you can’t lose? Oh I guess there are the times when the bad guys win for a short time.

But you know it will never last. Just sort of like to give them the illusion that they can possibly win.

All that will naturally not end good for the bad dudes. And I always figured that the bad guys don’t need courage.

I mean they are bad guys and supposed to lose. So I can’t imagine if they give up nobody will be surprised.

So in a way being a bad guys would be a little easier. If you didn’t mind get beating up a lot.

And never winning. Then I guess it would be okay. But you know they are still bad guys.

And bad is never good to me. Nope that isn’t how it works. And you can be sure it ain’t going to change.

Oh well no way I get to take that option anyway. I am the good guy side. And that is the way it is.

All I wish is that I had more chance to get the super powers. Yeah, I would like that. Really would be great.

I’ve tried to find the super powers store to go shopping, but haven’t found it so far. Guess it isn’t advertising.

But I would sure love to show up and show them my beanie. Yeah that would impress them I bet.

Well seems far to me. But I guess I have to see where I can find them. Maybe I need to find where the other super heroes hang out.

Perhaps even find out if they have a club. Yeah that would be cool. I like that part. Just hope they don’t charge.

That would be fun.

ONIONS AND PEANUT BUTTER

People seem to have too much trouble with how these two things fit together. But they do.

And I guess I can appreciate when you have to deal with people who are kind of slow they might not figure things out. Which is sad.

In any case I will take the time to be sure they get understood by all. And do it in way that will hopefully make lots of sense.

But the big deal is that got to start out by saying that for me these are like really important things. I mean there just ain’t much in life you can eat that don’t work better with one of them.

Onions are important for stuff like burgers, pizza, burritos and other junk. And you just can’t have a decent meal without some onion rings too.

Peanut butter goes great with just about everything else. And so you do need them in order to keep things in balance.

See I think that is the problem with too many. They just don’t appreciate this and don’t try to keep stuff straight.

So that is why some act crazy. Yeah, I think it is what makes some so goofy and mean too often.

Now really if the person was to chill out with a big amount of peanut butter in their mouths they wouldn’t be yelling as much. Really make things nicer.

At least I think it would be a way to make things easier. And that really is important. Might even make them happier.

Peanut butter will do that for you. And onions will to. So you have to be happy when you have those.

Now the important part is that you try not to let them bug you on this. You just gobble down those onion and enjoy it.

I know have them raw with peanut butter on them. Just go on and enjoy. I’m sure you will like that part.

But I reckon you would be a good to do this alone. Some people don’t appreciate the idea of such freedom.

At least when they can smell it. So just enjoy it by yourself and then later you can use the mouth wash. Big help.

HAPPY HOURS

My goodness who can be upset over a time set aside for happy? The idea sure does sound great.

I know I sure don’t have a reason to complain about it. Only problem is finding it. Yeah, that ain’t so easy.

Wish it was. Oh yeah, I won’t be upset when this happy happens in a time where I know about it and get to attend.

I wish they had these at like a candy store. Those places already give me reason to be happy.

They don’t even need to mention a special hour. Just you know make it a time when they tell me about it first.

I even told them that was a good idea, but they didn’t seem to think so. Hard at times I guess to have somebody see the joy in such things.

Well while I was thinking on it that is when I saw the sign. Over at this place called a bar.

So I guessed they might have you know some dancing clowns or juggling acts inside. That would be cool.

But shoot I did go inside and didn’t see any. Then this dude behind this big long wooden counter asked me about my driver’s license.

Now I never need that to have happy before. Sure was confusing. And let me tell you that didn’t help much.

Well we got to discussing that. I was like, hey, I don’t want to drive there to be happy. Can’t I just walk?

Man he got really silly about stuff. Said without my identification he would give me a drink.

Heck, I didn’t even ask for one. Nope, not me. Oh you can be sure that I wasn’t going to let somebody take my identification either.

Didn’t fall for that one. And from what I could tell nobody there was all that happy. Guess they could have needed a happy hour.

Sure didn’t think like I was going to find it there either. Well not as far as I could tell. So I just left and figured they ought to work on that happy stuff.

I know I will look elsewhere myself.


THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "When somebody rains on your parade do they call it a float?"

HABITS

Oh man is this cool or what. Those things you love doing and get to do over and over all the time.

And the great thing is they never get boring. Yeah, you don’t have a reason to complain other than when you can’t do it again.

Now what is a pain is when you have to deal with someone who gets tired of a habit. So they decide to give it up.

Only they can’t. But they want you to believe they can. So you listen to them ramble forever about how they don’t do that any longer.

Which never turns out to be true. And then it really gets boring. Oh yeah because later they will tell you again why they gave it up.

Only they never did. So you get stuck. You have to listen to them babble forever on not doing what they still do.

Now it even gets worse when you have to have them tell you how they want you to give it up too. Oh I really love those times.

Now my buddy Otis kinds of makes me crazy on this deal. He will make it all sound like you know he doesn’t want Spam any more.

I say find. Then we will spend the whole day with him telling me the reasons he’s not going to eat it any more.

Which ends with him telling me why I should also rethink eating jelly beans. Like I even asked him on that one.

But I didn’t. Nope I sure didn’t. What I do is just let him get it out of system. Then later when he caves I’m cool.

I just never say a word while he hands me a bag of jelly beans he got for me while coming out of the store with some more spam. Yep, it is fun.

And heck I don’t mind. I get some extra free jelly beans. That sort of makes up for all the talk.

Sort of you understand. Not completely. But enough to be sure I don’t mind the next time he decides to give up some habit.

Which will be sure it happens. Hopefully when they got a new shipment of jelly beans at the candy store.

Yeah, I love that.

MATADOR

Man, those bullfighter types are sure strange. I mean they never even wear gloves. So where is the sense in that?

Plus they were those odd looking hats and those real tight clothes. Oh the cape is nice, but I don’t think they have any like championship belt.

Now wrestling sort of makes more sense. As long as you are talking like wrestling people.

I suppose you could wrestle something else to compete with the bullfighter thing. Maybe an elephant.

Might be different. Yeah, you never know how that would end up working out. But I sure don’t want to find out.

And besides what do you get if you do win in punching out some cow? Really is there a big prize for that?

Is this some kind of cowboy deal? Perhaps some strange kind of rodeo situation. And who is this OLAY dude they keep shouting about at these bullfights?

I reckon that might be the one who you know raises the bulls. Perhaps even gives them boxing lessons.

I don’t see how they wear those gloves though. And they also never wear any kind of shorts.

So who gets to decide when the bull is getting hit below the belt? See they never make any of this clear.

Well I don’t know, I suppose it is a good thing to somebody. Only not sure I understand why yet?

The other thing you have to wonder about is the reason they call the mat-a-dor. Do they like have some special welcome mat in front of their doors?

One with perhaps a bull on it. Sort of to create the illusion that you know they aren’t really mad at bulls.

That way they don’t piss off the people who think animals have rights. Hope it isn’t too hard so it knocks out the matador with one punch.

Well I did try calling up this one place I heard of that had bulls around. A ranch. You know to see if any of their bulls being duking it out.

Didn’t get any answer though. Think something one wrong with the phone. I kept being disconnected.

STONE CUTTERS

Okay where is the fun in this? I sure would like to know for myself. I mean stones are kind of boring.

You can’t really do much with them. At least nothing that I can figure as good. Now maybe somebody else sees stones differently.

I won’t say they can be cool. I guess you can savor them for something good. Like say building a wall.

But once you have built the wall you can do much with it. So that seems kind of less than exciting.

Now that is why I ask how come you need to cut stones? Is there like a special use for them that way?

I do have to wonder. Really seems kind of dumb if you ask me. Well true, nobody has, but if they did I would tell them a bad idea.

Yeah, I mean what is the point. Can you like cut them into cool shapes for some reason? And then what?

I guess this is the type of fun people who aren’t rich might want to have. I guess I would get jazzed on the type of knife you use.

I bet it would be great for other stuff. Well not sure what you would need to use in on. Guess if it works on stones it works on a lots of things.

But then you can’t say for sure. I mean the very idea of somebody spending time coming up with it is rather strange.

Lots of strange people around though. Got to admit that. And who needs to let them bore us with it.

Now I have seen some strange you know statues out there. I guess if that is your thing cool.

But I don’t know, just seems like kind of pointless to me. I mean why couldn’t they make them out of something else?

Yeah, like crackers or something you could eat? That way if you got bored with the statue you could have lunch.

Yeah, why don’t they ask me such things. Heck for a little peanut butter I would make it look real cool.

But then they do have to ask.

GIBBERISH

Now this is when people say junk that don’t make sense. Sure is a lot of that, which seems to happen.

Yeah, it is amazing how many people are out there who just don’t make any sense. Really is something pretty day fantastic.

I don’t, I guess this shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is to me. I mean I can’t figure out how come these dudes get to have so much attention.

Well anyway, it does seem to be a thing some like otherwise when somebody gets up and babbles about junk they would be told to shut up. Only that isn’t how it works. Nope they seem to get applauded for doing it.

Like the other day Otis took me over to this college to listen to this professor give this lecture. It was suppose to be about the universe.

Which I guess was a good thing. Not quite sure how, but anyway they thought it was cool.

Only I tried to make sense of it and never did. He was rambling on about stuff like cosmos and comets and something called black holes.

Now that sure didn’t make a lot of sense to me. I mean space is sort of cool. But with all those things he was saying it was really boring and sure didn’t make sense.

Oh well I reckon you know you have tolerate people being weird at times. And that is okay I guess.

But sure don’t seem like they should be allowed to have some big meeting to prove how weird they are. Just don’t make any sense.

However, that wasn’t something I was given any vote about. Nope, nobody sat down and passed out a survey and asked us to vote on gibberish junk.

I know why too. I mean if they did you would have ended up with most of us saying forget it.

And even more so when they ramble on about the universe and never mention cool junk like aliens and flying saucers. Never said a word about them.

Anyway, I did go up to the dude afterwards and you know tried to help straighten him out. Didn’t do much good I’m afraid.

He looked at me like I was the one with the problem. Which is naturally said, but when you can’t say things that make sense it happens.

AFTER GLOW

Okay this is one of those deal where you never know what is going to happen next. And where is the fun in that.

This glow business is fun. Well it can be. You know if you see somebody who stayed out in the sun too long.

Oh yeah that is cool. They are like human strawberries. And they can sure be in need of the after part.

But not sure there is any kind of rule on what works best as an after. Hard to be sure. They don’t have it written down anywhere.

And that is okay I reckon. Nobody said it was a law. Might be kind of hard to figure too. What would you get if you broke that kind of law?

Guess that would depend on what happens after the glow part. Wish they gave you a list. I would like that.

You could pick up your favorite after. Hope it didn’t have a big price. Yep, I could handle it with the right price.

Hmm, wonder if the take credit cards? Also have to wonder where you find this after part?

I mean is there like a catalogue to shop out of? And do they give you any discounts for certain choices?

See they never get around to mentioning those kinds of deals. I think they need to work on that aspect.

I mean the after could be something really crummy. Then you would really hate that option.

But that is okay. I will keep making up my own part. I want the jelly bean option. If I had a reason to glow then I want a reason to enjoy it.

Now since nobody has made a rule on the subject, I guess it won’t matter too much. Yep, I think I could be happy over that part.

In any case I think I will vote for the choices that I want. Voting seems to be a good option in such cases.

All I got to do is find a politician who is making this part of his promises. Sure would be cool to find.

But I bet there are out there somewhere.

AFTERSHOCK

I sure hope this ain’t no law. Man that would be terrible. Nope if that was somebody’s idea of a good move, forget it.

Now it is bad enough to know these things happen. But the thing is when was it decided we needed these?

Course they do come after some other shock. Like one was not enough. Guess it is by somebody’s ideas.

Sure not mine. And I know nobody asked my opinion about them. Maybe as a you know thrill ride it might make sense.

But outside of some amusement park it don’t seem to have much value. At least nobody comes around to charge you for the experience.

I’m sure glad for that. Boy that would really suck. However I can imagine some of those darn politicians would give it a shot.

They do have weird idea of fun at times. Like on that subject of taxes. Now really that is such a crazy idea.

I don’t see where they are part of the pursuit of happiness stuff that you are suppose to get. Really have to wonder on that part.

Still I reckon somebody thought it was cool. Wish they would have asked first. Or even put it to a vote.

Oh well haven’t notice with this shockwave stuff that voting matter either. It all ends up being a big question.

Sort of like, okay who cut the cheese. Nobody wants to admit it was them. Hey, give us a break and tell us the truth.

Well sounds wonderful. A great notion. But never seems to work out as they expected. Not fun being all shook up.

Not that I have noticed. Wish it was. I wished it was a big joy too. But sitting and shaking sure doesn’t seem to cut it to me.

Oh well I reckon I’ll just do what I can to avoid it. Then I won’t have to worry. I can just smile and savor the whole process.

At least I hope it works that way. Just had to say till I try. And you never know when that might happen.

Maybe in my life time even.

A WORK IN PROGRESS

I think the important part to this is knowing that it ain’t done. And so you can’t get pissed because it don’t work right.

Now the big problem is when they say this they never tell you when it will be done. Like it is some secret.

This is a good thing? Not to me. Nope, I am not happy when this happens. I mean they get you all excited with the idea and don’t finish it.

What good is that? Sort of takes all the fun out of it if you ask me. Really I don’t see the good benefit in this at all.

But that is always how it seems to come across. And this normally seems to happen at the worst times.

I see those under construction signs in lots of places. Seems like they want you to you know be impressed.

Which I might be if for some reason they made sense of it all. To show you how soon they will make it a good deal.

Then I would be happy. Well in terms of being able to plan on stuff. Yep, I could bet I might even enjoy it.

But then the other thing is they don’t always let you know what good will come from this change. I mean it is hard to get excited if it doesn’t work for you.

Been saying that a lot it seems. The idea that it needs to be helpful. And in a big way. Sure wish that happen with everything.

It never does though. Just ends up boring. At least for me. But that is okay, because I got ways to fix that problem.

Yep, I just sort of help them out with fixing the stuff. If it ain’t working right, I try to fix it.

Wish I got thanks for that effort. But never do. More like a few smirks. Not quite the type of joy I like.

So that becomes another of those joys you can always get excited about if it don’t work the way you expect.

Which I’ve been working hard at making this easier. So far I figure I have been best to try and help at night.

Just drop by when everyone is gone. Still not getting smiles, but no complaints either.


Thought for the week: "Life might be a bowl of cherries, but somebody ate all the fruit."

TRIALS

I sure got this part figured out. Over in the courts this is where you either get to have a reason to party or end up in jail.

Now that is not a good option. I sure don’t want to be in that position. Had a few visits like that, but so far not ended up on the trial thing.]

Anyway, the other day I heard about this thing called Speed Trials. Man does that mean they are going to haul your butt off to the jail for speeding?

Sure sounds scary to me. Oh yeah, who decides how fast the speeding part is? And when you get in need of a trial over it?

From what I have seen the courtrooms are kind of small. So how do you speed in them? Not sure they explain that part very good.

And the thing is if you like have to be a witness does that mean you have to sit and watch some blur and say what it is? I would imagine that would get tricky.

But I know they need witnesses. Unless they have that stuff called circumstantial evidence.

Not sure what it is, but sure sounds kind of weird. No circumstance should be allowed to rat you out.

And like you know is it always a bad deal? I mean like what if you were speeding for a good reason?

Seems like a good thing to ask. And what about the jury thing? I mean if you are like running around do they have to follow you?

And if you say out run them do you get off without getting in trouble? I think that is a good question to ask.

I don’t know it all seems kind of weird. I mean that is such strange way of dealing with somebody who was say running to fast.

Now if you were on a moped that would be even worse. I mean you can’t hardly go that fast anyhow.

Honestly, this whole deal sucks to me. Really doesn’t sound fair at all. Not me. Plus I heard it said that justice is blind.]

So man how can it even see to till if you did something fast? Wish they would think before coming up with such stuff.

Yeah, really would help.

TESTS

Who is the maniac that first came up with the idea of tests? I bet it was some demented person that loves to give out pain.

I mean really what good comes from tests? I wish I could say fun stuff. But most tests are such an annoyance.

Now I know you can’t please some. That will depend on what you like to do. And boy that is different for everyone.

So this test business is really something I would like to change. Now the thing is you know at work I can’t avoid them.

I just wish they made more sense. I mean does it seem right to test me on being a grimefighter?

Seems kind of pointless. I do that stuff everyday. So it is like them checking to see if I did my job.

But you would figure you know the fact that I do it all the time would be enough. Shoot how hard is that to understand?

Oh well the thing is I wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t such a pain in the butt. That is because we end up being asked all kinds of junk we never do.

I mean you would figure they would ask us that actually has something to do with our jobs. Important junk like about bats.

That would be easy to answer. Bats I know. And even being about wearing beanies would be cool too.

But soon that wasn’t even on the test. They had this stupid section to do with trash can lids.

Like what do I really need to know beyond the fact that it is a lid? Man they wanted to talk about size and usefulness.

Oh well I was glad that it didn’t work out so it mattered in terms of our being grimefighters.

Oh they like to make it seem as if you are in big trouble. But we all knew that was bogus and that is a good thing.

Now the fun I guess is that we can totally ignore what we didn’t know in the first place. As long as we get the bad guys.

That is one test you can’t afford to miss.

WISE

Oh man now wouldn’t it be cool if everyone was like this? I mean to just not have to explain junk to some would be great.

But that ain’t how things work. Nope, you can’t get a break on that one. But I am working on it.

Yeah, I think it is just a case of explaining stuff better. Really, I think that is the problem here.

Just a case of making sure that we have a chance to educate the people who will then know it all. Which ain’t the same as being a know it all.

Them you can keep. I don’t need any of those jerks. Nope, then you can come over and get them to stop asking those dumb questions.

And maybe even make them do something like making sense. Nope that will not upset me at all.

But that is the part that really is busted and needs to be fixed. I do have one way to do that.

However my bat wouldn’t always get results I reckon. Oh man that is such a pain I can’t inspire more to being wise.

Heck sure works good on griminals. Well at least stops them from being griminals for a while.

Now Otis insists upon talking to them. Yeah, like that is a good choice. I mean it is good if you want to bore people.

But I haven’t noticed it make them any wiser. Really wish it did. Most just seem too anxious to get him to shut up.

And that is okay, gets that is a form of smarts too. Just not quite the same as the kind I like.

The type where the people stop acting like a dufus and start being smart for a change. That sure would be great.

Well I haven’t give up on this. Yeah, I still think it is possible. Just have to take the time to be sure you approach it right.

And I have to be wise in the process. Yep, that means we will all need to think about what we do more.

And that means all of us, not just the dudes who want to pretend on the subject.

PLEASE WAIT

What knucklehead come up with this idea? Really is there a good thing to this that I don’t know?

Now it seems to me that waiting is what they make you do to keep from answering you questions. Like they have to think up a good lie.

And to try and get you to forget the question they give you that dumb hold music to listen to. Without any idea when they will come back on line.

Oh yeah that really is a pain. I mean I bet the same clown thought up both. Like you know if I make them wait long enough, maybe they will go away.

Got to admire them I suppose for trying to be clever. Wish it helped in some way, but it just pisses me off.

I mean I wouldn’t be calling if I didn’t have a good question. Not like I’m doing it for my health.

Nope I call for the reason I need to know something. And you can be sure that I am not going to like ignore them in the process.

Really is such a pain when they do that. But you can be sure they are not going to deal with it differently.

Now the big problem is that it don’t get any better if you show up in person. Some of these places even have waiting rooms.

Wish they had some idea what year it was. Really this is so crazy to see some magazine that is older than I am in these places.

But I guess they figure you would rather look at them than sit there feeling stupid. And they could make it all better by just answer the question once and a while.

Yeah, do it more than later. Now would be nice. Right away would be really cool. Lots of luck on that part.

Heck, never happens. I am hopeful though. I keep thinking maybe some crazy person who has a brain will start working in these places.

I know that is probably a silly notion. I imagine that won’t happen in my lifetime. Maybe somebody else’s.

Well might be fun to know that person and find out when the time comes they get a break on this hold business.

Can’t wait to see that, but guess I have no choice.

WALKING HOME

Have to do this alot at times. We ride the bus over to STINK plenty of occasions. Which is okay.

Fortunately we don't live to far from the bus stop. Not that it is a big deal. As long as there are no nuts on the bus.

Wish they didn't ride the bus. But then you can prevent them from getting a ticket. So you live with it.

Like that other day. I got on the bus and sat down next to this dude. Otis was taking a nap and so I was kind of bored.

So there I was explaining about grime and STINK and all the other junk we do and he got weird on me. Too bad too.

Seemed like a decent guy when I first talked to him. Just got rather strange when I you know explained stuff.

Happens so much on the bus too. I mean wow like there are so many who act so crazy when you explain junk.

You really got to wonder about all those people. Do they like have to get a special ticket or anything?

If they like have to pay extra cool. I hope they don't like get a discount or something that would be scary.

And so far they don't have to get off where we do. In fact I think they are impressed with where we live.

Seems like they are always celebrating when we get off the bus. Yeah, nice to seem the appreciate class.

Kind of makes me proud. Yep, nice to know they see quality when they look at it. And even if they are weird.

Wish there was a way to get more of the normal people on there. Seems like the times you meet one they never come back.

Kind of sad. But they do get you know busy and all. And sometimes they get cars. Which is cool too.

But in the meantime it is nice to not let it get to you. Oh yeah, I really do savor that part. Providing it stays okay.

And I'm working on that. Might even share a few jelly beans.

DEVOTED

DEVOTED

This is big stuff. Like a wow on the scale of important. Mess it up and you can end up in big trouble.

We're talking with a capital T. Yeah, that kind of stuff. They type that makes sure they never leave you to forget if you blow it.

In any case I am sure glad I pay attention. Otherwise I could get like hit by some thunderbolt.

Yeah, now that is really scary. And you can be darn sure that it will be something I will watch out for.

Well I didn't have any concerns over this before last Sunday. That is when I found out about it.

Right there in the Reverend Analbe's church. Yep, he said the word and then mentioned how God was in favor of it.

Well that is the big deal. I mean the Reverend does talk to God personally. So he would know.

And boy let me tell you it sure was something to have him talk about it. Yep, let me say the way he explained this deal if you were devoted you might as well paint a big bull's eye on your behind.

Really is something else to imagine. Oh man let me tell you that is not something that I want to forget.

The hard part was really understanding. I mean he wasn't all that clear on exactly how this devoted thing worked.

Oh it was about showing up every week. And making sure you tipped him or whatever that money part is called.

Anyway, I kind of understood it all. Then he mentioned about doing. Now as far as I could tell the doing meant showing up and working at whatever he thought you should do.

I guess that is okay. But I know that somewhere that has to include donuts. Yeah, I heard him talk about having a work day.

And he mentioned about somebody bringing donuts. Which I guess is okay. Only I'm not sure I would like a thunderbolt for getting the wrong kind.

He didn't mention that part either. Guess that is something to worry about.

GRIPE AND SWIPE

Okay, now to me the rule ought to be, if you don't like something don't mess with it. I think that makes sense.

Not sure why some insist upon griping and still wanting something anyway. Where is the sense in that?

Guess those you can please some. I mean I really don't think I try that much. I just tend to ignore those darn nuts who do that.

I'm not saying griping is all bad. There are sometimes it happens and you can prevent it from taking place.

I mean for me I sure love to gripe about grime. And sure don't want more of it either. Nope I don't want that.

Only I can't get rid of all grime. Might be fun to try. Would make my day easier. Just not sure how much.

Still I would enjoy finding out. Well to a degree I guess. But then I also am not sure if things would be better if I did have no grime to fight.

I suppose though I could find other junk to fight. Or maybe have fun over. Yeah fun would be, well fun.

Now of course, I can imagine ever griping over a lack of grime. And I sure wouldn't like you know go out and swipe stuff to solve the problem.

Which is definitely nuts if you ask me. Yeah, that sucks big time. Unless you are say a cop.

They sort of get paid to keep people from swiping stuff. And so they might find the gripers a good thing.

Somehow I imagine they do get lots of business. Even without gripers. They are plenty who seem to want to swipe even if they don't need to.

Hard to see that as a good deal. But then who says people have to make sense? I haven't noticed it to be a good thing?

Mainly because there is fun in acting silly at times. Yep, got to love those times. Well I know I do.

In any case, I am happy to gripe about what needs to be gripe about and then forget the other stuff. Well till I need something.

Only not sure I swipe it while complaining.

Thought for the week: "Tax is like at tack, it has a point, but it painful to experience."

ASPIRIN

These must really work great. At least it seems to from how often Otis uses them. He gets those headaches at the strangest times.

He'll be sitting there and looking okay, then we will chat for a bit and he gets a headache. Now that is weird.

I'm figuring that it is maybe from something he ate. That can cause problems at times. Which ain't a good thing.

Course sometimes we will be out on say our patrol and he will get them. And for no special reason that I can tell.

You know I will ask him some question, just a plain old question, nothing special and he mentions having a headache. Hope he's not getting sick.

It was like the other day. We were out on patrol. And I saw this saying. It on this billboard.

And it said it was a public service announcement. Only I didn't notice where it actually did any speaking.

Seemed to me that it should have said something to be an announcement. And still didn't hear a darn word.

Well let me tell you I asked Otis about it. He sort of explained it. Well, I should say he tried.

Yep, what he said really didn't make sense. He tried to say that the board having it in ink form was like talking.

Sounded like a phony magic trick to me. I sure wasn't buying it. Nope, wasn't happy about it at all.

And more I tried to ask him the more he made it more confusing. Yeah, that was not a good thing.

Anyway somewhere in the process he mentioned he got a headache again. Boy sure never is a fun thing to talk to him after that.

In the meantime I am happy that I have at least got past those dang signs. They are kind of weird to be sure.

Hope the next time they decide to have something for the public they make it a service we can all enjoy. And talk too.
Or have somebody standing up there that can.

PILLOW FIGHTS

I suppose somebody would have a reason to see this as fun. I have watched a few boxing matches.

And I ain't going to say that weren't interesting. But those involved a couple of guys. And they sure did work hard to clobber each other.

I just have trouble you know imaging how you would get a pillow to fight that hard. I mean it doesn't move that cool.

Well not that I can tell. I did try to set up a couple of them just to figure out if that was a good thing.

They never did move. Not even an inch. Yeah, sure was boring. Can't see how it would ever be cool.

But I reckon that there is something in this I didn't notice. Yeah, I guess that is a good deal.

Maybe it requires a special pillow. Like one that is shaped like a boxing glove. Oh in some you know ring.

Now I still don't think I understand how this works. Do people really pay to see some pillow duke it out with another pillow?

Hard to imagine myself. But people are kind of strange. Hmmm, perhaps if it is like a cushion?

Yeah, they would at least stand up a lot. Now how you make it look like they really can move, I'm not sure.

But then that isn't my problem. I don't have to deal with this thing all that much. I suppose I could.

Only not sure why. I mean really guess there is some secret to it. Yeah, I bet that is it. People have a secret fun from this whole deal.

Well I won't be the type to deny a person the right to such things. Yep, if that is a good deal some okay.

As long as they don't ask me to pay for it. I can live without that part. Yep, I will just be so happy when I don't have to wonder.

Funny how many times in life where you get those huh moments. Nothing you do will make it ever have any sense.

And that is okay too. As long as they don't blame me for it.

WHY AND THEN SOME

Oh yeah, always want to know the why part. And at times more. The then some part. Like what comes next?

That can be so important with some junk. Like with those darn tv shows. The who dun it types.

They make it all a big deal about how somebody did something wrong. Then don't tell you who it is till the next show.

I hate when they do that part. You have to wait a whole week to find out if some crazy killer is lurking out there.

What if the dude comes around where you live? They never seem to think of that part. Really does suck.

I mean I want to be warned. I want to know in advance if some nut is running around loose waiting to attack.

They never seem to care about that. Just toss out that too be continued junk like it is no big deal.

You know the least they could do is show you the person's face. As in a warning. Yeah that would help.

What if the person is like an alien? They might have super powers or worse. They could soar down on your head with a spaceship and give you such a headache.

Oh man that is a bad deal. Nobody thinks of that part. Yeah, that is really a big deal. I wish they would warn you.

Or what if it is some zombie? You know they do hang out in movies a lot. And they are quiet buggers too.

They could be like in your closet and sneak out before you know it. That would be awful and so terrible.

Well I did try to talk about this to the television people. I called up the cable company to warn them to fix the problem.

Well they weren't much help. Nope they just put me on hold. I sure hope it wasn't because the zombies didn't get them.

Oh well they are doing the best they can I reckon. And I will figure a way to avoid them zombies.

Maybe stock up on jelly beans. Couldn't hurt.

SUFFERING

Oh man this is awful. Such a terrible thing. I feel sorry for most people who suffer. Some are so cool.

Now if we are talking about something like say a griminal then no problem. Yeah, let them suffer.

But for others, forget it. I would be glad to help them so they didn't suffer. Just have to find the right cures.

And they never make them for the real problems. Like when you get an ice cream headache.

Where is the cure for that? I suppose they haven't invented one yet. And then there are the darn smarty pants that will say you don't have to eat ice cream.

I really don't appreciate that kind of comment. Yeah, like that helps any. Such people never worry about that part.

Now for me I want to be sure I get real help. See suffering deserves a pain killer not a brain buster.

Sure wish you could avoid those types. But they just seem to exist everywhere. Really are such a bad source of help.

They are those darn know-it-alls who want to tell you how to live life. Might be nice if they really did help.

But nooo, they just make things worse. And who needs that part? Not me that is for sure.

Course Otis always messes with my idea of how to make things better. Yeah, I hate that too.

See, for the wise guys, no big deal. You just whip out your old trusty bat and it takes care of the problem.

Well I found it helps. But some don't seem to feel that way. Guess it does lead them to suffering.

Which I guess is sort of the idea. Still I am not sure if I will get Otis to agree. He prefers to come up with other solutions.

I ain't sure that boring a person with some long conversation about no-no's is all that much suffering. Do see them yawn some.

I suppose is a form of suffering.

PEST CONTROL

Ah, well you sure love to see this happen. I want to be sure you can get rid of such pests. Only Otis never lets me.

Well the number one pest in my life is old Junior, rat boy, Hemoglobin. That cheese hording freak is such a pain in the ass.

I wish he could be otherwise, but that is impossible. And I really don't mind that he is all hung up on cheese.

There are worse hobbies I guess. I just hate that he decides to bug us about it. Like it is somehow important for us to love cheese.

Now don't get me wrong. Cheese is good. I do enjoy it sometimes. But I don't live for it like he does.

And I sure don't make others mess with it just because he can't get by without eating in ten times a day. Oh man does that suck.

Now the pain part is because he is the assistant director over at STINK. So he can weave in cheese as part of our jobs.

I'm sorry, but most of the griminals we deal with don't carry cheese on them. And some don't even eat the stuff.

But he will have our behinds out there at times patrolling some grocery store to check for griminals in the cheese section. Like that really helps.

Oh well at least I do get a break sometimes. Yeah, he will be off somewhere for a while checking out cheese for himself.

And that is great when he leaves us alone. Just not enough of the time. And you can be sure I don't believe his cheese alien theories either.

He tried to get me to believe that aliens were coming here to steal cheese. Something about them and the moon being made of green cheese.

Anyway we had to spend a whole week one time checking out stores during a full moon. And didn't find a single alien or griminal.

Did get a break on some jelly beans. At least those are fake. I know aliens do go after them.

But that is why I keep my safe. In my socks. I know aliens don't check them. They are afraid of socks.

Well that is what I heard at least.

VIRUSES

This is another of them yucky things. Guess I'm stuck on this subject. Yeah, guess I got germs on the brain for some reason.

Not that I mind I suppose. Somebody has to think about them. Not just my favorite subject.

I am working on that part. Yep, it is so important to know all this stuff. I really do enjoy when I stop some problem.

Now I understand all about this now. Yeah, it all starts with that bacteria crap. They are sure sneaky.

Not sure what back they hide in, but they are there. Really is a big problem. And you know, that is a big concern.

Got to make sure you don't let the back who have this problem mess you up. Probably the ones with lots of hair.

Like fleas on a dog. Which really sucks. And that is the part you have to give a lot of thought to.

As in making sure no dang dog gives you any of these bacteria. Then before long they end up turning into really mean germs.

Which after a while they turn into a virus. And who needs that. Gosh they really suck at being mean.

Well the way I figure from that point somehow these things sneak into stuff like a computer. Maybe a dog ends up hanging around them.

The you hear all about these computer viruses. Yeah, that is bad. Never heard of them being a good thing.

And I just wish that you know I could avoid them. Would be so cool. But I don't take any chances.

Which is why I took the time to you know sit down and check out our computer. I got some bug spray and used in on the computer.

Hmmm, didn't seem to do much. But I was glad I got rid of any of them viruses. Well I think it was good for me.

Otis didn't seem impressed though. Got to admit that. He just gets upset, whenever I do something creative.
Ah well that is life I guess.

BUGS

Okay, I know all about bugs. They are really creepy little things that get into all kinds of places.

Now I understand how that works. Heck, don't mind it at all. What I do mind is when you get stuck with them.

You ain't got enough of whatever to kill them off. Yeah, that sucks. I hate when the happens.

Now it isn't bad enough that you have to mess with them stupid things lurking around there are other problems. Yeah, apparently they roam around other places.

Like apparently they can get into computers. How scary is that? And into machines and other stuff.

Man where does this end? Honestly, I do have to wonder where the smart is in any of that?

I mean really I was over the other day at this one store and the person was talking about this new machine they have invented. Did some kind of new stuff.

Wasn't really clear on that part, but it sure sounded cool. Then he said it needed to have the bugs worked out yet.

Well shoot that really sucks. I mean honestly, how come they got into it in the first place?

Are these like cooties or something? Sounds awful. Really these little bugs sure sound like something we don't need.

Heck, I bet they come from something like another planet. Yeah, would be just like them darn aliens to pull something like that.

Course it might be an accident. Like say if them bugs snuck into their spaceships when the were parked somewhere.

Wow, then these could be really crappy space cooties. Yuck! Hope they don't have like brain termites.

Now that would be really disgusting. I mean we have enough to worry about in life. Sure don't need that too.

Well guess I will just make sure I don't buy any junk with bugs in them. That might be hard.
Not sure, they will tell you the truth about them, but guess I will try not to find out.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Forgiveness is strangling your pillow instead of somebody's throat."

PLAY TIME

Well there is one time when life is okay about having fun, it is when there is play time. And I just don't mean for kids.

We all love those times when nobody cares if you act silly and try to do something just to get a few smiles. I sure don't complain about them either.

Wish I could you know find a way to say to make this happen more often. But then Otis would kind of mess that part up.

He would remind me of the grimefighter deal. Now that is okay, but you know I don't always want to be reminded.

Yeah, I mean it ain't like I'm going to forget. I just have a few times I want to think of other stuff.

Now I do admit that grimefighting does have times you can get a few smiles. But normally I like miss out on some of them.

I wouldn't mind, but you know all the really cool junk just seems to not happen enough. I get so jazzed when I can bash some bad guy.

Just makes the whole outing so much fun. But Otis sort of messes that up a lot. Yeah, he will not give me a break on that part.

Oh I wish he would. I mean just because my arms get tired, doesn't mean that I will be tired of trying.

But I don't know, he kind of gets this attitude like you should not enjoy it so much. And it doesn't say I can't in the STINK rules.

Well okay, it doesn't say I can either. But heck I reckon that is no big deal. I will just be happy to do my bashing for free if that is a problem.

Oh man I would even do it for fun if Otis would give me a break. However, he just keeps telling me it isn't the only thing we can do.

Course the we part loses something. Since I am the only one with a bat. In any case, I will do what I can to try and cope.

Which is a good thing. Otis it a lot. Might not I suppose if he had his own bat. Then we might not have to have him tell me it ain't fun.

Oh well I will keep giving it some thought. That is another of them deals that Otis says a lot.

Well just don't have much fun with it though.

ARE WE THERE YET?

Man do I hate when this happens. Really is such a pain. I mean this occurs with me way too often.

And let me tell you I do not have a good time when it does. Yep, I can sure live without this option.

For me this takes place whenever Otis and I will got someplace new. And I have no idea how far it is.

Otis ain't the best at giving me the details either. He kind of gets vague on it. Sometimes I think he does it to be like able to not admit he's lost.

Yeah, like he really doesn't know where we are going. Which kinds of bugs me a lot. I really get kind of annoyed when that happens.

But trying to get him to admit he's lost never works. Oh man forget that idea. I just have to sit there and act like he's not acting all stressed out.

Most of the time this is just when we are say out on some errand. So no big deal in terms of time.

Only if we are out on a grimefighter assignment then well that is different. Yeah, time is kind of a big deal.

Which gets even worse at nights. I mean you can really get nuts in those situations. Yep, that just ain't fun.

Really is such a pain. Yeah, you are out there trying to find the bad guys and get lost. Such don't add to the inspiration.

And hardly gives me any sense of pride. I really don't get very thrilled by it at all. Otis tries to make it all sound like no big deal.

Man the stuff he comes up with when we ended up not finding the bad guys. Like it is somehow an okay deal.

Sure doesn't end up that way with our boss, Dr. Hemoglobin. He's not that cool about us being lost.

And you can be sure I don't try to explain. Nope, not me. I let Otis do al the talking. He does a pretty decent job.

As long as nobody asks him about maps. Then he kind of really starts sweating a lot. Which can be fun to watch.
Oh well, all the joy I guess.