AT THIS HOUR?

What kind of maniac can’t tell time. And then still calls you on the phone? I mean really that is so stupid.

I was sitting at home the other night and the phone rang. Now it was like nine at night. Such didn’t need that call right in the middle of watching a good movie.

And my hands were all greasy from eating popcorn. So talking on the phone was not my idea of a good time.

Now that is so much of the kind of junk that just plains sucks. And I did answer the phone.

It was some kind of recording about a sale. Now you can be sure I wasn’t going to do any shopping that time of night.

So who is the knucklehead that figures I wanted to know? Sure was a lame idea and that is not good.

Now let me tell you I don’t care that the person had a nice voice. Really wasn’t helpful at that point.

Plus they didn’t even offer any coupons. Seems like they least they could have done is give us a break on that part.

Or maybe like toss in something extra helpful. You know one of those bargain deals. Like a two for one deal.

Those are great. Providing you can get two of what you want. And some of these sales are a rip off.

Yeah, they say two for one, but don’t let it be for whatever. Never say it isn’t either. The big jerks.

Now that is something I sure wish I could change. I mean if they say two for one, then I want my choice of two with the one.

I tried that in one place and they didn’t do it. I bought there stupid whatever was and all wanted was two bags of jelly beans.

But as usual they gave me trouble over it. Yeah that sucks. Didn’t do a thing for me, which sucks even more.

Why they do this stuff I got no idea. Just no it doesn’t make life better. And that ought to be in there somewhere.
With the jelly beans too.

BARELY

Now this is more than none. That much we know. And that is cool when it the more than none is enough.

That is the really amazing part. I mean you get this little and you figure it ain’t enough for much.

But then like wow, it ends up being a lot. Which is pretty darn incredible. Never figure out how that works.

Normally that is where my buddy Otis helps out. He is so cool on that stuff. I’ll be sitting and looking at some stuff and no way it will work.

And every time he will surprise me. Man that is sure something great. In any case what I don’t like is when STINK does it.

I don’t get it, but they can make barely end up not at all. And you can be sure that won’t work for me.

Oh they will ramble about how it is a good thing. How this little is going to work only it never does.

Yeah, that happens a lot. It is like they are looking a junk through some pair of glasses that makes it look bigger.

Only it never works out that way for us. Really frosts my cookies when that happens. Because they never say the messed up.

Now that is the part with the griminals, which is not cool. They never seem to have any barely.

Nope they always get too much. Filth ain’t in short supply. Nope, no way they give us a break on that aspect.

Now that is the part that I wish I could change. And it means making a difference. Well that is what Otis calls it.

Which as far as I can tell comes down to something where it all counts as long as it comes out okay.

Only that don’t happen all the time. Just enough to be confusing. And that really don’t work for me.

But we are going to fix it. Not sure how yet. I bet we can take that barely and make it even better.

Or at least where it will make sense.

MOON PIES

Oh man this sounds great. But I do wonder how they get here. I mean I didn’t even know they had a baker on the moon.

I do wonder about the flavor too. Is it other than green cheese? Does it stay fresh in the way they bring it here from the moon?

See they never mention those kinds of problems. So it sure leaves me wondering. And like most junk they never talk.

Now I hear about the place called NASA. Which when it comes to moon pieces must stand or Never Allowed Sugar Accident.

Yeah you sure got to figure that some moon pie would be great. What with all that time they have to make them they would be fantastic.

Just the question is where do they sell them? And can you buy them with just regular money?

Or do you need some moon money? I would think it would be cool if they explained that part.

Now also are they like human bakers? Well you know what if it is some Martian working part time?

I hope not. Because you can’t be sure some Martian would fix a pie we would like. It might be all slimy, yuck.

Well I reckon this must have something to do with the man in the moon. Yeah, he’s bound to be the cook.

But they never say where he comes from. Could be anywhere. Even another planet. Hope he speak human.

Well gosh I have no idea where to find all this stuff. Just want to see if I can try. Yeah, that would be great.

You know a place where you can taste them pies. Hope they have cream on them. Like from the milky way.

Wish they would say where the way heads. You never know.. Might lead to some black hole. Yeah that would suck.

Well maybe some advertiser can explain. Haven’t seen any commercials, but I reckon they are there.

Well somewhere perhaps.

GREAT DAYS

Yep, you got to love this. Those super cool times when it happens. Just wish you know there was a way to make it happen more often.

I had wondered about that part. Just can’t seem to manage to be sure it takes place by some routine.

Yeah, why can’t they make this on this a calendar deal? Yeah like you know be able to mark down the dates.

Then you could plan on them more. That what I think makes sense. Have a time to just make life easier.

Can’t see the problem myself. Just take the time you let us know in advance if crap is coming our way.

Then you could have time before hand to get all pissed about it. Get it out of your system so you didn’t freak out later.

I would really think that would be a great deal. Just plan ahead and let yourself get all ready for fun and what not.

Plus if you knew somebody else was having a bad day you could avoid them. Well some seem to have bad lives so that is even worse.

But that is okay. Just be nice to get a break on it. Save the headaches. Hmm I got it you could even tell where they were.

Yeah to be sure like you didn’t go there on their bad days. Just be able to sit back and stay elsewhere.

Sure would be so nice. Just have it all figured out so life could make more sense. Now that is a good thing.

But sure don’t seem to work out when I tried. I mean you try to find the right calendar place to do this.

I check out a card shop. Had plenty of cards, but no such calendars. Maybe they keep them for special customers.

Sounds like the kinds of stuff I would expect Junior to pull. Only haven’t seen any calendars with cheese.

Might be hiding them. You’d expect him to pull that. He’s sneaky enough to try it that’s for sure.

Hope he stops if that is the case.

MEDIUM WELL

MEDIUM WELL

You know I got to wonder about this. I mean well is something I figure is a good thing. So what is this medium business?

I sure worry when you are talking about stuff like burgers. I mean I wonder how come it is well if only medium in well?

Is it like only partly well? Like they only cooked part of it? Maybe it is some kind of sick joke.

Oh they like you know use it as some kind of warning label. Yeah to be sure you know that they take time to let you know it is only partly good.

Hmm, I wonder if you know they take the time to be sure they let you know what part sucks. Sure would help.

I guess it is like something that came from a cow with problems. Yeah, I bet it happens. Cows can be strange.

I mean shoot you got to wonder about some animal that spends all day wandering around in manure. Is that sane behavior?

I don’t think so. And you know that is not a good behavior if you want something decent to talk about.

Oh well I will not let them get to me. I don’t even know how them cows make the beef anyway.

Guess they will you know figure it out in a way that works. Hope the medium well ain’t where the messed up and added some manure.

Now maybe they will you know let the farmer know the bad parts. And then he can tell burger joints.

Only I hope they do it. Yeah, I don’t want any surprises with my burger. Hmmm I wonder if they will put it on the menu.

That would be nice. At least to say if you get this type it will be cheaper, but you only get to eat one part.

Seems like a good deal to me. But then I don’t notice them actually saying it. Oh I did try.

But they didn’t seem to want to answer me. Yeah, they can be like that. And I’m going to be sure I check next time.

Providing the even admit that junk, which I can say for sure.

RARE

Well this is cool when it is something you find that nobody else has. And even better if it is something you want.

Now if it involves something you hate, then forget it. Yeah that is not fun in any way. And that never is good news.

Yep, some moron got this idea that beef is good that way. I mean I love burgers, but that just don’t sound good.

Ketchup works good, but not that good. And no amount of pop will help either. You just can’t drown it from my view.

And besides a good burger is just not that great without the joy of grease. I love it since it kills the germs.

That is the part that I heard somewhere. Can’t recall for sure, but somewhere. It sure made sense.

Now some stuff is okay when it is rare that way. Like cookie dough. Yeah, talk about yum and then some.

Which I really don’t mind eating it that way. Naturally nobody wants to eat ice cream that isn’t rare.

Cheese can go either way. It melts good, so that is good too. And just depends on your mood I suppose.

But let me tell you one thing here. There are some crazy people out there that eat fish that way.

I mean what kind of person want fish sticks without the bread? I hope they still use tarter sauce.

Really, hard to imagine taking some darn gold fish and just grabbing it out of a bowl and eating it. What kind of snack is that?

I mean you don’t even get fries with it. Heck they would get soggy in the fish bowl. That wouldn’t work.

But that is there choice. I will stick with the type that get fried. Yeah, they really matter. The rest forget it.

Well I might be happy with a rare you know jelly bean. Another cool thing that is best not cook.

Got to keep that in mind in terms of heat. Fried good.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Do you really have to have a cross to use a crosswalk?"

FINALLY

Nothing feels better than to be done with something. Oh yeah the end of the work day is always pillow time.

Now the problem is when you need the pillow for you butt. Oh yeah those are not always cool times.

But that is okay. Just having the chance to sit down can be so much fun. You can kick back and enjoy.

What ain’t cool is when you get somebody that like interrupts your finally. Now that really sucks.

This happens with work a lot. You leave and go home after a long day of trying to save the world and the phone rings.

Then somebody from headquarters is calling with what they say is a question. Only it is never just one question.

Always you now the kind that you can’t answer that easy. Then sometimes you get put on hold.

And it always seems to be my luck that Otis is gone on those occasions. Yeah they will like choose to call when he’s out.

I don’t fill out the reports. He does all that stuff. And they know it, but still ask me about it.

And they still will ask stuff. Like I am some good person to ask and nobody has anything else to do with their time.

Yeah, that ain’t cool. And even when I don’t know the answer they will ask more questions.

So after a while, I just have to make up some lame excuse for not talking. Yeah that is the hard part.

I mean Otis is the expert at that stuff. I tried to have him leave me lots of good excuses. But he never did.

So I end up faking it. Which can be really lame. Yeah, that is not fun. So I use to try and make up some emergency.

Wish somebody had told me that you can’t have earthquakes in the bath tub and tidal waves in the toilet. But live and learn.

Still trying the live part.

BRRR

Now there is cold and then there is OMG. Meaning the times when you are just plain freezing.

Like you know somebody turned on winter and forgot to turn it off. I really wish they could do something to improve this.

Now the way I see it there is too much cold in the winter and too much heat in the summer. Who voted for that?

I know I didn’t. Man whoever did sure has a problem. Because it just plains sucks. And I wish they could change it.

What would be wrong with saving up all the freezing and putting it into a summer? I can imagine somebody could do it.

Might need to use say a refrigerator somehow. Yeah I bet that would work. Just take all that cold stuff inside.

Now I do see how come they can’t take care of making this work. Yeah you would figure it would be no big deal.

Why I be with a little effort that would be so cool. Um, maybe cool ain’t the best choice though.

But sounded good. Yeah, but the problem is you know making sure somebody gets with the program.

That is what Otis calls it. He is always talking about stuff like that. Only he never you says where to find the program

And I know I sure am not that happy when it works out that way. But then I do get to have so much fun in the process.

Well I call it fun. When I get to you know have the chance to see him make all this stuff try to make sense.

In any case, you know that I still want to see if I can fix this whole cold thing. Just has to be come cool ac dude out there with the answer.

But then they probably keep it to themselves. Why I bet that dude just has all that stuff figured out and is just holding onto it for himself.

Sounds like the kind of deal that they would do. But maybe we can like bribe him somehow.

Hmmm, maybe with some ice?

FIX OR REPAIR

Okay this is a good deal. When it happens. And then it don’t take forever either. That sucks to be sure.

Now quite clear though on why the fix or repair stuff don’t always work right. I know it sure doesn’t work with grocery stores.

Like if you fix some pizza mix and it turns out bad they won’t fix it. They don’t even offer to repair it.

Heck is it my fault that the stuff don’t work right. And it does you know have those times when it seems fair.

I mean it is where I bought it so that sure should be where they fix it. Kind of the time of deal I would expect.

But dang it they just never do let that happen. Why I’ve tried several times to take stuff in and it doesn’t do much good.

Like with that fruit stuff. Them things they call bananas. No where on them suckers is there a warning label.

Nothing about them turning brown. Doesn’t say a word on their label either. So that is unfair to me.

I mean boy did they act so darn uncooperative on that part. They wouldn’t even talk about it.

I did have them in the originally wrapper. And had my receipt. Did that matter to them?
Heck no!

It just didn’t make them act the least bit different. And I sure hated that. Just have to make sure they don’t fool me again.

Yep, I’m going to be sure I don’t mess up on that fruit thing again. Nope, doesn’t thrill me at all.

But that is okay. I know all about that live and germ thing. Where you like go in a learn that germs mess stuff up.

And that means being darn careful. Yeah I will just stick with candy from now on. Like making sure they fix it.

Like if you get a candy bar and after eating six the next one makes you sick, they need to fix that.

Just want the repair that part.

FROZEN

You know this is sure a fun subject, but so weird. I mean frozen stuff can be such a mystery.

Like with frozen foods. You got like the television dinners. You got to nuke them to eat them.

Then there are the kinds such as waffles and other junk that you got to toast to eat them. They just take more work.

Now my favorite is the part where you get ice cream. Yeah, you don’t have to do anything except eat it.

Whoever came up with that idea sure was a genius. Boy they deserve a medal. And then I would get them a parade too.

But they would only be second to my other choice. The dude who invent the ice cream cake.

Talk about a blessing. Wow that is so cool. I mean cake and ice cream all together that is amazing.

Now if we could do this with other stuff it would be even better. Yeah, like pizza and burgers.

Or maybe we could figure a way so they could freeze ice cream so it wouldn’t melt very fast. Now that would be great.

Maybe make that into a car or something. You could drive it for a while then eat it. This sound so cool.

No parking problems. Just have to have lots of freezers around. Hmmm, might be hard to eat a whole car though at one time.

But can’t be sure. Perhaps I need to practice to see. Yeah, now that would be so important.

All I need is the time and enough money to check it out. Perhaps I need one of those grant deals.

Yeah that is worth checking into. I’ve heard of stuff called grants. Yeah I wonder if they give them for research?

Oh heck would be a such a wonderful think to consider. Yeah, getting paid to eat would be fun.

I think I’ll check on that. Maybe at some ice cream parlor.

FANTASTIC

Oh man nothing is better than this. Those times when things are like complete way past cool.

Now that is sure a challenge. I mean to be beyond cool is not accident. It can take a lot of effort.

Sometimes way more than we want to use. Yeah, you know like it is just too much hard work.

Kind of like when Otis and I are out after the bad guys. Oh yeah catching them is fantastic.

But if it is too much work we just you know kind of settle to take it easy a little. Oh we still want to catch them, just not tonight.

That is the part with fantastic. It is sort of right now. And normally unexpected. And then you do what you can to be sure you make it happen.

That is what Otis calls it. Those great deals where you just love doing something and know it is going to work out.

Just maybe only in a normal way. For it to be fantastic you got to have some really super junk.

I mean the type of thing you just are happy when it works out. And let me tell you that is the fun.

Now keeping tract of when it does can be tricky. Yeah that is never quite the same as we imagine.

I mean it all get so darn screwy. The times we just sit back and tell ourselves it was cool when it wasn’t.

Well that is alright. I mean we do manage to find the times when it does work. And let me tell I love those.

Just gets a tad difficult. Well for me at least. I mean there is the question of using my bat.

That is always fantastic. But then it is also a pain too. Only I just am doing what I can to make it all better.

Which even works at times. Just not all the time. So I have to work on that. That is what Otis calls fixing a screw up.
We even succeed at times.

GREAT JOB

Well there is a good kind of great and a sucky kind. The good kind is when something super happens.

That is so cool. You just have to really love those times. And even better when they are that way on purpose.

Like you go to some sale and it ends up the way you expect. Yeah, that is so much fun. That is the part you can love.

And when it takes place when you want it even better. Yep, that is the part that is great in the best way.

Then there are the sucky ones. When crap happens. So you end up saying great as in this is other than great.

But you just try to figure away to undo that kind of great. Make it all better. Which never works.

And it only seems to get worse when you try to fix it. Like it was planned that way. Which is never quite a good thing.

Well not to me. I want to fix those deals. I want them to end up great too. Can’t not want that.

But then it is more of a wish than a reality. I hate that kind of reality. Yeah, you can’t enjoy it.

Still, I keep hoping. So I try to figure the best way to make the crap stop being a bad great.

Sure can’t blame me for that part. Yeah, just a wish on my side. In any event I am working on it.

I will keep trying as long as I can. And that is a good thing. Then maybe some day all the greats will be real greats.

In the meantime I will keep the bad greats out of life as much as possible. Which would really be fun.

Just have to have a way to accomplish it. Maybe there is some school that teaches it. I could think that was cool.

Providing they weren’t a bad great too. Yeah, that would really suck if you paid for it. Then I would have way to much of the bad great.

And who needs that?

AWFUL

You sure don’t have fun with this do you? Anyway you look at this it ain’t a good thing. Nope, not to me.

Now from what I can tell there are different kinds of awful. Yeah ain’t that the pits? One would be enough to me.

It is like you know, you can’t get enough of the sucky junk at times so you need extra. Like that works.

Oh well that ain’t my idea of a reason to celebrate. Nope I sure can’t say I like it at all. Just will be on my yuck list.

So you see there are the awful things that just happen. Things you just know are a pain that is from life in general.

Like when stuff breaks down. Oh yeah that is no fun. And it always seems to be junk that you really, really need.

Such as when the cable goes out right before some extra cool movie is about to on. Now that is a real pisser.

Yeah that is one type of awful that is extra bad. Just because you were there hoping to find a way to cope with some other kind of awful.

Such as for example having to deal with things like one old rat boy, Junior, pain in the butt. Talk about pains!

He knows all about how to make things awful. And I don’t think he has ever had a lesson. Just a natural at it.

Which is not a good thing. Well at least to anyone, but him. Yeah, I really will never understand how he thinks this is cool.

But then you know, he is weird anyway. Just can’t seem to get it that being a jerk ain’t a good thing.

Oh well I don’t figure it matter. Yeah, that sure is not cool from my view. Which is naturally not something he considers.

So that means it gets listed in my extra awful file. Because you know it ain’t going to improve.

And that makes it really suck. Yep, we all have to accept that reality. I keep saying it is so. Just not happy about it.
Still going to keep hoping it will get better. Just not sure when.


THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "I want to know where the go signs are for all the stop ones."

TOASTERS

Now you know sometimes I do wonder about if these are really are a good deal. I mean what all can you do with them? Not much beyond toast stuff.

I’m not saying that is all bad. Nope, it can be a good thing too. Well, sometimes I suppose.

Just wish they made them so they can do other junk. Not sure what all I would like. Just stuff that would be thrills.

You know like if they could have a radio in them. So you could do something fun while they were toasting.

Now it really does bugs me is how come these things you know take so long to toast too? I mean you can do lots of other stuff.

You have to stand there and just be bored. Can run away and do other stuff either. Might be able to if you had some voice on the thing.

Like it could say, toast is ready. Now that would be cool. Yeah, I could enjoy that. You could be off watching television.

I don’t mind you know if they make talking toasters. I think it would be cool. But we just don’t get that option.

Or how about one that say screams or shouts? Maybe has a siren. Yeah, that would be cool.

They just don’t offer those options. Makes me wonder if they toaster people are against us having fun.

Perhaps the bread people need to talk to them. Yeah, that would be a good idea. I could think that would be fun.

Only so far that hasn’t happen. Probably are just too busy. Yeah, has to be it. Most likely messing with the hot dog buns.

Those can be such a pain. Yep, I would figure they will never get them hot dog problems straightened out.

In any event I guess nobody is going to ask my vote. But maybe I could talk to them and help out.

Couldn’t hurt. Nope that would be such a good deal. I would love to tell them how to fix the toasters.

Well worth a try.

SWANS

Man these sure are something else. I heard about them once. How they were like really not so cool and babies.

But then they grow up and go crazy. Yeah, they suddenly act so different. Well that is the way I heard it.

Just not sure it worked that way. Nope I didn’t in any way agree to that part. Yeah, that is also the thing I have to wonder about.

Oh well, that is not the way it works for me. Nope I wish this swan deal was that true for other junk.

I’m telling you this is not the way things should work. Really does it make sense to you? Doesn’t to me.

Anyway, I am sitting here and deciding the best thing to do is let this work this way so I can you know have some hope. Heck yeah I’m sure it would be great if everyone had a happy ending.

But we don’t. Well not when we want it to be that way. But I reckon that would work for me in a good way.

Anyway, I’m thinking that maybe there ought to be a way to make this work better. Yeah, to let it move on to some other things.

But just not sure who it would work. Nope I would imagine that would not be a good deal in my opinion.

However, we do need to be able to see it the way we want. To be able to like know it will work right.

Anyway, I reckon this is not something you can make happen. Sometimes it just is a hope.

And those are good. Well when you get them. Which ain’t that often. Anyway, I will figure a way to let this happen.

But what I need is a good way to let it become that. Yeah, a chance to be sure that it don’t work out a bad deal.

Guess I sort of need to find a swan first. Haven’t found any so far. Maybe they like to you know hide.

Might come from that poor you know upbringing. Heard that can mess a person up too. Which sucks. Hope they get better.

PONDS

Okay, I did the pad thing so now I want to talk about the pond deals. Yeah, that is the other part that don’t make much sense.

First of all, who needs a pond? Yeah, that is part that I really have trouble with. Who really needs these?

They are like some you know lake. A place that is big and makes sense. It is lots of water and that is a good thing.

You can go sailing on them and that is a good deal. You can even swim in them too. But what is the deal with ponds?

You don’t get to like use them for anything cool. Yeah, that is not a good thing. I mean it ought to be.

Really they are bigger than a bath tub. But you sure can’t take a bath in them. And they seem to have fish in them or ducks.

Only that is not going to you know be a place you would want to stick your naked behind seeing how they are outdoors. So just means you got to like fish.

Which are okay I guess. I mean if you are really a big fan of fish. I like the as fish sticks, but that ain’t the same.

Which is why I don’t reckon it would work for me. Nope, that is not my idea of cool. But that is why I don’t have a pond I imagine.

Well in any case there is not much of a chance to worry about this anyway. Because I’m no sucker for ponds.

After all you do have to clean them. At least somebody does. Not me to be sure. Just somebody.

And I got enough crap to clean in life. Yeah, that is not my idea of fun. Nope, I sure don’t want to mess with them.

In any case, I am happy to not worry about it. Yeah that makes it all so much easier to deal with.

But then you will never know, if this works for others. Yeah, they really are so silly when it comes to water.

Personally, I can be happy to just drink it. And to maybe use it for a shower. But thsese dudes are weird.

Well too me. Nothing new there.

LILLY PADS

I don’t get this at all. Why do they have to make flowers into some silly thing you stick on a pond?

What happened? Well I figure this is some goofy deal. Yeah, maybe the florist went nuts. So they got crazy to some degree.

Maybe business is slow. So you know they try to branch out. Yeah, I could see where that would matter.

But then I guess that is a matter of them making sure you got a chance to like see some other ways flowers can be cool. I guess the water does help.

Only I wonder since pads aren’t everywhere if they would like give you a break on that part. Maybe find some way to let it be more than just in some pond.

Perhaps come up with a place you could use these that made sense. I think I would find some cool options.

That is if you like flowers. I mean they are okay. Just not my favorite things. I guess because you can’t do much with them.

Nope you can spend the time imagining them like being good in some park. Some like them in their homes.

And they do smell good. But that is about all they seem to do from my view. Which si kind of dull.

Oh I guess you could figure a good thing to do. Just not sure what. Never been a big flower dude.

Now I sure don’t see that as a good deal from my point of view. I want more. Yeah, I want them lily pads to do more than just sit there.

I want them to like be so cool. Do something such a dance or magic tricks. I hear they are a big deal for frogs.

I always love this idea in terms of how it works for frogs. Personally, I don’t like the idea of warts.

So maybe this is the florist’s ideas to you know make it seem like we could get to like them. Which ain’t going to work for me.

Can’t get the idea of out of my head about frogs and flies. Can you really be excited by some thing that eats flies?

But guess I will not let that be my problem. Nope, not going to let any other flower dude give me problems. I feel that is fair.

THE MIDAS TOUCH

I heard about this the other day. Some dude names Midas could touch junk and turn it to gold.

Which I guess was a good deal. I mean might help to paint the rent. But I wonder you know did he like get to do fun stuff too?

I didn’t here on that part. Was it like able to you know trade the gold whatever or other cool junk?

I also wonder if like they were gold as with gold Easter eggs? Well now I could see that as cool.

Would sure love to turn a few things into chocolate eggs. Yeah, would really love zapping crap and making it tasty.

See I thin he didn’t get that part. I bet he was just you know making them for the Easter Bunny and all.

I reckon that is okay. But then I would think keeping a few for yourself would be nice too.

Now what I want to know is where did this dude get a chance to have this touch? Did he like have some special clout with Santa?

Was he like in some place where the tooth fairy gave out special surprises? If so do I get to sign up?

Yeah, come on how come they can’t share on that part? Seems like it would be no problem.

Just have to locate the place where they have this touch store. Hmm, I’ve heard of touch tone phones.

So maybe the phone company has a deal on them. Yeah and they have only so many so they keep them for certain customers.

Well I did here this dude was some kind of king. Not sure over what. Maybe he like you know set a world record.

Hey, that’s it. I will set some world record. Hmmm, what kind? Has to be something I would like.

I got it, I will eat the most jelly beans ever. Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I can do that. Could sounds like a plan.

All I need is the candy store to cooperate.

CASHIERS

Well I don’t know if I find these people all that cool at times. You would think that somebody who gets to handle money all the time would be happy.

I mean they got all kinds of it so no gripes right? Well you would hope so. But the ones I see are more like cash-sneers.

Yeah, they are not cool. And I really don’t know why. I mean it seems like they don’t enjoy money.

So why work where you get lots of it. Hmmm, maybe those registers they use give them problems.

That might be it. Perhaps the keys give them problems? Hurts the fingers in some way. Hard for me to say.

Course I remember that old saying about how money is the boot of all weevil. Sure sounds really important.

Guess it sort of means if you need a boot then you got to have money for it. Yeah and you have to be careful to check for any weevils inside.

I reckon they are some kind of animal. One that hangs around weaves of some kind. Those are like socks I believe.

Which makes sense if you are talking boots. So I guess that explains it. Yeah, you know you get yourself some boots.

Then you watch to make sure they aren’t too expensive so you have cash left over. But you need to check you socks to be sure they fit.

Otherwise they might bug you. And that ain’t cool. Not to me. I would prefer this to be the case of being safe.

I don’t want any crummy socks messing up some boots I buy. Yeah, that is important. I will be careful on that way.

Wonder who comes up with this stuff anyway? Really have to wonder at times I’m sure there are some who knows.

Yep, somebody who has plenty of boots and socks. Well at least they act like they do. And then go into places that have cashiers and brag.

Which is what makes them always so pissed. Now that would really suck. I think I will watch out for them.

Well guess I will watch for people with boot and lots of cash.

NOT NOW

This ain’t much fun. You get all excited and ready to do something and then nothing happens.

All because some jerk decided to say no. Put on them old brakes to you big fun. That really sucks.

As for me, well what can I say, man I just am ready to take this to the point of next time somebody says this, I’m going to bash them. I just don’t need it.

Now I don’t mind you know if you have a situation where somebody tells you in advance that something won’t work. But they never do.

Nope that is not how they work. Not to me. I mean really, this just sucks so much Because it is like they know you are wanting something and will keep it from happening.

They are part of those dang party pooper types. Yeah you know the ones I’m talking about.

They make it such a pain. Wouldn’t be so bad if they would just you know, tell you junk when it really was best.

And this is one of those deals you have to hate. Yep, that is the one thing I am looking at as a big deal.

So I can plan on ways to fix it. I think I will come up with a not contract. And make any of them not people sign it.

There sure are a lot of them. Maybe they have a school or something. A place they learn to be jerks.

Providing you can make sure they show off who they are before hand. Too many don’t do that.

They are so dang sneaky. Probably go to school for that. Yep, I be they got a jerk school somewhere just for such things.

And you know, they never tell you where the school is located. Probably sneak around so they can practice and not tell you.

Yep, I can be sure I don’t like this idea. I bet they keep it at a level that nobody fun gets to know about it.

Man I would figure that part. Just a deal where I have to be sure I find this school. Now that would be so fun.

But that will take work. Bet I’ll start by finding one of the not dudes and getting him to talk.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Shouldn't they call it something other that life insurance if you die to collect it?"

CRESCENT ROLLS

Man when you talk about rolls, I’m all in favor of them. But you know these got me worried.

I was over at the hardware store the other day, just drop by there at times to check out junk. They got lots of it.

And they have cool section with tools. Now one of the ones they have is called a crescent wrench.

I tell you one thing no way I’m eating one. I’m sorry that is not going to work for me. And hope it will for somebody.


Now what kind of nut tries to take one of them and turned them into a roll? Is this really a good thing?

I guess it must be for them to be sold. Not sure what all it works that way, but must for some.

But unless you can tell me how you can take a wrench and turn it into a roll then I will listen. Otherwise, forget.

I’ve heard of some strange recipes before and some stuff that is edible that I never tried, but not metal. Well not so far.

I did imagine you could maybe take them and melt them down and add them to some flour. Is this a good thing?

Hard to imagine. But somebody likes them. Not sure it is anyone I know of. And you can be sure that won’t work either.

I suppose if you could add some sugar it might help. But still would it be enough. I have a hard time imagining.


Anyway, I didn’t see any crescent wrenches there that were for snacking. Yep, none that I imagined.


Oh well they didn’t exactly let me try them either. They get so picky about the tools. I don’t get to handle them.

I was hoping for otherwise, but no such luck. You know you mess up with a chainsaw once and it sort of sticks with you.


But they are opening up a new hardware store. So that will be cool. I won’t touch them chainsaws this time.

Can’t hurt to try the drills I reckon.

FUN AND LOVING IT

Nothing better than fun. And loving it can be so dang easy. Well for some people, but not all.

Now I do feel sorry for so many who just don’t get it. Yeah, they are so ridiculous on this fun deal.

Always making life so miserable and less than exciting. Like that is a good deal. But it is the way things are for some.

Now personally I love to take this beyond that. I want to go out there and go crazy at times.

I realize that might not seem like a good idea what we me being a grimefighter and all, but love to check it out just the same.

So I will admit how at times I do sort of go crazy. I hate to you know, make this into something bad.

But I have given in to temptation at times. Yep, I have let myself really make this work for me.

Okay, I know some would think less of me for it, but I did it. I went out and did some crazy things.

Like getting a second bag full of jelly beans. Yeah, I thought that was pretty darn crazy. But I felt could do it.

Oh well I was glad none of my plans saw it. Nope I didn’t think that was a good thing. I just had to do what I had to do.

But you know I don’t do that all the time. So that is important. I just really love to know I can be human too.

Oh I have also done some other stuff. Yeah, you never know when it will work out so I can call that fun without it bothering me.

But I guess I just still need them jelly beans and that ain’t all bad. Nope that is not the kind of deal I boast about.

Just sit with my full tummy and smile. Heck it even makes me smile when Junior is around.

And that is really great. Wish it was otherwise. I mean I wish I could just imagine him not even there.

But that is to much of good news.

DOLLARS TO DONUTS

This ain’t always a good thing. Hear it said sometimes in place. Kind of like they are betting.

Not sure what you win if you are betting donuts. More donuts I reckon. Maybe that is a good thing.

But you can be sure you will spend the dollars first. They just never mention were you get the donuts.

Like are they really old and stale? They might be cheaper. But don’t taste that great. Well not to me.

And I wish before they made this a good deal they would explain that part. Seems far to me.

So that is what I’m trying to do is find out, which donuts count. I got my favorites too.

Just can’t always be sure they are other’s favorites.

Now what I am working on here is trying to find out mostly is there one kind of donut shop that gets all the sales. Sure would like that.

I suppose that I ought to ask Reverend Analbe. Yep, he seems to be an expert on donuts. Well eats a lot of them.

And he also talks to God. So I reckon the thing is whether he would like let me know what is God’s choice.

I assume they have donuts in heaven. Well I assume so given the fact that I hear him call them heavenly.

But I don’t know this is just a case of not being sure. So I may have to just run around to the donut stores to see how had betting.

I’m sure they wouldn’t mind explaining. Nope I can imagine they would appreciate having more customers.

Yeah, that ought to help. Might even get them to give me a break on the cost. Yep, that would be nice.

Still I can’t help, but think that is something that is sort of a matter of making sure this is not a club. That would be just my luck.

And then they would charge dues and make you do obey a bunch of stupid rules. Yeah that sucks.

Well that is something I hope to avoid. And that would mean you know being able to like enjoy donuts without rules.

ON PATROL

Oh yeah I love this. Those times we are out on patrol against the bad guys. A lot of them out there.

I just wish I could get them to like you know make it more spread out on their behavior. Not only do it in bunches.

I mean it seems like they all go crazy at the same time. I try not to let that get to me, but it sure does at times.

There are just too many that seem to think being whacko should happen at the same time. Like they have some type of schedule.

Yeah, that really sucks. It is okay when you have one or two, but then you get several and it is so darn frustrating.

I don’t try to let it get to me. But it does. Sort of like you have to pick and choose. You know figure out who first to bash.

This can be tricky. I mean some griminals are more inclined to be difficult than others. And that ain’t easy to always figure out.


Yea, I got to depend upon Otis for that part. He does this stuff called investigating. That is where he looks at the trash and figured out what kind of nut caused it.

Oh it is amazing to be sure. You just can’t imagine how incredible it is to have him look at crap and then deduce the type of creep we are looking for.

Heck that is the cool part. I find it so much fun when he turns out to be right. Which doesn’t happen all the time, but once and a while.

Oh I sure wish it was all the time. That would be so cool. But then the problem is sometimes his deducer seems to get busted.

Oh he never puts it that way. Nope I wish he did. Might be easier than some of those excuses he gives me.


That one about the moon temporarily blinding him was pretty funny. Especially with the fact that it was day time.

But then I guess it just makes the time go faster. And I could like that. Plus it is nice when he is right.

Happens almost enough times for Dr. Hemoglobin to almost forget when we mess up. Wish it was more than almost.

Maybe some day.

THE BIG IN BETWEENS

On man having breaks are a good thing. Even better when they are something you get when you want them.

Now the other day they decided all us grimefighters should take a lunch break. Which is okay, but kind of hard to do at times.

Mainly because when you are chasing down some griminals you can’t always stop for lunch. So it is really silly.

But our boss, Dr. Hemoglobin decided this was something that was extra important. I guess somebody got too tired one day.

They kind of fell asleep while driving an diaper service van. So he figured we needed to get some extra rest.

Oh I wasn’t against the idea. Just wasn’t easy to do the way he wanted. I mean we can’t make griminals stop at lunch time.

Just wish that old Dr. Grimefinger, that lousy creep would make his pals do the same thing. But I don’t imagine that will happen.

Could be so much nicer if they learned to stop messing for a while. But then since they mess up anyway, guess that wouldn’t be new.

Just wouldn’t want them visiting my burger joint. Yeah that would be such a pain. Hate having to eat a burger while bashing someone with my free hand.

Kind of takes the fun out of eating. And then I sure wouldn’t want to stand in line with some griminals.

Bad enough to have to capture them. Just would be so messy to even try. Glad I don’t have to think about it much.

Other than having to put up with a lunch break. Which I am still working on. Want it to be fun.

Only Otis says I can spent it at the candy store. Heck that place is restful to me. And even more son if I eat a few pounds of jelly beans.

Well I’m sure we can work on it. That is what Otis is always saying. And man that is such a pain.

Because we have been working on some junk forever and still doing so. But guess it sounds fun to say.

At least to somebody.

LESS OF LESS

Somebody thinks this so cool. And I guess it can be. Less problems would be great. But that ain’t on the list.

That is the stupid list that somebody makes up on what kind of junk you can get to have less of and are suppose to like it. Only it never is my list.

But I reckon there is a way to make this work. Yeah, find out find if you can locate the dude in charge.

Sure would help. Yep, I would be so happy if that was the case. Just mosey up to the person and tell them to knock it off.

Really, I would like that a lot. And then have a chance to take time to just fix things so you didn’t keep getting pissed off by this deal.

But I reckon this is another of those deal where you just can’t have a chance to do it without some license. Yeah, I hate that.

And I imagine they don’t even tell you where either. I think they do that on purpose. Just to get to you.

Which it sure does to me. Yeah, I can treat this as one of those things where nobody is going to fess up how to improve things.

But the problem is I figure you know this is like so many stupid things just there to annoy. And let me tell you it sure ain’t exciting.


So that is where I have to see where I can fix this so it stops. Just give me less if it is cool. No bad stuff.


Yep, seems like I will as always be stuck just you know dealing with this in a way that is fair. And that is the part I want to check out.

Well I’ll probably check out the places where they sell licenses. Yeah, that would be fun. I would enjoy it.

But then you know, I just want a chance to be sure nobody is going to pull something sneaky. Too many try that.

But then you never know when they will fib about it either. Yeah that happens too. Really bugs me when they do.

Oh well I’m going to move on. I got a feeling I can find this dude eventually. And that will be great.

Just not sure when. Eventually is will be great

MORE OF MORE

Well man do I love this. You get to savor those nice times when you get more of something and then more after that.

Sort of a surprise that gets better. So you really do get excited by it all. Yeah, just like and extra Christmas.

Now that is one thing I wish happen a lot. More Christmases. I could really get excited over that one.

I wonder if anyone has ever put that on their list to Santa Claus? I don’t know why not. I mean you are supposed to tell your wishes.

I don’t remember reading anywhere that he says you can’t do that. Maybe nobody ever asked.

Yep, I think I might give that a try. Not sure when for sure. Still to figure out how to fix things with that grocery store.

I was in there the other day and say this package of cookies that say it was new and improved with thirty per cent more ingredients. Well it sounded good.

But I don’t know it didn’t seem to be that way to me. I mean I opened them up there and didn’t see any difference.

Heck, I opened the first one and figured it was defective so opened up a lot more. Didn’t find the thirty per cent at all.

But you would have thought they would have appreciate my effort. But no they just got all upset over the cookies being everywhere.

People sure can be funny about such kinds of investigative reporting. Yep, I like that part.

Just hard to get them dudes to cooperative. They sure didn’t say thank you. And that really bugged me.

But since they sort of decided I ought to not drop by again, I didn’t get a chan ce to test the thing again. I haven’t given up though.

Nope, not as long as there are other grocery stores for me to visit. Just trying to remember the ones I can’t go to any longer is hard.

But I am thinking of making list. I might too if that stationary store let me back in so I could get another pen.

That what I guess for trying to check out boxes of pens with more on them.

Thought for the week: "What goes around, comes around, but hopefully it ain't the runs."

CLOUD NINE

Okay where is this located. I know most likely between cloud eight and ten. Yeah, bet it is a cool place.

I did some checking up in the sky, but haven’t seen any clouds with numbers. Might help I they could fix that.

Nope, still looking when I get a chance. Just don’t happen all that often. And that is okay.

But I still want to you know see if somebody has a map. Must be out there somewhere. Just not sure where.


Oh well I will be happy to take the time to keep checking. I mean it is really hard to you know quite find all you want out about them.

Still it is worth it to me. I mean really is a good deal. Just have to love that part. Imagine finding the good stuff.

Reckon it has you know nine of something good. Might be great if it was nine bazillion jelly beans.

No sure though that is what they got. But I can hope. Yep, you really got to think it is a good thing.


Well I know that would be something I could enjoy. Providing they ain’t full of bird droppings.

In any event here, I am going to do what I can to make this work the right way. Yep, to take the time to study it up big time.

Now that means I guess I need to find some kind of answers. Which probably means a trip to the library.

I can live with that as long as they don’t ask me any more stupid questions. Like about a library card.

I mean it don’t look like a library and don’t let you do any cool junk with it. Not like they give you something in return for having one.

Nope, not that I have noticed. I think it is one of those deals that just don’t work right. I mean they claim to know all this junk, but never the good stuff.

I think I will just see if they will give me a break on this cloud business. I kind of hope it goes better than asking them about the North Pole.

Yep, got to love it when they stop messing up.

LOADING ZONES

Okay this is down right stupid. I see these places for loading junk, but they never mention unloading.

So what do these poor dudes do that have stuff to take off a truck? They out of luck or what?

Sure seems like a pretty crappy system. I mean I’m no expert on this loading deal, but I know you got to unload sometime.

And that is only fair to the drivers I think. Hard to understand you know who would take some lame job where you could only load junk.

Unless they like have one of those transport jobbies. You know the type that makes stuff move from one place to another.

Yeah, I bet they got some deal like that. Only way I would work for a place where you pick up junk and never dropped it off.

Now the only thing I don’t get is how come they can only zap junk to unload? Seem like they ought to be able to load it too.

Perhaps this is a deal that only works one way. Some stuff is like that. Maybe the inventor blew a fuse thinking it up.

Heck it can happen. Even smart dudes can get brain fried. Kind of sad, but guess that kind of stuff just happens anyway.

Now that is the part that I have to give some extra thought. I mean what if they end invented other half stuff?

Kind of gets me to worrying you know that we might lot so things that only partially work. And nobody is going to fess up about it.

Yeah, I bet some dude in the government is behind it all. Maybe mess up and spilled coffee on the plans.

Then could only figure out how to build part of them. So you get stuck with junk that just don’t do what it is supposed to.

Now I think it would be nice if they changed them signs. Yeah, to something like hey, we screw up.

I could handle that. Make more sense than the way it is now. Which is fine by me if they will fix it.

Probably have to fill out a form for it. And I bet they don’t even have any.

SPEED BUMPS

Does this idea seem dumb to anyone other than me? Honestly, I do have to ask. Just seems to suck.

You know the problem for me is with the name. I mean how can you go fast when there is a bump?

Really, I have to wonder who thought that was supposed to make sense? I sure didn’t. I think the person who thought it up had problems.

I mean shouldn’t they be called stop bumps? Or brake bumps? Something where at least you have to slow down?

Just don’t make any thing sound right the other way. I guess that is okay as long as you know you will have to slow down.

But where these are you sort of would know it anyway. I mean the problem is that they are always in parking lots.

And that is stupid since you can’t go fast in them anyway. So it is somebody’s idea I guess of ways to make things more difficult.

Do we really need that? Don’t we have enough problems in life already? Well I think so.

I would blame it on old rat boy, Junior if I could. Yeah, sounds like the kind of crude he would pulled.

But unless they were made out of cheese, I don’t see him as being behind it. So I reckon that isn’t the case.

Still maybe he just you know came up with the idea. I can see where he might. He seems to love doing crazy junk like that. Well if not him I reckon it is some other crazy dude.

There are always too many of them running around. And they all act weird. Man does that suck.

Wish there was a way to not even think about it. Find a good way to let them all just do the speed bump think in their own driveways.

I think that would be fair. But don’ reckon it will happen. Too many types out there are never happy unless you are unhappy.

Which sucks any way you want to think about it. Only problem is getting a way to avoid it. And haven’t found that yet.

OFF LIMITS

Okay what greedy turd came up with this one? Had to be a jerk since no sane person would have thought of it.

Now for one thing you have to admit that it ain’t far. They put those darn sides up and then all it does is make you curious about what they are hiding.

And that sucks to me. I mean you know, why bother to like make it seem like they got something good inside?

And then it is like you know, you can’t touch it. So all they do is make it worse for us people.

So I wish they would take the time to explain what is off limits. Like if it is a bad thing then just let me know.

I won’t complain if I know they got crap on the inside. Then it would be like, cool, no reason to mess with that.

Maybe they could even like lie about it. That would be easier than just wondering all the time.

Yep, you just never know when they are hiding good junk. And I sure don’t think this off limit thing helps.

In any case I think I will just keep trying to pretend I don’t see them signs. That way they won’t bug me as much.

Oh well you just know how there are too many stupid people in the world. And the worse are the stupid jerks.

They seem to really have too much power. And also signs. Yeah wish those didn’t exists and wish I could end them.

But that don’t seem to be happening as far as I can tell. Nope just seems to be getting worse.

In any event I will just accept that sometimes you have to say no. I heard that mentioned once.

Not sure it had to so with signs though. Sounded kind of weird in general to say. I mean since you can’t say no to everything.

Like if somebody wanted to give me some free jelly beans, I’m not saying no. And I imagine that is true of other stuff too.

But we just do what we can. Otis says that a lot.