I'LL TAKE THAT

Oh yeah, this is important. You got to take stuff when the moment arrives. Some will and a whole don't won't.

I don't think that is a very important quality. Not from what I've noticed. Let me tell you man there are an amazing number of dudes who never figure that part out.

Okay so let me explain how this works. You have to be prepared if the situation requires to actually savor whatever you get to take that is stuff.

The stuff part is the most important thing you understand. For we ain't talking you know when you are looking at just anything.

Like stuff doesn't always mean food. There are just times when eating ain't stuff. Not when it comes to the taking part.

I wish it did. Might be nice to go into a burger joint and just take it as stuff. But it don't work that way.

People kind of frown on that option. Wish it was otherwise. But it ain't. Too bad too, because it might be fun to just go into a burger joint and take whatever.

Only right now, the burger people have this funny view of such things. Not very thrilled by that option.

They get all bent out of shape if you and they are likely to be a tad uncooperative. Really they will be less than thoughtful.

Normally they will do silly stuff like call the cops and complain you were taking when you didn't have the right too. Then leads to all kinds of problems too.

So you just have to avoid that option. But I'm not giving up on it though. Still hoping that will change.

Just not sure when or how. Might try making a few suggestions though. Just not sure how I would get them to read the suggestion when the box is located over at STINK headquarters.

Maybe I would put that on the suggestion. Hopefully it will get a better response than with my other suggestions.

I figure it is just a matter of time though. After all suggesting they pay us in brownies once a month would be a good idea.

Perhaps they have been busy. That does happen. Six months isn't that long to wait for them to answer that one.

LOTS AND LOTS

Lots is a cool word. I really like it. Sort of makes things seem like Christmas. Just the idea of having lots is something that makes me happy.

And to be honest I don't even care what the lots are that are lots. Just enough to know there are a lot of them.

Now personally, I do find that this is the one great thing. You know that you have a chance to perhaps make a list of all the lots that are cool to have as lots.

Mine is pretty long too. I mean there are lots of things that fit on it. And naturally some that don't.

On my personal favorite list of lots are things like jelly beans, fast food, pizza, beanies, soda and a whole other bunch of stuff I won't try to list. They are things I love when they come in lots.

But I got to be honest. There are a few lots on my no way list. The top would be naturally lots of time spent with rat boy Junior. You can forget that part.

Oh I got plenty of others too. Like lots of time with griminals. That would not be my idea of a good time either. You can forget that part.

Basically, I guess the lots that I hate are all the ones that wouldn't be fun. They just suck too much.

And believe me there are plenty of them. However, I enjoy thinking there are more lots on my good list than on my bad one.

Kind of like to think that way. Which is why I take time to keep my good list in my pocket. That way I can check it from time to time.

As for my bad list. I keep that in my sock drawer. Pretty much out of sight. Really does work so much better.

That way I don't have to check it very often. And let me tell you that is the best part for me.

Just lets me forget about them at times. Which is a good thing from my point of view. Really makes me happy to not think about them very often.

Now the hard part is trying to get the stuff on my good list to take place when I want them to. Have the lots when I want them.

I'm working on that part. Haven't figured out the way to get it to work out though. But maybe one day.

FUN AND GAMES

Oh man now this is a good thing. But I don't imagine you need me to tell you that do you?

However, the reason I am is because you never know. Which is amazing, yet reality. Why, I'm not sure all I know is that some people just don't have a good idea of what fun is.

Okay, to keep this simple, fun is something that you enjoy doing. Well at least it will be better if you looked at it as a good thing.

Not sure what would be fun and make you unhappy though. I guess it is possible. Unless you are the type who for some reason finds being unhappy to be a fun thing.

I have a hard time understanding how that would be possible. But then I'm not everyone else. So I won't say I will know why it would be a good thing, just not that way for me.

There are some weird people out there though. And this time I'm not talking about old rat boy, Junior. Nor about Truly Grimy either.

That would be too easy. Nope I'm talking about a whole different kind of weird. The time that makes you glad you know people like rat boy. Now that is scary.

I don't know, some people just must have funny brains. Not like stupid, just don't think straight. Like their brains are missing a few parts.

I've heard about stuff like brain washing so I figure you know perhaps they went to a place where they wash brains and something went wrong. Never seen a Laundromat for washing heads, but I reckon they are around.

I just don't plan on going to one myself. Because you know it is when you wash some things, they end up shrinking.

That is probably where they have that talk about the problem with shrunken heads. And man I sure don't want part of that.

I don't want to have my brain shrink or anything else either. I don't want to get stuck going out and having to buy a bunch of new beanies or anything. That would be expensive.

So I think I will pass on the brain washing thing. Reckon I'll leave that to those other types.

They can have fun doing stuff that makes them unhappy. Not going to bother joining them.

However, if I get stuck near them, just remember I'm the one with the normal sized head that is wearing a beanie.

LET US SEASON TOGETHER

Oh yeah this is such a cool thing. You better believe I think this is great. Honestly you do have to appreciate that it makes a big different with some foods.

Let me tell you, in case you aren't into gourmet cooking that you have sure missed something if you haven't tried this. Yep, there is nothing better than sitting down with some food before you eat it and making sure it is well seasoned.

Now the most important thing to is that you take time to you know be sure you use the right amount of seasoning too. The first rule is that there is no such thing as too much ketchup.

Oh yeah, you can be sure that is one rule I never forget. And the same applies at times to the other great seasonings, peanut butter and also hot fudge.

It is a shame how so many people seem to miss out on how versatile those can be. Why heck you just haven't lived till you try some pizza with tons of hot fudge on it.

Actually, it works really great on so many different types of foods. It is absolutely amazing the stuff that tastes good when covered with hot fudge.

Now for me the rule I try to follow is based on the thing to do with wine. I don't touch the stuff myself, but you know how the red wine goes with like meat and the white with chicken or fish?

So I put ketchup on my burgers and have vanilla ice cream with my fried chicken and fish sticks. See how easy that works.

If any of you needs any extra pointers you can count on me too. Oh yeah, I'm always willing to help out in that regard.

There is nothing better than when you can encourage that is for sure. And really do savor those times the most.

Just does me good to see how much people get thrilled when you surprise them with something extra tasty like a sardine, peanut butter, marshmallow, pickle and fudge sauce sandwich. I really love when they get that look on their face of complete surprise when you wait till after they bite into the sandwich.

I just love it so much to see them happy. True, there are times when they look like they ate one of Truly Grimey's meals, but I'm sure that is just an odd coincidence.

Oh well, maybe if they ever stop holding their mouths and turning green before running off to the bathroom I will have a chance to find out more details. For now, I'm just happy to do what I can to make all the people so happy for a little seasoning being added to their lives.

BIG DOINGS IN SMALL PLACES

Oh man now this can be so excited. You have some ordinary place that you don't look at as a big deal and they have something super cool. Now that is exciting stuff from my view.

You know there is nothing better than having something to look forward to. And when it is a surprise that just makes things even better.

Well it does for me. And let me tell you I sure don't complain about it either. Those are the wonderful times when you can savor a miracle.

Like the other day. I was over at the candy store and then the next thing I know they were having this special delivery coming in.

Course I'm thinking jelly beans naturally. But they insisted it wasn't jelly beans. Oh I was really disappointed at first you understand.

Then I decided to stick around just the same. I figured well you know maybe they would have something else super tasty for me to check out.

I mean don't get me wrong, I am a real big lover of my jelly beans, but I sure will never turn down a shot at some chocolate either. That would be downright unfair and stupid.

Anyway, I'm really glad I did wait around. Because it turned out that the delivery got messed up.

Yeah, for some reason the dude hauling it wasn't careful so what happen was that the chocolate he brought ended up melting to some degree. And part of it ended up melting all over some jelly beans that were in the order by mistake.

Oh man that was really fun. I ended up having to deal with eating the whole thing since they felt they couldn't sell it very well. It really made my day.

Which is one of those cool deals that I got to admit didn't make me unhappy. It was a nice little surprise.

Just wish all of those things worked out like that. But then don't. They just never quite come out as I would like.

Which is another of those deals you live with in life, but hate. However, on those times things go great and I get a little extra sugar I'm not going to complain.

Neither does my tummy. And you can bet that counts for a lot too. Oh yeah, it really is happy when I get those miracles.

Only I never quite get the candy store to understand that part.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:

"Do cows live in space? Or does another animal make all that milk in the milky way?"

STUFF THE DOESN'T SUCK

Now this really is a good thing to talk about it. Honestly, when you can list things to remember this is on my list.

Well, the good list, not that other one, which I never did quite get finished. Yeah, I tried it, but kept forgetting where I put the stupid list. Really ended up being so dang frustrating.

Anyway, I was sure glad to get passed that part. This list I made sure I didn't forget or lose.

And I might have even done better if Otis hadn't taken away my stapler. I figured stapling it to my wrist would work good. But he didn't seem to agree.

Oh well, I got it taken care of despite that fact. At least he didn't hide the tape on me. I would have preferred to have this glue gun option, but he wouldn't let me do that either.

In any event I do have this list working now. And it really does make me happy to know how cool it looks.

All that great stuff I got listed. And the best stuff in the whole wide world if you ask me. I can't think of a better way to have fun in life than with the chance to enjoy the stuff on this list.

The big problem is that I can't always get the stuff. That does make for certain problems. Which is okay I guess because it does give me something to look forward to at times.

Just wish my list was more about things I had when I wanted. Now that would truly give me a reason to smile.

That's okay though. I got a feeling as long as I keep this list worked out right then everything else will come out alright.

Otis keeps telling me how that is suppose to work. Not sure I have gotten the hang of that so far.

But I'm going to keep practicing till I know for sure. Really will be helpful if I can. Providing that it all stays right on my list.

Maybe I ought to try to write it in a way that isn't about you know something where I tried to get too creative. Yeah, I thought using strawberry jam might be a good thing, but it wasn't.

I reckon that is because all that writing made me too hungry. And so I imagine next time I won't try it with the temptation of having a bunch of peanut butter and bread nearby. Well they were on my list you see.

STUFF THAT SUCKS

With the right kind of junk this is a good thing. Like if you are talking something such a vacuums. Oh yeah that is a good thing. They are supposed to suck.

But if you are talking things that should be good, but end up being lousy that is not a good thing it sucks. And that doesn't clean up anything.

However, you can always get rid of he sucky stuff that is bad and just keep the good stuff. Wish it worked that way. It never does darn it.

And I also wish that was a thing you can decide how often you can choose to get rid of the suck stuff and just keep the good stuff. It is like there is some stupid rule that says if something sucks you are stuck with it forever.

Where is that written is what I want to know? It is like totally unfair if you ask me. But I reckon you can't always control such things. At least I can't.

I am working on a way to improve that though. My first idea is to create a list. I hear those are very helpful.

And so far I'm not sure how, but I'm willing to give it some thought if it matters. From the way I figure somebody decided that lists make a big difference.

So I don't mind giving it a shot. And if it really helps, heck I'll be thrilled. But then you never know for sure. Some people like to make you think some things are cool when they really aren't.

I don't know, just all seems like you know this might be bogus in some way. A piece of paper can end up sucking if you end up find yourself doing stupid stuff.

And there is no way I want to do that if you don't have to. I know I don't. But then that is me.

Might not be that way with everyone though. That much I can admit. Just really sucks when it sucks.

Oh well, in the meantime, since I can't control this list thing, I think I'll just practice a little. Maybe start out with some small lists and go from there.

Yeah, I'll do some lists about lists. Man now that ought to be really great. Hmmm, I wonder if I ought to you know like make a lists of all the lists I want to put on my lists?

Gee, then if I do all of that it will only be a short time before my lists will be stuff for sure. And none that sucks I reckon.

Yep, you can beat that for being good can you?

THIS BUD'S FOR YOU

I don't like this. Flowers are okay. They can be lot of fun I guess if you are one who love looking at them. And they smell good too.

So what is up with this thing about this bud's for you? Who in the world wants some flower where thing hasn't bloomed yet?

Unless you are wanting to get them before they are blooming for some reason. In which case I suppose it would make sense. Still, I don't need them and want to spent that time waiting for it to bloom. No thanks.

But apparently there are some pretty strange dudes out there. Because they'll have some weird commercial on television where you see a bunch of guys in some bar hanging around and talking about this bud's for you.

When did guys in bars suddenly become all jazzed by flowers. Must be from all that beer they drink.

That is all I can figure. It is the kind of stuff that makes some people get really weird. And I'll pass on that part.

But it works for those guys I guess. And I guess if you all full of beer you might act a little strange about stuff like flowers.

Don't think I want to find out though. Those guys can have that stuff. I got enough to drink with my root beer.

At least it don't make me crazy about flowers. Maybe because it is made from root and not whatever they make real beer from.

Don't think I want to know either. They can keep it. Because I'm fine without messing with the beer that isn't made from roots.

Beside I noticed in the stores you have to be members of some club to buy that beer. It's call the over twenty one club.

I reckon that is because they got more than twenty one people who are members. Which is fine by me.

Wonder what they charge for becoming a member? Not that I want to join. Might be worth finding out I guess.

And if I do, then I'll let you know. In the meantime watch out for those buds. Sometimes they do hide bees.


Nobody needs that kind of a surprise for your nose.

WHY FER

I really would like an answer to this one. Why for is life so stupid some times? Why for do I have to put up with the dumb griminals all the time too?

Yeah, why for do any of us have to put up with so much crap? I really, really would love the answer to that one.

Course the problem is finding the answers. Just running around with them why for questions never quite makes things better.

Wish it did. How wonderful it would be to have some store you could go to that had all the answers somewhere.

You could just walk up and down the aisles of the stupid section. The look for the appropriate why for CD that applies to your question.

Maybe you could even rent it too. That way if it sucked for some reason you wouldn't get stiffed on the price.

I wonder why nobody has even started up such a store. It would be so cool. I could spend all day in such a place.

Hey, wait a minute, I could start one myself. Yeah, why for can I start a why for store? Can think of any reason not to.

Well course I would have to work on getting more answer. I know I'll ask the Reverend Analbe.

Yeah, he talks to God personally. Oh man if it is something you need to know, God would sure be a cool place to check.

I wonder if the Reverend could set up some meet for me to say actually talk to God? Maybe considering how important as getting the answers to all questions in life would make it okay.

Oh man I can't wait to check with him on that. Hmmm, I hope that asking why for ain't a sin. God is real big on being against stuff that is a sin.

And so far I haven't found a whole lot that the Reverend hasn't thought of as a sin. So I will have to be careful.

I know, I'll have him meet me at a donut shop. Yeah, for some reason when he is eating donuts things are less sinful. Not sure why that is so, but seems to work that way.

Hopefully, I can meet him tomorrow. Would be nice to set this thing up by the weekend. You know to be ready better for Sunday.

VOTE FOR ME

Voting is fun. I like going into those places with those tiny curtains and picky a winner. It is so cool to have that choice.

I just get kind of annoyed I can't do it when I want. That is the part that sucks. I don't see why we can set this up to do it when we feel like it.

The problem is we need more elections where we get to do what we want in terms of voting for whoever. After all this is suppose to be one of our rights. You know part of democracy where we exercise our freedom.

But who can we exercise our freedom if somebody is always tell us when we can and can not vote. Where is the freedom in that?

So I think we need to you know have a shot and making more things you can get elected for. That way we get better chances to vote.

What I want to know is who is this absentee dude who is always on ballots. I always here them talking about the absentee ballots being counted other than with the usual ones. Is that fair?

What makes him so special that he gets to vote and it counts separately? Can any of the rest of us get a chance at it too?

All I can say is that he sure must have lots of relatives. Because they talk about this in all kinds of states.

Maybe it is like you know, they get some discount because there are so many of them. So I wonder if they also got like a shot at voting when they want too.

Because it sure seems like they have all kinds of chances to vote when we don't. And the post office must think they live everywhere since I've seen their ballots even be delivered to our apartment.

So that tells me this dude probably tries to claim to have all kinds of home addresses. Why, it is hard to say.

If I ever find this dude I guess I'll ask him. But not sure where I'll find him. I imagine when I do I can find out how I get to be added to his list and maybe get voted for also.

That would be cool. I could be a really great person for being a jelly bean inspector. Yeah, I know enough to do that extra good.

Man I wonder if you get your own hat with that job? Now that would be cool. I would like one of those you if it is available. If not, I can handle providing my own beanie for the occasion.

UMBRELLAS AND SHAVING CREAM

I'm sure there are a few who might ask what these two have to do with each other. It is simple to me, they both are there for protection. Yep, you use them to keep you from some kind of problem.

Guys do at least, which since that happens to include me means I can think that way. Which sort of is a big deal when you have to worry about storms or shaving.

That happens to us dudes you know. More than I care to think about I guess. But I got no choice.

Now shaving you do have to do everyday. Well, I guess you don't have to. Nope you can go around looking like Bigfoot if you want. Just have to do it alone maybe.

See, umbrellas for me are like that too. You don't have to use them when it rains, but it sure is a good idea. Otherwise you get totally soaked, which is not cool.

Not to me at least. I heard some clown who got famous for talking once about singing in the rain. Bet he had an umbrella. If you tried doing lots of singing without one you might drown!

Maybe that is what the big deal was about his singing too. He was probably like bragging or something.

I bet you wouldn't be you know coming up with I'm singing in the shaving cream. Might be kind of cool though.

Not sure how good you could be singing while shaving. Pretty tough I reckon. I'm not about to try it.

But then there are those who like to sing in the shower. So who knows what all kinds of weird stuff they might try.

As for me, well you can forget it. I'm keep my umbrella in the closet, my singing voice for meetings with Reverend Analbe and shaving in the bathroom.

And the way that Reverend Analbe runs around and starts shouting and then starts spitting on people when he gets excited, I reckon you might need an umbrella. Haven't seen anyone bring one though.

At least all the guys seem to be shaving normally. That is one cool thing there. You don't have to wonder.

Oh well, I guess that will be enough fun for me. Right now, I'm noticing clouds outside forming. Why it makes me think of razors I'm not sure. But I guess I'll give it some thought later.

THE WHITES OF THEIR PIES

I heard this crazy saying the other day. About not shooting till you see the whites of their pies. What kind of insanity is that?

Shoot if somebody decides to bring me a nice creamy pie I ain't going to shoot them for it. Well providing the white isn't soap. Then I might get a bit pissed.

Course I would be more concerned over the person wanting to do all this shooting stuff. That could be a really a bad thing.

I got to wonder what the big deal is too. I mean does this person hate pie for some reason? It can happen.

Wouldn't work for me, but it does happen. Just not sure who. I'm thinking that it is one of those weird nuts who thinks sugar is a bad thing.

I call such people weird because that is how I see someone that expects you to think something yucky tastes good. I figure that is there problem.

And I ain't crazy about them making it seem like it is my problem either. Some expect that. They are never happy just being miserable.

They have to like everyone else miserable too. Which sure isn't my idea of fun. But even if I did I wouldn't go around shooting people for it.

Honestly, isn't that like getting way to carried away with this idea? In fact I thought shooting people was illegal or something.

Seems like it should be. If not, then I missed when they decided it was cool. Must have been mentioned it in the paper in one of those sections I missed.

Lot of those in the paper as far as I'm concerned. But that is my choice. I got to tell you that I'll pass on making it my choice too.

I mean guns are kind of heavy anyway. I sure don't want to have to lug one around just so I can find some dude with a cream pie that I decide needs blasting.

Gee, I imagine if you were just fooling about the blasting part it might get you a few pies. Nah, I bet such people wouldn't have much of a sense of humor about it.

Just because a dude was cool about toting around pies, I don't imagine they would smile if you waltzed up with a bazooka and said, "Gimmie your pie or else!"

Oh well, since I can't get myself a bazooka and not sure where the pie dudes hang out I reckon I won't get a chance to find out. In the meantime I think I'll just go and buy a few pies unless some nut with a bazooka decides to pull any funny stuff.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:
"What is the deal with reruns on television? They never actually run anywhere in the first place, so how they re?"

SHOW ME YOUR COOKIES

Alright let's get this straight. Now talking about stuff like cookies if you don't have any! Okay, everyone got that?

I sure hope so. Cause the one thing I don't need is somebody telling me cookies are still cookies if you can't eat them.

And all I can say is that some stupid jerk who works with the internet sure has a stupid idea of cookies. I had this deal on my computer under this preference deal where is mentioned enabling cookies.

Well heck, if you are asking me if I want cookies the answer is heck yeah. But then made it sound like you could somehow actually get something to eat by choosing to enable them.

I tried, but nowhere did I end up with a single cookie. Honestly, that just plain sucks chickens. That's a cool phrase that I heard the other day.

I mean there are a lot of cool things to do in life, but sucking chickens don't make my list. Honestly, it bites.

At least it would to me. You try enjoying yourself while sucking on some chicken's butt. You can only hope all you get is a mouth full of feathers.

Yeah, that is the kind of sucking this is like when you get no cookies though you were lead to think you would. Man if I had the chance you could be darn sure I would make a big deal of it with the jerk that mentioned it.

I mean I would have settled for just some directions to a place where you might even get some free samples. Not quite the same, but heck I could get by.

Only they don't even give you that choice. Heck, I must of hit that stupid button I don't know how many times and didn't get a single message about cookies.

Oh well, I know better than to trust that deal now. Such people in my opinion are just downright cruel.

And if there is one thing you don't need in life it is practical jokes about food. I got enough problems with that in terms of having to cope with the likes of cooking by Truly Grimey.

Her crude is enough to ruin your day. Having to just think of messing with it turns my stomach.


And it would be nice to have a few cookies to help out. Just don't expect them from some computer jerks with a crappy sense of humor.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

Can you believe somebody made a movie by that title? Amazing. I think that is awful. I mean the idea of bragging like that is disgusting to me.

I suppose I would be okay if it was something like what a wonderful day or even a wonderful week. But a whole life. Who are they kidding?

Not me that is for sure. I know how this works. The only way one person could have that cool a life is if somebody else really had a crappy one.

At least from what I've seen it has to work that way. Like there is some quo on luck or something.

I mean fair is fair here, if some dude is the luckiest guy on the planet, fine. But what brag about it?

And please don't turn it into a movie. Jeez how cruel is that? After all such things you should just keep to yourself!

Actually if you are going to go around shooting your mouth off then as far as I'm concerned you should get whatever bad stuff comes your way. After all that is what you deserve when you act stupid and brag too much.

It just seems like it would be better if you kept your mouth shut so you didn't depress others. That way you would run less risk of pissing others off.

And for Pete's sake whatever you do, DON'T make some movie about it! Jeez, how dumb is that?

Plus what these clowns do is show this movie at Christmas time. Honestly is that cruel or what?

I bet this jerk was first on Santa's list too. Yeah that would suck. But given the fact that this clown is having such a great life it doesn't surprise me.

I just think if you have to be such a bragging kind of guy you ought to be willing to cut others some slack. At least pick a time when it won't bother others as much.

Honestly is that too much to ask? I don't think so. Guess that doesn't matter to this clown.

All I know is I ain't going to waste time watching his stupid movie. You can forget that. Why should I fork over the money to see it and risk this clown getting it? I figure he has plenty with out.

But that is just me I guess.

BIGGER BUMPERS

See now this is one idea that as far as I know hasn't been dealt with that good. The way I see it the main reason there are so many accidents is because people don't get to have big enough bumpers.

Now if cars had really big bumpers they wouldn't be able to get quite as close to each other. That is the way I think it ought to be.

After all, if you looked over and saw a car next to you with a bumper the size of say an elephant you sure wouldn't miss it would you? I know I wouldn't.

Just not sure why nobody else hasn't suggested it before me. I just think it would be so cool.

Yeah, you could make them out of marshmallows. Now how bad would that be? I think it would be wonderful.

When the bumper got too messed up you could eat it. In fact I think we ought to seriously consider making cars edible.

Think how cool that would be. Imagine when you had an accident in a car made out of ice cream?

It would be messy perhaps, but so yummy. I love the idea. Can't imagine anything more fabulous.

Now I do realize how that could be a big problem with some people. I mean in the summer time they might be like crashing their cars just to cool off.

We might have to work on that problem I guess. Probably make some substitute deal for smog checks.

Like have a deal where you can't crash your car unless you have had it enough time or they take away your spoons. I think that might work.

There might be a few how would not behave. We might just have to take away their hot fudge sauce.

That might be a little radical, but I guess if we had to we would. Sometimes you have to take such risks fro the sake of everyone else.

So let's rebuild those cars. Maybe some cookies even. And naturally jelly beans would be great too.

But no pressure on that part. They can be saved till next year's model if needed. We ca wait for good things.

BETTER BUTTER

Oh my, is butter cool or what? It is so great with toast, bread in general and pancakes. Plus it works wonders when you put it in something like cookie dough.

So with all those good deals to use it for, I can't think of anything, which is more wonderful than if you bet some better butter. Only it really ought to be better.

Otis keeps trying to convince me that this stuff called margarine is better for you than butter. Let me tell you he sure hasn't convinced me so far.

I mean it looks like butter for the most part. Only it doesn't taste better. At least not that I can tell.

So how can it really be better for me if it don't taste better to start with? Wouldn't that sort of be important?

You would think it would matter. Only Otis speaks about better in weird ways. He was telling me this margarine stuff doesn't have as much cholesterol in it and there is better for you.

I mean if this cholesterol stuff ain't a good thing, then how come it is in all the cool tasting stuff? Sure seems odd if it ain't good you know.

I got a feeling that there is something rotten in the Den's mark. At least that is what I heard somebody say once when things are crappy.

Never heard where you find this den in question and what is a thing I want to know is what kind of rotten yucky thing do you have to watch out for? Hope it ain't something disgusting.

But I do know if it something like butter that was left out and melted or something, I ain't cleaning it up. I have enough trouble with cleaning up my won messes.

I sure don't want to get myself around some place where they blame me for something getting split. Ain't no way I'm going to let them blame me or something like that.

To think this all is because Otis wants me to think margarine is cooler and better than butter. Well he can keep claiming that all he wants.

But if I got to stop eating pancakes to go to some den and clean up some melted butter first. That sure wouldn't make me happy.

And if there is one thing I know, better is suppose to make you happy, not unhappy. So he can say what he wants. There ain't no way I'm buying this margarine stuff is a better deal.

I'll just let Otis have that fun and also find that den.

BITTER BATTER

I was trying to figure this part out. Heard somebody talking about how you make bitter batter better.

Now if one were to ask me you might be best to start with getting a new bat. I mean if you got some bitter batter it is probably because he's been striking out too much.

So maybe a new bat will help. Doesn't seem like it would be unreasonable to have those baseball players fork over a little cash to help some unhappy batter be happy again.

I mean those dudes are all the type that make big money playing baseball. I hear they get you know salaries and stuff.

Which I bet is at least a hundred bucks a week. That's a lot of money though. Might be exaggerating I guess.

But how much can a bat cost anyway? Heck, they are just from a tree. Why I bet if you were to take a saw and fine a decent tree, it wouldn't even cost anything.

So how come those other people can't figure that part out? I would think it would be that easy.

But maybe they are too busy playing ball to stop and think of such stuff. Still if you bud is really in a bad mood they you would figure they might want to help.

Otis calls it being in a fowl mood. Not sure what some stupid chickens have to do with it, but since I don't play baseball I can say for sure what they do with chickens.

I reckon it probably has something to do with what the call a fowl play. Haven't heard all about that either.

Maybe somebody tosses a chicken in the batter's face when he isn't looking. You would think the catcher would notice though.

But weird stuff sure can happen at times I guess with sports. It is kind of like when they talk about the baseball diamond.

I've watched baseball before and I've never seen any diamonds myself. Probably keep it in that safe I hear the umpires talking about at times.

Yeah, you know where they see a player running around and shout "you're save." Meaning I guess it is the player's safe.

Okay by me. Not sure it should be on the baseball field though. Haven't seen it so far, but I reckon if they umpire dude says it is there then it is somewhere. Oh well, guess it might also be what makes the batter bitter if he lost the combination.

BETWEEN TWO POINTS

Okay, this is different than the middle. Well it is to me. Because the middle you have to worry about finding it.

Whereas with this you just not you aren't at the beginning or the end. Which sure makes it easy to figure out.

Now for me this is important because I always seem to find myself at this spot at times. A whole lot of times too.

It happens a whole lot when I like am on assignment. We will be out somewhere after we started so it is after the beginning. Then we haven't finished so I know it ain't the end either.

Instead we are someplace other than the middle. Which is the between two points kind of deal.

I don't mind except that you never know how long you in between the two points. See this ain't a distance thing. It is a time thing.

Which can really drive you nuts at times. Because those dirty rats of griminals never work on a time clock.

I'm not even sure they own watches. Honestly it sucks big time to me. You can be out there all day at times when we are after the bad guys.

Which sort of helps me to get really motivated to try harder, but it never works out the way I hoped. Stupid griminals can't be trusted to check the time.

Heck I even have tried to give the griminals a watch at times. Never does any good though. Stupid jerks just never change.

Guess it would help if I didn't bash them and leave them unconscious they might appreciate the clock more. Well it is what Otis says.

I don't know it can get confusing at times. Which is okay too. I'm doing the best I can to keep it all straight.

All I have to do is work on this time deal when between two points of time. I'm sure I can get the hang of it eventually.

Only not sure how long it will take me to actually do that. Going to probably be stuck on that part too I reckon.

Man it just really does bug me at times in that sense. But I guess I just have to take one between two points at a time.

ENDS

Boy I am sure thrilled to get to the end of this thing. Just feel so good to be finished with something. Which I guess is the best part of, you know, when you reach the end. You know you are done.

Which is probably why it is the end. And let me tell you there is nothing that sucks more than not being sure when you reach the end of something.

You would think this happens, but I think there is something totally weird when this applies to freeways. Believe end just gets stuck in some time warp in such situations.

I ain't saying this because I'm just making it up either. Nope, this is something I have seen happen.

I'll be in the truck with Otis and we are zooming down the freeway. No problem till we get to the place where I ask him how much farther and he says something like ten minutes.

Then I wait the ten minutes and guess what we still aren't there. And if I ask again, he says it is another ten minutes.

I'm telling you this is really strange to me. I mean it is like we aren't moving. Which I know we are.

So the only thing I can assume is that we are trapped in one of those strange places where they mention about time standing still. I just wish Otis would give me more warning on stuff like that.

Honestly, if we are really stuck then I figure he shouldn't be making it sound like the end is right then. Really does bug me at times.

Oh well I guess I should spend more time paying attention and trusting the dude who stands on the corner with the sign that reads, "The end is coming." I reckon he must know something the rest of us don't.

Don't know though. Seen him out there a lot and so far he just stays in the same place. More like he's asking for direction.

Otis says the guy needs help. So I'll take his word for that. I might not for lots of other things though.

Like how long it takes to get from one point to another. Not going to fall for that ten minute thing again.

Although I sure wouldn't care to have to find out any other way I suppose either. I tell you sun dial are no help in that regards. I dial one once and the sun never did answer.

Thought for the week: "Could you use a pick nick basket in basketball? You wouldn't have to worry as much about the ball slipping through that hole and could maybe let the dude get a sandwich when he make a basket."

MIDDLES

Well I already took care of dealing with the problem of beginnings. So now I'm going to talk about middles.

That is the place you know in between where you start and where you finish. How tough is that to remember?

Shouldn't be hard at all. But seems to be for some. Now I do admit that middle is a tough place to always figure out. You might not know how far it is from the beginning to the end so how can you always know where the middle is?

The thing is apparently trying to help people figure that part out is a big enough deal that they do actually have a place that teaches you such stuff. And it must be something you have to do when you are a kid.

Because I saw this place called Middle School and all I saw there were kids. Makes me wonder if you have problems finding middles later if you don't find out about them when you are a kid?

I don't know just all seems kind of peculiar if you ask me. What happens that causes people to get dumb about middles when they are older?

To be honest I'm not even sure I want to find out. Just might be scary to find out I got old yuck for brain cells.

What happen if you get that problem? Is it like contagious? Do you go absolutely bonkers cuckoo for some reason about middles afterwards?

I think for the moment I'm just going to try and remember that there are middles. Then as long as I don't forget there is probably hope for me after all.

At least enough that I won't get all stupid over the details on where you find the middle. Kind of something I will have to know for sure when the time comes.

Which could be anytime I guess. Because the way I understand it Otis and I are suppose to be right in the middle of things on this next assignment.

That's how he said it. Didn't say what things though. Hope if they are in the middle we can find them easy.

Gee I hope he isn't going to like take me to one of those Middle Schools. That could be such a pain. Honestly, I wouldn't want to do that.

It might mean I might have to do lots of homework. Who needs that? That works for me as long as all the middles I have to cope with are easy to find and I don't have to take a test!

BEGINNINGS

I can't speak for anyone else, but I always find this a great place to start. It just makes more sense that trying to start in the middle. And who is going to get that far by starting at the end?

Well you would think that would make sense to most people. Honestly, what is tough to figure out?

Apparently a whole lot if you go by some individuals. It is like those weirdoes who buy a magazine and look at the last page first. Is that even legal?

Honestly, I do have to wonder what kind of lunatic would do something like that? Sure not a sane person.

Course there are things where last is a good thing to do first. As in stuff like dinner. That is one of the times when eating something like dessert first isn't all bad.

Oh yeah, I love doing that. However, that is different from other kinds of beginnings. Because with food it al ends up in your stomach. So it ain't that big of a deal if your mouth gets sugar before vegetables as far as I'm concerned.

Now that same rule to me doesn't apply to stuff like reading. Why shoot their is a perfectly good reason that stories have the words, the end at the end.

I mean shoot if you didn't you might not be sure if it was the end. You might think you just were watching the beginning.

After all on movies they show credits at the end and the beginning. So you could easily get confused with the end part.

Then there are those weird people who put the finis instead of the end. I don't know fish and fins should have to do with the end of a story.

Unless it stinks so bad you think it is smells like dead fish. Only I would sort of figure you would know that before you get to the actually end.

Even though I reckon this all would make sense. It is obvious that isn't the case all the time.

Because if it was nobody would be needing to write such an informative thing like this posting. And I just doing so will be able to give you a chance in order to spare yourself the stupidity of looking like a dummy.

In case you get any funny ideas while picking up a magazine. If you can't help yourself then it is not my fault you understand. Just felt a need to do what I could to spare you the mistake before give some weird looks.

OPEN THIS SIDE

Well for starters we know this is about opening something. A side to be exact. And this one to be more specific.

Ever wonder what the big deal is with that when you are talking about boxes? Is there like some law that if you don't open a given side they will like beat you up?

I just was wondering you know. Seemed like a fair question. Now I have to be honest I got to question if this is important?

I'm sorry, but frankly to me I have the right to open any darn thing I want. I don't care what side or even when.

And unless you are going to tell me my butt is going to fall off or something then I think I'm not going to worry about it. Unless you are like going to pretend putting that facing printing on some box makes it a crime to not open a given side.

As if the government will come and beat you silly if you try opening the wrong side. Boy all I can say is they sure better not come to my house and try that.

First of all they better be able to prove it. I think they call that do process. That is the process where you get what you are do. And how can they know what you are do if they didn't see you.

I reckon that is where they have the deal about having a search warrant. I guess that is a case of where have warranty on something and they like go searching for it or something.

Sounds like of weird to me actually. I think I will pass myself on that part. They can keep that stuff for somebody else.

But if they by chance do show up to do some searching I hear you can take the fifth commandment. Must have something to do with thou shall not touch my box side.

Well in the meantime, I'm not taking any chances. Just in case them sneaky box police are out hiding in some bushes.

I'm going to be sure I keep my drapes closed. Then no way they can even peek. Seems like the best choice to me.

Whew! Hope you don't have to worry about that. Honestly their are some really goofy people out there that believe some really strange things.

As for me, well I'm just being careful. That way I can hide the box side before anybody knocks on my door.

Works for me at least. Most things do.

MY LUCKY STARS

Do you have any of these somewhere? I keep hearing people talking about thanking their lucky stars, but never found those stars myself.

How do you know a star is lucky anyway? Sure would be fun to find out. Maybe they sell them at a store?

Haven't seen a listing though in the phone book for the lucky star store. So I guess they don't just sell to everyone.

And why is that? Honestly is there some reason we can't all get our share of these stars? I would think it would be fair to pass them around.

Must be some reason they don't. I'm thinking it has something to do with the size of them stars.

Now up in the sky they don't look very big. But I'm told they are a lot bigger than they look. Probably up close they are the size of like baseballs or watermelons

Can't hardly stuff those into your pocket can you? I wonder if the lucky ones are any different in size?

Just a thought you understand. And maybe if I ever find a place where you can get them, I'll find out for sure.

Plus, maybe I'll find out what makes them lucky too. Yeah, that would be so cool. I wonder if they have a book on them in the library or something?

Might be worth checking I reckon. They got so much good stuff in there I imagine they got one on that too.

However, I might have to wait on that part though. Seems to me it would be best. Don't get me wrong them library folks can be so dang helpful.

As long as you find them when they aren't freaking out about something. Which is what happen the last time I went there.

All I did was go up and ask a simple question and you would think I had like commit some crime. Honestly, they can get so bent out of shape for no reason.

There I was standing and waiting to ask one silly question and they just totally went insane. I don't know, but it seemed like a far question to me.

After all what is the big deal about asking for a book on the history of farting? Now I don't see what that hurts. I figured it would with the ones about politicians since Otis says they are all big farts.

GOOD DEAL

Yeah, this is a good thing. I'm telling you when you get a deal, then you got a reason to celebrate.

And when is life not fun if you can do that? Well let me tell you there are no people more understanding on making deals that them people over at the credit card place.

Now who could be better at being helpful than those nice folks who give you that little piece of plastic that lets you go out and buy crap and pay for it later. And shoot they don't ask for much in return. Why only 40 per cent interest rate. How bad is that. Not sure how much that really is though.

All I know is that I get to make monthly payments for less than the amount I charged and that is so cool. I just get to enjoy the idea of being able to run out to any store I want and buying what I want when I want it.

And I can't imagine anything better than that. Course I just started using this recently. But so far it is a good deal from what I can tell.

Why it feels so great to go into so many places and say, I'll take that. Then I had them that little plastic goody and I leave with what I want.

Gee, I can't wait for tomorrow to come. They are having a really big sale on stuff over at the mall. Such great deals they promise.

So I'm going to waltz in there with my little plastic buddy and impress them. Yeah, watch them grovel over me when they know I'm somebody important.

The only thing I'm not clear about is this thing about credit limits. Can't quite figure that part out.

Seems to be where they say you only get so much credit. Well I don't worry about it. I'm not looking for credit, just stuff.

I reckon it means that I can only have one card at a time. Which is okay by my. I mean how many cards do I need if I'm able to use one as much as I want?

The way I figure as long as I can just keep using that card all the time then no big deal. Can't see how that will end. Not with all those swell people at the credit card company trusting me with that card.

Life can sure be perfect at times. I can't imagine it getting any better. Well providing this deal thing continues.

Hmmm, I do recall something being said about expiration dates. Not sure what that means. Oh well don't think I will worry about it for the present.

GOOD EVENING

Okay, when somebody says that what's the big deal here? I mean are they wishing you to have a good evening or bragging that they are having one?

Just never clear on that part with some people. And if they are wishing you good evening are they saying like, "I'm saying this because I know you had a crappy day." Or is it more, "I know you had a good day so just make sure the night is the same?"

I figure that is one of those deals where you just never know what the person means for sure. Oh you can ask them, but most of the time they just always seem to want to pretend you are making the stuff up.

Let me tell you this thing really bugs me at times. It is so dang ridiculous. I'm telling you I would rather have somebody just wish me a so-so evening or not even wish me anything to that other crap.

You just got to worry about what they are thinking. And man if you don't know the person very well then it is hard to tell.

So if they pulls this good evening stuff, I always check around to make sure they aren't trying to pull something sneaky. That is really important to me.

I mean some people can be really clever and making you think they are your buddy and the whole time they got something planned that ain't good. You sure have to watch out for them.

Which can make the night even more of a pain. What is this dude is setting you up for some terrible problem? Like a real sick practical joke?

You can never be too careful in that sense. I know I have to be. Honestly, these people just are so untrustworthy. Oh yeah we don't need that.

At least I don't. And I'm working real hard to avoid it. Which means being dang sure I don't get suckered into believing just any old crap.

Oh yeah that really is important to me. I just can't think it would be fun to end up you know getting my hopes up for no reason.

So I'm getting myself prepared to settle in to wonder, do these dudes really want to mess with me or are they just being nice. Or perhaps they are really into something that I'll regret later.

But then you never can say for sure with some people. You just have to watch out no mater where you go. Because with some folks they will dare to risk you a good evening at the most unsuspected places.

It can be so dang scary. Got to watch out for that.

GOOD BYE DROOL WORLD

Is there anything more annoying than when your mouth has the ruins? Honestly you just can't keep the juices from flowing.

I'm sure this doesn't happen very often. I just have it occur enough times to figure it is worth mentioning. For the benefit of others who might have that problem.

Wish I knew a good solution that honestly made this problem perfect. Well actually made it plain go away.

Have found one yet. I thought of maybe getting a really tiny pump with a tube you could stick in your gums. But heck I doubt that would help.

They would no doubt never make that work for your mouth. Plus it would take away from all the fun that those dentists have with such things. And who needs that?

So I reckon there has to be a better solution. Not sure what yet, but I'm working on it. Always thrilling to imagine too.

I think the big problem is with the fact too many people don't like to admit they drool. Sort of like having dandruff or farting. Yeah it isn't considered cool.

I guess I can blame them. After all nobody like to look other than cool. If the people who aren't cool like to see themselves that way.

As for me, well I got no problem in that regard. I'm always cool. I might have trouble getting people to agree, but it doesn't mean I don't know I am.

So I just figure the big deal here is to try and be able to keep people aware that drooling ain't all bad. I mean it ain't like you messed up big time. Or ran over a priest or something really terrible. Not done that I'm happy to say.

Anyway, I think this whole deal needs some serious consideration. We need to help out folks with serious drooling issues.

Issues you know is how people have to describe when something is a problem. It really works for me.

Better than saying your screwed up. Some people are, but don't mean they like to talk about it.

And why should they? I know that ain't a good thing being messed up. But I figure if we can fix this problem on drooling being an issue we can work on screw up people next.

And if not, then cool. We can just pass them a bucket so they can keep the drool to themselves.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "If you decide to stop and smell the roses, be sure there ain't a bee inside. No sense having a big red nose unless your name is Rudolph."

NO, NO WHEN?

Okay now this is one of those deals where people tell you no, but don't really mean it. They will just keep making it sound like that is what they want you to belief. Then whammo the next thing you know, they are all for it and demanding to know when they get to do something.

And somewhere in all of it they will decide it is all your fault. You never had anything to actually do with it, but they decide it is your fault anyway. Well at least they figure some way to see that you get blamed.

I'm just glad this doesn't happen all the time. I don't think I would be very happy about that option.

Actually it is more stuff that happens to me at the mall. You go in there and check on sales. That is when they tell you they aren't having any sale.

And I wish I could believe them, but I'll go back to the mall on another day and they will be having a sale. Can you believe that stuff?

Now if I dare to question what gives with that boy do they act like I'm the one with the problem. As if it was my fault they had to wait on some stupid sale.

Which isn't the part that bugs me as much as when you go in and you got some ad showing they are having a sale and they claim the ad is wrong. Like I should believe that.

Then when I take the ad in to prove it to them, can you believe they have the nerve to claim the ad is no good. Just because the ad came out of newspaper from six months ago should matter. It is an ad.

Try to get them to buy that one. According to them sales are only good for so long. Only it doesn't say that in the ad.

So you would figure the least they could do is give me a break on that one. But nooo, they refused to say the sale prices were still good.

It is like you know if you see a sale price on shoes. Now if shoes are on sale shouldn't that mean any place that sells shoes ought to have to have those on sale?

Can you imagine those jerks at one store claiming that if the ad wasn't from her store it didn't count? That really sucks in my book.

I tell you these darn people are way to fickle for me. And if it wasn't for that darn candy store being in the mall, I might not bother at all.

And when I do, I always take those ads just in case. Hopefully they won't play any big lies either.

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS

Seems like it really is the small stuff that gets to you the most. Big stuff people understand and sort of get pissed about easy.

But small stuff just ends up in a yawn at times. You know like it is no big deal. Course they only say that when it doesn't apply to them.

However, let the small be their small stuff and own man, you really got a headache. Just enough to feel like crap.

Sort of like when you have a sliver. And you are out somewhere that you can get it taken care of. So you just end up letting it really bug you. Which can really mess up your day.

Because even though it is a little thing, it bugs you enough to keep you from enjoy life. That really does make it crappy.

Which is why there are times when they are really big little things. And they end up being so much worse than the big problems. That is why I'm taking time to mention it.

But I'm going to mention it on account of the fact that somebody needs to. Yeah, I'm tired of pain in the butt junk being a pain in the butt.

We need to do something about this and I mean right now. And I'm willing to if others will try also.

After all if we get rid of the stupid junk it will leave us more time for the good junk. And that is great.

Then instead of feeling stupid and pissed off over small things, we can save it all up for really big stuff. I think it is a cool idea. One I bet we can get everyone excited about.

After we do that and figure a way to like give one a chance to be in charge of solving that problem then we can move on to a bigger problem. Like worrying about possible jelly beans shortages.

Oh yeah, that is a big problem in my book. We just all have to get together and sort through this stuff.

Now that will definitely be a great thing when it happens. Only I imagine there are a few who might not think jelly beans deserve first thought.

So we might have to have some kind of meeting to discuss things like that. Not sure who will be the one to be in charge.

Maybe we could like have an election. Yeah that would work. Sure everyone always find it easy to vote for stuff right?

MORE THAN THAT

Dang this is a pain. When something is supposed to be more than what you expect only you can tell it. You have to have somebody explain it and they don't always do a good job of it.

It is like that stuff called abstract art. You got to stare at some bunch of squiggles and see something that to me isn't really there.

They have a bunch of that stuff over at the museum down town. I've looked at it and let me tell you it looks like somebody toss some spaghetti at the wall.

I was standing there looking at that stupid thing and seeing if looking at it upside down would help. But it didn't. Just looked like a few stupid doodles to me.
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Then this clown came along with a couple of other morons and were looking at the painting. That dude started talking about how those lines represented what he called the journey of the sole.

Well that sure didn't make a lot of sense to me. I mean I could sort of see how those markings might have been made by some shoes. Worn by some guy who walked in some paint.

Now if I did that I sure wouldn't want to hang it up for others to see. But then I figure I'm not that stupid.

However there are a lot of strange people in the world I guess and some seem content to do stupid things. Okay by me I guess.

Only I don't think they ought to be sticking their stupidity up in some museum. You figure it would be a lot better to keep quiet on that part.

I think it would sure make a lot more sense to keep the museum for more important junk. Yeah, like say some machine that makes jelly beans.

Honestly I would sure make more sense of that than some stupid abstract painting. I wouldn't even need anyone telling me about it either.

Naturally, to be sure the machine worked good I would be happy to check it out regularly too. Seems like a nice way of helping.

I did try to suggest that to the folks over there at one point. But I don't know they never really warm up to my other idea about a fart exhibit.

You just can't make some people happy I guess, but that is the way things are at times. I'm not giving up on the jelly bean thing though. Just going to take them over there in person and see if they take the hint.

SECOND HAND

There are some people where if they ask you this it's cool. Because when they say a favor it is all they mean. Like give me a hand for a second.

Now where you got to get worried is if you are talking to some clown who happens to decide a favor is like making you a slave then forget it. Run for you life or make sure you have the person go find somebody else to ask. Anyone other than yourself.

Not sure why some people are that way. All I know is that these jerks are not the types you can expect to ever do you a favor. Oh man you can forget that.

Oh you can be sure if you do them one favor they will take that to mean they will ask you over and over again. And each time it will be a bigger favor.

I haven't got to the guy who thought it was cool to you know expect you to donate a kidney for them. I'm grateful for that. No way I want that kind of friend.

But let me tell you I have met a few who are nearly as bad. Like they expect you do practically sign over your bank account to them or something. And then they would still want more after that.

I hate to say this, but this is one time when I can even blame old rat boy, Junior. I wish I could, but not in this case.

That is probably because I never give him a chance. I just always make sure my Junior alarm is on whenever there is a risk he might be thinking about asking for a favor.

In this case Otis is in charge of the alarm. What it comes down to is this, he knows the secretaries real good.

My buddy is real good at talking to them. He even takes them stuff like candy from time to time. Sure glad that hasn't meant him you know being generous with my jelly beans at least.

They seem to like chocolate anyway. But since he does get sort of chummy with them, they always call him on his STINK squash cell phone when Junior starts talking about stuff like needing some kind of special help.

Then we just make sure we mosey off someplace safe till he finds somebody do bug. And let me tell you that includes watching out for some of the other grimefighters at times too.

Providing they are decent to us in the process. Otherwise forget it. I do feel a little sad for our 94 year old janitor, Ramy Jarvis at times. He ends up getting stuck helping Junior a lot. But then since he never remembers more than the last five minutes, it don't seems o bother him much.

GET RID OF IT

Oh yeah, this is great. When you got some pesky junk you hate. Just knowing you can dump it works wonders.

If only Otis and I could agree on what is pesky junk. We do have a problem in that regard.

He seems to think just because something doesn't work any longer you ought to toss it in the trash. Can you believe that?

I mean they got those places these days where they freeze dead people till they figure how a cure what kills them. So how come you can't save broken junk in case they come up with some cure for whatever broken them?

Are we saying some dead dude is really more important than a busted television? I sure hope not.

What kind of world do we live in when dead bodies are something you got to worry about that no matter what happens are still going to be dead and you don't care about a television? I mean you might get it fixed and let some poor family use it? Try that with a dead body? You ain't giving it to me!

At least not unless you give me some really big motivation like say a train load of jelly beans. Even then I'm not so sure.

Whereas some old broken television, well that is a whole different story. For one thing you know it ain't going to stink. You can sit it in the corner and it won't rust.

That's kind of an important quality to me. Sort of up there with things like not wanting any pets that can eat you. Another good safety tip for those that don't know.

But like I said, this is more about what is okay as broken junk to keep and what isn't. And how Otis and I will never agree on that part.

So I just have to work around him on that part. Which normally agreeing to let him dump whatever he says we have to get rid of.

Then being sure I rescue that sucker when I have a chance, which don't always happen. Because sometimes Otis insists we give the stuff to some thrift store. And that really sucks.

And let me tell you they aren't all that cooperative or understanding. Man sometimes they can be downright hostile to the idea of giving stuff back.

Which always ends with me having to settle the discussion with my bat. Well unless it gets broken. And I got a closet full of them waiting for a cure.