UP, UP AND STAY

This business of going places without really going anywhere just sucks in my mind. This is some kind of deal called visualization.

You are supposed to sit there and imagine yourself somewhere else. Like that really helps anything. But that doesn't keep some jerk from trying to tell me that imagining you are at the beach is the same as actually being there.

We had this special new dude come over to STINK who was suppose to help us work on the problem of stress. And his solution was for us to do this visualization crap.

Oh yeah, that really made me so happy. And I'm sorry, but no matter how hard I tried, I could imagine a single thing that tasted as good as the real thing.

For some reason though this guy kept insisting that if you just thought about it hard enough then you would relax a lot and feel better. All I can say is I didn't feel better thinking of brownies smothered in ice cream and hot fudge and having my tummy empty.

It was down right boring. Just totally annoying and frankly left me practically starving. Yeah, that didn't make me relax.

Oh then this guy bothered to you know say if we were having problems to be sure to let him know. So I did.

Only he didn't cough up any brownies. He just end up rambling up a bit about being such I practiced my deep breathing exercises.

Honestly, that to me was really stupid. I don't need any help learning how to breathe. That is really dumb.

If you forget how to do that you would just croak. For a guy that is suppose to be smart he sure didn't impress me on that part.

So when we got done with all this focus crap and breathing crude he was rambling about, I simply told him if he didn't fork over a few brownies I was going to use my bat to be sure I beat him till I really felt better.

At that point the meeting was cancelled for some reason. I think it was because the guy got sick. He turned real pale after I told him that.

Anyway, Otis sort of had me leave with him. And the good news was we ended up at the ice cream parlor. Which was definitely cool.

And that worked for me. Didn't even have to imagine feeling relaxed. After three hot fudge sundaes and six glasses of pop I was so relaxed that I fell asleep. Maybe I ought to give this guy lessons.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "I always wondered how long you have to shake milk to make it a milk shake? Guess I should check with cows who have to do the shaking."