SPECIAL MOMENTS

Yeah now talk about good. This can be beyond good. Not sure what you call that, but this is it.

I'm talking about time that you get those really extra cool breaks. The ones you never expected.

Yep, and we are talking good ones. Not like where everything gets messed up. I never call them kinds of situations as special.

In any case, I would rather concentrate on the good stuff. As in when this can happen. Yeah those are extra fun times.

Just wish you know I had a way to make them happen all the time. Sure would so much fun.

I did make a suggestion once though. Took time to call up the government and ask them to work on it.

Well it only seems fair. Whenever we are talking to some politician about a problem that is what they say.

That they are going to work on it. Only never quite find out how. And that gets really frustrating.

I mean I even went over to ask them about how they were doing at fixing the problem. Seemed like a good idea to me.

Talk about a mistake. Yeah the nerve of them people to not be there when I went to see them.

I mean it was after sunup so I figure they should have been there. Just because it was six am is no excuse.

I sure was disappointed in that part. And I went back later to tell them. Must have gone back several times.

And I couldn't believe those guys had the nerve to not show up till eight am. How can you take care of things if you are going to sleep all the time?

Oh they tried to give me some excuse, it was boring from my view. Didn't help at all Still didn't fix the problem.

They did promise to work on it again. It was in the winter I think. Said something about when hell froze over.

Not sure when that is, but not going to go there and find out.

ANTENNAS

I sure wish this made more sense to me. I guess it is too much to ask I suppose. Just you know something where I can figure out why you need this for some things and not others.

Boy is that confusing. I mean some television need them because you see them on houses.

But some don't. What is up with that? Is there like some screwy law about this? Sure makes me wonder.

After all there have all kinds of weird laws out there. So I can imagine this might be the case.

Yeah it would be just like some stupid politician to do this. Make it sound like a good idea.

Only it sure don't seem that way to me. Nope, I figure it sure ain't a good thing. All that license stuff can be a pain.

Who needs some cop come over and beat on your door and demand to see your license. Sure sounds kind of scary.

So far I haven't heard of it happen. Yeah, but then I bet then do like to keep that kind of stuff a secret.

Not like they will you know make it a good thing if you look at it right. I can imagine going into some television store and buying some television.

Then having some cop show up out of nowhere and demand to see my license. Gosh it would be really terrible if he arrested you.

Guess they wouldn't even let you keep the television either. Man that would be even worst.

But sounds like the way they would work. Guess I'm glad I don't have to you know buy a new set.

Nope going to stick with the one we have already. Don't have to worry about any stupid antenna.

Is has this cable box. Really cool. Hmmm, hope the antenna police don't like decide to suddenly look at cable as needed a license too.

Man this could get really complicated. Yeah that sounds like something they would pull.

Oh well, I'll just not answer the door for now. Hope they don't come dressed as something else.

ALIENS

I sure love this subject. The idea of a bunch of weird aliens running around just sounds like fun.

I just don't know why they are more friendly. Yeah that bugs me. I mean how come they can come by and give any of us a ride in their shape ships?

I bet they could even charge us for the ride. I know I would pay for the trip. Even help drive it if they asked.

One thing nobody ever seems to talk about is what kind of gas mileage do them suckers get? Is it better than a car?

Do they need like smog checks? Well nobody has said. Guess it is one of those things that we will never find out.

Maybe we ought to make them want to do this. Yeah, let's offer them some kind of cool stuff.

I bet we could get them all excited if we try. Like some discount tickets to places they would enjoy.

Or even some free junk. Not sure what all we could find they would like, but I think we could try to ask.

I wonder if a survey would help. Gee I bet that would help. Now how would we let them know?

I got it, they do seem to like messing with those crop circles. Yeah, we could leave some notes in them perhaps?

Or perhaps since they like taking people rides as surprises some times we could give a note to those lucky enough to get abducted. Hmmm, guess can always know them though in advance.

Well maybe I need to study this up more. Yeah, take some time to go to more alien type of movies.

Bet that would give me lots of good help. And I reckon I could also have fun with lots of snacks too.

I wonder if I could run into a few aliens in the process? They might show up. Guess wouldn't hurt to give it a try.

Sure are a few weird folks at the theater at times. Bet you some are those aliens being what they call in- a-con-eato. Think it has something to do with eating cogs. Okay by me.

Thought for the week: "If something is a lead pipe cinch does it mean it only is easy for a plumber?"

SAD, BUT GOOD

Well I imagine some might find this hard to believe, but it happens. Only you are suppose to act sad.

Even if you really aren't. Kind of have to pretend a lot. Now see as a super hero I have to be the good guy.

So good guys have to be nice. It is a rule. I didn't say a good one, but a rule just the same.

Anyway I do try and pretend I am sad when some griminal gets messed up from being a griminal. We have to do that, really.

You know it looks good to the public. They just wouldn't be impressed if we like were to sit down and act happy.

Even more so if we spent the time dancing around and celebrating. That is the way we do really feel.

Just don't to it in public. We save it for later. Yeah, when we are back at headquarters. Then it is cool.

Well kind of. I mean our boss can't actually say it is okay. That would be less than cool. At least officially.

Now the deal is to me with the word officially. It is like what you say is cool. Only you don't necessarily belief it.

Sort of a fib only you don't call it that. Nope, you kind of make it sound like it is a law so nobody will gripe as much.

Oh well the thing is I sort of gave he boss a few things to think about. See when I did my bashing part I was smiling.

Kind of hard to avoid it in some ways. But that is okay. Well it was for me. Just had to put up with a STINK official position lecture.

Those are kind of a pain in the butt. And you like nod a lot and pretend it is all okay even when it ain't.

Just makes for some fun smiles. Up to a degree. And that is okay I guess. I don't lose much sleep over it.

My boss does I think. Sometimes. Not all thank goodness. Otherwise them speeches could into overtime.

And sure don't need that.

STABLE

How come horses get the glory on this thing? What gives with that? Well I got to admit I sure don't have any you know reason to understand myself.

Now don't get me wrong. Horse are cool. I mean I haven't hung around them much. In fact I guess not at all.

So I can say what the big deal is. But somebody thinks they cool. And not all that moody like some people.

Yeah, you know how some people can be. Well guess horses must be masters a being cool.

At least that is the way it seems to me. Because they talk about horse stables. Must be plural for some reason.

And you can be sure that isn't a place I have much reason to visit. I reckon I could if somebody would have it make sense.

Now I suppose there is some secret to it. Like I should really be out asking people why some horse is so happy all the time.

Maybe it is the carrots or hay or oats. I heard that oatmeal is good for you. So perhaps the have a big bowl for breakfast.

Wonder how they use a spoon? Or even a bowl? Guess that part of what makes them so cool.

Any I reckon that if anyone understands this it has to be some dudes who like you know ride horses a lot. Like cowboys.

Never understood why they are called horseboys. They do spend all their time with horses and all.

And so you know kind of makes more sense to me. But they call them cowboys. Seems kind of unfair to horses though.

Seeing how they are the ones that are stable and all. Yeah, that would be fair to me though I haven't heard of horses complaining.

Not sure they even talk. At least not in regular words. Perhaps they use sign language. Might be called hoof language I guess.

One of these days I think I'll try to mosey over to one of those places that horses hang out. There is the one that you can take your picture with over at the park.

Seems kind of mellow I guess.

EMERGENCY CONES

Well somebody sure went goofy on this one. Yeah, them orange things don't look like ice cream to me.

Plus they leave them upside down so they never can hold any ice cream. Kind of stupid from my point of view.

Some dummy must have thought it was a pretty good joke. Stick them things out there in case you felt you were having an ice cream crisis.

But you can't eat the things. They are too darn tough to eat. So who would think this was a good idea?

Got to be some weird people out there to do that. Yeah, you do have to wonder. I know I do.

Nice thing is that they didn't fool me. Yeah I didn't buy into it. Sure glad for that part. Whew, what a mistake that would be.

What I don't get is how this is supposed to work? I mean do you like bring you own ice cream or what?

Seems like somebody sure went wacky when doing this. I mean they didn't even bother to make them the same color as a real ice cream cone.

What made them think this was a way to do this? Heck they could at least have tried to make the real thing.

I will admit that they sure are big enough. Man that would be cool to fill one of them suckers up with ice cream.

I did even try to practice too. Yeah, took a few home to see if they would work. Thought it was a fair idea.

Kind of glad I did too. I mean I heard there was some terrible accident where those cones had been.

See somebody did end up driving past where the cones used to. Then they ended up going into a ditch.

Guess for them it was a real ice cream emergency. Gee you know, I reckon somebody ought to come up with warning signs for such things.

Well I reckon somebody else will have to take care of that part. Yeah, funny how people ignore important stuff.
Preferably before somebody gets hurt too.

CAN'T TELL

I sure don't enjoy this part. When you are told somebody knows a secret and they claim they can't tell you.

Man do I hate it. I mean why tell me you can't tell me? Just don't even mention it in the first place.

But it never works that way. It is always some darn jerk who just gets so dang excited making it seem like this is a great thing.

So they have to be sure you know about it so they can feel better about themselves. Only it never ends up with them knowing something all that cool.

Oh at first it might seem like it, but that is only before they really get to telling you the details. Then it really sucks.

Because it is not in anyway as cool as they make it sound by their hints. Just one of those crummy deals that never ends up being a good deal.

Just one of those things that bores you. Well it does me. And you can be sure that is not going to give me a smile.

A headache perhaps, but never a smile. Wish it didn't come with a smile, but that ain't the case.

Course I do appreciate you know how we are talking situations here where people can have strange ideas of good. Like a secret that is a great secret.

Such as say if you were talking about something like say if they knew where there was a secret jelly bean factory. I could get jazzed by that.

But it never works out that way. Whatever they knew is never that cool. And as long as they take time to keep it to themselves I wouldn't mind.

One thing I have come to appreciate is how this will always have one rule. The more the info is crummy the more they will keep it a secret.

Like they can sense it is dull. Yeah, I need to know that! Oh yeah we all love that part. But that is okay.

I just do them the same favor. Yep, sometimes I like to feed them a little surprise or two myself.

Always like when they roll their eyes. As if that is such a shock to them. Heck what can I say?

Just part of the fun if you get a chance to not groan about it.

FOR THE HECK OF IT

You sure do have to love this. Oh man to not have to fib about doing something stupid and just do it.

Wowsers is that cool. No explanations needed, no stuff about making up a bunch of reasons for just acting silly.

Yep that is a time you just have to smile about. And even more so if you can have fun at it too.

This is the best part. I love that aspect and really get excited over the idea. Yep, no complaints at all.

Well not from me. Maybe from the ones who don't like to let you just goof off. There sur are a lot like that out there.

Man is that so sad. You got to feel sorry for them poor people who never get to be silly or goofy.

They sure don't get my vote for party people. But now with Otis and I, we can take it so serious.

I mean in a good way. Like you have to work at it if you really want it to be fun. Now that is the thing that counts.

Like the other day, we decided it was time to have some great fun. Oh yeah we are talking serious smiles here.

First we headed over to the pizza take out place. Went wild by ordering anchovies. That sure was important to be free.

Then we stopped off an bought three dozen donuts. Sometimes you know we only go conservative and get a dozen.

But this time it was party all the way. Got ourselves some movies and whew did we have a great night.

Must have lasted to at least ten pm. Boy is that celebrating or what? I was proud of how we had such a great time.

But then you know we are sort of masters of this kind of fun. Unlike some. They just never have it that great.

Which is why we have to work so hard to make it work and do us proud. Have a reputation to uphold.

Well at least when we tell some.

TRUCKS

Well I have had a little bit of experience with these. I do spend time in one at work a lot. Those garbage trucks sure are trucks.

Then to have to be in a diaper service van. Only they don't call trucks. But they are sort of the same thing to me.

There is to me a rule regarding this. Basically if you can haul junk big time it is to me some kind of truck

I think they could make this easy if they were to like to make one kind of truck. Yeah, would cut down on any confusion from my point of view.

Then nobody would have any problems with them. Yeah and with them all the same you could like have special clubs just for the trucks.

Maybe even you know have special lanes on roads just for all the trucks to ride in. Now I suppose that you know a person could allow for those really big trucks.

The ones with eighteen wheels. So perhaps you know I might need to figure a way to slap that many wheels on each truck.

I wonder if the size of the wheel would matter much? Can imagine it would. So you could just glue them on the side.

I would reckon it would work. Oh yeah that would be the fun part. Yep, gonna add that to my collection of suggestions.

The ones to make the world a better place. Sure is a big collection. And man if a few of them got put into practice, great.

Boy will it be so cool when some of them get used. Like making tires out of jelly beans so you could eat the flats.

Got to admit that was a real great one. And can't wait to hear back from that tire company about when they will make it possible.

Probably be around the same time that they also decide to make airplanes out of jelly beans too. Sure wish that one would happen.

I reckon it does take time though. I mean you know real time and effort would be needed to make it happen.

But oh well, you never know when it will take place. Probably trying to figure best wayt to make jelly beans into parachutes I reckon.

Bet that is it.

COME ON

I was watching this movie the other day and the characters were in this really bad place. Were talking a place full of monsters and junk.

One of those places that is darn right scary. Yeah, really, really scary. I mean the kind of situation you never want to experience, ever.

But do these clowns actually wise up? Not that I have noticed. Nope never that I have discovered.

Even after some buddy gets eaten and there is monster drool all over the place they are still acting like all is normal. Yeah that is sure stupid.

Now you have to admit that for the rest of us that would not be a hard thing to understand. Really once I saw one dead dude with his face melted, I would be knowing something was wrong.

Wouldn't need anyone to tell me hey look at that. Or tell me to like plan on getting a cannon if I can find one.

However, this never seems to occur to any of them. Nope, not at all. They are just happy to keep getting eaten.

And then when they do end up deciding something is wrong they tell each other to come on when running away. Do they really need to be told that?

Like it isn't really obvious. Nope that is truly not the way it works. Not for these dumbells.

Which might have something to do with why they are getting eaten in the first place. Yeah, that seems to be a big problem.

Now maybe they need to got to like monster identification school. Yeah somebody where they would learn to watch out better.

At least that would be a good idea to me. But doesn't seem to matter to those guys. Which I guess is fine if you have enough life insurance.

Maybe just learn to not say come on as much. So they won't look quite as stupid as they seem.

Wish those darn movie producers would ask for my help sometime. Yeah I could fix a lot of those problems.

But that is okay. I reckon it is more fun to just let them keep messing up. Maybe one of these times the actors will get tired of being some monster's lunch.




THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Truth is a boxer at times, you need to be slugged to get it."

THE SHOW MUST GO ON

Yeah, I'm all for this. Who came up with this dumb idea of interrupting my favorite reruns with the news?

If I wanted to know what was going on I would have turned on the news in the first place. So there!

But do they care? Are these darn news people the least bit appreciative of my efforts to appreciate the thrills of a rerun.

Heck that is the great thing about them. They were good for a laugh the first time so you can be sure they will be worth one the second time.

So there I am sitting down after a long day of grimefighting or hauling trash and just in need of a smile. Is that too much to ask?

I turn on my favorite sitcom rerun and the next thing I know it gets interrupted. Some guy in suit with too perfect hair decides I need to know about a fire in some brush.

Like they are hinting they want me to help or something. I do have a phone you guys. If you need help just give me a call.

And if you need to have me bring a hose then cool, I can do that. Might be nice if you gave me some warning though.

I mean leave a message or something. That would be nice. I would appreciate it. Really is something that I think is fair

Still the other part that would be nice is once they told me about the fire they would shut up about it. Yeah, I get it, I get.

So don't keep rambling on and on like I don't know what a fire looks like. Is that dumb or what?

Wish somebody would tell those darn jerks that part. Which is part of what I have learned about the guys who were suits on television.

They will all spend the whole time talking. Never saying much I figure I need to hear. That is boring.

Okay maybe if they did a few charades or something about fires it might help. At least give being a mime a shot.

Yeah, I could go for that. Really would be so cool. Well I can hope at least. But then you never know when that will happen.
Until it does always nice to have the remote to shut them up.

NAME THAT TUNE

Well I think this is nice when you get to make that choice. Some songs are way too cool. Others just leave me scratching my head

Yeah, that is such a pain. There sure is some strange music out there. Hard to understand at times.

But that is okay. I mean I have come to appreciate how music is sure not always suppose to make sense.

Well it sure doesn't make sense to me at times. Like that stuff called rap music. Yeah I do wonder about it.

Oh I tried to listen to it. But never heard then talk about actually lots of hitting things. Nope that wasn't what I heard them say all the much.

Never did really figure it out either. Oh did try, but kind of gave up after a while. Really never worked for me.

Then there is that stuff called heavy metal music. I mean you would think with a name like that they would have mentioned steel a lot.

That was another thing where it never did work out to be cool either. And man them poor guys playing it.

Whew they must have been hurting those guitars. Oh brother all the crazy sound they made.

Never did figure it out either. I hope those darn guys didn't hurt themselves from what they were doing.

At least I can say it wouldn't have been hard to hear. Sure was loud enough and then some.

But I reckon somebody thought it was a good idea. Well for them. Providing they take time to explain it to the rest of us.

Sure didn't do that from what I could tell. Really was other than a good thing. If I was expect to enjoy it.

Course my buddy Otis kind of sticks with polka music. At least it ain't too loud. Can be kind of fun I guess.

Oh well guess you just don't get the classics that much. You know all those great songs they have a commercials.

Now that is real music.

WHO IS IT?

Is this a fair question or not? Come on tell me you don't feel it is important to know this? I know I do.

Just you know hard to get some to appreciate it. Like those dumb jerks who come to your door to sell you something.

When you ask who is it, they always give you some stupid answer. As if they are some friend.

Only no friend tries to get you to buy the crap they are selling. Now that really sucks. Man and even worse when they wake you up.

Now I guess it is a good thing to have a can opener that sings. I mean such are fun I guess.

And it is nice they give you one hundred easy payments to pay for it. Just not sure I needed one that is all.

And then there was the dude who was selling what he called life insurance. But he didn't tell me how I got to use it unless I died.

Didn't sound my use for me as a living person. But he was very sure I would need it sooner or later.

And they are okay I reckon. Just still would prefer it they gave me some other options. Like a machine that makes jelly beans.

One of those would be great for me. Seems like at least one of those dudes with a handy dandy whatever could manage one.

But that is only part of the options. I just want something that will work more than once. I made the mistake of buying this one goodie that broke right away.

Was supposed to slice vegetables. I don't use them much, but figured having it was a good idea.

Wish they had told me that it wasn't cool to like try to slice vegetables in a can. Not a good to forget.

But you can be sure I didn't forget. Next time I will try it on fruit. I reckon those cans will cut easier.

Yeah, just so hard dealing with people who ain't good at explaining stuff. Kind of like that old saying, let the buyer be a flare.

And you might need one if you try cutting some can of corn with that darn slicer thing.

VERY WELL

You know this is supposed to be a cool thing. And any time it includes the word very you know it means extra good.

At least that is the way I see it. So if somebody mentions the word very I get all excited. Figure something good must be coming out of it.

And you wait around getting all excited. Because this has to be a good thing. At least up to the point they add that well part.

Let me tell you it sure ain't a joy. Wish they would not even mention that word. Always sucks when they do.

Might be cool if it was like a well where you got a drink of water. I would love that. A nice drink of water is great.

But this ain't that kind of well. Nope it is the kind that is more like being clobbered with a hammer.

A really big one that splatters your brains in the way you don't care about much after that. Which is not a good thing.

Only problem is that they never bother with the well part till the last second. No warnings given.

Just sneak it in there after the very part. Which is really the pisser. Because they don't even give you a chance to cope.

Those are the darn wells that make a good day really crappy. And sometimes I figure the person does it on purpose.

Oh yeah there are the very well people out there. Sort of the same ones who practice that darn oh well routine.

That is another of those dang sayings that is a big pain in the butt. You can be sure I don't get excited when they do that.

But let me tell you that I sure don't look to spend much time with such jerks. Nope they can go and do their well stuff some place else.

And you can be sure none of those well types will get invite over to my place. Unless they are the kind who lie about being a well type.

Some can fool you for a while. They can be so sneaky. So you really have to be careful when dealing with them.

Course my bat normally solve the problem when Otis doesn't make a big deal about it.

PLEASE

This is such a cool word. When you hear it from somebody it can really be so wonderful. Nice to be asked something in a kind way.

Sure is better than gimmie that right now. Makes you feel like the person respects you a little.

Unless you are talking where the person says something doesn't please them. Now that is a bummer.

And even more so if they like are extra picky. Yeah, because you know nothing is going to make them happy, no matter what.

Those kind of people are not my favorite. Sure don't make my bud list. Not even close. I won't say the kind of list they do make though.

Fortunately once you know the person is like that, you can pretty much not mess with them again. Unless you work with them.

I got that problem at work. Normally I would be talking about old rat, boy Junior, but not this time.

With him please is word that never fits into his thinking as possible. I could like kiss his butt and dance like a monkey and he would find something he didn't like.

But in this case I am talking about somebody else. This lady that works as one of the secretaries.

She's in charge of junk like reports. And let me tell you she can be one heck of a pain in the butt.

You can fill out a report just like she asks and she will hate it. Always sends it back for more information.

And you try to remember the next time what she asked last time so you don't forget it next time. Just doesn't do much good.

She will still say it is wrong. Whew, not my favorite person to be sure And at least Otis has figure a way to make her feel the same thing.

Because she is in charge of supplies too. Otis will order something and then when it comes in say it is the wrong type.

Well gives us a few laughs at times. Not lots, but a few. Sort of makes up for when we get a report back with all those red marks.

Makes me feel like I'm in school. Only no tests and homework is something I have to fudge about not doing.

NICE AND QUIET

I suppose if you can find this it is a good deal. After managed so far. Still hoping I will eventually.

It sure is amazing when you want nice and quiet everyone knows it. And it becomes a challenge to see if they can mess it up.

I really get pissed off when that happens. I mean is it too much to ask to have a little quiet?

But dang it all, that is when the darn people seem to come over to the house or into the break room and work. They always want to talk.

Now if it was about anything important that would be great, but it never is. Always some dribble I don't need to know.

And let me tell you it is so darn annoying because then never want to shut up either. Man is that a pain.

Oh I try to get away, but it never does any good. They manage to find me. As if they have radar or something.

That gets to be really spooky. And you can be sure I have tried to figure new ways to avoid this.

Like not answering the phone when they leave a message. Yep, that is one option. Wish it worked better.

Harder to ignore when they knock on the door. If you peek through the curtains they are bound to notice.

Course I do try to not be home when I want to have things nice and quiet. Going places can be so much fun.

Wish them darn people didn't show up there too. Can't believe how often that happens. Really is amazing.

But then the joy in all of this is when you can finally manage to not get caught. Yep, I love those times.

Just have to find a place other than this meat locker I found. Gets too complicated when you forget your jacket.

Sure learned from that one time. And let me tell you that is not a good place to try and take a nap either.

Nope, not if you don't want icicles on your beanie.

STANDBY

Man this is disgusting. Those times when you know somebody tells you to wait. And why does it have to be standing?

Heck, they don't even mention you know about how you are to like stand by something cool. They never say what you are suppose to be by.

Which ain't a good thing to not tell. Would seem like they could give you a break on that part. At least I think it would be good.

Only it never works that way. People get so dang strange when they get power. And like those people over in customer service at the cable company.

You call to ask a question and they get this deal about please stand by. But never say where standing by should be.

I sure don't find that fun. I really get rather annoyed with it. And I sure would tell the that if they gave me a chance.

But that never happens. Man it sure bites from my view. Oh well I will do my best to figure that part out.

Well if I can ever get them people to stop telling me to stand by. Sure does suck from my view.

But the nice thing is how it all never changes. That is because them darn creeps never talk to you the same time again.

You always get somebody new. I think they do that on purpose. And that sure don't make me happy.

I would go over and talk to them in person if I could. But since that last time when I sort of try to let my bat do my talking it sort of don't work.

Still, I got to say I am working on a way to fix this problem. Been thinking of trying to disguise my voice.

Been kind of tough practicing though. Really do give it a shot, but hasn't worked so far. Still I keep hoping.

And one of these days maybe it will even work too. Yeah, will keep practicing. And might even get it down in time too.

Want to call when they manage to get that new movie in. The one that I want to see that about some dudes getting blown up.

Yeah, lots of those. And you can be sure I don't want to miss a one.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Is all natural okay for people who lie a lot?"

ALL OR NOTHING

I ain't too crazy about these choices. You get it all or you get skunk. Man does that end up being a pain.

Now I do like something. Not a complain zero. Unless you are talking about grime. Then nothing is cool.

But for other junk I want you know an option. Like give me a little of one thing and some none of whatever.

Hopefully you get a choice. Which is really important. I don't know that darn nothing side just don't cut it for me.

But that is okay. I am working on fixing this situation. Yeah, that is the best way to improve things.

Providing you can get some people to cooperate. That ain't always the easiest deal either. Not with those who think they have to be first.

Too many like that out there. You can be sure of that part. Wish it wasn't that way. And I sure would like to fix it.

Just not sure how. I mean when you are talking about unreasonable people you have to be creative.

I figure there is an easy way to fix it. My bat can work wonders. Well if Otis lets me use it.

But too often he don't. He kind of makes a big deal on that part. Heck I think it is the perfect option.

Only there are times when a little bashing sure does save words. Yeah, that is a good deal.

Well it is too me. And I reckon I would still want to keep in practice. Just for those special occasions.

For some you know that happens every day. Well I sure find them special. Others not as much.

I will fix it when I can. A nice few practice swings make a lot of difference. Too bad you know that it isn't when I want to.

Which is far more often than what I get to choose. But I still will make it work when I can.

That being all the time when I can manage it.

NOT IN THIS LIFE TIME

Well I suppose this means in another life time. I've heard about having other lives. They call it ream-a-carnation.

Not sure what those carnation flowers have to do with having more than one life, but must fit in there somewhere. So maybe it has to do with spring.

You know since that is when the do like bloom and all. And let me see, perhaps somewhere they maybe take time to be something other than a flower.

I can imagine that is where the Easter Bunny comes in Yeah, I bet. Like he hauls eggs around, but in the off season kind of messes with lives.

You know like works with the stork or something. After all the stork is known for delivery babies.

I wonder if that where the term COD come in. Like change of diapers? Yep, perhaps like they run a shuttle between heaven and the earth.

Then when the time is right and that statue of limitations is up, that is probably the one I saw that had no arms, then you get another shot and being a people again.

I sure hope that somewhere in all of that they make allowances for if you were crummy in the last one. I would hope jerks don't get a break on that level.

You just never know. But I bet there are rules about it somewhere. Maybe in heaven. Only they don't let us read them.

Well I did ask the Reverend Analbe about this. I told him all about the flowers and Easter Bunny and all.

I was you know hoping to impress him with how I figured all that stuff out without his help. And I got to admit I think I did.

Man let me tell you his face got all red and he sure was unable to say a word. Yeah, for him that is a big deal.

Didn't keep him from eating donuts though. Haven't seen anything do that. Which is a good thing I suppose.

Not sure I was ready to try and get him tell me about what other lives he had. Bet donuts were involved somehow

Yeah, he is definitely and expert on the donuts. Maybe it is just from all that practice. Yeah, he gets a lot of that.

Maybe that is the ambrosia they talk about.

WISE AND STUPID

Now this shouldn't really be the case. You know ought never be other than smart. But that I have found out is not the case.

Nope not at all. And let me tell you when it doesn't turn out to be truth then I am more than a little disappointed.

I mean if somebody goes around and says they are a doctor that is cool. You do sort of think they would be smart too.

At least enough so they are able to like talk as if they really know what they are talking about. Which is often not the case.

Boy was that such a pain when that turned out that way the first time I dealt with it. I had this dude over at STINK who we were told was a doctor.

He as going to tell us all about how to clean better. So I figured that mean like cleaning junk so it is like a hospital.

You would have thought it was a good idea. And I reckon I would have like it if that happen.

Oh we did try to listen to him. He sure spent a lot of time talking about it. Which is not a good thing.

Not when you end up with not getting what is really anything clean in the process. Man he sure had lots of name for dirt.

But that just well wasn't all that informative. Wish it had been. I mean at first I was impressed.

Now it might have been a good thing if it actually worked. But it didn't. And the more we listened the worst things became.

That is when it turned out that he was like a doctor in some weird subject. Called grocery bag numerology.

Have no idea of what that even is. But I do know it was an education he got from a place called a paper mill.

I reckon that is one of those places where they turn logs into paper. Must have been somewhere they had time to teach people too.

Which is okay, I suppose. And that is fine with me. But might have been cool if they had been the least good and making a doctor know helpful junk.

Hope he learned a lot about toothpicks in the process. Because he sure didn't know beans about clean.

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

Well I kind of figure you know, that this is where you are sort of not without a need to think to hard. I mean who tough is it to know that somebody with a gun is dangerous?

But that is okay. Which is why I do savor the times you can figure a way to make sure somebody is not armed.

Now it isn't always that hard to know. You get somebody who isn't wearing a coat or long sleeve shirt and you know he is probably not hiding a weapon.

The only thing is you know what I don't get is how come they only talk about guns on this deal? I mean other things are dangerous too.

And you can't even see when they are that way. Like if for some reason say you got a person who loves to smell a place up, now that ain't cool.

It sure can be dangerous to your nostrils or eyes if they are that way. Plus you know from a distance you may never know it too.

So you have to be careful. Not take any chances. Just be sure you are able to remember if you see them the next time.

Because these kinds of dudes definitely are not cool. And you can be sure they won't change either.

That is the worse part. Just never being sure with some folks. Although you can be sure that if they look kind of scuzzy up front it ain't a good sign.

It can be the pits that is for sure. And no thanks I will not make them on my list of buds to hang with though.

You can be sure if my eyes water from being down wind I won't want to get in some car with the person. Unless for some reason they have car full of deodorant.

Got to be happy over that part. Just being able to think perhaps this person can truly improve.

I do try to remember that at times. Man it is really important. And lots of times I do forget.

I mean the grimefighter in me is obliged to deal with stuff like smells. And if they come from the arm pit, even more so.

But Otis doesn't let me use my bat when I need to. I hate that part. Sure would be cool if I could when I wanted.
However, I guess just because somebody farts, I can't always do what I want.

SPELL IT

You know you are in trouble when people decide to spell a word when talking to you. When I was a kid, that was a problem.

The adults were always spelling words they didn't want us to know. Only you could by their eyes it wasn't a good thing.

But then you sort of figured that part out too by some other things. They would you know act weird.

As if spelling the word was some secret code and you could be sure you were in trouble. Only they never said why.

So you had to sort of sit back and wonder. Then wait to find out when somebody like you know told you what you did wrong.

Now it got confusing because normally you couldn't be sure whatever word they spelled would end up next time being the same problem. So it didn't do any good to remember it.

All you could do is sit there and know if they started spelling words you were in big trouble. Yeah that really is such a pain.

And you never had a clue when this would happen. Just that it did. They you spend all the time sweating if you were in trouble.

Sure glad I don't have to do that any longer. Only now I have to put up with those darn people who spell words when they are like pissed.

So they make a big deal of acting like saying every letter was some kind of a good thing. And you can be sure they expect you to know that.

So well you try to act like it is okay. Only some times it ain't. I mean if you are not feeling good then that ain't going to help it.

Which is when I just try to avoid the whole thing. But sometimes you don't get a choice. Because they will find you

Yeah the spell it people are good at that part. Really is such a pain. I know that it doesn't work for me.

But then I don't get a vote on that part. Just have to cope. And let me tell you that is not always fun.

Now for me what I do is avoid these folks. Unless they are a secret type of spell it dude. then you may not be able to.
Just make them spell the label on your bat when you make them shut it.

FRIED CHICKEN

Man this is one of my all time favorite foods. It ranks right up there with pizza, burgers, ice cream, tacos and well anything with grease.

Yep, would really be a shame if there was no fried chicken. Just wish I could the find out what is the big deal with them having to be fried in Kentucky.

Is there like some giant frying pan there that cooks them all at one time? Or do they have some other reason.

And it is like some kind of law? Well you know there are some crazy laws out there. Maybe it is a big deal that only that state is trust to fried chicken?

Well all I know is that I am glad it doesn't keep them from getting the kitchen to where I live. Otherwise I would really be worried.

And man it sure must be some really huge frying pan too. I mean heck there is that problem of them you know also having to put them into those TV dinners.

Boy that is not a job I would want to have. You know to stand in all that grease and stuff some box would be down right hot.

I wouldn't like it at all. Now I wonder if those dudes who do work there get a break on the cost of chicken?

Maybe they even get it for free. Oh wow talk about a cool option. Why I wonder if they can switch it for other foods too?

Wow, now that would really be great. You could swap a box of fried chicken for some burgers.

Who could complain about that? I know I wouldn't. I would be so happy to get the variety.

Course it probably has to do with foods that only have grease in them. Yeah, I doubt it would work for other stuff.

Hmmm, well donuts have grease so that would count. And I guess if you could like convince them to exchange donuts for chicken that would really be cool.

See I know this lady over at the candy store that loves fried chicken. But I can't make to Kentucky.

Now I could like get a job at a donut shop for a bit then I could like maybe swap a few donuts for chicken. Then take it to her and make a deal for some free jelly beans. Wow, now this sounds like a great plan to me.

SPARE ME

Man is this a complicated subject. Boy so much more than I ever imagined was possible. Took me a long time to figure it out.

See spares have lots of types. Really is amazing. Like you got spare tires in cars. Then they also keeps spares in bowling alleys.

Never seen a bowling pin go flat. Guess it must happen though. I mean I hear people bragging about making some spare while bowling.

Seems like the bowling alley ought to provide them. But apparently they don't. Well you do have to pay for using balls, so I guess the spares would make sense.

Gosh I wonder what makes them bowling pins go flat? Not sure I have any idea to be honest.

I always thought they were like made of wood. But I reckon they might be hollow or blow up by air like some balloon.

Which seems kind of strange. I mean why would they go to all that trouble for something they just plan on knocking down?

Sort that is where the spare tires in cars come in. They are there to help bowler remember they need a spare in the bowling alley.

And since you never know when the car might be used by some bowler all cars have o have them. Makes sense.

Sure seems like a lot of trouble just or those who bowl. Which I reckon is okay. Now sure I want to know all the details.

Oh well apparently some are content to be sure you know that they keep their spare tires inside their shirts. At least I have heard of them bulges being called spare tires.

And let me tell you appears like a few have saved up more than one. Which is I guess is a good thing.

That way if somebody is say lacking a spare they can borrow the other persons. And that would be a good thing I imagine.

Just not sure you know if that is all a thing I would care to lug around in my shirt. Well you know might be hard to fit inside of my overalls.

Besides I wouldn't want to have to risk the need to take off my beanie in the process. That is not my idea of a good time.

Have to make allowances for the important things.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "I heard it said there is no business like show business. But maybe if they spend less time in dark theaters they would find one."

HOW MUCH?

Now this is a good question. Unless you are like rich and have all kinds of money. Even say you know as much as a hundred bucks. Wow, that is a fortune.

So for the rest of us it really is a big deal. I mean to just be able to like take time to be sure somebody ain't making us nuts on the price of junk.

Can't be happy when that happens. I know I can't. Just bugs me if I am like sitting there drooling over some thing I see and can't afford it.

Man does that really bug me. Especially if they make it possible to like think you can afford it.

Them darn sales people are so sneaky that way. The other day I was downtown and just walking past this car lot.

This salesman called to me and said hello. Well I didn't want to seem unfriendly so I said hi back.

Then we got to talking and he mentioned about wondering if I would like a new car. Well heck, who wouldn't?

I sure wouldn't turn one down. And so he showed me all the great cars, all them fancy things they do and what not.

Boy they sure were cool. And I got all excited about the idea of being able to own one of them.

So then we moseyed over to his office. The place was nice. We sat down with him acting like he was my best bud.

Even asked about my wife and kids. Course I don't have them, but he didn't seem all the concerned with that part.

Anyway, we sat there and he was playing with his calculator. Then mentioning about things like different kinds of numbers on the sticker.

It all sounded impressive. Sort of I guess. And I sure was getting excited about those keys in my hand.

Then all of sudden he started talking about money. As in from me. Man he never mentioned a word about it before then.

That sure wasn't a good thing to not tell me before then. And I didn't end up with a car either.

Did get his business card. In case my ship comes in, whatever that means.

LET FREEDOM STING

I never thought of freedom as being painful. Really, would you think of being free as hurting?

Well I have come to think of it differently. Ever since I was sort of blessed with freedom at work.

Over at STINK most of what we do is about following rules. It doesn't matter if the griminals don't we are suppose to.

Now, I don't think I would mind, but when they told me we could start have the right to make decisions for ourselves, I thought it would be cool. Only it didn't work out like that.

I mean making decisions should be easy to do. You just do it. No big deal. Just you know decide what to do.

Only at STINK they didn't mean it that way. It was more like, well yes you can make a decision, but...

That but part sure didn't mean my idea of freedom. Not even close. And that is because of paper.

Yep, who would have thought it could cause so much trouble? I never thought it would happen that way.

But let me tell you, paper can sure be a monster. Let me tell you it is when you have to explain junk.

See they didn't mention that with the freedom part. I was so jazzed to make decisions I never thought somebody expected to explain what I did.

That didn't happen until we got back and they shoved this grimefighter's report in my face. Even Otis was surprised.

It sure was quite a shock, let me tell you. I mean all of sudden somebody expected us to tell them why we did junk.

Talk about panic. It is one thing to get the freedom to go out there and bash somebody when I feel like it, but another to explain it.

I mean saying it was a good idea at the time, but they sure didn't seem to look at it that way. Boy it sure wasn't fun to tell them.

We did survive, but you know just being aware that somebody was going to ask use to explain down the road really did take the edge off the fun of being free.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE

Man is there anyone against this? I sure am not. We got to agree on this part. Unless you live somewhere they don't use electricity.

But for of us who enjoy having things like lights and television this is kind of big deal. Yeah we really do need that power to the people.

Seeing how we are people too. So that means we count. Yep, right there on the old meter like anybody should.

Not going to pretend this ain't a big deal. And I guess it is something that a few forgot or something.

Shoot I was watching this old movie. From back when they had these people called hippies.

I guess they had a special fondness for hippos or something. Never saw any hippos in the movie though. Mainly saw a lot of people shouting about power to the people.

But none of them ever turned on a light. The did use candles a lot. Gathered out on this huge lawn and kept singing about giving peice a chance.

Only they didn't bother to say what type of piece. I mean they didn't mention if they were like talking about say a piece of extension cord or what.

I thought it was sort of important part to leave out. Kind of hard to expect people to help you find something if you don't even say what it is.

Shoot they even made bunny ears with their fingers when talking about this piece thing. Only I didn't even see where they explained it.

All I could figure since it was bunny ears it was about the Easter Bunny and you know maybe pieces of chocolate. Sort of a kind of power.

Not the same as you need for say a television, but guess if you had enough chocolate you might not care. At least until you decided to watch a movie.

I reckon a good imagination could help. You know be able to see it with your mind. Not quite the same though.

Oh well I will let them hippie, um, hippo lovers figure that part out. I will stick with regular electricity.

That is good enough for me. Besides with lights I can see where I put the chocolate. Kind of an important part.

Better a full tummy in the light than empty stomach in the dark.

MARKED CARDS

Oh my I sure wonder on this one. I mean I have to be curious on what you have a reason to mark up some card for?

I have to ask if this is like you know a case of perhaps they are using some greeting cards and need to make them look better. Which I guess makes sense.

I do know how at times you can like be writing down something in a birthday card or Christmas card and goof up. Yep, done that myself.

But that is not my every night thing. I mean you know that will be because like you know I don't have to do this stuff all the time.

Nope, that is what I am grateful for. I wouldn't want to do it all the time. I mean that is because of the fact that I run out of white out.

Yeah, sometimes I like to you know I get this cramp in my fingers and they sort of go stupid. Then the next thing you know I can't write anything except dribble.

Oh my brain thinks cool stuff. But my fingers just get stupid. It can be so frustrating and you just can't get that darn card right no matter what.

Oh I do sit there and want to say like happy birthday or Merry Christmas to the person and write their name. Only it comes out crap.

More like sappy jerkday or Larry threw a fuss. That don't get you invited over for Christmas dinner.

It might even get you beat up in some places. Which is why I do try not putting my address on the outside.

Or be sure I don't want to let them find out it was me if that looks bad enough. Just don't help with the thought.

That is where the white out comes in handy. But you do have to be careful. I mean you can't just use it as you wish.

That stuff can be so dang finicky if you use it wrong. It can be gooey and hard to write on.

So then you have to wait forever for it to dry. And then you feel so stupid sitting there with a bazillion things to do and can't do them.

Oh that never makes me happy. And if I get too anxious then I end up writing on the stuff before it is dry.

I tell you nobody is impressed with a card that has an inch of liquid paper on the inside.

FINDING IT

Now this it business kind of drives me nuts. I mean how come they can just say what the it is?

That sure would make it easy to fine this thing. It ain't a secret or they wouldn't even tell you.

But how are you suppose to find an it if you don't know what it looks like? That is the thing I want to know.

Only nobody seems to want to talk about that part. They just want to brag about the it side of this deal.

Like shouting I got it, I got it. Or I'll get it, but never say what the dang it is. YOU would think they could give you a break on that part.

That way you could like you know help them watch out for it next time. For those times when they talk about somebody losing it.

Just might be a decent deal if they could cut a person slack on that part. Really have to admit that bugs me.

So far though nobody seems to be concerned with that part. At least they don't stop talking about finding or losing it long enough to mention the it.

So you will excuse me if I ain't thrilled with these folks. I mean they make it sound like this is a big deal, but sure get vague about it.

Now I am still trying to figure the best way to sorting out this it deal. I'm sure with a little effort it could make sense.

All I ask is for them to give me a little help here. Sort of point me in the right direction. Is that too much to ask?

I can't say for sure. But then man I got to start with this somewhere. You know to sit back and just have them give me a clue.

Not all the details, but just enough to be sure that I can help out. I think that is reasonable.

All I want is them to admit it. To like make sure I can enjoy the time without any hassles. Can't see a problem with that.

Maybe while I'm at it, I will like to try and make a list of all the possible its. I think that would helpful.
And I will do that after I figure what isn't an it. No sense adding something to the list that don't fit.

TO SOME KIND OF RESCUE

Now there are good kinds of help and then the kinds that make things worse. I sure know the difference.

But not sure everyone does. I mean I am grateful when I get help. I really try to say thanks.

However, it does get kind of tough if the person like messes you up. Say like the are driving to come to your rescue and run over you in the process.

I've heard those people say it is the thought the counts. Well not sure they were even thinking in that situation.

I have a hard time you know thinking in terms of saying thank you if somebody has a car parked on my chest. Just really so tough to feel grateful.

Now there are some who you know might appreciate the problem. They would recognize the fact that tire marks on your face don't help you smile.

Still there are the times when you know you have to deal with some dude who might run over you with a car. And is so busy racing his engine to even care that you are asking for help.

Oh yeah, then they are also the kind who would dare to expect you to pay for any damage to their cars. Can you believe that?

Well I had trouble with it. But then the other day it sort of happen to me. Not quite the same.

It involved a shopping cart. And sort of ran over my foot. The dude that did it was not quite a help to me.

Oh I think he meant to be. But you know sometimes you just sort of mess up. See he was trying to help me by getting this can off the top shelf.

And in the process he lost his footing and well one thing lead to another and before you know it the cart's tire was on my foot. Didn't feel so good either.

Gosh didn't quite make my day. And he sort of got surprised when I wasn't very happy about it either.

I suppose maybe we could have tried a ladder instead of him standing in the shopping cart, but oh well next time I guess. And I might have found a better way of being helpful than with that can.

But then he did learn I guess and I got the can discounted from being dented after it accidentally sort of hit his head. So guess it wasn't all bad.

COMPROMISES

Maybe compromises are sometimes a great deal. A chance to get something in return for giving something.

However, it depends on who is asking for the compromise. Ah, now that is a big concern.

For me at least. Because let me tell you this can really suck. I mean if it is the wrong person you can really have problems.

Take for example my neighbor. Oh man his idea of a compromise is that you agree with him.

Some fun huh? Not to me either. I mean like the other day we were talking about sharing the cutting of the grass.

See we live in an apartment, but the landlady has us cut the grass as part of our rental deal. Which isn't all bad.

So we got to deal with the section of her grass that connects with our neighbor. Yeah, that seems simple enough.

But it sure gets complicated when you are talking about deciding on taking turns. Oh that ought to be easy enough.

One week I do it the next he does it. However, he decided that it would be better if say we did it two weeks in a row then change.

That is what he said at first. But then after two weeks he kind of made excuses why he couldn't do it. So then I got tired of our landlady complaining about the grass.

And ended up mowing it again. Now the thing is after a while I pretty much figure out that this whole compromise deal was a joke.

But you know it was kind of hard to actually take time to try and make this whole thing work. Because my neighbor kept disappearing on me.

Now I only figured it was fair to you know expect him to at least chip in for gas. But couldn't even get him to do that.

So I figured that I would at least borrow his lawnmower. Now I didn't think that should be a big problem.

Man, he did get kind of upset over that one. Well what can I say? I mean heck man, it was one of those you drive.
Almost got the hang of it. But I suppose next time I will find a better way to stop than running into a wall.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: 183. "If an actor falls down can you wish on them like a falling star?"