ASHTRAYS

Well what I can say on this subject is don't got one and don't want one either. Oh yeah this is really not something I need for any reason.

So let's be fair about this. It is all a problem of you know the cigarettes. If you smoke you have to have a lighter or matches and then an ashtray too.

Sure a lot of extra stuff just for spending your time turning something to smoke. I ask you is that wise?

Seems so silly to me. Because after all what can you do with a darn ashtray beside fill it with cigarette butts?

Just seems like a waste. I mean wouldn't be so bad if you could do something else with it. I would find that something to make sense.

But then them smoker types don't seem to be concerned with that stuff. They seem to be happy to just put them butts in there.

Now see if it were me this would make more sense if you like had the kind of deal with that could then be used for other stuff. Sure would make more sense to me.

Then perhaps it wouldn't be such a problem. You know take a little creativity here to make it all better.

Just have them ash trays that say can be used for like a candy dish. Wouldn't that be cool? I think so.

Then when you came home it might have something good in it. Heck that would really be great.

But no, these smoker types don't seem to feel that is a good thing. They are just content hogging the whole thing for cigarette butts.

Well I'm sorry, but I just have to say how maybe they would get more help if they cut us some slack on the ashtray thing. Seems fair to me.

And then like I wouldn't mind even having one in my apartment. You know to be sure that they felt so good in the process.

Making them feel good about being in my apartment. And perhaps just take the smoke outside.

Then perhaps they wouldn't even need a stupid ashtray. Just toss them ashes into the wind.

Providing they didn't like catch something on fire. Not cool!

TAKE IT OR FILE IT

Well let me tell you this is never fun where I work. Honestly it is such a miserable activity.

This is when you know we have the case of people who decide we need to reorganize things at work. Oh my is that a bad word.

You get all these files of papers about everything imaginable and somebody says, hey, let's get rid of the stuff we don't need. That is when the agony starts.

Because the we part doesn't come about from them doing the get rid of part. They have the easy part of just stacking up the junk.

Then the other we as in myself and the grimefighters get the grunt chore of hauling the crap out to whererver.

If that meant some trash dumpster cool. However it normally means a darn paper shredder then haul the crap to a recycling place.

So what would take a few minutes ends up taking forever. And let me tell you that ain't any fun.

Only while we are sweating and working so hard, they are sitting around having a coffee break. And I have yet to see them break any coffee. Something really weird going on there.

Oh well I guess I will live with it since I know what happens if I complain. They smile and then give you twice as much to do.

Somewhere they talk about it being fair. Only the fair part gets kind of loss in all the extra work.

Now you know I did take the time to like be careful. Why I even suggested it would be cool if we you know cut down on the paperwork in the first place.

Seems like a good idea to me. Only you would think I had suggested they cut their throats or something.

Man that suggestion sure didn't go like I want. Got some really nasty looks when I made that one.

But then I reckon the nice thing is this isn't every day. Nope that would be terrible. I would really hate that part.

Well nice thing is that blogs don't require paper. Otherwise they would probably tell me to toss them too.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Why don't they put on some heath food ingredients that one of the ingredients is a lack of taste?"

UNDER THE UNDERWEAR

Well now this is important and I don't even imagine others give it much thought. But then the problem is people can be so weird.

I mean what good does it do to put on clean underwear if you are also clean? Simple right?

You would think so, but I'm not that convinced. Too many people act too strange in general.

Now as grimefighters this is even more important. Because the fact if somebody sees us without clean bodies to match the clean underwear we can get in big trouble.

It just gets to be too big of a pain to sit down and beat up some dude for being a knucklehead and then do it ourselves too. Really gets our boss upset.

But you know how it is. Sometimes we get like in a hurry and decide if nobody is looking we will be okay.

Only we never are. It is like our boss has some kind of spooky radar in that regard. Yeah that is such a pain.

Then there are the times we have to lecture others. Like little kids. You know a super heroes it is part of our job.

We like to go over to the school and teach them the importance of being clean in and out. Sometimes they even listen.

Others, well, you know how it is, not everyone listens. And that includes some teachers too.

Boy can they be a pain. All we ask is that they be supportive. And man that gets tough when they won't prove they are clean too.

Imagine being a teacher and not wanting to help with that inspiration? It wasn't like we were talking anything serious.

Just say take off your socks and show your feet. But wow did that cause a fuss with ths one teacher.

Thought it was going to end in a fight or something. And who needs that? Not me. Well that is the last time we expect help from some lady teacher that way.

Just because she was wearing panty hose shouldn't have cause a problem. But sure did or her.

FEELINGS

Can you believe somebody made song about this? What? Did they think we are all too stupid to know when we are feeling crummy?

Did they like go to school somewhere that this was a class. As maybe in you know have you sit and cutting up onions.

Then you bawl like some baby as they all make fun of you. That would sure bring out the feelings I guess.

Might also get you punched in the nose! Which is a different kind of feeling, but not always a good one.

I don't know, I can't understand all this you know talk about feelings. Ain't enough to have them?

Well you sort of imagine everyone has them. As long as they are alive. After that I can say for sure.

They never mention about all them feelings when you get into heaven. I mean under the robe you could be feeling pretty cool if they don't pass out underwear.

But nobody seems to think that needs to be talked about. Really would nice to know for sure.

I tried asking the Reverend Analbe about it once. But he never did really get around to answering my question.

I mean he does talk to God and all. You would think the subject would come up at least once.

Now personally, I think it would be cool if like he could have gotten say a postcard. You know just one.

Or maybe a catalogue showing you, which robe you get to pick out. I just figured that would be nice to know up front.

If I have my choice I don't want one of those you that doesn't open in the back. I mean if they are like hospital gowns I will not be happy.

Plus who wants to see somebody else naked butt throughout eternity. With some people that could be downright scary.

Wouldn't do much for one's mood either. Well that is feelings too if you ask me. And that guy who wrote the song probably didn't think of that.

Wish they would ask me on this stuff.

BEND IT, DON'T BREAK IT

I heard this guy talking about this one time. And it sounded good I guess. You know like you got something made out of rubber or something

Only he seemed to be talking about rules. Not sure how they bend all that well. At least not the ones I know about.

Which is okay I suppose. Because I heard this other guy talking about rules were meant to be broken.

Don't think he had talked to the first dude. And doesn't quite sound like you know those rules were too cool.

Now over at STINK rules are a lot of things, but we don't get to bend or break them. Nope they wouldn't let us do that.

I reckon that is a good thing though. We you are out finding filth and grime you sure don't want to mess up on the rules.

Man does that make things worse. So not sure where you can you know do that bending junk and it works out okay.

Really kind of hard to say what they do that makes that all a good deal. Wish we did have that choice.

But so far it don't happen. And I am sure that somebody has the way to have that all end up cool.

Just not sure who? Haven't seen those two dudes to make sure it all is okay in some other part of the world.

Maybe they are just weird. Yeah there are a whole lot of them out there too. But that ain't my problem.

I just want to not get into trouble myself. And man that is a big deal at STINK. Oh boy can life be miserable if you get caught messing up on the rules.

Oh well at least they are with us out when we are like you know fighting griminals. Kind of hard to remember all the rules while bashing people.

But we will work on it. That is what Otis says. Which is when he means that is what we tell Junior.

Guess, I will have to decide if that is bending the rules. Well not sure when we don't tell them about it.

At least not that we admit to.

IN TIME

Oh man this is some kind of curse I think. Because in time really to me means never. Not even with help.

Otis uses this at times. Whenever he you know decides that something I really like ain't going to happen.

Instead of like saying forget it, he will use this in time thing. To give me the hope that someday things will improve.

I don't really mind if in time means you know eventually, but so far that never seems to happen. I'm still waiting on some junk.

But you know, I am working on trying to cut down on the in time situations. Oh yeah I really try to get Otis to be more specific.

Like come on and break out the calendar dude. Show me the actual date here I want to see it in writing.

We got a neighbor who is big for saying that. Always wants junk in writing. No matter what it is.

I don't think that is a problem, but shoot he just never allows for times when you can't put stuff in writing. Like if some neighbor's dog poops on his lawn.

I ask you if I see the dog, but can prove it, what good is writing it down going to do? But he never seems to listen anyway.

Why I could say, hey Martians are in your mailbox and I bet he wouldn't even notice or care. Just ask for it in writing.

Oh well I am doing the best I can to not tell him junk. Like the other day when he had a flat tire.

I sure wasn't going to tell him about it. Had no way to put that in writing. Wish what he said when found it would have been in writing.

Well maybe not I guess. Wasn't exactly some nice, uplifting words to be sure. But thank goodness, I didn't need to since he got it fixed without asking.

One of these days maybe I will even you know take time to say ask his wife about if she has in writing when all those ladies come by when she ain't home. Not sure what he and those ladies are doing, but doubt they keep much writing in the bedroom.

But can't say for sure, but seems like he spends an awful lot of time there too. So not sue why he needs to see things in writing anyway if he is in the dark in his bedroom a lot.

UNDER COVER JOHN

We got these crazy guys over at STINK how work in the weapons lab. They are always trying to improve on our stuff.

And I guess that is a good thing. I might believe it more if that meant they really did come up with good junk.

So far none have improved on my bat. I haven't gotten a single offer to make it better. And let me tell you I find that really important.

Now the other day they decided we needed to have disguises so we could work as spies i the toilet. You know because griminals hang out there at times

Some dude came up with making a costume that looked like a toilet. Which wasn't half as bad as expecting us to wear the thing.

Some how they seemed to forget the idea that we also needed to not get crapped on. Yeah, that is not a good thing to forget.

Heck I would even mind them you know coming up with these ideas if they tested them on themselves. I could live with that.

But no, they keep acting like it is our responsibility. And let me tell you that sure ain't cool.

Maybe you like the idea of having some big dude sit on your face and pass the gas, but it sure didn't make my list. No one else thought so either.

But that is when the decided to be fair and make us draw straws to see who you know got stuck being the volunteer. Yep, that was fun.]

Okay it was kind of unfair. I mean I am not a very good artist. So I sure didn't make a very good picture of a straw.

I sure tried though. I thought I did a decent job. But you know they didn't look at it that way.

Oh well I still feel I got the raw deal on that one. I mean there I was you know turning in my drawing and they all looked at me funny.

I sure didn't see anybody else doing drawings. And so I figured mind ought to have won. Did kind of seem strange.

I mean I was never clear if winning meant you got stuck with wearing the costume. Oh well at least they forgot the whole thing later.

Glad for that. Sure didn't want to be in the middle of toilet face fears.

SPACE RACE

Boy talk about things that can be a headache, this sure is one of them. I mean over at STINK we got a locker room.

And we each get one locker. Not two or three, but one. And they are all the same size. So no problem, which one you get to use.

Well you would think there would be no problem. But there is. Man talk about people being picky.

For some reason there are a few who you know think they need extra space. These are just the lockers we use to like store our regular clothes while on out assignment.

They are supposed to be some locker for keeping all kinds of personal junk. But try to get some of the grimefighters to appreciate that.

Well let me tell you that doesn't happen. Oh my there are some really strange dudes I work with in that regard.

At least I would call it strange. I mean after all it ain't like we are talking a bank here. Just a locker.

Oh well I don't try to let it bother me that much. As long as they don't you know want to try and steal my locker I can handle it.

Sometimes I do wonder though. You get those times they act kind of weird. Start looking at your locker as if you have too much space.

Oh I never volunteer to store their crap either. Sometimes I think they keep hoping I will. But I don't.

Kind of funny I guess. Here we are in charge of stuff like fighting against filth and grime and have messy lockers.

Not sure that is cool. And I have taken the time to point it out. Which sure doesn't get a thank you.

But then I reckon they do mean to fix that problem eventually. Just hard to say when. Kind of strange at times I gues.

I am glad at least that they don't let Junior come in a decide on the space thing. He would problem take some of it to store his cheese.

Oh well guess I am happy for what space I get. I will let the grumpy ones take time to fight over ways to get more.

But then life is like that at times. You get a space and are never happy.

BUSTED

Ever hear that phrase if it ain't broke don't fix it? Is this a big problem to understand? What kind of moron tries to fix what ain't busted?

Now I reckon there might be somewhere this happens. Some pretty strange people out there at times.

But heck you never know, perhaps it is even a big issue in the world. Just not something they happen to brag about.

At least I would hope not. Because I sure don't want to visit this place. Heck they might try to fix jelly beans.

I hate to think what they would do. Could be so scary. Oh may they could like make them taste yucky.

Well I think I will be on look out for some place offering to repair junk. I would have to check them out.

Just ask if they fix stuff that is never broken. And if they act weird about it I'll know they are guilty.

Oh yeah that would be a big glue. Then if they get goofy when I mention jelly beans that would really be a clue.

You can be sure I won't trust them with my jelly beans. And if they even ask they will be in big trouble.

Maybe I will have to go by the candy store to see if any weirdoes are out there asking about fixing jelly beans. Yeah that would be so cool to catch them suckers.

Then I would be darn sure to take care of them. Yeah, when I got done they would in need of some really repairs.

Just glad they don't come around me. Nope there is no way that would work for me. And no way I'm going to bother giving them a chance.

In any case from now on I'm not going give any repair dude a shot at messing me up. If they show off some wrench and want to know where my jelly beans are, they will be in big trouble.

Well I guess I will do my best to forget that at the moment. I want to just concentrate on fun stuff for a change.

Like having fun. Which sure don't mean fixing things that ain't busted. At least not to me. Won't let them sucker me on that one!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Hold can musicians play hold music if they are holding themselves?

POOR, BUT COOL

Oh yeah, not having money doesn't mean you can't be cool. It might be harder to buy some cool junk, but I reckon it can work out.

Providing you can find enough junk that registers on the cool-o-meter. That is thing, which is sort of inside.

You either are cool and know or you don't. And that is the best part. It really doesn't take bucks to be cool.

Instead you have to keep just figure out what you got and how you can make it so special. But that ain't all that easy at times.

Now I'm sorry, but there are some weird types out there. They got some strange ideas of what is okay.

And sometimes they seem to get all bent out of shape to try and make you agree with their idea of what works. That really sucks.

Now the worst person for that is old rat boy, Junior. He could be dead broke, but if he has one slice of cheese he figures he's rich.

I'm sorry, but it sure doesn't seem like gold to me. Well it is yellow I guess, but that ain't the same thing.

Not to me. Which is I'm sorry, but it is other than cool. And the thing is he really ain't the only one like that.

Now Granny Potts has her idea of being rich too. I don't think having prunes for a whole week as rich.

Sure does make her happy though. And I reckon if you are happy then that is something even if it ain't with money.

Sometimes I worry about her and that one plant. She seems to talk to it a lot. I thought it was just a plant.

But she sure treats it like more than a plant. Which is okay until Otis and I go over there for dinner.

When she sits it down by us at the dinning table I get a little worried. I mean how much can a plant eat?

Will it hog all the seconds? Tough to know when you can see its mouth. Plants are sneaking like that.

I guess as long as it doesn't eat off my plate then that is good.

RICH AND LOVING IT

This ain't hard to figure out. You got money and are going crazy spending it so you got a reason to love it.

Just not really clear on how come these rich dudes don't seem all that happy at times. You would think they could like buy themselves a plastic surgeon smile to fake it at least.

Well that was just a thought. Seems like it ought to be okay. Just you know find dude to glue your face.

Still I reckon you know if they hate it so much I could figure a way to help. You know this thing I heard about called sharing the wealth.

Yeah as I understand it this is good thing. I heard it was started by some guy name Robin Should.

He had this band of berry men. Guess it was musicians who played fruit of some kind. Sure sounds weird.

Anyway they went around taking from a switch and giving it to the bore. Which I reckon meant you know they found some place where money was being switched around to something else.

So they decided to like take it and give it to some guy who was a bore. Didn't say if that turned out for the good.

Like did he stop being boring? Sure wish you know that people who were boring could stop being so if you used some switch made out of money on them.

If that is all it takes oh man it would be so cool to take care of a lot of boring people that way. Not sure if it would really be enough.

But I figure that would be worth a try. Then we can find out if we can make all the boring people less boring.

I think it would be so cool that way. Well I sure want to give it a try. All I need is to do is get a few rich people to help out.

Heck I bet they would be thrilled to have a break from boring people. Now if the rich person is boring guess that is a different problem.

I think I can fix that though. Just a little extra effort. I know we make them poor first. Then we give them money again.

Gee I think the government sort of does that already. I wonder if they need to work on there program to help more boring people. Otis says that would include them though.

HAPPY AND SAD

HAPPY AND SAD

Man how can you be both of these at the same time? Well I don't think you can. But then I guess some thing otherwise.

There is the place in town called a theater. Only they never show any movies. And don't even have decent snacks.

They put on these things called plays. And they are written by some dude named Shakearear. Or something like that.

He sure writes some weird stuff. Like this one thing called Omelet. Shoot I didn't see them fry a single egg during the whole movie.

What a rip off. I mean if you are going to do play about eggs then toss a few. Or throw in some chicken.

But did I see as much as a single feather? Nope. Then didn't even dress cool. Wore some strange tight clothes.

Heck man that really was so dang hard to figure out. Why all that funny talking. Not a single dang in the whole program.

But I am going to go back for the next show. That one might get better. Here it has to some thing to do with a hero sandwich.

Called Rome's hero that Julie et. Now I hope they don't make us watch them gobble down that sandwich and not share.

That would not be worth paying for. I would get down right pissed to pay for that kind of stuff.

Really is weird what some have for idea of entertainment. Yeah when there ain't any good food even worse.

So why this is consider good is beyond me. But I know if that doesn't change I ain't going to any more of those things.

They can keep them as far as I am concerned. But that is okay I guess some people need weird.

In any case what happen is that they had this happy and sad faces on the building. Just didn't not it was going to do with food.

Next time maybe I will try to ask. Or check out the food before I get there. Which is the best choice.
Well if you want to eat at least.

IF

Oh man let me tell you that this can be like having someone hold a time bomb in front of your face. It is really not cool.

And it happens to me way too often. You get all excited to think something good is about to take place.

Then some jerk mentions how you know what you will expect to occur will happen if. And it ain't never a good thing.

Sort of like they want you to be sure you get your hopes up so they can ruin them. Which is hardly fun.

But try to convince them of that. They seem to think it is cool. Like what planet have they been living on?

I don't think it is mine. And let me tell you that I sure don't vote for it. You can be sure I won't even see it as a good thing.

To me if ought to be for good things. You know like you are expecting a truck load of jelly beans an if they come in early you get a ton more.

Now that will make me smile. Wish more ifs worked that way. Btu they never do. We just get the yucky ones too often.

There ought to be a way around that too. You know to find a place you can enjoy stuff without somebody ruining your day.

Life has enough of those moments if you ask me. I sure don't need a surplus. That just doesn't work for me.

Oh well I will make sure I can take every chance to avoid these ifs. To be able to smile without worry some jerk is going to whip out a new if.

But that is the part I plan on avoiding. I will make sure I take time to find those special moments in the middle of all that stupidity.

As for the ifs, well I think I will do my best to just hang loose over at my place. If those dang if jerks come to my place, I will greet them with my version of my own if.

That involves being darn careful to never do what they want. And giving them a few whacks if needed.

Always solves the problem at times. But then you never know, how many times I have to bash the ifs out of them.

But I don't mind practicing.

BEYOND BELIEF

Oh man this happens way too much. I sure wish I had a way to stop it. That kind of thing just sucks too much.

Now beyond belief is when you are told crap. And you know it is crap. But can't stop it from being that way.

Just really is a pain at times. And this happens was too much at work. Honestly it is a big problem at STINK.

That is because we have to tolerate so many jerks. It is bad enough that I have to deal with griminals.

They are the biggest jerks of all. But if you have to deal with the others too who tell you crap then that really is a pain.

Now I can normally cope with old rat boy Junior. Oh he is the worst when it comes to stuff that is beyond belief.

But most of the time we just try to not pay him that much attention. He just sort of keeps talking about the junk even when we know it isn't true.

However, I can live with it better in some cases than others. Like when he gets on this deal about cheese security.

Right like there are tons of cheddar thieves out there waiting to steal some cheese. None of us buys that. Well not any longer.

But boy did he get us at one time. Had us all out trying to save the cheese. And then we brought back the stuff we found and had to give it to him.

Was the last time we saw it too. But let me tell you that was not half as bad was when he tried to tell us they were still out there.

I didn't buy it then and don't buy it now. Really hate when he keeps up telling us this beyond belief stuff and keeps it up even more.

I wouldn't mind if he just kept such things to himself, but he doesn't. Which is okay since in the end Otis does the same thing back.

My buddy does have his ways of coming up with other beyond belief junk. And that is the part I have to watch out for.

Because some times he doesn't remember to tell me when it is always not true. That can be such a pain
I don't like spending the afternoon looking for beans in cereal. Enough said I guess.

BETTER THAN AVERAGE

Now I don't think I have ever figured out this average deal. I mean they way some people are they act like average is terrible.

I don't think so. At least with average you get you know, something that is okay. Maybe some might not agree, but I think it works that way.

However, I kind of figure it is all okay. Now with average you get something that is you know, okay.

Meaning it ain't going to be bad. It might not be a good as better than average, but then it ain't going to be yucky either.

Only problem is that some people get upset if they get told they are average. Like you insulted them.

And even if you like meant it in a good way, boy do they get pissed. Like you are a terrible person for some reason.

Which ain't fair. Not to me. I really want them to you know relax on this whole deal and not make it worse.

After all we need to be more realistic on this whole deal. At least that is my view of it. You know have an average thing given some good attention for a change.

At least I would hope it would work that way. You know so we can find ourselves with a chance to feel good about junk when things ain't perfect.

However, I might appreciate why some don't want to go along with this idea. They can be so weird in that sense.

Well, I'm going to work on making average seem better than better than average will really seem cool. Then everyone would have a reason to be happy.

Now what I'm thinking of doing is to take time to make more people feel better in general. Just give them a reason to be happy.

Course it might be hard to encourage some they are average. I tell you the griminals being average is a good thing.

Providing you know they will improve. You know stop taking time to litter so much.

I can work on that with my bat. But that can be hard to make sure it means that the bad guy learn good ways to not be bat.

I sure hope that will work out so I don't have to get wore out with my bat.

NO SO GOOD

Okay I think this ought to be easy to understand. This ain't time for dessert. It ain't time for a nap either.

It is more a time of bending over and having somebody kick you in the butt and then asking for more. A real joy to be sure.

But that is okay. Because you do get a chance to avoid it if you plan it right. Which means paying attention.

Basically this is where you avoid the curse of crude. That is what I call what somebody gets when you ask them how they are doing and they say, not so good.

That is not a time to sit back and ask if they want to come over for lunch. It is more a time to wish them well and find somewhere else to play.

Only problem is that the people won't stay away. Nope that will be a good thing if just kept their yuckys to themselves, but they don't.

They want to share them. They want to make you enjoy their lousy feeling so it makes them happy.

Kind of if I'm sick I will be sure others are too. Really sucks as an attitude, but I guess I can't blame them.

It is just not a cool thing to me. Nope I will never ask for that kind of company. Well unless they are strange on the not so good deal.

There are those you know who have this crazy idea that not so good is having only a ton of extra good stuff instead of two tons. So they kind of whine about junk in general.

Now my boss, Dr. Hemoglobin, can be like that a little. He is a cool dude in some ways. And it is shame he has old rat boy, Junior, for a son, but that is life.

Anyway he gets into these strange moods at times. Thinks we are in big trouble even when we are not.

Okay he does pay the bills and that can make a person grumpy, but sometimes he is find otherwise. Just freaks out over this thing called profit.

Not sure what that is, but I know black is good and red is bad. However, not really clear why, just that it works that way with him.

Which never makes sense when he talks about being upset when I make some griminal black and blue. Maybe it is just the blue part.

Guess I'll have to work on that part, black bruises only.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Where do they keep the rock of ages? And how big is it?"

BUDS VERSES FRIENDS

BUDS VERSE FRIENDS

You will probably have more friends in life than buds. That is how I see it. Because a bud is somebody you love to spend time with.

And you can be sure that you can have some friends you don't want to spend time with. They might be okay to talk to, but you really don't like all the same things.

So you hang with them for some stuff, but for the real fun times you just wait to be with your buds. Oh yeah the cool dudes.

I think coolness is a big part of it. Now coolness to me is when they do things you like. And now with me it is for such things as snacks.

See that is why Otis and I are buds. We both like different snacks, but some of the same too.

So it works out great. We can feast together or apart and really make it fun too. Course we got other fun too.

Yeah, we both love beating up the bad guys. Well Otis sort of likes it when I do. Kind of in a fun way.

Oh he'll give me this lecture you know about not being so prone to bashing the bad guys. Just make it less obvious.

But I think in reality he gets excited by it just the same. Sort of wants to make it seem otherwise.

That way he doesn't have to admit he loves it too. So we do what we can to be sure we keep up the game.

I bash and he goes tsk, tsk, tsk, with a smile. And a nice wink. So it all becomes a kind of entertainment.

Only fun for us an not the bad guys. At least they don't try and make it fun or even laugh so you know they are faking it if it is fun.

But that is okay. I save the times to just pretend we are having fun when we meet with our friend, friends.

And that is fine. Just a joy that we all go through so we know a bud from a friend. And that is pretty cool.

Which is all part of what makes it fun. Well when we aren't griping about something. That is okay as long as it ain't about each other.
Which is good for me.

CAN IT BE?

Well I think the be part is pretty dang important. Yeah, yeah, without knowing the be part life can really suck.

Only problem is when nobody knows the be part. Really that can be even worse. Which does seem to happen a lot.

Now how hard is this to figure out? Just a chance to feel so much comfy with this whole be thing.

In any event, I always to say that as if it really makes a difference. Haven't noticed it does, but sounds good to say.

What we are talking about here is the be part of stuff. As in being or become come. You can't have the other part without it.

Now to get this all straightened out we need to start a be inventory. Yeah, them inventory things are important.

Just have to be sure we got it all figured out right. Which means no crazy junk. I'm talking about things that don't make sense.

Well, I reckon to start off with we need to get rid of the people who talk funny. I mean like using big words so they confuse you.

They sure need help. If you are talking about something simple, don't mess it up. Nope that won't work.

Those kinds of people are strange. They make you feel creepy. Like they might freak out at any moment.

Well you know how it is with them brainy types. They start out all normal and then get like brain rot.

That is what I call it. Can't think of a better way to describe when a person starts talking about strange stuff.

Yeah, like mathematics. You got to wonder about numbers. I mean they just some times seem to be more like people.

Yeah, I think so. They are there and should just behave themselves. But you put them in a checkbook and it is different.

They suddenly like act strange. Start adding up weird. I mean trying to say when you can spend money.
Well seems like that when I try to write checks and bank says there ain't money in the account. Somebody took it! But they just say it was my fault, which makes me wonder.

TAKE ME AWAY

I know a few people that I wouldn't mind having taken away. And especially if it meant then never came back.

Now in this case I'm not talking about the obvious. Nope, I ain't going to mention old rat boy, Junior.

In this case I'm talking about those creeps I call griminals. Yeah, they suck. Man I would love to have their butts hauled off to a place where they never returned.

Problems is with this thing called rights. I mean who came up with the idea that stupid jerks deserve anything.

Okay, they do deserve a right. A right fist that is. Hit them in the kisser till the see stars, now that kind of right I can accept.

But this stuff about being innocence till proven guilty. Where is the sanity in that? Not to me.

I think you are just giving them a chance to mess up again. And that is not a cool thing. Well not to me.

Personally I got my own idea on rights. The bad guys should have the right to be unconscious.

Yeah, to be able to sit down and beat the snot out of them till the never forget they did wrong. I can live with that.

Oh well those dang dudes they all lawyers are no fun. They all cause so much trouble with stuff about the law.

Like some jerk deserves that kind of help. Why can't these lawyers spend more time helping out the innocence instead of the bad guys.

Maybe while we are at it we can put them away. You know let them that this silly stuff won't be good any longer.

Now that is the kind of putting somebody away that works for me. Oh yeah, I can live with that.

But so far I don't get much of an impression others will agree. Nope they will just make it so darn hard to make things work right.

Yep, that is not a good thing. And you can be sure it sucks in my opinion. Which is still my right to think that way.

Well till somebody decides that doesn't work as right either and takes it away.

REAL ESTATE

Now this ain't hard to understand. It has to be real. Yeah, it ain't no good if it doesn't exist.

Even I know that part. And let me tell you the stuff some people try to get you to believe is so stupid.

Like I heard about these dudes selling what they called time share places. I mean I don't know, but there is something so phony about trying to get you to buy some property you will never really own.

It is kind of like those darn mobile homes. I need to have a place that is going to like move around on me? Where is the joy in that?

These people who sell this junk need to cut it out. They are not very nice to get you all excited over dumb stuff.

As for me, well I will stick with a tent. Well okay, you know not to live in, but for like an outing.

I know it is mine. Nobody is going to make me think otherwise. And I don't have to share it with somebody else.

Well maybe Otis some times. He chips in for the snacks so that helps. Just glad he don't want to use it all the time.

It is just kind of nice at times to savor what they call the great outfloors. That includes all the weird places like the mountains.

You do have to wonder about such places being cool. I mean for other than from stuff like snow.

Oh I guess they are good if you are in need of someplace to freeze your butt off. But otherwise I do wonder.

Anyway, I'm doing what I can to enjoy the floor part. When it is like grass. That can be nice.

Unless you are talking about the stuff in front of city hall. They aren't too friendly over there.

Always making a fuss if you happen to step on their grass. It ain't like I'm going to crap on it.

But they must think so. I mean you know like it is some kind of gold. Which it ain't. Oh well, I'm not complaining. Snuck over on it at nights enough.

STILL STANDING

Now if you are talking survival then this is a good thing. If you are stuck on a crowded bus it is not cool.

Otis and I often ride the bus. I got my moped, but you can't take two on it that easy. Plus there are times when it rains.

Sometimes we get to use the diaper service van. Which is cool, if you don't mind smelling like dirty diapers, otherwise forget it.

Sure doesn't do much for the taste of take out food. But then you have a hard time with those on a bus too.

So it is one of these lesser of two weevil things. You know the things that bug you and you can't always fix.

For me that happens to often. Yeah, should super heroes have to put up with that crap? I don't think so.

What really bugs me is the lack of respect. Like if we need to take the bus after an assignment.

Such as say when we have sewer patrol. Here we are trying to save the world and people don't appreciate it.

Heck I know we don't smell like daisies, but they ought to appreciate how we like try to help. At least be grateful when holding your nose.

It ain't like they are offering to help. I don't see any of them bothering to say, give us a chance to try.

Now that would sure be cool. Oh yeah, I would really like to once have people come up and offer us a hug instead of some sneer.

Is that too much to ask? Okay I will say that when I mention a hug I don't mean from that one dude.

The one who is a professional wrestler. He ain't cool in how he gives hugs. You know that is not good when you pass out

Nope, doesn't work for me. And the sewer part don't discourage him. Wish it did. But he used to work on a farm.

So for him it is more like a perfume. Oh well he doesn't ride the bus that much. Just once and a while when he is full from eating some car.

Glad he doesn't like mopeds.

THE GOOD KNIFE

Now this is simple enough. A good knife is one that isn't dull. How hard is that to understand?

But you know I guess it don't quite impress some. For they really do seem to think dull is okay.

I have to wonder what makes them feel that way. You do got to admit that is not hard to figure out.

But they sure don't seem to treat it that way at some restaurants. They give you these crummy knives that don't cut squat.

They might as well give you a napkin or piece of cardboard for what good it does. Where is the sense in that?

Yeah, that just is hard to make any sense of. I mean you go into some of these places and they give you extra forks.

But not a decent knife. Which is dumb and stupid if you ask me. Sort of like when they give you some stupid plastic stuff.

How in the heck can you cut much with a stupid plastic knife? I sure don't get that part. It sucks.

And that is the part that is wrong with stuff like take out places. Their stuff plastic stuff wouldn't work on much of anything.

I tell you that will not work for me. And I have sure told some of those jerks that too. Only they never listen.

Well I figured it must be some weird plot intended to ruin your eating fun. Yeah I get the plastic knife creeps are behind it.

But I ain't buying it. I want the real thing. Something that will make it worth using. I reckon that ought to be easy to managed.

Only problem is that we need more fun than that. You know good foods you can truly enjoy eating.

And maybe making them soft enough so it won't matter. Why not make them all look like brownies, ice cream or jelly beans.

I think that would be so cool. Yeah I bet people would love it. But then you always got weird people out there.

We can keep some of the old stuff for them.

PLOTS

Well let me tell you this sure is one crazy subject if you ask me. And let me say I sure think it is creepy too.

I mean over in the cemetery they have plots. Which is well, sort of necessary. Yep, you can't just like stack coffins up against some tree.

That would never do. Nope, you couldn't end up doing that and making people happy. They would not be that at all.

So instead you have to sort of like hide them in the ground where nobody complains. And those are the plots.

Kind of a good deal I suppose. At least nobody seems to need to complain about it that I've heard.

But what kind of bugs me is when they talk about movie plots. Is that where they bury like movies that died?

Well all I know is that the critics sure talk about it being important. Hmm, I wonder if they have a special movie funeral home?

Or say some movie mortician? Seems like a fair question to ask. Well at least I think it is a good one to check out.

I don't know though, if they do have this plot thing for movies you sure can't tell it from the movie itself.

Seen lots of movies where they don't have any caskets in the film. Or cemeteries either. So guess it didn't matter to them.

I don't know, but I do sort of wish I could check it out. You know kind of make sense of it all.

Seems like they could explain it better. Just so the rest of us would understand. But then I don't know, people are weird that way.

And actors are known for being different. Maybe they just keep the movie coffins at their homes.

Sounds kind of creepy, but I guess if it works for them, that's cool. Don't think I want to check it out.

Oh well maybe some other time. Maybe in another life time. As in somebody else's. Yeah, I'll let the next person worry about it.

Now that would be great.

Thought for the week: "Shouldn't they have at least one channel on cable tv about cables?"

ALL SEEING EYES

Is there a trick to this? What else do eyes do beside see? Unless maybe you are talking about people looking somebody's eyes.

Yeah a dude with a black eye will get attention. But I'm not sure I see that as a good thing.

That is you might if you gave the other person a black eye and wanted to boast about it. Might be cool then.

As for an eye seeing all. Not sure all what it is to see. Like down the block perhaps? Not able to figure that part.

I know lots of people who definitely don't see all the great. They use glasses. And they sure don't see all.

I guess then maybe there are people perhaps with super vision. Yeah, like Superman. Boy I guess seeing through walls might be fun.

Providing you aren't talking about there being some moron inside doing weird junk. You know the kind of stuff that you don't want to see.

Such as doing the laundry. It is important, but I don't want to see anybody's dirty underwear.

I got enough problems just looking at all those dirty diapers we hall in the diaper service vans. Man I sure don't need to see all with them.

And while I'm at it there are a few other things I don't need to see more of. Like sewers. Just having to check them out once and a while is enough.

Same goes for trash. Don't need that extra sight then either. Man I see enough of it too. Being to see it all would just be depressing.

I can kind of see some merit for being able to check to see if people are wearing clean underwear. You know it is important.

Well that is I heard. I sure hope that we could like work on that problem though. Not sure I want to go up to some big gorilla of a guy and tell him he's not wearing clean jockey shorts..

Oh yeah, that wouldn't be good to me. And I'm glad we don't have that as a job over at STINK.

Then might be nice to find old rat boy, Jurnior's secret stash of cheese. That way I could get rid of it. Might be fun to see him panic more often.

NO TELLING

Well we know the no part is important on this one. Yep, nothing more important on this part than not talking.

Is this hard to figure out? Shouldn't be. Not to me. I mean come on now, what is so hard about that part?

All you have to do is keep straight the need to keep your mouth shut. That ought to be easy to handle.

But sure don't work out that way. Nope wish it as otherwise, but it ain't. I just need to work on this more.

And I can be sure that I will not forget either. Not the best choice. Nope you can be sure it don't work that way.

Now for the future to me I think I will work on the shhh factor. By that I mean you know going to be careful to find all the right stuff not to tell.

Kind of important to figure that part out. You know work hard at making sure only the good stuff gets mentioned.

This is really a big deal. Because otherwise it can be stupid. You can waste time on all kinds of stuff that don't make much different.

And naturally you got to be careful here. I know if you aren't careful then you get a reputation for being a blabbermouth.

That is awful. Boy does that sting. Nobody trusts you then and let me tell you that sure don't make my day.

Well I am glad I don't have to worry much. I'm pretty good at not talking when I shouldn't unless the situation needs it.

But I don't know it really does suck when it gets so darn confusing. I mean some people are sneak tellers.

They make sure to let you think they are cool, but the first chance, whammo the sneak a lie in on you. Boy does that suck.

And you can be sure I won't let them pull that one again. Once burn, twice learned is what I say.

Even works too. Well as long as I don't have to watch out for them. That is the hard part. You can't let them get to you.

Even if you have to be sneaking too.

SECRET STUFF

The one thing I know about secret stuff is it never stay secret. It only stays that way while you think things are cool.

Then it no longer is a secret when they want to dump on you. That is the uncool part. And I wish it would never end up being a pain.

Why is it only bad junk they seem to keep secret. It works that way at the STINK. Oh yeah that is such a joy.

What they do is not tell you when they are going to change something to make life worse. They never do that with good junk.

At least it doesn't seem that way. I can kind of understand though. I mean you know there are times when it might be nice to be good.

It just would be fun for a change. You know to lay it on us afterwards that things are okay.

Even give a chance to you know to look forward to something. Now that I can savor. I really do like that idea.

You would think they could manage it once. Even twice would be nice. But nooo, this never happens.

Well I was trying to think of ways to improve this. You know to be sure that is somehow came out on the good side at times.

So far I haven't managed thou. I wish I could. But right now all I can do is guess when they are doing their whispering.

Oh yeah, I have gone up and asked what they are talking about, but it never happens. They always tell me nothing.

Course nothing means it has not sound. I ain't fooling on that one. But some don't seem to get that part straight.

They just keep whispering and in some cases snicker. Really is not a good thing. Only don't see to get them to cooperate.

I will get that part straighten it out eventually. Oh it might take the help of my little wooden buddy.

Yeah, now you can be sure he will be most helpful. And won't say a word. Bats are always real good at keeping secrets.

Well as long as you don't blab.

LAND AND SEE

Way back a long time ago I guess there was this thing called the Revolutionary War. And that sounds kind of weird since I have no idea what is so revolutionary about having war.

Anyway it had something to do with some dude named Yankee Noodle. And then this other guy named Paul's Repair.

Never did hear what he repaired, but I guess he was famous for it. Anyway, I reckon that you know he did it a lot so that is how he got his name.

Well supposedly these one group of people got pissed off over a thing called a T tax. Now why somebody would tax the letter T I have no idea, but they did.

Well they all got together for some party about T's over at a place called Boston and the next thing you know oh man this was such a fuss. They were all upset over stuff they decided to have this big fight.

Some dude got up and said give me a liver key or give me debt. Not really sure which of those two choices are all that cool.

But they did it anyway. And in the end well as with most big fights you got all kinds of people wanting to watch.

I guess at some point you know they got so many people wanting to come they needed some kind of crowd control. So they ended up having to say if they were coming by wagon or boat.

Oh yeah they said stuff like one if by see and two if by land. Guess more came by wagon or something.

Well let me tell you I sure do find that to be a big deal. I mean all that fuss over some silly letters.

I'm sure glad we don't do that today. Maybe we got enough of them now thanks to copiers that it ain't the same problem.

In any case, I don't reckon I will worry about it any time soon. Because I got extra if I need them.

I took the time to cut out a whole bunch extra out of the newspaper. Just say what size though.

So might have to work on that. I will give it some thought. Not sure when for sure though.
Maybe on a day with a T in it. Seems to fit somehow.

YES YOU CAN (WELL SORT OF)

Ain't this the biggest pain in the butt? When somebody makes it sound like you are cool and can have a good time when you can't.

I sure don't find this fun. I really hate when it happens. But it sure does seem to happen a lot where I work.

Not my idea that is for sure. Because over at STINK this comes up a lot. And not in a good way.

I keep hoping though. You know how they will make it a yes you can that is fun nd not a pain.

I sure do like that time. Only never happens enough in my book. Really does piss me off too.

Oh well I am trying to cope. That is what Otis calls it. Coping is suppose to be where you do good and not griping.

Don't seem to apply to the boss though. Well I don't even like to call old rat boy Junior as a boss, but he is on paper.

That paper is the one where he has this memo that says, I'm the boss. Wish he hadn't written it himself.

But when he waves it in our face then it sure doesn't make us happy. Just can't gripe while he is around.

We save it all for later. A time when we can have so much fun just being able to pretend we have a real life.

Yeah, really like when we get those too. Haven't found them quite as often as I would like though.

But we are working on it. Heck if all goes well we will even find it. Maybe not today. I think that is too much to hope for.

However, I think tomorrow might be okay. If they take the time to you know give us a break on this stuff.

And you know not the kind of break that means stop either. I fell for that once, but not again.

Anyway, I'm going to work on it with Otis's help. Not sure quite when. Hopefully, when it don't mean sort of.

Like not at STINK.

LET IT GO

Come on you know this is a good idea. Stop hogging stuff. Yeah, you know who you are. Just give us a break will you?

I don't think that is too much to ask is it? Just expect some jerk to not act like some pig and keep all the good stuff for himself.

Yeah, I really get tired of dealing with people like that. And you know if it were up to me I would make sure they didn't do it again.

But then you first have to find them. And that can be tough. There are a lot of sneaky people around.

Boy is that a chore. I mean these dang creeps really do seem to pull this stuff off without a single once getting caught.

Now take over at work for example. On some days they pick up the tab for donuts. And they always get enough for all of us.

Well most of the time they say they do. Only there are times we get into the break room and they are all gone.

Now I don't want to be unfair to anyone, but this sure does suck. Some rotten creep done took extra.

And nobody admits to it. I ask and they don't say a word. Well not until they swallow. Which really bugs me.

In any case, I try to be sure next time I get there early. Yeah that really is a big deal. A chance to get a break before the others get all the good stuff.

Now I do admit that at times you know it gets the best of me. I mean we will get there early and decide to just have a donut.

But well one thing leads to another and before you know it, whammo we done ate up a whole bunch of them. Just not all.

Still a few seem to think you know it was too much. Still we do try to help out at times so not to do that constantly.

At least they ought to be grateful. I mean the Reverend Analbe could be dropping for some prayer meeting.

I mean seeing how he talks to God and all, I can't say he eats all the donuts, but he sure does a good job on them in hi own way.

We just make sure we grab one while he is praying with his eyes closed.



THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: If cars were made of banana skins would they repair easier?"

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

Now let me tell you this is not so cool. I mean who is the crazy jerk that makes junk that looks great, but really sucks?

That is just a down right dirty trick. And if I ever find the dude boy am I going to make sure he knows it too.

See that is the part that I want to try and understand. I mean why would any nut want to be so cruel?

I know there are some people out there with strange senses of humor, but this just sucks. Yeah it really is not fun at all.

I'm talking for example like if you are buying something and on the picture it looks great, but when you get it the thing is crap. Honestly who likes that?

We were over at this burger place the other day and let me tell you this place has the coolest pictures. They make the burgers look great.

But then when you get it the thing is pathetic. I mean is that fair? Sure doesn't make me happy.

First of all let's be realistic. If they are going to show some huge burger on that sign then don't give me some shriveled up crap.

I sure didn't see anywhere on the menu it said a stupid word about the real thing being so junky looking. Might be nice if they did.

Now I ain't stupid though. I mean after all what I want is a break here. I want the burger than ends up in my tummy to be decent.

I do figure I owe it to my stomach to treat it nice. Otherwise it might get mean and who needs that?

Not me. I sure don't want to risk that problem. It really ain't cool. And that will not get better either.

Not when these crummy burger places make stuff up. That won't help. But try getting them to understand that part.

Man did I sure try to get them to understand too. But they sure didn't want to cooperate, not even try.

Well I reckon I won't get a chance to ask them soon though. That one place felt it was best if we didn't come back soon.

Guess that is good we got so many in town.

THE BAD STUFF

Now there is no way this can be called good. Nope you know that bad is never good. Might be well bad in a real bad way, but not good.

Course as grimefighters we deal with bad all the time. Not very you know surprising. Griminals are not about good no matter what happens.

So we understand dealing with them will never be good. Except for the part about feeling good when it is all done.

As in when you are all finished you feel do dang good you beat the snot out of them. Kind of feels like success.

Just frustrating they never say thanks. I would think it would be nice if one they were grateful for me helping them to see the light.

Normally it is a street lamp after I bash them and they are lying down and looking up at it. Oh yeah I wish it would make a difference.

But then I guess that might be a tad too much to expect. I mean it is hard for them to see much when they are unconscious.

And then they do tend to get picky about such things. Like you know when they wake up having a headache.

That wouldn't happen if they didn't try to be bad. Which would make things so much easier for everyone.

But will they listen? Nope. Will the stop doing bad stuff? Nope, not that either. Stupid jerks!

Well that is okay. I'm working on a way to improve this problem. You know to try and make a way to do what Otis called inspiration.

Now the way I understand this it has something to do with trying to making them want to actually change. That sure sounds crazy to me.

He seems to think it works. So far I have seen it though. I mean I do try to make it sound encouraging.

Well I guess if I did more talking before I bashed them it might help. Just can't say for sure.

Maybe I will work on that down the road. Ain't promising it though. Kind of partial to my bat.
Kind of and old friend and hate to hurt its feelings.