COME TO THE...

Oh yeah, you got to love this thing. Being invited to some place that sounds real cool. It is always great.

Honestly, there is nothing that makes me happier than knowing somebody thinks I'm special. Really gives me a great feeling deep down.

You know like you just ate three hot fudge sundaes and somebody offers to buy you another one. Yeah, that kind of feeling, which is always great.

And the real fun part is even though things seem important deep down, like in a basement, there are also times it is good when you are say in an attic. Now that is the really nice part.

But then you do have to make allowances for others. Which is another thing I'll never understand. How come some jerk who doesn't get this deserves an allowance?

I think that sucks. I mean why should I get stuck having to pay some clown for not having a good time? That is one part I will never understand I guess.

But then if I don't have to pay the stupid morons I'll be happy. As long as they don't mess up my being able to enjoy this thing.

And especially if for some reason they expect to join me when I'm going somewhere fun. Now that really sucks.

I would prefer if they just stayed home. That would be the best thing for me. And that way I could still get all the cool stuff.

Because they almost always offer you free junk with these invitations. Oh man who wants to miss out on that stuff?

I know I don't plan on it. And let me tell you there are some pretty cool things you can get with some of these invitations.

Why just the other day I was invited to this special party. It was lots of fun. And I won this cruise on a ship. For a whole three days.

Didn't explain how I was going to get to the cruise ship, which was located in some place called Antarctica. But it was nice to win.

They did offer me a great deal on this thing called a time share package. Only I said now. I mean who wants a package you can only have part of the time?

Now all I have to do is figure out how I can get to this ship. Sure hope they do other things than spend time chasing whales. But I guess that could be fun too.

TO BE OR NOT TO STRING

Ah, now this is such a joy. Some times you really need string to make things work right. Stuff just won't behave unless it is tied up.

And let me tell you that sure happens to be necessary in a lot of cases. At least from what I can tell.

And that is why I really focus on making sure I got plenty of string all the time. Which is not as easy as you might imagine.

People can get so weird about such things. They never seem to think having string is important. Like you can just sit there and tie stuff with the air.

Honestly I do wonder if people think that way at times. You do have to imagine there is something strange when people never think about string, ever.

Boy are such people so silly. Well more like they are totally dumb bunnies. Way to busy ignoring the important stuff.

Which is something I figure is very sad. People really need to be able to get things straight on this subject. And so far I haven't noticed that to be very true with a lot of folks.

But you know I kind of view this as basically a case of me taking the bull by the horns. Let me tell you, that is no easy task either. I trie

And letting them have a chance to maybe learn how to cope with what is really important. I figure it is good that I teach this lesson.

You know it is one of my joys in life to help people learn what they don't know. And so far I'm pretty happy with that option.

Just wish I got better response from the people I try to help. Man you would think some people would be better at being grateful.

Only they never are. Man do they give me weird stares. It sure does bother me how hard it is to get them to understand.

Not that it will ever be easy. I know that. And I'm working on it a lot. Maybe one of these days I can fix that problem.

And I know it will be fun when we can finally get everyone to agree to cooperate. I think in the long run everyone will benefit from this lesson.

And I got plenty of string to help out the others. All they have to do is let me help. And that I will do with all the string they need.

NEARLY SORT OF GREAT

I like this part. Where somebody is not running around saying they are the greatest, but are happy just to be sort of great.

Kind of like being a hero, but without the fame, fortune, attention or glory. Um, dont' sound so hot when I put it that way I guess.

But the idea for me is that this ain't necessarily a bad thing. Just kind of depends on how you choose to look at it.

In any case, if you handle this right it can be so cool. Just you know having the chance to feel like you are great, but not have to worry about anyone to make you prove it.

Course I do consider that a big deal. After all, we all do enjoy feeling we are good at stuff. And what is wrong with that?

I can't think of anything. We all love to feel special. Just too bad some are more special than others.

That is the part I wish I could change. Not that some people don't have a right to feel special. Just wish we all had the same change.

Only I reckon if we made everyone special it would sort of take the meaning out of being special. Then we would have to call it something else.

Which could be kind of confusing I suppose. And I don't know, I reckon that is not a good option.

Perhaps what we need is to figure out a new option in that regard. We can always try to come up with a different solution I reckon.

What I'm not sure would work. But it might be fun to imagine. And I'm willing to give it a shot if I can.

Just never can say for sure what all we might come up with if we try. That is something worth thinking about at least.

In any event we can move ahead I reckon and that is important too. Not sure how much though.

I wish I could figure a way to work out the details though. And it might be fun to figure out if it was possible.

But I suppose that is the important thing. We get a chance to savor the wonderful idea of change even if great don't mean great at times. And that is the part I plan on working on when I can.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "They talk about people's right to know. What is it is on the left?"

THE GREAT

Who makes up the rule on this? Is there like a committee somewhere that votes on the great thing?

I sure would like to find out for sure. Seems to me that they are kind of screwed up on this deal.

From what I've seen there are a lot of great that get this title, but aren't that great. At least not as far as I can tell.

Perhaps the insane part is this thing of the world's greatest. Who came up with this title? And how can there be so many world greatest?

I was over at this burger place the other day. They had this world greatest burger signs out. I tried once. Tasted good, but no better than some of the other burgers I've had. So did these people have the right to like claim that title? Did they win a burger contest?

I tried asking them, but it didn't do any good. The manager wasn't there and the assistant manager kind of didn't give me much of an explanation. He did offer this piece of paper that had a list of their ingredients.

I couldn't tell much from that. Wasn't that impressive either. First thing that I questioned was the thing about there being you know, a hundred per cent beef burgers.

I'm sorry, but if you toss in the bun and all the condiments, you taste a lot more than a hundred per cent beef. Which is good because only meat might be a little boring.

So I'm happy with them not claiming a hundred per cent. The dude at the burger place didn't seem to agree though.

He didn't even bother to give me a burger that really was all a hundred per cent beef. I mean like you know having the bun make out of burger too.

Well I did get a nice coupon out of it. Only it was for some other place. The guy seem to think it was a good idea I went over there for my burgers after that.

Guess I'll give it a try. And that guy seemed really about me asking people over there all my questions. Got a real smile when suggesting it.

Hope those people are friendly though. Such a pain when they aren't. You know it kind of takes the fun out of eating when that happens.

But at least so far there are a lot of burger joints that give me coupons to other places and that is a good deal. And maybe I ought to go back and ask them sometime if they have more. I got a feeling they would be very happy to let me go elsewhere a lot. Can't say for sure, but seems to be the case.

DECISIONS

I'm not sure I'm crazy about this choice at times. Seems like we get stuck only having chances to make sucky decisions instead of cool ones.

When I say we, I'm talking about Otis and me. Yeah, we are super dupe grimefighting super heroes and we never get to decide on the real important junk.

At least not as far as I can tell. See if we had that chance it would be different, but then that would mean old rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin, would have to give us a break.

There ain't much chance of that though. He gets his fun out of making us miserable. Shoot we don't even get to pick out the color truck we drive. That really sucks.

Okay, I admit there aren't lots of choices. We get either white or blue. And that pretty much is all there is.

But that doesn't mean we can wish for a change. I know it would be cool if we could even paint the thing ourselves.

Only problem is that we don't get a chance. Shoot I would opt for coming up with the right type of paint color.

Personally, I like the color orange. That would be wonderful. At least I think it would. I mean no way anyone would not notice an orange garbage truck.

And you can believe me when I say that I have sure mentioned it to. More than once. For some reason though I never get much reaction to that idea in a good way.

Doesn't keep me from trying. You can be sure of that. I take every chance I can to point it out.

So far though my efforts ain't getting the reaction I was hoping. It sure annoys when I can't get the kind of cooperation on this that I figured was due.

But then it is tough to deal with some people. They just never get it. And that sucks. Oh yeah, this really is not quite how I would have expect things to go.

After all I work hard trying to be sure that people appreciate this is important. Decisions are like that.

Only you sure can't tell by some people. They totally suck at being understanding. Sure wish I didn't have to resort to my bat either to always use it as a decision making.

But what can I say? There are times when nothing seems to get better results than a nice whack. Well it works for me at times. Not always, but enough to make me happy with that decisions.

TAKE ONE...

Is there anything complicated in this phrase? It has the words, take and one? How much easier could you want?

So if we all you know understand it, why is it complicated? Shouldn't be in my way of thinking.

But you might be surprised at the people who get this all messed up. First of all there is the take part. That isn't hard to understand.

And the thing to me is that should be the easiest thing to handle. I mean how hard is it to grasp what taking is about?

The part that sort of does get confusing is about the one. Okay, one is well, one. But when they say one, they never mention if you are talking one at a time or one forever.

That is not something they should forget. I mean really one forever is a lot different that one every once and a while.

And they never clarify it either. Like over at the candy store. They have this free samples section.

Which has this sign saying take one. So I should be able to take one. And I always do. Only you know I come back later, which to me is different and try to take one again.

Oh man is that such a pain. The way those dudes act when I do that. You would think I was like stealing or something.

Hey, I didn't make the stupid sign. So don't blame me for the fact that I decide to do what it says.

But you know I told them dudes about the take one problem not saying when or how often. And I won't repeat what they said, but taking wasn't quite a good part of it.

Yeah, they sure weren't what you call customer friendly is that situation. I wish they were more cooperative on that part.

And since they didn't act decent I decided why should I worry about what they think. That is when I took the I O U approach. You know where you borrow from the future and plan on paying it back later.

So I figured I would like take one for other days to come. Course I wasn't going to have to pay it back. But figured you know, I would just not take one on those days.

Seems like a good deal too me. They didn't seem to agree. And if they ever let me in that store again I will tell them what I think of that idea!

SPEAK NO SPEED LEVEL

What is the deal with speed limits? I mean I was looking at this sign that said the speed limit on this one street was 45 miles an hour. And what I want to know is how come the street that never moves has to be told it is okay for it to go a whole 45 miles in a hour. Am I the only one who thinks this is stupid?

Plus no where does it say what all does that apply to. I don't see a single word where is says if that applies to cars or to anything else.

Now when you think about it, they ought to be more specific. After all it sure makes a difference if you are going that fast in a car or on a bicycle.

Then there is the case of the dude who is running. I mean will he get in as much trouble as the dude in the car? Probably not.

I really got to admit that sucks. After all they should like post all the different speed limit. That was it doesn't depress people.

Because if I figure it sucks to you know be on some bike and trying to kill yourself to do that speed limit and you get too exhausted. That really is do dang cruel.

But that is okay. I'm working on fixing that problem. I'm coming up with my own plan for traffic.

I figure we could make things so simple if we eliminated things like stop signs and other stuff that interferes. Just get rid of them.

Then we wouldn't even have to worry about speed. Just let them cruise along doing whatever looks good.

Not to keep things simple we could make it so you only went one way. You know, everyone heading the same direction would keep things easy.

Then we could like rotate. One hour one way, the other hour the different way. Doesn't that sound great?

I think so. And I would volunteer to make sure they all keep it correct. We could issue cell phones and call them every day with directions.

Or maybe just print out some rules. You know to keep it simple. Yep, I think it has great potential.

That's what Otis calls stuff that hasn't happen yet, but you hope will. And let me tell you that really is cool.

Now all I have to do is try and figure out how it find the potential in this that he won't end up having a reason to groan about.

HEAR NO PEOPLE

You can believe there are times this is a good option. Yeah, you know, when you can just have a person shut up without them bugging you about something.

Oh man is that a blessing. Let me tell you the joy of having some body who you hate not saying something to make you pissed is great.

And why is it that the people who try to bug you the most are the ones you want to hear from the least? Seems almost like a law.

Okay, I admit that it isn't a law. At least I hope not. Again I think I would prefer to not think somebody is that cruel to do that kind of thing. I know there are some crazy people ought there, but I hope none are that bad.

In any case, it does seem to happen that way too often. And that is no a cool thing. It sucks big time.

Now why I can't get the really great people to contact me I can't say. I wish I could, but I can't.

I am working on it. Been striving to you know get more active with emails and stuff. Funny how things work so much easier on the internet.

Yeah, there are so many nice people on there. And they are so friendly too. I really like that part.

We just talk about the best stuff. And I did find out only the smartest and best people are on the net too.

Heck, I haven't talk to one yet who isn't a genius and perfect. And that is pretty impressive if you ask me.

Well so far that seems to be the case. Oh let me tell you some of them sure have had interesting lives too.

I never knew there were so many darn people on the net who had invented every thing that was great. And they are all so good looking and rich too.

I guess that is why you don't see them out in the public as much. Because I don't see how most of the people I see in real life at that way.

So it must be they spend all their time on the internet. Can't blame them I guess. You know why risk having to run into a bunch of boring people when you can talk to just cool people.

That's is good too. This one gal keeps talking about meeting though. Not sure I'm interested. I've been to meetings before and they are always so boring where I work. Can't figure out why she would think going to one of them would be good.

SEE NO WEEVIL

Oh man I hate bugs. There are too many of them in the world. Who made thought this was a good idea. I sure didn't vote for it.

And I can't think of anyone who did. Probably was some stupid law passed by some politician clowns. They are always good at doing such crap.

They are the only ones that would come up with such things. Personally I think it was to boost the sales of bug spray. But I doubt they would ever admit it.

That is one thing I do appreciate is how this whole deal really seems designed to just pissed people off. Do you know anybody who gets excited about bugs? I mean other than some exterminator dude?

I sure don't. Them guys are weird if you ask me anyway. But then that is kind of to be expected I guess with you know politicians.

And I bet they think there is something good in this whole bug thing. Well when you start out being weird I guess it never does get better.

Oh it might get better for them. Yeah it is hard to say what would sound good to people who think bugs are a good thing.

As for me I would rather pass on the bug thing myself. I can figure out in the first place the plus side. I mean it isn't they make good pets.

You ever see a pet store that sells them as pets? I sure haven't. I don't reckon you will either.

Unless some politician ends up owner them. I reckon it would work then. Otherwise I can't imagine this bug thing turning into everyone suddenly wanting one in their house.

I mean with a real pet you get to do cool stuff like tricks. And even take them for a walk. Try that with some cockroach.

Now maybe somebody would be inspired to want to take a cockroach for a walk, but not me. I would rather not even see them.

But that is me. Some people might get all jazzed by the choice I reckon. There are some strange people out there.

Well they can have all that fun they want. As for me, well I'll stick to my cat. I might have to put up with the chance of fleas.

But no way I'm going to take them for a walk or offer to buy them dinner. You can forget that part.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Graves are in cemeteries, but I sure hope they never end up in gravy!"

NOT TODAY

Yeah, I've heard this a few times. Not today sucks. That is where you want something that is supposed to be available, but isn't.

And they always say, "not today." Like that makes it all okay. It sure doesn't work that way for me. Nope, I don't love it at all.

Course the person always gives you some lame excuse. Like I really am going to believe for some stupid reason that the shipment they said was going to be here today, is really late.

Oh yeah, that really is believable. Somehow the dude shipping the stuff, the driver hauling it and all the other people in between are totally so stupid and incompetent that they messed up totally.

Do I look that stupid to you? I guess they think I am. And that really bugs me when they think like that.

But they only thing they say to my questions is "not today." Nothing like, I'm a big fat lazy bastard and there is no way I did my job. So pardon me for being a jerk. I have a crappy life because that is what I deserve.

Good luck to getting them to do that. And let me tell you they sure are lousy at admitting it too.

But you can be sure I make them know it. That might not make it any better in terms of them not saying this again, but what the heck, it does give me a smile.

Meanwhile, I'm going to work on checking out this guy's stories about why those dang jelly beans didn't get delivered on time. I sure have a hard time believing that they forgot to order them as he said.

But you can be sure he won't do that again. Nope I made sure my bat reminded him of why that wasn't a good idea.

And the next time they let me in that store I bet he won't tell me that again. All I have to do is figure out how long this restraining order is good for. Also if it applies to all candy stores or just that one?

The cops who delivered it weren't too clear on that part. Did give me a nice ride in the car. And a nice stay in this place with bars.

But glad I didn't have to stay there too long. Otis paid the bill. He called it bail. Which I guess was a good thing. Since he has had to do that before.

Oh well I think at least I don't have to deal with that not today in such situations.

CROSS AND HANDCUFFS

Oh man let me tell you this can be so scary at times. Yep, there ain't nothing as terrible as having somebody decide to show you some cross before they bring out some handcuffs.

It is like you were a vampire or something. So they threaten you with the cross till they have a chance to put on the handcuffs.

Now maybe you haven't notice this being a possible problem, but I have. And that is because I pay to such stuff.

And let me tell you it sure is easy to miss. Some things are like that. This happens to me a lot to be honest. Yeah, I see all kinds of stuff and when I figure it out, nobody seems to get it.

Which is why I have my blog. I hate to deprive the world of my knowledge. You know I'm sure there are people out there that would really benefit from hearing all the good stuff I have to say.

Just can't expect everyone to appreciate it I reckon. Which is part of the reason I've been mainly spending my time writing rather than talking to people.

Plus they always seem to get so dang busy. You know I'll go up to them and start talking and the next thing you know they will like have something else to do.

I know how people can get that way though. It is easy to take place. Which is kind of shame considering they miss out on so much.

Like this deal about crosses and handcuffs. Now that is really a big deal. Ever notice that those people who carry crosses never show you any handcuffs. That is because they are hiding them.

Yep, that is what I figure. They are just hiding them till you get into a position where they can slap them on you.

It hasn't happen to me, but I figure it never pays to be safe. And let me tell you when you know that those crosses are made of metal and so are handcuffs, well there you go.

So they are just being sneaky at hiding them. That is kind of scary to me. What if they like lure you some place to show you the cross and then the next thing you know they are putting the cuffs on you. It is just too easy.

Yep, I'm passing on that option. People can be so darn tricky at times. We just have to always be on the lookout for people who act strange.

And if you need help with that. I can tell you about them too.

DIVINE

Oh this is a good thing. Yep, if you have people with that option it really is cool. I haven't found out where you get to find that option, but I sure would enjoy it.

I heard somebody talking about this cake being divine. Which I kind of thought was really strange.

I realize there are a lot of strange religions out there, but I still have trouble of thinking somebody thinks of cake as a god. It is fantastic to eat, but I ain't praying to it myself.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't know what god looks like. I tried to get the Reverend Analbe to explain it once, but you know he never did. I mean he does talk to god personally, so if anyone should know what God looks like he should.

But every time I ask, he never gives me a decent answer. Mainly does a lot of talking to the Lord. Won't even bother to introduce me or nothing either. Talk about being rude!

Heck you would think you know with me offering to buy him some donuts like he always loves that would have made the difference. But it didn't.

Still don't think God looks like a seven layer cake. And I sure don't plan on trying to find out what flavor either.

Course I do recall hearing about the time he created all that stuff called manna. Think it was some kind of cookie. Not sure how good it would taste out on the desert. Never heard if they kept it in packages.

BETTER LATE THAN...

Late ain't always bad. Just ain't always good either. Depends on what you are late for don't it?

Speaking for myself, well I don't know that I hate the idea of being late as bad as my pal Otis does. Man can get goofy about it. Like the world is going to come to an end if you do have such problems.

I guess it is okay. I mean being on time is a good thing. I will agree with that part. Just not sure it is all bad when it you are late.

As I said, I think in part it does matter what you are talking about. Some never can say for sure. They just hate it anytime anything is late.

But I'm sort of picky in that regard. If it don't mean the end of the world I will probably not be too upset.

On the other hand I got to admit if you are talking about the end of the world, it really is cool that it happens late. You get more time to panic.

I can't speak for somebody else, just me. I could use the extra time to panic more. I would enjoy it. At least I think I would.

However, I will admit that I can wait to find out for sure. I'm not sure that there is any reason to rush in that sense.

But then that is me. Some people might see it different. Which is fine by me. And you can count on me to get all excited if you ask me to do like everyone else.

In any case back to this better late stuff. It is pretty dang important at times. We just need to be sure we keep it all straight.

Only I'm not sure that we ever do. I know I'm ready to work on it. One of those times tables might help.

They are suppose to help keep tract of time. Only I can't say how great a job they do. I do hope they are better than the ones we had back in school.

Over there they had these charts with numbers and X's. Then you had an equals sign. And that was easy to know.

However, I didn't ever figure out those equals matched up with regular time. I tried by they always were like a given number. And that was okay, except time seems to come in more than two digits.

Maybe I just didn't you know, have one that wasn't faulty.

FROSTING

Well I was just talking on this subject earlier so I might seem kind of pointless to mention it again. But then it is such a sweet subject, literally, I figure it deserves its own posting.

Yeah, frosting is so cool. A great and tasty food that makes almost anything better. Well that is my view of it.

And believe me I wouldn't say so if I hadn't tried it. You can be sure that I have done my best to be sure that I have check out the many ways this is cool.

So far I haven't found too much that it doesn't work with. I just am so dang proud of how I have been able to find a bazillion things that go good with frosting.

And the way I figure before I can endorse it as a perfect food I need to do more research. Right now I'm in the testing phrase.

Which comes down to me as the need to sort through my remaining options. So far I have pretty much check out most foods. Well, I didn't bother with some.

Like tamales and corn dogs. I sort of figured those were a given in terms of working with frosting.

But now I have to test the areas where I have to get creative. You know like with stuff such as batteries and car parts.

Yeah, I figure that it was great to be sure. I wish Otis had been more open to letting me do that. He can be such a pain about things like that.

So I've had to sort of work around him at times. It gets kind of frustrating too. I really hate when that happens.

At least the good part is that I did rule out socks at being better with frosting. Well mainly when you put them in the dryer.

Otis wasn't too thrilled with that experiment. Would have been a good idea to probably have only tried it with my socks.

Hey, what can I say? I mean I was in a hurry and felt I didn't have time to worry about such minor details.

He didn't seem to feel it was all that minor I guess. But you know I appreciate how all creativity does require a certain sacrifice.

I just wish that Otis hadn't decided that in this case the sacrifice ought to be taking away my frosting. Well I did manage to get it replaced when he wasn't looking. Hmm, I hope I did remember to not leave some in his underwear? Best go and check.

LAYER CAKES

Is there something about this that we really need? I mean because when I've seen it each layer is always the same as the others, but only a little smaller.

I guess the idea is it that it sounds more impressive. Like you are suppose to not notice the smaller layers for some reason.

Yeah, I ain't falling for that one. No way. I expect to get my money's worth on some cake. I don't want to see somebody talking about a seven layer cake and when you look at it there seem to be shrinking with each layer.

Now just because this is for some wedding don't make it okay by me. Nope, I do figure just because it is for some celebration and not for like a really cool party thing it makes much difference.

Plus I figure you know, if you are talking something like a cake, come on give me a few choices here. You know like have a least one that is made of pizza fixings. Then it would feel more like you were having dinner.

And what is wrong with say a layer for just frosting? That is the best part anyway. So why not let them devote one layer just to extra strong and sweet frosting.

I don't know, just seems to me they are not giving this whole deal enough thought. Kind of lacking in inspiration.

Now if they would bother to consult me I could fix that problem. Yeah, how tough can it be to be a little creative?

Apparently it doesn't work for those dudes who make these cakes. And I sure wouldn't mind changing all of that.

Just a question of finding out where I sign up for the layer supervising chore. Think I'll drop by the bakery and share my genius.

I hope they will be more understanding than the guys at the ice cream parlor. They really weren't very cooperative.

Imagine them not willing to consider a few new flavors. Heck, the way I figure it, a flavor like brown banana surprise would be great.

Okay, I guess taking off the banana peel might have been a good idea. But I figure it was worth a try just the same.

Well, I just have to let them be denied my greatness. I'll save it for the cake people. Providing I can get them to stop having phone problems that get me disconnected when I call them.

A GOOD TALKING TO

Okay whoever said this was realistic? I know it might be to some, but not to me. I mean really what is good about somebody doing this?

A talking to is generally something that involves a gripe or complaint. Can that ever be good for the dude that gets yelled at?

I'm sorry, but I sure don't see that happening very much. Not from my experience. Most of the time, it involves a lot of screaming and yelling. Since when is that ever good?

If you are talking about the dude doing all the yelling, well then I can see it. Just not going to feel good to the other person.

Unless you got one of those weird natures that enjoys pain. There are some like that. Not me, but I know there are a few strange dudes who think that is cool.

In any case the only good I can really figure works out of this is perhaps if the person doing the talking is really, really good at it. I can see that.

Then it would sort of be good in a weird kind of way. Guess that would be okay too. Since everyone needs to be good at something I suppose.

Only not sure if you would be inclined to brag too much about it. I reckon they might have schools for that kind of thing.

Perhaps like where they teach you different ways to yell at people that would see good. Well good in terms of getting people's attention I imagine.

Gee I wonder if like the person who yells the loudest would end up being the one who gets the A? Well, I'm not too excited about that possibility myself though.

I mean I never liked going to school in the first place. So who wants to go for learning better ways to yell?

I wonder if they have some crazy kinds of homework for the classes? Oh my god, I wonder if like they send you somewhere like the mall and make you stand and scream out loud?

That would be so embarrassing. There ain't no way I'm signing up for that. Not if I can avoid it.

Somebody else can sign up for stupid lessons like that. Me, I'll just stick with the older methods.

The ones where I let my bat do all my talking. It doesn't scream. But normally the other person will. Unless I've done a really good job and they are unconscious.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "When a person has a splitting headache does it mean they shouldn't eat banana splits?"

LEGENDS

Oh man is this a cool deal or what? Legends are like the best thing ever. A real important and big deal.

For to be a legend is to be a real special dude. Legends are always popular. At least to me they are.

And if you know you don't happen to get to be a legend you can at least try just the same. Not sure that is always the way we want it.

But I am working on figuring out how to become what they call a living legend. Which is really important seeing how not being alive can sort of cut down on your ability to enjoy this thing.

At the same time it is sort of a good deal to avoid being what the call a legend in your mind. That wouldn't necessarily be a great thing.

Could be, but doesn't have to be. I mean if you can look in the mirror and see yourself as a legend that could be a good thing.

Providing you are talking a good legend. If you say see yourself as some apricot or other kind of fruit that wouldn't necessarily work too well. Pretty much true for vegetables too. Maybe a pizza or fast food might work to a degree, but can't say for sure.

In any case, being a living legend is better than not being a legend or all or being a dead one. Just can't imagine you would enjoy it too much. Why the parade would be sort of waste of time when you were dead.

But for now, I'm going to concentrate on becoming one of these legends. A type that is for a good reason.

Let's say you could be one for farting. Oh you might become real famous, but I doubt you would enjoy the fame too much.

Might end up being excluded from a lot of parties being that kind of legend. I mean let's face they don't put up statues for the greatest farters in history. Not that I have noticed.

Oh well, I can be sure I'm not working on that type of legend. Right now I'm concentrating on the jelly bean option. I want to try and see if I can become a legend for eating the most jelly beans ever.

And I have been working on that for a long time. Which is going to work eventually. I just have to find the place where you apply for the legend permits.

I figure they must have a department somewhere. A place where you can jut fill out a form. But I will find it eventually.

MAKING HISTORY

Now this is something where I sure think it would be fun to try. Not all the time. Just you know whenever life sucks.

Then it sure would have been times I would have lived and liked to change the way it was remembered. You know set down and have a chance to write history in a way that it comes out to be good for you.

That is something I would figure would be true. And I know it would make me happy. You know, just a chance to sit and feel good about how things happen.

That would really be so cool. Not that I expect it will ever happen. I mean I sure don't like the fact that I can't have a choice on what history says.

Just would be so cool. I mean really imagine if you could make the past the way you figured it should have been.

Okay you might say that sounds silly. But if you had a shot at it wouldn't you do it too? I think it really does seem to be a good thing.

Well at least to me. And you know I sure would be thrilled to just have one chance to do so.

But then there are times when you just don't get a break on that. Oh believe me I have tried. Honestly I have really tried. Just not in a way that will work for me.

That doesn't mean I don't want have big changes in history. Just enough to let life look so much cooler than it is.

And is there really a problem with that? After all who would it hurt? Not me? I figured you know that we could have so much fun that way.

Yeah, think of how much fun it would be to talk about giant marshmallow that was attacking and how I managed to save the world with a rubber band. Then afterwards eating the marshmallow during a parade in my honor.

See, wouldn't that be wonderful? And would it really be terrible if I could like you know totally have this be history?

I don't think it should be a problem. And you know I figure that this is something that is really a good thing.

But it is hard to always appreciate I guess. And that is why nobody bothers to say it will happen. I figure that is a good thing to eliminate.

Oh well my choice I guess.

A PAGE IN HISTORY

Boy I sure wish this wasn't confusing. I mean who gets to decide what gets written on these pages?

I know I don't get a vote on the subject. I sure wouldn't mind having a chance to you know write some of the pages myself.

The way I figure it somebody who does get to write this seems to be free to write whatever works for them. And that is kind of unfair to us who don't to comment very much.

Now the way I figure it these dudes probably manage to leave out some really important junk. I mean how can they possible know everything that happens every day to every body?

I sure never recall a single dude who writes this stuff down bothering to asking me? So I figure they probably missed some of the important stuff.

But what can you say? If they don't bother to ask then it means it sucks. And I want to be able to change all of that.

Only I'm not sure where you find the place to write a few pages? I'm not going to give up though.

Nope, I think this is pretty important stuff. So you can count on me to do my part to make this a big deal.

And I figure the safest place to do this is to find the library where those news people hang out. I hear them talking about history in the making.

So that means you know they got some place where they most like hang out where the dudes have a chance to write down these pages. And I figure that has to be you know a place where you would find you know lots of pages.

That means to me we are talking a library. Only so far that is not you know a regular library.

Because I've been to them and so far I haven't seen a single dang newsperson there. So I figure this must be talking about some other place.

And it must be someplace really hidden pretty darn good. But I figure I can find it sooner or later.

Yep, the can't keep it hidden from me forever. I ain't buying that one. I just figure it is a matter to time

Which I do have lots of. Hopefully with a chance to get it written down on a page too.

FROM THE...

This is some big deal with certain people I guess. But I don't get it. I have seen this on paper at times. Somebody sends out a note and at the top it says, from the desk of.

Like I'm suppose to think that is a good thing. Only I'm not convinced. I mean is the fact that it comes from some guy's desk make it special in some way?

You do got to wonder. Well I do at least. I mean it is like this will change the world. Which never really in any way impresses me.

Because how do you really know the person actually had the thing in the first place? Really can you prove it?

Just because it says that on the paper doesn't prove a thing to me. Some crazy person may have done that just to make the other person look like an idiot if you ask me.

Yeah I can see where that might happen. Not that I expect them to give me a break in that regard.

But let me tell you I am not impressed with it. Nope, they don't intimidate me in the least that they can do something important with that paper.

Thank goodness that this doesn't come up all the time. I'm sure grateful for that. Yep. I always love to avoid thinking in those terms

I do have a nice option though. I guess it ought to, but I haven't experienced it. So you can pretty much figure that my way of dealing with this is to ignore them darn notes.

I figure that will teach them a nice lesson. Can't say it does for sure, but I do try. And one of these days I hope they figure out how stupid this whole thing is.

Like the other day, when they sent me that note from the desk of this one secretary. It was about her needing to see me regarding my insurance benefits.

Well I didn't fall for that. I mean they can pull that one over on me. Yeah, I know a con job when I see it. If those jerks thing they can sucker me into stopping by so they can try to sell me some insurance forget.

Guess I sort of upset her though. She sent me another note about my benefits had been cancelled.

I know that ain't true. I got this nice little card that says I got benefits. So just shows how silly they can be at times.

Oh well, just goes to show how it is such a pain. You never know when that is going to kick you in the butt.

HURRY UP AND THEN HURRY UP

I sure don’t get this at times. We have this problem over where I work. The people are always telling us to hurry. And when we do, they don’t say thank you, they just tell us to hurry more.

Does this make sense? Not to me. I mean it ain’t like I have a whole lot of ways to go faster than as fast as I can go.

And these stupid people don’t bother to do junk like actually go with us when we have to do some of our work. Like they never allow for stuff like stop signs.

Oh you can talk about things like red lights. But those are easy. Because you can count on the fact that for some stupid reason there ain’t a law on how long you are suppose to wait at a stop sign.

Bet you never thought of that huh? I sure did though. I honestly gave it lots of thought. I mean what if they got some law that can like make you pay a big fine if you don’t stop long enough?

It is like with all those dang traffic laws. You can screw up and never know it till some cop pulls you over.
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Shoot they don’t even give us a break for being grimefighters. Hey, if we are in a high speed pursuit of the bad guys, then we don’t have time for worrying about any stupid traffic laws.

Not according to cops. They expect us to stop at stop signs regardless. And I think that sucks.

You can bet the bad guy don’t worry about stopping. We like to try and point that out to the cops when they pull our garbage truck over.

We got enough problems trying to catch them dudes in our garbage truck. It ain’t like it can go that fast.

So we need all the breaks we can get. From what I’ve seen we sure don’t get any understanding from the police.

I mean you just never know how long the bad guys are going to get away with crap if we don’t have a chance to stop them. And man stop signs really don’t help us in that job.

But what the heck, we really do try and get them dudes to understand. Right up to when they give us those tickets.

Well the nice thing is we do meet some cool people in traffic school. Still waiting to find out what grade I got. Hope I passed. But then I guess I shouldn’t worry to much. There is always the next time.

UNDER THE TIRE

Well I’m sure know how this works. Basically it sucks. What the deal seems to be is with how this is supposed be beneficial according to some.

As best as I can figure this is mainly about what kind of tread you have on your tire. Now to me the important part is that you do actually have tread. Enough so you don’t get a flat.

Because a flat tire is not cool. It is a pain in the butt. Honestly, is there really any good that comes from a flat tire?

Not as far as I’m concerned. And nothing is going to make convinced otherwise. I don’t care what that dude at the tire store claims.

Yeah, he was such a pain the butt. And a real butthead if you ask me. See the other day Otis and I got stuck having to take this van over to this tire place.

All we were supposed to do is get this flat fixed. How tough is that? You just take the tire in and they fix it. Right?

Oh man how I wish that was the case. We took it in and the stupid jerk claimed it couldn’t be fixed.

That’s where he got to the part about it not having enough tread on it. Is that dumb or what?

Then if that wasn’t enough of a pain, he also told me how all our tires were bad so instead of fixing a flat we needed new tires. Man what a jerk.

I mean I’m not fooled by his silliness. He tried to claim that the tires were bald. Hey, even I know that tires don’t have hair. I wonder who he was trying to fool with that one?

Not me that is for sure. And we sure didn’t let him get away with it either. We just left and took that flat tire with us.

Never tried to fix a flat tire before. But I didn’t think it was that tough. Oh we did have a little trouble getting that nail out. However, after that everything was cool.

Yep, we just filled that hole with super glue until it was plugged up so the tire would hold air. Oh yeah I think it worked great.

Course then we didn’t actually try to use the tire. We just stuck it back into the trunk. I’m sure the folks who have to take that tire out to use it will appreciate our help.

Gee I can’t recall if we bothered to you know, not put the super glue spot against the floor of the trunk. Guess the next person will figure that part out.

HUGS AND SHRUGS

Now the hug part is supposed to be good. Only that kind of depends on who is doing the hugging.

If it happens to be that darn gal, Truly Grimy it can be pure torture. Mainly after she's been working on whipping up one of those tummy torturing meals.

She will have that smell on her that is enough to make you pass out. And let me tell you that ain't a good thing. Because if you pass out with her around it could be scary. She might try stuffing some of her cooking down your throat and that ain't fun.

The other kinds of hugs I wouldn't want to mess with are those from like some professional wrestler. Oh man they might squeeze so hard your eyes could pop out. And it sure wouldn't be easy to see after that.

Then there are bears. At least they stay out in some woods. So unless you are one of those nature loving nuts, you probably are safe from them.

As for the slug thing. Well that is suppose to be a bad deal. I don't know, I don't see it that way.

Personally, those little snail things they call slugs are kind of slimy, but if you don't have any need to eat them like some people. then no big deal. Never figured that part out myself.

Anyway, outside of those weird little creatures, the other kinds of slugs, which you might have to deal with are the fake coins. Those are such a yucky thing.

I mean what maniac decided fake coins were good for much? I have no idea, but they sure suck to me.

You try explaining how you have a bunch of them to some cop who wants you to explain why you were using them for money. Hey, I didn't know at the time.

This guy told me they worked great in vending machines. So I figured you know what the heck if vending machines thought they were okay, then lots of other places might take them too.

I was so surprised when I went over to that restaurant and had a big meal. Then try to let them have this bunch of slugs.

I won't say what comment they made on that effort. But it almost led to some of those slugs that leave you unconscious.

And that ain't a good thing. Unless you are tired already and looking for nice nap, which I was not.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Do you get a ticket if you violate Murphy's law?

DISCIPLINE

What a yucky word. Ever notice that it only applies to things that are crappy to do? You never hear them mention this about fun stuff.

Like who has to be forced to eat an ice cream sundae? A little hot fudge ever get a complaint of, "No you can't make me eat that."

I've never heard anybody say that. And I'm sure I never will. It just ain't the kind of thing that you can find out.

Which is why I figure this discipline stuff was started by somebody really weird and down right sick. People who are obsessed with junk like making others miserable.

See if they picked junk that we would enjoy then we could all have fun. They wouldn't have to yell at us so much or make us do crap we hate if they stopped messing with the yucky junk.

But try telling those jerks that. You can forget them ever doing that. Nope, you can sure know that none will ever bother.

Like I said they are just sick and really in need of help. Only Otis won't let me do it my way. I figure a nice whack with a bat would solve that problem.

Heck, I would even have to be yelled at to do it either. I would just walk up and wham, problem solved.

Hey, no fuss, no muss, quick and painless. Okay, maybe not quite as painless perhaps as would prefer. But what the heck, it would hurt much.

I mean what the heck is the big deal anyway? I'm not the one who is making an ass out of myself trying to tell others what they should do that nobody wants to do.

So how come I can't be treated as a hero for doing this? Seems like a far thing. I am a super hero anyway, so it should just fit together.

But just try to get those dudes who work as policemen to accept that. I figure I'm doing them a favor.

By bashing some pain in the butt, I'm saving the trouble of somebody else having to do it. So it means to me they don't have to go hunting around for anyone. They just have me to deal with.

Heck that out to make them happy. But do they ever say thanks? Not even when they hold out their cuffs.

Yeah, that really makes me feel appreciated.

SELF CONTROL

This don't seem to me to be that tough to accomplish. I mean you are talking self and controlling it. What do you need, to have somebody slap you up the side of the head and say, "wake up, and push the button on the darn remote control."

How tough is that to accomplish? Honestly is this a difficult question? Apparently it is to some.

Not to me though. I don't find it difficult at all. I'm totally comfortable with hitting those buttons.

Now Otis, well that is a different matter. There are times he leaves me just scratching my head and wondering.

I don't want to say he's wacko, but honestly there are times when I really do wonder about him. It is just this weird thing I get that he for some reason don't like to you know change the stupid channel.

He'll just sit there and keep watching the same channel and acting like what is on is cool. Is there something about watching some dude planting a garden that I ought to consider exciting?

Well, I'm sorry, but it don't work that way for me. That dude has a problem as far as I'm concerned.

See the guy will keep planting and planting and all the rest of his time out in that garden. Really is nuts.

And Otis tries to make me believe this is a good deal. Like he would actually have a clue what a garden would look like.

I guess I would think it was cool if like that dude blew up something once and awhile. You just stuff something with a hand grenade or something.

Now that would make me so happy. A few explode melons would really improve that show.

I even suggested it to Otis, but he just sat there and kind of groaned. He sure does that a lot at times.

Any way, I normally just flip the channel myself and that seem to work the best. I'm really happy when I do that and don't have to worry about asking him any questions.

Really cuts down on the frustration at times. And if that don't work for self control I'm not sure what will.

Always fun when you can control junk I guess.

UNDER CONTROL

Well for starters I know this involve control. And it is under something. Now for me this had to deal with the pain in the butts times when the remote control ends up under the sofa's seat cushion. I really hate when that happens.

Can you think of something that sucks more? I can't. You sit there and can't use the darn television because the darn remote is missing. Oh yeah that is just horrible.

And it always bugs me about how these stupid remotes end up there. I sure don't put it there myself.

I figure this is one of plots I'm always hearing about. Yeah, you just never know what kind of strange stuff people are up to.

Course as best I can understand this may be one of those deals where you know aliens are involved. That would be just like some alien jerks to come down here and hide our remotes.

See if they were planning something sneaky, you can be sure it would be a good way to get us in trouble. They would keep us so busy worry about where the remote was that we wouldn't have time to look at them planning to rot our brain.

It sure sounds like the kind of crap they would pull. You can never be too careful when you are talking that kind of mess.

There are so many times when stuff happens that shouldn't. And when it does you know somebody is to blame.

Oh they never admit it. That much you can count on. One thing about these plotting kinds of dudes is that they never admit to their plots.

Why I figured this one dude I see who is really strange just has to be an alien. And just as you would expect, he never admits it.

But I tell one thing, I sure don't trust him with my remote. He always looks at it funny anyway.

Oh well, outside of him, you just never know where else these stupid aliens might plan to mess us up. I for one don't care to find out.

Nope, I will pass on that part. I think I will just head on over to my way and watch my remote to keep it safe.

And if by chance I find it under the cushion again. I know it will most likely be that jerk acting up again. If I ever catch him you can be sure I will teach him a lesson too. In way he won't forget.

A WAYS TO GO

This is a weird thing to me. It comes up when Otis and I are headed somewhere. And I'll ask how much farther we need to go. He'll answer we have a ways to go.

Only he never says how many different ways. Like we have to do something more than once in order to get there.

However he never says what it is. Just that we got a ways. Oh I try asking. Like you know asking him to tell me all the different ones.

But he just gets kind of red faced when I say that and never actually explains that part. And the really weird thing is when we do get to where we are going I never see any ways we took, but the one.

So I'm figuring you know perhaps this is some secret he has a reason not to tell me about. He has lots of those.

I can always tell when he has some secret. That's because he'll like you know always get red face and say harrumph a lot. Yeah, it is a big way to tell.

Personally, I don't know why it is a big deal. I mean I can handle learning junk. Just as much as anyone else.

And that's when I try to ask him to explain. When he just rolls his eyes, I will then tell him what I figure he probably meant.

Oh man that really kind of gets him to act extra weird. All I'm doing is trying to get him to appreciate how I might know what he is keeping a secret.

All I can say is that if he does happen to know I figured stuff out, he sure keeps it to himself. But then sometimes I reckon is has to do with all those headaches he gets at times.

I don't know, he sure gets them a lot lately. And almost always after we have some conversation.

Guess you know he just has those spells and can't help himself. Too bad the medicine he takes seems to work better when I'm not around.

Must have something to do with when he takes it. Yeah, I reckon that is another of those ways he never gets around to explaining.

In the meantime I reckon I'll just do what I can to not let him stall on explaining stuff so much. It might be better for him if he could chill out about it.

In any case, I'm just happy when those ways get figured out more often. And that will be even better if Otis don't have so many problems with whatever gives him such a red face.

A DIFFERENT WAY

I get this a lot where work. And it isn't just related to grimefighting either. Nope, it is a whole lot of other stuff.

Now this is one thing that really does bug me. See the problem is this get this thing called inspiration.

Well that is where you know, they figure we can do thing better. And better always means different.

Now why it has to be different in order to be better I can't say. But it sure works out that way.

Honestly, they always keep convincing us that doing things different is a good thing. And no matter if what we were doing was working okay, they still expect us to do it different.

But I wouldn't mind if that meant things got better. But somehow that part sort of gets confused if you ask my opinion.

We do the best we can, but somehow this doing it different will make it efficient sort of loses something when we actually try. Because it never works out that way.

At least not as far as I can tell. I wish I did see an improvement. Only it is hard to tell at times.

What I do see is confusion. Because we never get just change. We get rules and new notes. All of which we are expected to remember.

That would be fine if they kept them the same for a while. Only they never do. So you end up never getting them straight.

All of which is less than what you expect from different. Nope it don't work for me And I sure have mentioned that part.

Which is okay with me. Providing somebody is able to keep it all straight. And that really makes things crazy.

None of which improves my situation. And you can be i don't like that. Oh well that just aint cool to me.

So I figure I might as well get on with this. Remember the stupid changes and hope for the best.

If that don't work, I'll fake it. Only I seem to fake it a lot more than win. Which is not the best way for things to be.

SMILES IN THE SHADOWS

Oh yeah I've seen a few of these in my days. Really yucky when it happens. Sure isn't a good thing.

This is from those lousy rats that insist upon acting like jerks. The kind that hang out and plot nasty and grimy stuff. Really, these are not nice dudes at all.

Nope. I sure don't like dealing with them. You can be sure of that. Because frankly most of the time they just are up to nothing were thinking as cool.

Wish they were easy to get rid of. Never are. Instead they just keep planning creepy stuff. Too much of it too.

That is the part the bugs me the most. Because sooner or later, I have to deal with them. That is because they love being messy.

You can just count in it. Something totally you can expect no matter what else happens. Which always ends up being my problem.

Oh yeah, while you folks can sit back and sleep at night, I got to be out there and making sure these dudes get what they deserve. Which is to be sure they stop it.

Now when somebody is hanging in the shadows it is kind of hard to know what they are doing. You just can't depend on it for sure.

So the way you handle it is by making sure you don't take any chances. By that I mean I assume some clown in the shadows is up to no good.

Plain and simple it is a good way to deal with it. You don't have any reason ever assume they will improve.

Plus what else would a person be doing in a shadow any way? Not good stuff. Well not that I can tell.

Course you know they will never admit it either. People who do bad stuff never do. I found that to be true also.

Well it is like the other day. I saw this guy hanging in the shadows and figure he was bad news.

So I grabbed him to be sure he knew I wasn't going to put up with his crap. Only it didn't quite turned out the way I planned.

You know doctors shouldn't be hiding in such places. Honestly he ought to wear a badge or something.
Guess they did give him a break at the hospital on the cost of that cast though.