GOOD FINDS

Who can complain about this? Not me. It just don't happen that often. At least not the kind I want.

Which sort of puts a twist on the whole good find thing. See on the one hand it is "good" to find some things, as a opposed to not finding them.

Like with some griminals. It is so great to find them. Man does that make my day. You see them lying on the ground, unconscious from having met my little wooden buddy and I just feel so darn good.

Only they are not good you understand. They are dirty creeps. So the find is good in how it makes me feel, but the thing you find is not.

That isn't you understand the kind of good that I prefer to find. Well not in terms of stuff I'm really looking at as making me happy.

Nope, that kind of find makes me smile as a grimefighter, but don't make me find the kind of good that fills my tummy. That is the kind of good that really is a great find.

And believe me the finding part is not easy. Well you can locate them easy enough at times. Just go to the grocery store.

Only that isn't a good find in my book. Because they might be good in one way, but not another.

But that isn't my view of a good find in terms of it not costing you anything. See that is the part that I look at as good in a find. It doesn't cost you anything.

Okay, you can call me being picky, but dang it all, for it to really make me feel good, I want it to be free. Then I don't end up having to groan about it.

For me that happens the best when I get to find some place having a give away. Like with free samples. That truly makes it great.

Man there is nothing better to me than going over to the mall and finding some place that is giving away free samples. Providing they don't get stingy about it.

I mean free ought to mean free. It shouldn't mean free for once. As in you only get one free whatever.

It is like they say, free samples. So samples means more than one. Right? So what gives with this only one business.

Try claiming one is more than one. It doesn't work for me. It just sucks and that never makes me happy. Although it doesn't mean I succeed in convincing them of that. But I'm working on that part.

CIRCUS IN YOUR PANTS

That might seem like a pretty strange title, but let me tell you, man with some people, you do wonder if this isn't the truth. Plain fact is there sure are a lot of clowns out there.

I'm not talking about the kind that make you laugh either. I'm speaking of the type that make you want to strangle them.

And you see the way I figure it these types really need help. They kind that comes from whacking them up the side of the head to keep them from being stupid.

Oh yeah, there are too many of them out there. Really goofy types that shouldn't be trusted in any way.

The way I figure too they are also of the type and nature that honestly you just have to figure acting that way infects them big time. So since they act like clowns in a goofy way you just figure it ends up with them having some kind of bizarre circus on the inside.

Yep, I can imagine that in their minds they got all kinds of circus animals running around that make for part of the reason they are nuts. Oh it would explain a lot in my view.

You know there is no hope for them too. You could stuff them full of popcorn, pop and cotton candy and they would still act crazy.

As best as I can figure the think you can do for these people to help them the best is to just put them out of their misery. No, I'm not speaking of clobbering them either.

Oh that is one choice, but I like to start if I can by taking them to a circus. Yeah, I figure if you do that, you can truly savor helping to see the light. That is the spotlight which one sees when you are at that circus at night. Hopefully it helps them see things better.

And if that doesn't work, at least you can enjoy the opportunity to say find yourself with some decent snacks, which is never a bad thing. Afterwards there is always the bashing option if you needed it.

But if everything doesn't go okay because you can't find a circus then taking them to a zoo can be nice as an alternative. Only no fair feeding them to the bears if they don't take the hint.

It is tempting admittedly. But not always the best choice. Unless you have a chance to bash them first.

That way they don't resist when you are shoving them through the bars of the bear's cage. Just less hassles that way.

I just hope all of this is helpful. It can really give you a chance to savor the moment when the bear burps. Er, that is if you can't find a circus.

OH NO

Yep, that is what I have to say at times. It is just so important on occasions to do like they say in that motto, "just say no."

Course with the motto they never explain what all you are suppose to say no about. I do have a list I've been working on. And let me tell you the things that I have on the list also includes the stuff that you shouldn't say no about.

That is because to me you really need to be sure what you should say yes to as well as what you say no to. It really is important.

Otherwise you could get confused and say no to something as important as you know not saying no to stuff like seconds on food. Man you should never want to do that unless say Truly Grimy is doing the cooking. Nobody should have to ever say yes to that.

Beyond that naturally, one shouldn't say no to stuff like raises, gifts and other junk that might make you smile. Unless you are talking about say a really lame gift. Some people got some really weird ideas of what is a good gift.

Which I guess for me brings up the whole idea that even with something as simple as this you do have to be so dang careful. You really just have to take time to think things through and make sure you don't mess up.

Because saying no when you should say yes is really not cool. Or if you should have said no when you said yes it can even be worse.

I have to really pay lots of attention for example when somebody like old ray boy happens to ask me something. I've learned with him you really have to pay attention. He kind of talks very soft at times and almost mumbles.

So you might get distracted and agree to something just to get him shut up. Then later you find out you volunteered for some disgusting chore that will end making you want to leap off a cliff just to get it over with.

Yeah, he's good at that. The tricky part is being sure you say no to him without saying no.

For since he is like the assistant head dude where I work, I can't just say no. He calls that being uncooperative. Which means you get stuck with every yucky detail possible after that.

I normally rely upon my buddy, Otis, to take care of making up some kind of good way of saying no, without saying no. He's really good at that part.

As long as he doesn't do so right after eating a bunch of Spam. He's such an addict and it kinds of squirrels his brain if he eats too much of it for a while.

OH YEAH!

Now this really is the best of times. It is the wonderful times when you find out some lousy creep got what he deserved. True, I don't get to decide which creep gets what he deserved, but it sure is fun when it happens.

I am working on that problem in terms of trying to improve that chance. I just haven't quite got the hang of how I can do it without being obvious.

I'm sure there is a way somehow though. There just has to be a method to be sure that rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin gets what he deserves.

So far he hasn't gotten run over by a truck. Shoot, I would even be able to sell tickets to let people do the driving.

But the other time when I tried to print up tickets, that jerk found out about it. The nerve of the guy canceling my order.

I even told him it was for a fund raiser. But then he messed it up by asking which one. That was such a pain.

Anyway, I'm not to give up on this quite yet. I'm going to keep hoping some day my dream will come.

That is the one where I get to see Junior's feet sticking out from underneath a truck. Then we all hang around and dance and have a good time.

Except for Dr. Hemoglobin. He might not think of it as being quite the time for celebration as the rest of us.

He might feel different if we give him an extra slice of cake. I figure for an even like that we would be able to get a really big one. That has Junior's face on it and then the words, "Oh yeah."

Ah it is the crust that dreams are made off. But I just can't tell Junior that. I sure would love to though.

Till I can, I reckon, I'll just have to be content with the fun of imagining that oh yeah. Gosh just thinking about it makes me happy.

Now all I have to do is keep my eyes on when Junior goes to the garage. Yeah, that will be perfect.

Oh and I have to practice my "what truck?" Question when the time comes. I only hope I can accomplish it with a straight face.

There are times when it doesn't work to smile.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "How come they get mad at your if you break something during break time?"

THRIFTY

Now I understand that this is a good thing. At least they claim it is. Which is okay providing thrifty don't apply to cheap.

Which is one thing I don't enjoy. There just ain't much fun when you end up with something crappy and tries to convince you it is a good thing.

I'm sorry, but tying to pass off some crude as gold just don't work for me. And that is a really pain where I work, let me tell you.

Which doesn't have to be the case. And it might not be if it wasn't for the stupid rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin.

That dude's idea of something thrifty always ends up meaning what we get sucks. It doesn't matter what it is, you can be certain it will be lousy by the time we end up with it.

And with Junior it sure doesn't take much to qualify as thrifty. With him, cheap is pretty much the same thing unless you are talking cheese and that is only for him.

For the rest of us it is "yawnsville" Yep, I'm really other than impress with Junior's concept of thrifty.

Like the other day, Dr. Hemoglobin, Junior's dad and our boss, decided to have us get new uniforms. Not a bad idea to be sure.

But then our boss decided to put Junior in charge of picking them out. It is kind of tough to do much complaining when the boss says it has to be a certain way.

My buddy, Otis, does his best, but there are times when the boss gets in one of his don't bug me moods and then we get stuck. That is what happen with this case.

So we got, um, new uniforms. You could sort of call them that I guess. Frankly, they didn't impress me, nor most of the other grimefighters.

These things were like shopping bags. The kind that got taped together and holes cut for neck and arms. Really stupid looking.

Junior tried to claim they were some new kind of fashion statement. That disposable uniforms were practical and you got it, thrifty.

We gave them a try. They lasted about one time before falling apart. And in the process, I happened to noticed this place where there was a named printed on the inside. Oh they had tried to paint over it, but the paint wore off.

Underneath was this name. A place known for selling cheese? Jeez, like that was a shock. And it was interesting how Junior's desk suddenly was buried under tons of cheese too. Not surprising though.

PLENTY

For me this is kind of like the word enough, only more so. Because you have more than enough. You have, well plenty.

Hopefully this is a good kind of plenty. I mean you can plenty of all kinds of stuff that is other than the type of plenty you want.

You can for example have plenty of say gas. As in the kind that makes you fart big time. That is not something I want plenty of let me tell you that.

Which I think is not my idea of a good time. Might work for some people, but not me. Nope, I'll pass on that type of plenty.

Then there are the plenty that really don't matter much. They sort of aren't good or bad. Just there.

Like having plenty of air. Not sure how you would even decide that part. I mean you can't see it, you just have to tell yourself it is there.

That is okay, but not sure I feel great about it. Just kind of like, well cool I do get to breath, that is nice.

In any event, that is one on you know, the calendar where hopefully they give away free junk, you can sort of look forward to plenty. Because it normally means food.

An generally, I don't care how much food you got, it is never plenty. You might hear somebody say there is plenty, but let me tell you it sure doesn't take long before plenty becomes enough and then all gone. Yep, it happens that fast.

Which is why my rule with food is if you say you got plenty, I tend to be skeptical. It is amazing how people will say things like they have enough to feed an army.

But all I can say it sure is a small army if you ask me. Not impressed at all. Oh that can be so disappointing when they say plenty and by the time you get your plate full it is down to not even enough.

Well I keep myself ready for such occasions. I always make sure that I have my own version of plenty before I got to some event.

That means at times doing stuff like you know eating before hand. It is hard to be sure how much is enough, but we do work on it.

I don't know, I just have been working on keeping that part straight and working it out in realistic terms. That means being sure I got my tummy appeased without being too full. I'm still working on that part.

And I bet I'll figure it out too. In time. Till then I just am no stranger at fast food places.

PRICES AS MARKED

Is this a tough concept or what? I mean really, do we have a problem with reading prices? I had to asked.

The other day I was over at this car lot looking at all the cars for sale. Some were pretty cool. Others were just okay.

Anyway this car salesman came up to me. Shook my hand and acted like he was my best friend. He even asked my name, which he keep getting wrong, because he kept calling me buddy a lot.

That was okay I guess, only I sure didn't consider him to be my buddy. Especially after he got weird.

Which to me is when he started telling me how each car was so dang special and full of what he called options. Only none of those options included it being free or even with a full tank of gas.

Well, the thing is eventually he got around to talking about price. That is where things got kind of confusing.

Because he told me that all the cars where priced as marked. Which sort of made sense. And it would have been great if he was telling the truth.

But what really bugged me is how the priced marked on the car was not the real price. It was this thing called a sticker price. Brother, let me tell you I bet it is called that because they sure sting like a sticker when you pay that price.

Anyway, I could even live with that, but then the guy started talking about all this dumb stuff. Like preparation fees, handling fees and something called sales tax.

That is the one that really got me. I mean I wasn't the one doing the stupid selling. How come the tax me for buying? Seems really dumb if you ask me.

So I figured it was one big rip off to claim the cars were priced as marked when in reality they didn't mark all that other stuff in the price. And that really sucks from my point of view.

Which is okay, since I didn't buy his stupid car anyway. Instead I went over to the shoe store to shop for shoes.

That is when the clerk there mentioned the same thing. Which again started the whole problem all over with that darn sales tax thing.

Man I sure got to find out more about that sales tax thing. I mean somebody really needs to straighten that dude out on the difference between selling and buying or let him get stuck paying the darn tax himself.

EATING AND RUNNING

Now I know they call it fast food, but I never thought of it as something I would eat while running. In fact I never run if I can avoid it. I figure if God intended us to run he wouldn't have given us wheels and other stuff for sitting on our butts and getting places.

So I guess I haven't quite figured out this whole business of eating and running. I have heard running is suppose to be some kind of good exercise. But I'd be inclined to see how worrying I was going to spill my pop while running would be a cool think.

Just heard it said too often you know how somebody hated to eat and run. They never says eat then run, so I assume they plan on doing both, which I still see as pretty darn stupid.

What they get as a good part in any of this I have no idea. But I assume they get some benefit. Just not sure I'm very anxious to find out.

And frankly I hope none of those dudes are in a hurry to expect me to join them. You know how that works. Man some people are never content unless they get you to join them in their insanity.

Which is fine if you don't mind being part of it. However, if you have any inclination towards being other than insane you might not care to join.

Still, it doesn't keep them from making all those silly hints. Like I'm really supposed to believe that somehow this running and eating thing is a good deal.

I'm sorry, but I just am not going to warm up to this idea. Neither am I going to buy into the idea that the term "to go" somehow is suppose to be a hint that you need to do any going when you get the "to" part.

Which is why I'm not falling for any of that stuff. Nope they can risk spilling and getting an upset stomach. That's okay with me.

Because I'm definitely not going to get caught up in that silliness. Oh they might think they can sucker me into such stuff, but it ain't going to happen.

So they can have all their stupid fun if you want to call it that. And they can toddle off from some fast food place with that eat and run junk.

As for me, I'm just going to sit back and suck up all the free pop I can get from the drink bar. They can have that running stuff.

For I know one thing they didn't think of. You can't get a straw long enough to sip from the drink bar when running. See, they didn't think of that part.

So perhaps they aren't as smart as they think. Which I find, but I'm the one with the full tummy.

SLIM JIMS

I see these in the store at times. Those little sticks of beef that you can buy to eat. And I wonder what is the big deal?

Is this Slim Jims dude kind of a cheapskate in terms of portions? I guess with a name like Slim he must be. And since it is Jims, I assume there is more than one.

Now where do you happen to find another dude name Jim who happens to love selling skinny slices of dry meat? Amazing ain't it?

Yeah you got to wonder where you would even find a person like that? Guess that is possible. Maybe in the personals on the internet. They got all kinds of weird stuff on there so I imagine it is possible.

Just not sure I want to find out, that's all. And however it happen, obviously how many Jims there are, they sure have decided treat this meat thing the same way.

I heard that great minds think alike. I wonder if that applies to cheap minds too? Seems like it.

In either case, I don't waste much time with those things. Don't look like they worry about my business much.

I am sort of curious if they by chance are somehow connected with that crazy dude Beef Jerky. He seems really strange too.

At least there is only one of him. And apparently he doesn't mind you know if he happens to tell the whole world he has some problem that makes him a jerk.

Suppose it might be some kind of handicap. In which case it might be a good thing he has found a cool way of making a buck despite that problem.

Anyway, for now I'm just happy to be able to know Phil dude hasn't branch out to jelly beans. Wouldn't want to see them made a lot more skinny.

So for now, I'll just not worry about them. They can be happy doing whatever. But as long as they don't start messes with jelly beans then that is cool.

Funny how you always got to watch out for those crazy people who get so caught up doing weird junk. It really can be such a pain.

But you can hardly work out making this deal less than a so-so deal. Otherwise if you do something to a so-so deal, it could get crazy and cost a lot. Frankly those Jims charge enough as it is, I don't want to give them an excuse to make it worse. However, with these dudes, gosh you never know. Which is the big problem. Never knowing is such a pain.

WORTHY

My question is who decides this worthy business? I figure it is a fair question. It is like up to a judge or something? If so does this person have an education to figure that part out?

What I want to know is where do I go to get the same education. I just would enjoy getting a chance to give it a shot myself.

After all, I can see when something is good without all that extra learning. So heck it might be even easier with some education. Not sure how much.

Man, I might even teach them along the way. I don't mind sharing. That is what some call it.

I don't mind that part, but shoot some people got some weird ideas on that concept. Oh believe me I have tried that sharing a lot. All over the place with all kinds of people.

And for some reason after I try it with some people they never seem to be able to make time to do it again. I guess the problem is that too many people just can't handle the facts. You do what you can to help them and it just doesn't get appreciated.

Which is a real shame. How can I be expected to really help out with this whole deal with regards to something like figuring out how worthy a person is if they don't give me a chance.

Oh well, I figure that is there loss. Yeah, if they don't care to have me share what is worthy then it is there loss not mine.

But the nice part is how you can still get to the bottom of this whole deal without worry about those people. Oh yeah, that is an easy thing to accomplish if you work at it.

All you have to do is go over to this arcade place near where I live. They got this machine in there that will tell you your fortune.

And let me tell you it is always great. So I figure it wouldn't say that if it wasn't for them really knowing I was worthy.

Imagine, all that fuss and muss to wonder if you are worthy and some company went to the trouble to make a machine to be sure the told you how worthy you are. I say that means I'm worthy of a lot.

And who knows, it just means to me that it is a good thing for them to go to the trouble. Oh yeah, a real good thing. So I'm going to be happy about that part. You just know I'm going to tell lots of people too.

Providing they are busy doing their jogging again when I'm headed in their direction.

PROFITABLE

Okay, I get it, this is a good thing. And real important for businesses I reckon. At least for some businesses.

Can't say if that works for STINK. I never get to ask about how much profit we make. I don't even have any idea you know how much we get to charge for saving the world from filth and grime.

Or if we really do. See STINK does collect garbage and do dirty diapers too. We are what they call er, diversified. Yeah, we do get kind of grumpy and argue at times. but though we diversified in what we agree about and disagree we still manage to get our jobs done.

But I suppose we do okay on that profitable stuff in that sense. Just not sure how much they get for hauling crap around.

Besides, the one thing I know, is that I don't get to get any extra money because of it. Wish I did.

So profitable obvious don't mean profit for all. Now that would be the kind of profitable I would really find as cool.

But you can be darn sure that our boss Dr. Hemoglobin sure ain't going to let us have that option. Nor will he ask our opinion.

Because if he did, I'd make it simple. Just give me more. Yeah, that is all I want, more. Is that too much to ask?

I guess it is for our boss. I mean he has the nerve to expect me to explain what I mea by more. Now is that crazy or what?

How hard it is to figure out what more is? Jeez is this really that complicated? Not to me. More is just more. As in everything you like.

Now that is the part, which gets kind of fuzzy. Because for my boss, more never applies to anything I like.

He sure has made that clear. So we never get around to the more that fits my idea of more. And let me tell you when it comes to the profitable kind of more he sure doesn't have the idea of more in a way that makes me feel full of profit.

I guess I'm going to keep thinking this through though. It has been said where there is a will there is a clay. All I got to do is find somebody who just died that left behind a lot of modeling clay and I'll be all set.

Then maybe I can you know trade the clay for more of something and won't have to worry about Dr. Hemoglobin as much.

Thought for the week: "There are voting booths and phone booths. But do they let you call why voting? If so can it be collect?"

TAKE IT AND DUMP IT

Come on is this a hard concept to understand? I mean if you have a trash can full of garbage you take it out and put it in the big container where the trash man, being me, can pick it up.

How tough is that to do? Well let me tell you it is obvious really hard for some people, if not down right impossible. What's the deal with that?

Do these clowns have some special use for the trash and need to hold onto it for some reason? God I hope they are doing something sick and twisted with it.

That would be awful. Honestly, I hate to think what these weirdoes are doing behind closed doors. It would be awful.

But apparently it is something strange. Because I don't know how many times when I'm out picking up the trash and some clown comes out at the last minute to put his trash bag in the big trash can.

Now I try to be understanding even though they could cut us some slack on that part. I mean they do have all week to stick that junk out. Do they have some reason they love keeping in their house?

I ask that before and let me tell you it gives me the shakes just to imagine it. And one of these days I'm definitely going to find out what these people are going.

Being a grimefighter I do feel a special need to do that. Yeah, it is sort of like my sacred duty.

That is what Otis calls it when we have to do something that other people might think of as being a pest. Yep, it is so much fun when you can break down a person's door before sun rise and shout stop in the name of clean.

I just wish people would get the hang of that without getting so silly about acting guilty. I mean when you break down their door, they come staggering out looking all daze and confused.

And that to me is a big clue they are guilty of something. Oh sure they like to pretend they are not guilty, but I think that is them faking it.

Pity they don't just cooperate and tell the truth. It sure would be easier on them. Yeah, a whole easier.

That way I wouldn't have to beat them senseless as much. Just enough to be sure they stopped talking. And moving around or trying to resist. I get a lot of that. People who are guilty always do that. Course I don't always take time to give them a chance to confess. Betting beating one dude just because than to risk you know letting a bad guy get away with something.

SELF HELP

Yep, if you can ask yourself for help, whom can you ask? I never had a problem with getting me to help me. So far when I ask, I never worried about having to leave a message and not getting called back.

As for the amount of help you can expect from yourself, well nobody should know yourself better than you. If not, it sounds like you really have a big problem.

Which you can't even depend upon somebody else to take care of in that regard. How do you explain it? I'm being a jerk and refuse to help myself?

Like that really will get the person's respect. I know, I tried it once and trust me it didn't work out very good.

So my suggestion for this deal is to start out by making sure you are in a good mood to really help yourself. Like you know, don't mess with just thinking about it. Take a break, having something good to eat and then don't lie to yourself.

And if you fear you might cave and tell yourself a fib, just have an extra piece of pie. That always helps. At least it does for me.

If by chance you don't have any pie available there are other options. Basically anything that satisfies your tummy is a good choice.

Then after you get all happy and sappy you don't have to fret as much. Yep, it will be such a joy to know you can depend upon you.

I think it is pretty darn cool. Works great from my point of view. Just knowing you can sleep better knowing you are there is always a good feeling.

But once you figure it all out and have a good talk to yourself you can just savor the moment of when you can trust yourself. It makes such a joy to be able to do that.

And it really makes me happy to think if by mentioning this I have managed to help end any confusion one might have on the subject. Because if there is one thing I don't want is to find out people are out there afraid to ask themselves for help.

I know you might have lied to yourself on one occasion. Maybe even two. But trust me you can start over.

Hey, writing down promises does help. So write yourself a nice long memo and write all the reasons you can for trusting you.

That should be enough. I hope so. But if by chance you are still not convinced what say I write you a permission slip to trust yourself. How does that sound to you? See what I do to help you out?

CHECK IT OUT

Yep, this is definitely a good thing. It never hurts to make sure something is correct and you don't have the facts wrong.

Course you know it can be such a pain at times. After all double checking junk can be so time consuming.

Which is the one nice thing about buying junk in packages. You can always depend on the dudes who take the time to inspect those packages to be sure you get some decent help making sure they are okay.

The big problem is comes up from not knowing the person. That can be such a pain when you don't actually know these inspectors in person.

I'm sure they are decent enough folks. At least I hope so. Only if you can talk to them for sure how can you actually trust their opinion?

I thought about it a lot the other day. Kind of got concerned about the ones that mess with food. I mean what if the dude as a cold or something? And what if gets sick and misses a day? Then who does the inspecting? And do they get perhaps rusty from only filling in when the regular dude is off sick? Plus do you know for sure they wash their hands first?

Come on now, admit you have never worried about any of that? But no problem. You can be very happy to know that good ole Philo had been working on that problem.]

As a matter of fact I took the time just the other day to go by the grocery store and do what I could to get the info straight from, as they say, the horse's mouth. Naturally, they don't have any horses in the grocery store. Which is probably a good thing.

So I did the next best thing. I went over and talk to the store manager. Seemed reasonable to talk to him.

Otis says he acts like a horse's ass most of the time. So it only makes sense that if you want it from the horse's mouth then you might as well talk to a dude is at least to some degree acting like a horse's whatever.

I got no idea if being a horse's ass in any way affects what he says in terms of being horse like. Don't reckon I'll find out any time soon either.

Because when I was talking to him and explaining all about the inspector thing and also the horse thing. He was okay till I got to the part about where Otis mentioned him being a horse's ass.

He didn't quite seem to think it was cool. In fact he sort of suggested that perhaps we should shop elsewhere from now on. Never did get any answer on the inspector thing. I think he was in sort of hurry too. Seems kind of sick and got all red face after I mentioned what Otis said. Reckon I will have to ask the next store manager that when I find a store next time that doesn't ask us to go elsewhere.

SAIL BOATS AND SOAP

Okay, plain and simple is that this deal with two things you could use in a bath tub. Really that is so obvious.

Course you do have to be careful not to confuse them. Soap you wash with, the sailboat you float.

And to that end, you better be sure you don't forget, which is which. Because if you get confused it can be real painful.

I did that once, and let me tell you that is one time too many. Oh yeah, it ain't a fun lesson, but you sure better not let it happen more than that. Otherwise it most likely means you got some other kind of problem.

Most people wouldn't forget sticking themselves in the eye with the mast of a toy sailboat, but I reckon you do have to make allowances. Not like the allowance you get from your parents, but the kind that says it is okay for somebody to be stupid.

I suppose there are some that would say why not use a sailboat in the tub in the first place. To which I say, why bother with soap then either?

Okay, you can say what you want on that part. For me it makes sense just to put it that way.

And for those weridos who might suggest you don't have to use a sailboat, my response is OH YEAH! I mean I'm sorry, but I tried using that toy aircraft carrier, but it was too dang big. Plus the little planes kept falling off the deck. Let me tell you, if those get lost in the water, that is the time to start worrying.

As for considering some other kind of boat, shoot why would I do that. You can push a smaller boat around in the water, but it just loses something in the process in my opinion.

So that is why I stick with my sailboat. My lips can make nice wind sounds and the boat moves around like the real thing. I love it.

All I hope is that you guys appreciate my help in explaining this. Oh and I suppose I ought to indulge in also saying that this applies to tubs. That is something totally different in my opinion and not worthy of exploring in terms of water fun.

I definitely don't recommend a person considering using any such toys in a shower. I'm sure there are a few who might do so, but I'm not one of them.

If you are, I would prefer you don't tell me. Because I imagine you will most likely get involved in some other weird practices that I don't want to know about either.

For you sane folks, I just say have fun. That's all you need to know.

THIS IS THE OTHER PLACE

Let me tell you there are times when I sure do hate having to deal with those guys over at STINK who give us directions. Sometimes I swear they have no idea what a map looks like.

Now that wouldn't be so bad if they the ability when they gave you wrong information to say so. But they never do. They always give you some lame reason why you ended up somewhere other than where you were suppose to be.

Not once do they ever actually say, hey I blew it, I'm sorry. It was all my fault. You can forget ever hearing that.

I'm sorry, but if they give us an address where we are suppose to go on stakeout it just seems it ought to be a real address. You know one where when you get there and the number actually exists. Yeah, it sort of makes a big difference.

With alleys of course it is a different issue. Because alleys often don't have addressed. But generally they are located behind something that does.

Which is kind of helpful if you happen to be given that address. Again even a few comments to get you in the ball bark would help.

None of which matters to much to these guys let me tell you. They can give you the dumbness directions you can imagine.

What makes it all confusing is when they are right. Those are the times you really struggle with.

Because you get so used to them being wrong just can't believe they lucked out and were right for a change. Kind of like winning the lottery.

Believe me I have sure expressed that problem at STINK too. Man like that does any good.

If you want to complain you have to fill out an complaint form. And then you have to take and turn the form in.

Afterwards the complain form is sent to the person who you are complaining about and then you have to wait for them to respond back. Which can take forever.

Then when they do, you get a bunch of stupid reasons for why they didn't do anything wrong. None of which helps you in any way to keep from getting lost again.

Otis keeps saying that we need to work through they system. As for myself, shoot I just prefer to get a map book. But with my luck those guys over at STINK probably wrote it. So you know what happens then. You have to get used to being lost a lot.

EAT MY...

Now my first problem with this is the idea of somebody eating my whatever. That is definitely not my idea of fun.

So I think the first priority here is to be sure one gets clear on what the my part involves. In my case it better not include my jelly beans. There are just some things I won't mess with.

As for other stuff, well the first rule is that it has to be edible. I know there are those weirdoes out there who think some pretty strange stuff can be eaten.

You got to worry about them. I tell you there is nothing more scary than to have some clown decide that you can eat junk like say grubs. Heck I don't even know what grubs are, but I know they don't sell them at the candy store.

And I've never seen any grub aisle over at the grocery store either. They don't even have them in cans either. That is something you really have to worry about.

So the way I figure they must keep these grubs somewhere else. I don't think I want to find out either.

Meanwhile, back to this eating my thing. Hey, I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work for me. It just down right sucks.

All I know is that I sure don't plan on letting any of those dudes give me any of there my stuff. Not if all they can come up with is some darn grubs. Sounds like a pretty crummy approach to me.

Anyway, the way I figure it is best if I just concentrate on my own eat my stuff. And mainly to keep it safe from those guys.

Let's face it if all they have to deal with is some lame grubs they would probably see my eat stuff as really great. Yeah, that is just what I need to have some lousy dude with no idea of good stuff wanting to get his hands on my stuff.

Man if one of those dang grub dudes comes around you can be sure I will not let him touch my stuff. That will definitely not do.

All I have to do then is find out what a grub is. Maybe it is some kind of shrub? Yet, I bet it is.

Not sure what kind though. Perhaps an extra green kind. So it was like a shrub that looks even greener that a regular shrub.

Oh well, that is something to figure out later I reckon. Right now I'm going to hide my stuff to keep it safe.

BUMMER VILLE

Not sure exactly where this is located, but I sure don't wish to visit there. And I don't think I want to try and get directions either. You can forget that part.

So I think I'll let somebody spent time visiting. Providing they think it is a good idea. Actually, I heard about this over at STINK.

One of the guys was talking about visiting bummerville after he dated some girl. I assumed she lived there for some reason. Doesn't sound like a good place to me.

I can only figure there must be some advantage to living there that I don't appreciate. Not that I want to find out, but must be okay for people like that lady.

As for myself, I think I'll just stay with where I live in an apartment with my buddy Otis. It might not be a mansion, but it ain't bummerville either.

I haven't bothered to ask my buddy if he knows where it is either. I'm kind of afraid to ask. Honestly, he might want to go there and I don't think I want to risk it.

Course, I suppose I wouldn't mind like seeing some video about the place. One of those travel type that tell you all the cool spots to visit when you go some place different.

It is just hard to figure out what kind of cool places they might have in a location called bummerville? Sort of freaks me out just to try and imagine the possibilities.

Heck, what kind of possible fun stuff can you expect from a place that bums you out? Sure can't be any thing close to my idea.

Which means obvious they don't sell jelly beans. God that would be so awful. I just would not care to spend a day in a place that you can't get at least an occasional jelly bean.

So I assume they don't have any candy stores either. Man that is even more scary. How the heck could any one be expect to survive without sugar?

I tell you that would sure bum me out big time. Only what kind of sick mind would want to live there?

Well I suppose it would still be better than trying to hang with old rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin. Now that would really be about that same.

In any case since I don't plan on hanging with Junior I think I'm safe. Yeah, I can be happy that no matter what else happens that part of bummerville I can avoid.

Sometimes it really is the little things that make you have a reason to smile. And even if that doesn't include making Junior live there I'll cope.

A BIG WAD OF ...

Now there are times when this is a good thing. A really good thing. Providing you are talking about decent junk and not crap.

For example a big wad of jelly beans is so cool. Actually they need to be in bag naturally, but it can be a real cool wad just the same.

However, if you are talking say a big wad of used toilet paper, forget it! Now that might work for some people. Not sure who, but it doesn't work for me.

They can keep that junk. Course there are other big wads that might be cool. Like sad a big wad of soap slivers. You know where you have all these small pieces you mush together to make one big one. That can be cool.

Or perhaps you could be talking say a big wad of something else that you might look at as fun. Bubble gum makes for a good wad. Providing it is not used. Nobody needs that.

Clay can be fun too. Providing nobody left the big wad out too long where it is all hard and worthless.

And I can hardly forget the other great form of wad. A nice tasty wad of cookie dough. Oh yeah now that is something you can sink your teeth into, literally.

There just isn't anything quite as exciting at times as having some huge wooden spoon with a big gob of cookie dough clinging to it. You just can get so thrilled letting your mouth savor that dream taste.

Oh yeah, just making me hungry thinking about it. In fact I think I'll see if I can talk Otis into whipping up a batch of cookies later.

Perhaps the best part of that whole deal with cookie dough. You get to sit and snack on the spoon while waiting for the cookies to finish baking.

Is there really anymore fabulous feeling than that? Honestly, you can sit there and smell that wonderful aroma coming from the oven while sucking on the dough and not let it totally blow you away?

I tell you there just isn't anything more satisfying than such moments? I mean really can you say it isn't a little hunk of heaven? Well can you?

Which is what is really weird to me. I heard somebody say how they wanted a big wad of greenbacks.

Who wants a bunch of people with their backs all painted green? That sounds disgusting. I mean what the heck do you want some pile of people for in the first place with or without green for backs? Some people have such a weird sense of what is good.

SINGLE VERSE DOUBLE

Now normally for me double is always the way to go. I'm speaking of with burgers. You know sort of like double your pleasure.

But there are times when single is actually better. I've been working on this concept that you really get more condiments when you get two single patty burgers that just one double patty.

I'm still in the research phrase you understand. I figure this will take awhile. I need to be sure of my facts before making a decision for sure.

So I spend my spare time over at the burger joints testing out this whole idea. And right now what I do is order say six single burgers and three double burgers. Just the two to one ratio seems to work pretty good.

The big problem is trying to make sure I can double check the total amount of condiments before I eat them both. See, from my way of seeing it a double burger has the same size bun as a single burger. You just have more space in between the buns with the double burger.

So you also have more chance with the single burger to drown in better in the good stuff. Not sure what all you qualify as a condiment.

To mean I consider it to be anything I can stuff in a burger that tastes good. Try different stuff and some works better than others.

Peanut butter can be good. It helps the stuff stick together pretty good. I like that option. Only they don't let you get any peanut butter at the fast food place so you have to bring you own. That can be such a pain.

The other option I thought of is ice cream. Only you risk it melting. Unless you order say a milk shake and pour it on the burger.

Hey some people might think that was weird. But let's be honest, when you eat a burger and fries and have a milk shake does your tummy really know the difference? I don't think so.

The big problem is making sure that your eyes can handle the look. I mean when you look at the big mess and think that is what my tummy sees is can sort of bug you a little.

However, I get passed that problem by just adding more condiments. It sure cuts down on worry about what it looks like when buried under a gallon of ketchup.

Just a little helpful hint for what it is worth. And another slant on this that perhaps I'll just put a single and double burger together. Now that might be the best idea yet. Hmmm, I wonder how much ketchup that will hold? Guess I will find out.

BIG

Okay what can you really say about big? It's large. Yeah, that says it. Big is well big. And I guess it is a good thing that we go know big is big. What if big weren't really big?

I'm sure somebody is saying huh? Well, I was listening to this dude the other day talking on the radio. And he was rambling on about some crazy thing where there was no such thing as too small or two big.

He went on to talk about stuff like how in reality there might be these whole worlds so tiny that they existed on the head of a pin or even smaller. Which sounded pretty scary.

I mean you got to worry if there are all these crazy teeny tiny dudes hanging around. That could be such a disaster.

What if they suddenly figured out how to change size. Then one day they show up and are bigger than you are?

God what if they want to take over too? Then what happens? I have no idea. I will just be darn sure I clobber them suckers before that happens to me.

So if I seem some short dude suddenly start getting bigger or something and looking at me funny, you can be darn sure I'm going to not sit back and let them pull any funny stuff. No, I'm not going to do that.

Instead I'm going to just sit back and try to figure the best way of either clobbering them or turn them on to somebody who they might prefer to turn into some slave or worse. And you can be sure that I will pick at my first choice for somebody for them to clobber is good old worthless scum, cheese eating jerk, rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin.

Yep, it would make me happy to have him turned over to a bunch of giant alien midgets looking for a good time and somebody to beat the snot out of in the process. Why shoot I might even end up getting a medal in the process.

That would be so cool. I could have such a good time. Get a chance to be a hero and at the same time turning Junior into a pile of goo.

Can't be that for a good deal in my opinion. I could truly find that to be so much fun. Hey, I bet they would even give me a parade.

Well, the parade might be just to celebrate Junior being gone. We could even call it a wonderful event worthy of a holiday.

I wonder what would be a great name for it? Independence Day? No, that has been taken I guess.

Well we can work on that part later. Right now I think I'll just see if I can find out where to locate these giant alien midgets.

STICKS AND GROANS

These are two of my favorite things. And it cracks me up to think of how much fun it is to listen to those idiots who like to say how words will never hurt them.

I got news for them. Sticks and stones are words too. Guess they didn't think of that part huh? Well let's be honest, if you can figure that part out, then you are probably dumb enough to figure that words can never hurt you.

So if you clobber them with a stick or stone I figure they got nothing to complain about. Just too bad from my point of view.

For if they didn't forget about how clobber and other stuff are words too then they might spend more time making sure they didn't just think it was cool to not worry about the obvious. Works for me at least.

I have been giving this some thoughts. Now in the case of you claiming words will never hurt you, I guess to cut down on the confusion you could tell the person first before you bash them.

I wonder if there could make that less complicated? Well they do say that putting things in writing is one way to cut down on confusion.

Heck, that would be so cool. I think there might be a time frame you would have to consider.

Like six months. That would be fair I reckon. And naturally you would keep a copy to tape to your stick or stone for later.

That way you could show it to them when the time comes. In case they forgot. But to keep things simple, I suppose you would need some kind of ration option here.

Yeah, maybe you have to like show the blood on the memo from a given bashing before they let you have another memo. Plus you would have to watch out that you didn't lose them either.

In addition, I guess you would need to have a chance to say send a memo back so in case you got a bashing memo you could be sure you had a chance to do the same. Then if you both had bashing memos I reckon there would have to be some kind of way to decide who got the first whack.

I know, they could resort to that think called Ar-butt-a-tray-on-some. That is where you sit around and complain a lot.

Then after you get bored enough, somebody tells everyone else to shut up, you got and have a burger and then you get to bash each other. Well that is my version you understand.

YES PLEASE

How come you got to say please if somebody ask you if you want more of something? I mean they were the ones who asked right?

Seems like they ought to be the ones who need to say please? Like please take some more.

I sure would think that would be so cool. A lot easier than having somebody always expect you to tell them please just for doing what they were planning to do in the first place.

I'm sorry, but I think this whole deal is questionable in my book. Now perhaps there ought to be a better way of handling this whole deal.

I was thinking if say people worked out some kind of schedule deal of please. Or perhaps set up a rulebook. That way it wouldn't be so confusing.

And we all would have a definite idea of when and where to do whatever. My only concern would be that nobody lets old rat boy Junior make up the rules.

There is no way if he gets involved that anybody is going to get treated fairly. Shoot with him everyone would most likely have to include cheese with everything you say. That would be awful.

Cheese is okay, but man that would really be a pain if you had to hand somebody a hunk of cheese and say please too. I don't want to carry around any big bag of cheese wherever I go just in order to pass out some stupid hunk to somebody.

Plus cheese don't stay good forever. So the big hassle would be how many times would you have to end up making extra trips to the store.

Man that could get to be such a pain. I perish the thought. That is what you are suppose to say when you are talking about stuff that is perishable.

Fortunately it doesn't appear that I have too much to worry about though. As best as I can figure nobody is trying to ask for his help in that regard.

So all I have to worry about is the problem of coping with these please crazies. There are just too many of them out there to suit me.

But I'm going to deal with that. My way. I think my bat will serve me perfectly. Funny how when you show that off people tend to get most cooperative.

The nice thing is that with my bat you are guaranteed to get a please. You might have to wait till they wake up, but you can get it. As long as you don't wait around for the cops to show up. They never ask please.

DON'T BOTHER

That's right, if you are going to be a jerk, then don't bother to involve me. Just take your jerk ways and go bother somebody else.

Is that too hard to understand? I hope not because honestly I don't fee that being stupid and a butthead entitles you to treat me like some worthless troll you can abuse at your will.

I just wish I could get more of these clowns who act like that to appreciate it ain't a good thing. Now that would be really great.

Only is seems when these knuckleheads get in the mood they really manage to annoy constantly. They get to be so pathetic.

Which I only wish there was a safe way to get them to go and pester somebody else. But they just never seem content to do that.

Nope, it is like they have save all the fun just for you? And do I feel blessed, heck no! I feel like I'm cursed.

Because to me being blessed would be to have all these jerks bother somebody else. Like old rat boy, Junior.

Yeah, I could feel blessed if they bother him for a change. That would be so cool. Only he so rotting and a jerk himself that even the jerks don't want to hang with him.

Hmmm, I wonder if I could somehow unjerk him a little? You know, it might even be worth a try. Yeah, I could figure a way to make him think I liked him.

We could like hang out together for a while and then I could introduce him to the other jerks. Make him look like a super star.

They would be so impressed they would just be totally happy to hang with him for a change. Oh yeah it sounds like a plan.

Wait a minute. That means I have to actually pretend to like him. Well, could I actually do that?

Oh my god, what am I saying? Am I that desperate? No way! I don't care how many butts I have to kick to get those jerks to leave me alone, there is no way I'm going to hang with Junior.

God I could end up with cheese warts or something. I bet there is such a thing. I'm not going to risk it.

So I guess I'll have to just think of a different solution. One that doesn't involve cheese or listening to crap.

UP, UP AND STAY

This business of going places without really going anywhere just sucks in my mind. This is some kind of deal called visualization.

You are supposed to sit there and imagine yourself somewhere else. Like that really helps anything. But that doesn't keep some jerk from trying to tell me that imagining you are at the beach is the same as actually being there.

We had this special new dude come over to STINK who was suppose to help us work on the problem of stress. And his solution was for us to do this visualization crap.

Oh yeah, that really made me so happy. And I'm sorry, but no matter how hard I tried, I could imagine a single thing that tasted as good as the real thing.

For some reason though this guy kept insisting that if you just thought about it hard enough then you would relax a lot and feel better. All I can say is I didn't feel better thinking of brownies smothered in ice cream and hot fudge and having my tummy empty.

It was down right boring. Just totally annoying and frankly left me practically starving. Yeah, that didn't make me relax.

Oh then this guy bothered to you know say if we were having problems to be sure to let him know. So I did.

Only he didn't cough up any brownies. He just end up rambling up a bit about being such I practiced my deep breathing exercises.

Honestly, that to me was really stupid. I don't need any help learning how to breathe. That is really dumb.

If you forget how to do that you would just croak. For a guy that is suppose to be smart he sure didn't impress me on that part.

So when we got done with all this focus crap and breathing crude he was rambling about, I simply told him if he didn't fork over a few brownies I was going to use my bat to be sure I beat him till I really felt better.

At that point the meeting was cancelled for some reason. I think it was because the guy got sick. He turned real pale after I told him that.

Anyway, Otis sort of had me leave with him. And the good news was we ended up at the ice cream parlor. Which was definitely cool.

And that worked for me. Didn't even have to imagine feeling relaxed. After three hot fudge sundaes and six glasses of pop I was so relaxed that I fell asleep. Maybe I ought to give this guy lessons.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "I always wondered how long you have to shake milk to make it a milk shake? Guess I should check with cows who have to do the shaking."

IT AIN'T OVER TILL...

Man let me tell you there ain't nothing more frustrating than trying to cope with some mess and not being able to know when you've won. That's major drawback you know. I mean we all need to have a clue if we did good at something.

Now it is hard at times to actually be able to always tell when something is done. It shouldn't be in some cases, but it sure is at times.

For me the worst times take place when I'm on some griminal assignment with my buddy Otis. Yeah there is nothing worse than being in pursuit of some griminal and not sure how long before you catch him.

The worst part is when you just finished off some big drink and you kidneys are complaining. They can be really unforgiving if you piss them off too.

That is the over part that really makes me worry. I mean not sure how long you have to hold it before you get to use a bathroom.

I'm sorry, but it is so dang hard to concentrate on fighting grime when you need to do the pee-pee dance. Now that is not part of what teach you in grimefighter training school.

And what really bugs me is the dang griminals. They are out there doing stupid and evil junk. I bet they don't worry when they need to take a potty break.

Heck, as far as I know they are even without a concern over if they find one. Them jerks got no problem pissing anywhere and just treating it like some other grime. What a bunch of disgusting jerks.

It don't even seem to matter to Otis that much either. Honestly there are times when I wonder if my buddy even has kidneys.

He never once mentions worry about needing to find a bathroom. True, he sure does seem to get a hang up about checking out bushes at times. Which is kind of weird, but I guess that is his problem.

As for me, I would rather just get a break on this whole deal. Just spell it out for me. Let me know where all the bathrooms are and when I get to use them.

That way I can stop worrying about that and have more time to concentrate on beating up the bad guys. With them the one thing I hope they understand that there is no way it is ever over in terms of my being after their butts.

Course that includes making allowance for bathroom breaks. A person has to have their priorities. Or in this case perhaps it is prior-it-pees. Or maybe prior-me-pees. Guess that ain't quite the same. But it sure works when I got to find a bathroom. Which after five or six colas can sure be often.

TRUST ME

I'm learning to hate this term. Honestly, it used to sound so cool. But anymore. I guess I might still feel that way, but that all change the other day.

What happened? About the same that normally happens, old rat boy, Junior, the cheese hording creep gets involved.

Most of the time he sticks with making my life miserable, which only works to a certain degree. That is because it normally only ends up being related to something that has to do with cheese.

I mean even when he was telling you to do ordinary crap, somewhere in all of it he would sooner or later include something about cheese. You could count on it.

Well a couple of days ago, he really messed me up. We were going on this one assignment. It was going to be a little involved.

We had to go and check out this one location where supposedly a whole lot of griminals were hanging out. And naturally we needed some extra equipment.

So Junior is talking to us and telling us we need to know in order to go on this assignment. Ordinary stuff that we always need to know.

I kept waiting for him to mention cheese somehow and you know he never did. I was so shocked.

I figured that perhaps for once he had changes. It was stupid I know to think that way, but I did.

Then he mentioned something about us not forgetting to stop by and pick up this box that had to be delivered. That didn't sound like a problem, but I did try to make sure to get all the facts.

I mean the place had security guards and junk. So I wanted to be sure they wouldn't be asking us any like security junk that might get us beat up if we didn't answer it correctly.

That is when he said that "trust me" thing. And I was so stupid to think I could. So when we went over there and walked inside, thinking everything would be cool.

It wasn't. Turned out you needed identification to get this delivery. Which we didn't have, but Junior knew that.

And then when we could prove we were Junior they got real suspicious. We manage to get out of there with out being beating up. Afterwards we found out that this delivery was processed cheese that Junior had ordered under an assumed name. They had stopped trying to let him order under his name because he hadn't paid for the last two orders. I let him figure that part out. I just was happy to not get beat up and won't listen to him say trust me again.

NO PROBLEM

For me these are the times when people say something is no problem and instead it turns out to be a real pain in the butt. Which does not make me a happy anything.

I should say happy camper, but I don't like camping and so that never makes me happy. Besides, I would rather be a real happy than some never happy dude because some jerk made something sound happy and easy and it wasn't either.

Of course the person who tells you something is nice when it really isn't never admits that they were not correct. They always come up with some lame excuse on how it really is okay.

It never really is okay though. You end up with a headache or worse and they go off singing and wishing you to have a nice day. Like that is really going to happen.

Now if they would actually stop and think about their dumb comments it might be nice. But no, they never do.

They just go one, continuing to act like everything is okay. As if doing that really in any way helps the rest of us.

Do they really care? Not sure at times. Oh you can point it out to those knuckleheads, but that doesn't mean they will listen?

Heck no! Those dudes could be told like the end of the world was coming in two hours and they would act like, hmmm, I wonder will I'll go for vacation next week?

Yep, I'm talking that stupid. Let me tell you they really are pathetic. And I do my best to avoid talking to them.

Which isn't easy since they almost always figure a way to have a reason to find you. Even if you do your best to hide from them, they will come where you are hiding. It is like they have some kind of map that reads, "Go drive this person insane."

And believe me they do a darn good job at it too. There really are some things you don't need to be proud about.

Being that kind of person is one of them. That makes it worse since they call such stuff being uplifting.

The only way that is uplifting to me is if I get to lift them off the ground with my bat. Oh yeah now that is really nice without being queasy.

Only Otis at times messes that option us for me. It really is a pain in the butt too. But one copes with these disappointments. And then one moves on. To hopefully somewhere that the nice is really nice without being queasy..

LET THE GOOD TIMES BE A ROLL

Rolls really are important. They are one of the four basic food groups. You got all things bread, it fits in there somewhere. That is almost as important as the sugar group, which includes pies, jelly beans, cakes, jelly beans, chocolate, jelly beans, ice cream and of course jelly beans.

Course that can get a little tricky when you consider things like brownies. They sort of fall under the bread category, but also can be included in the sugar group. For me it just depends on what I eat with them. You know if I just eat say ten or twelve brownies and nothing else, I put them in the sugar category.

If I happen to eat them with say a sandwich or pizza then I put them under the bread category. I like to keep that part a little simple you understand.

In any case, I hope you can appreciate how rolls are really important. Why you can have a decent meal for stuff like a steak and potatoes without a few dozen rolls. Shoot it just doesn't work.

And there are times when man, I don't like to take any chances. You know for example if I happen to being having a burger. They got meat in the burger. Well at least I believe it is suppose to be meat.

In any case, I figure it is best to not risk offending any roll dues that might be watching what I'm doing. So I just make sure I'm including say a dozen rolls to be safe.

Actually, I suppose there is a formula for the correct number of rolls for each thing you eat. Not sure where you can find it, but I'm sure it is around somewhere.

Probably best to like check with the roll experts. I reckon you would have to go to some donut shop to find them

Oh I reckon you could try a bakery, but then they might get confused over the whole roll things what with the issue of brownies and all. Whereas with donut places, well they wouldn't have the same problem.

I suppose you could get with that group called the Food and Drug Administration. Yeah, if they aren't too busy doing all that administrating junk they could probably take care of explaining about the roll thing.

But whatever you do, don't ask any musicians. Them people you can't trust. I mean anyone who talks about rocks and rolls together obviously doesn't know when a roll is really too stale.

Now as for the rest of us, well I figure we are okay on the roll thing. Just eat six with every meal and you'll be okay. Providing you don't end up you know having too many brownies at the same time.

RAISING THE FLAG

This is a very important job when you think about it. Heck, if nobody was around to raise the flag then think of all the days we wouldn't be sure it was really day.

Oh you might think that would never happen, but let me tell you it sure could. I mean it does stay light later on some times of the year. So what if you like went out and saw some flag pole and no flag. You could go like bonkers cuckoo. That would be awful.

I for one don't want to risk it. Only I'm not sure who to check with in order to find out what dude is he official flag raising person.

Plus man, there are so many flags around. If one poor guy has to do all those flags, man is that an exhausting idea.

Sure glad it isn't my choice. I hear that when you take down a flag you have to fold it a certain way. Otherwise you end up with it touching it ain't suppose to touch and then you have to burn your underwear. Gosh I hope you don't have to do it while you are still wearing it.

Talk about a pain in the butt. Jeez, now that would really hurt. Who makes up such crazy rules?

I'm telling you one thing, if anybody wants me to mess with raising or taking down a flag they better now show up with a can of lighter fluid and some matches. Because you can be darn sure I ain't going to just sit back and bend over for that one.

Now maybe I'm strange in that regard. Perhaps the flag dudes think nothing of getting their butts barbecued for folding a flag wrong.

Frankly, I would be inclined to wonder if such people have got a problem if they want to run around with their rear ends scorched just for not knowing how to fold a flag. Really leave you thinking such people are totally in need of some kind of help.

Maybe all they need is you know, a little help learning how to fold flags. I know I bet the people who fold maps could help.

Shoot those guys are amazing. I mean shoot I can never get a map folded back correctly once I unfold it. I think they are pretty darn sneaky in that regard.

Well, I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to just be sure next time I find a flag pole that I don't forget to watch out for those crazies with the lighter fluid.

Just when you thought you had enough to worry about, there are these kinds of things that really drive you nuts. I sure wish people would spend more time warning us about such things. But apparently they leave it to people like me to spread the word and hopefully it won't result in some fire spreading.