BEGGING FOR IT

What wonderful inventions we aspire to create when life isn't what we want it to be. Just truly gives us so much joy.

At least as long as we don't hear the voice inside that keeps screaming it is a lie. I've seen some pretty creative people do a good job of being deaf in that regard.

Which works right up to the point you face the consequences of one's tales. I've also observed those who miraculously never do.

That is the sad part at times to me. It really amazes me when one lives by stories of denial and never change.

Yet, God doesn't force us into always accepting the truth. Even if we are trying to follow him it doesn't mean he will prevent us from lying to ourselves.

It is truly amazing at times trying to understand and comes to grips with the way life has so many twists and turns that never make sense. But they are so common.

I wish there was a definitive answer for them. However, that doesn't happen. Sometimes we do get glimpses into reality, others we do not.

People often spend hours trying to figure out the mystery of life in terms of consequences. But often no matter how are we try we just are unable to obtain any level of reality and clarity.

So instead we grasp as whatever philosophy seems to best apply to our need. A great effort, but hardly one that truly ends real answers.

I don't think God will ever explain all life is supposed to mean in this time frame. We can hope, but in the end we can either keep trust or let the questions dominate.

For those who trust, we accept God is eternal and sees all. He is not incapable of knowing what happens on this planet.

He might not respond by our choices, but then he doesn't need to. Instead, we have the burden of continuing to trust regardless of how life changes.

That is easier in some situations than others. And if we accept God will always do what is truly best, then we can accept our need to embrace his wisdom no matter what happens.

Hopefully it guides us passed the shadows and to a place where we can truly find some peace in the midst of our questions. When we trust God to keep the answers till we can see them clearly it means too that at times it will only happen in eternity.

Perhaps the joy will be enough to even let the day seem bright when it feels so dark.

ALMOST FOR SURE

Talk about something that sucks, this is it! I mean I hate it when they tell you something to get your hopes up and then leave it cloudy so you don't know if it will happen.

Just when you think everything is great, you end with them making you feel like you have no idea if it will actually happen. I would just prefer to never know instead of being left out to dangle with my butt exposed from worry.

Now with crap I don't care on this thing. But if it is something important you can be sure that you not knowing will drive you nuts.

I'm just glad where I work that I don't have to deal with this all the time. The worst times are when I have to deal with those stupid people in the accounting department. Who are even worse that the ones in the computer department.

Let me tell you there is nothing more aggravating that getting stuck with those dang people who only know how to do things with a pencil or pen. And then they have the nerve to ask for prove when you say you spent money in pursuit of some griminal.

I'm sorry, but griminals don't give receipts. Neither do the trash cans we have to collect from.

But if you end up say with a torn beanie, those stupid jerks want prove you that it got torn while you were working. And it doesn't even matter that I just got back from working either.

Then, THEN, if you do convince them you messed it up at work, they can't just give you cash. You got to fill out a stupid expense report.

Which I wouldn't have minded, but after all of that they can't even tell when you will get paid or if you will for sure. They will only say they will submit the information.

Like that helps. I mean I'm left hanging out there with no idea if they are going to do a thing for me or not.

I've tried getting them to be a little more specific, but lots of luck in that. The more you try to get info from them the more they tell you crap that doesn't make sense.

The worst thing is if you chat with clown number one of a clerk and don't get anywhere, then they have you talk to clown number two. Big mistake!

Because clown number two is even more of a pain that clown number one. Which hardly makes it any more of an improvement.

Which comes down to still being and almost without a single for sure that helps to improve things. Really do love my job when that happens. Makes me long for my bat.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK:

"How come they call it take out food if all you get at the place is a drink?"

NEARLY THERE

I have come to really hate this term. Otis uses it at times and it drives me nuts. Mainly because nearly never really turns out to be that near.

Which might be easier if there was like a given distance. Like nearly five miles might help. You know that way you would have some idea of how far nearly was honestly supposed to be.

I've just learned to appreciate with my buddy that is idea of nearly there is that it is somewhere between a short time and when your bladder bursts. Now that is really such a big difference.

And not necessarily a good one in my opinion. But I do cope with that part. Because I know that Otis has a bladder that is not as good as mine. So he'll make sure we stop before I need to. Just never when I want to.

Anyway, the other time I honestly hate this completely is when it applies to expecting help from STINK's headquarters. I have to admit there is nothing more annoying to me than calling for help when we are in a jam battling some griminals and they say, we're nearly there.

Nearly there just don't cut it when an hour later you still waiting and they say we're nearly there. Which never says anything about just how long they are going to take to get there.

And if you try to ask them on the time they just naturally don't answer that, they just come back with nearly there. Like that really helps when they still aren't there.

I tried to discuss this one with the dudes who are STINK's kind of cavalry types. Only that is always a big mistake.

Because you can be sure you won't have to end up in improving the problem. You know why? It is simple, they will say, hey were are still trying to improve things.

And if you ask when they will actually be improved they always say, nearly there. So that don't mean much as I'm sure you can tell.

Honestly, if I had a way, I would sew their stupid lips shut rather than put up with hearing that again. It really does suck.

Just will never get them to admit it. Nope they will just always savor another time of saying nearly there. Even if it doesn't apply.

I don't know, it just is hardly getting too excited about. I mean shoot man they just will keep doing it. And I don't need to here another nearly there when it ain't even close to the truth.

But they never would listen anyway, because they are too busy with that nearly there crap.

GOOD AS

Heard this at times. You know good as in this will do. Meaning, it ain't what I want, but it will be okay since I don't want to gripe.

Course the problem is that this is all baloney. The person saying this really doesn't believe it. They are just saying it to keep people from being pissed off for them being a poor loser. Well maybe they aren't a loser too, but you know it feels that way.

I don't know, good as to me really isn't as good. It is just okay. And okay is fine if you want just enough to say it sounds like you can tolerate it even if you can't.

See that is the part that really sucks. When you have to treat something that you settle for as good enough, when you really don't feel that way.

We get a lot of this at STINK. They always end up with having us feel like something they have for us is good as whatever we would really want.

Now most of the time I put up with this. You know, because well, good as by Dr. Hemoglobin's definition means either we get what he offers or nothing at all. And let me tell you I'll take good as over nothing at all anytime in that case.

But that don't apply to old rat boy Junior, his son. Man I have never figured out how one clown could be related to our boss and be so totally different.

Honestly, Dr. Hemoglobin can be a pain at times, but at least he ain't no cheese freak. And he doesn't make cheese his only reason for living.

However, with Junior, man if he gets put in charge of food for example, watch out. Because you can be sure he'll give you a good as that will turn your stomach.

Why he even tried to convince us that good as applied to eating something from Truly Grimy. With that crude she cooks good as only applies if you are dead!

But Junior will do anything to save a buck if it means more he can spend on cheese. And you got it, when he has a chance he will be happy to say, whatever is as good as.

About the only thing that is fun with that is when he has to hold his breath in order to keep from puking from smelling something Truly fixed. Seeing him try to say it is good as that while holding his breath is a crack up.

Still that don't help my stomach if I get stuck with a plate of her crap in front of me. Not my idea of how to go on a diet either.

You can be sure of that. And there is no way it will be as good as regardless. To bad there is no as good as to replace Truly or Junior. I'll try to hope and imagine when I can the next time I get a plate of her stuff she calls food.

WORTHWHILE

Well the theory with this is something that has worth and is going to be worth some time that will last a while. They never actually say how long the while is or what they mean by worth.

I do got to wonder on that part. I mean if this is a good thing, then I want to be given the details. Seems fair.

Only it ain't like there is any place where you can check on what they mean with all of this. Honestly you can call up a government office of I know what is worthwhile.

It just don't work that way. Wish it did. That might make it so much less confusing and i have enough trouble with that as it is.

Anyway, I've been doing my usual bang up job at thinking on this. Really worked hard to give it some special thought.

Haven't got it all figure out yet though. I will admit that much. Just not going to give up thinking just the same.

I will probably have to spend more time deciding what has worth. I guess in many ways, I figure everything is worth something.

So that kind of leaves the issue of whether it deserves lots of time. Now that can be tricky. Because it ain't like you just get more time when you want it.

If you can't I have found a way. I heard about daylight savings time. Just haven't found out where the bank is that you get to save it.

Been looking around. I mean I figure it is somewhere. Haven't seen it listed though in the phone book.

Tried looking under time in the phone book, but didn't see any listing. I tried looking under banks too, but that didn't help either.

So I figure they aren't out to brag about it. Must be you know a place that isn't looking to share.

People can be weird about such things too. Wish they would not act that way. Just ain't fair to the rest of us.

But I'm not giving up though. Going keep thinking on this till I sort out the worthwhile stuff for sure.

Then I can share it with everyone else. Providing there is enough to go round. If not, I'll have everyone take a number. As long as it aint one that don't have any worth.

LET'S MAKE A DEAL

On man this can be so much fun if you work it right. And it can suck big time if you don't.

Now the thing is there are all kinds of deal. The ones that get me excited are the ones where people offer you bargains and cool stuff like pizza and burgers.

As far as I'm concerned it really does make a difference when it involves something good to eat. I know other people think cars and junk like that are good things to make deals about, but how often do you buy a car?

See that is what I really think counts. Those stupid car things are find, but what if you don't need one? You can be sure they won't keep the deal going till you do.

The problem to me is that this whole deal thing is not handled correctly. Now if you want a deal on car you just have to turn on the television.

You look around for a bit and sooner or later you find a place where some joker on the television is chatting about deals on cars. And that is cool if you care about that.

Now for me, they just don't do that same with the good stuff. Actually, what I would like to find are those meals on wheels people.

I've heard about them, but not found them so far. I figure that surely they would have some cool stuff on food as deals too.

I just haven't found out where these dudes go. Like do they have a special place where they keep the wheels?

I got to admit it is hard to understand the benefit of eating food off some tire. Hey, I bet they could do a lot better if they put those tires on a vehicle.

Yeah, then they could like you know be able to drive around and junk. And I bet they wouldn't be hard to find either.

Gee I wonder if I could tell somebody that idea. Shoot it would really be a good idea. I'm surprised somebody hasn't thought of it before.

Well then I do understand how that can happen. Yeah, there are lot of people who can't figure cool stuff out.

I know I'll call up the Mayor's office. At least providing they aren't busy or having phone problems. They have always seemed to have problems when I call.

The moment I tell them they seem to have phone problems. Then it is hard to tell them anything. But I keep trying.

COME YOU CAN DO IT

Man does this suck or what? I mean if somebody tells you this you can be sure you can't do it. Course they are trying to be what the call positive.

The only thing I know about this situation is when they are trying to be positive it means that they can't do it either. Only they don't want you to know that part.

And that is why they tell you that you can do it. Because you can be sure if they could they wouldn't bother, they would do it to hog the glory the creeps.

The big problem is even if I know the person is telling me baloney unless I can prove it then it creates difficulties. I mean if I for example sit down and say, well if it is such a good thing they you do it, they will always come back with some kind of crap.

You know how they care about you as a person and other dumb things where they want you to believe they are being noble. Which is another crock.

I ain't found anyone so far that noble doesn't mean they are going to blame you for the stuff when things go wrong. Which really is not being noble to me.

When I think of noble it is about those old guys who dressed up in those tin can suits and went off to box dragons. Never understood what they had against dragons, but it was sure important for some reason.

They after they got doing that they would go rescue some damsel in a dress. Which is good that she had a dress on because otherwise she might qualify for being rescued.

What I don't understand in all of that is how come since those dudes don't hang around any longer we need to have a prize for them. I always hear people talking about the noble prize.

What good is the deal of having a prize for being noble if all the dudes in tin cans are off doing whatever these days. Don't hear about dragons much either. Maybe they stopped fighting now. That would be cool.

So if that is the case, what the heck do we need one of those prizes for? Honestly does it make any sense.

And then they give it out for peace. I mean how does that work? Sure don't seem to have much to do with fighting if you ask me.

Plus I've seen a couple of these noble prize winners. Not one ever dressed in a tin can. What is up with that?

I don't think I want to know. I think I will be happy if they stop talking about noble if they aren't going to pass around the tin cans.

REALLY DUMB AND STUPID

Now this is one of those cool areas that to me is obvious. I mean it is amazing at times when stuff ends up like this. And sometimes that comes with stuff you think is cool.

Which is the problem at times with some people. They can start out looking and acting cool and then they end up having a melt down.

Which ends up always giving me grief because when they have brain drain they manage to screw up everything around them. Like this is a good thing.

As for talking to the person about it, you can forget it. When they get into my head is where the sun don't shine there is no way that adds up to a good and beneficial fun time.

Now what really sucks is if the person gets stuck in the mood. Man does that give you a headache. At least it does me.

Course over at STINK I'm used to dealing at times with dumb and stupid that is never other than dumb and stupid. That happens when I have to cope with somebody like rat boy Junior.

What can I say, all that cheese makes him goofy. I could handle goofy, but he always takes it to the dumb and stupid level.

Well at least from my view he does. Oh let me tell you, I sure would be thrilled if he got some smarts at times.

And if I had my choice I would be happy to help him out. Only problem is that my idea of smartening him up involves using my bat.

Otis won't let me try it either. He claims bashing Junior wouldn't make him any smarter. And the way I feel how could we know for sure till I gave him a couple of good whacks.

Oh well as much fun as that might be, I guess I'm stuck doing what I can to cope when Junior does act dumb and stupid. The easiest way for me is to try and pretend I didn't hear what he said.

Course sometimes I can lie that good. Which is when I just manage to stay out late on assignment to not see him.

Yeah it is all kind of silly. But then when it comes to dumb and stupid there are times when everything is silly.

Well don't imagine I have to worry about things changing any time soon. I am keeping my bat close by just in case.

But so far Otis won't listen on that part.

GIVE ME A BREAK

Dang this can be fun at times. If you are doing it right. Providing you are doing the breaking and not being the one getting broke.

But enough about that kind of break. Does make me sigh a little to think of it though. Kind of makes me smile when I think of all the times I've taken my bat and , er never mind that part I guess.

The thing is there is a different kind of break. And it is the one you get while at work. It is where you get to stop working for a few minutes.

Now this is where it can get complicated. See the thing the why I figure it this all started with guys that made shoes decided to build cars.

Well that is what I figured. They just got tired of making plain old shoes and maybe weren't selling enough of them so figure to built cars because they need shoes too.

Only they got exhausted and had to take a break. Then before you know it every time they needed a break there were thinking about those shoes.

But after a while no doubt other people got jealous of them having all the breaks so they naturally they decide to start taking those breaks too. Only they didn't care about the stupid shoes and just took the breaks.

Seems reasonable to me, don't think it was unfair at all of those other people to take the time break too. Only naturally they don't get to boast about it like those dang car people.

And that's okay I guess. I mean if you invent something I reckon being proud of it is a good thing.

However, I think it is great when you have a chance to sort of pass things around. Which might make the whole deal a little better if perhaps the car dudes gave the rest of us some of those brake shoes.

That way if we are like asked, we wouldn't have to make anything up on why we were out taking a break. We could just wave those shoes at them.

Hmmm, I wonder if they have to be like you know the kind were you have to tie the laces. Seems like a good thing to ask before hand.

Gee, I hope they don't do that with cars though. I would hate to you know have to stop driving a car every so often and then tie some stupid break shoes.

Heck I guess that might be considered a form of break I suppose. But it wouldn't be the type that I would think of as a good thing.
At least so far I don't have to worry because I've been taking a break and never in any way worried about tying any shoes.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "How come on loans with a balloon payment at the end, they don't give you like balloon amount of cash up front?

GIVE OR TAKE

This sucks to me. All this silliness of give or take when you are talking about how long something should last. The pisser part is because you don't to do the actually giving or taking. It isn't a choice and that sucks.

Which is the part that just ain't fair. I mean you ought to be able to decide if you want to do the giving or the taking. But no, man they never give you that option.

Who is the clown that makes up such rules anyway? You do have to ask. At least I do. I mean come on this is pretty darn silly.

All this giving and taking going on and nobody even asks your opinion. What is the sense of that?

As far as I'm concerned this whole deal is probably another of those old wives tails. Not sure why old wives grow tails, but it sure sounds like one that would fit in there somewhere.

What I do know is this stuff has got to stop. People need to make up their stupid minds for crying out loud.

Either make it give or take please. Enough of this not for sure business. Honestly can't we get over this stupidity?

Now I just hope the rest of you out there manage to have a chance to think this through and see the light too. It is the one that is on the street corner where you go when you are out and in need of seeing light at night time.

I just think it is important that we keep all this straight and wonderful for everyone's sake. After all what else is more important than that?

I imagine you can answer that one without my help. And along the way you can count on me to continue to do my part to help share the joy with each of you.

Got it? You better. Because if there is one thing I can't stand it is having to put up with more of this give or take business when it don't make sense.

Ah, I feel much better for having gotten that all straight and what not. It sure is tough having to cope with being one of the few that gets it.

Which is the problem I don't want to get it. That is why I want to have this give or take thing stopped so I don't have to get it any longer.

Meanwhile, I'm going to get ready just in case I run into too many folks who still have a problem with this. I'm sure they are out there and I just hope I don't see too many of them. Give or take is not cool when you are talking morons.

HELPING HANDS

Okay rule number one, if you don't got all the other stuff to help, the hands alone don't end up helping that much. Man, let me tell you that is really a big problem with some people too.

Oh they will talk about helping you as in giving you a helping hand, but they won't actually do a darn thing to help. So the hands are sort of useless without the rest to go along.

And the worst thing is they jerks really think they are helpful. Yeah, this is not the kind of help that makes me smile that is for darn sure.

Course for me the worse thing I deal with in any of this is all in the name of one person. Yep, him, good old rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin. You know I have to admit that there are times when I do sort of feel bad about bashing the dude that much.

But then I remember the number of times he did some really crappy, well er, crap. And when you work for a place that is suppose to get rid of crap that just ain't cool.

When it comes to having helping hands that in no way actually help, I will give him credit, he is the best. I mean man if there is one person whose hands are other helping in any case, it is Junior.

Oh let me tell you he will give you all kinds of advice on how to use your hands, but forget him actually using his own. That would interfere him using them to eat cheese.

Which is one thing you can count on with him. He never forgets time to eat cheese. The world might be coming to an end, but you can be darn sure he won't care.

Right up to the end, he would be gobbling down cheese. That might work for him, but let me tell you it sure don't help the rest of us.

As for any other stuff we have to deal with, well the one thing we don't do is ask for his help. Not that he would volunteer it anyway.

So we just do our best to not ask him if we can avoid it. That I wish was all it took. But there are times when Junior insists upon being involved.

Which is his way of basically sitting down and just you know telling us how to improve crap. Sort of like a helping tongue.

Only it ain't all that helpful considering he only is talking. That is providing he isn't using it to help chomp on some cheese.

It all is so much fun I guess. Not the kind I enjoy though. Which is why I use my hands to help myself to go somewhere that I don't have to see Junior.

PARTY SCOOPERS

How come we have to learn the same thing over and over again so often? I know it happens to me way too much. I'm not proud of the fact, but it does occur.

However, the good thing is when we do learn and are able to move ahead without having to take another session of homework.

There are admittedly certain lessons in life one can't study for. They are the type where the classroom is in the mind and experience is the school teacher.

We just get to take an exam and if we fail we find out after the fact. Which can be really tough to deal with.

Lately, I've found more occasions of dealing with people who when I get to know them are far more complicated and with problems that I first realized. It isn't that what I see is bad, just surprising at times.

Basically, I've seen how many times they end up being human. Which means they are less than perfect.

I never assumed they were perfect, but sometimes I am amazed how they actually have the kinds of problems I would never have expected. Just the type that end up being totally disasters in terms of judgment.

And it is amazing, but the more I do deal with such people, the more I really grow fond of them. I don't hate them for being flawed nor to I think bad of them in the process.

Along the way, I try to just listen and let them know they still have my respect. I just feel I'm treating them the way God would want.

It is hard at times to try and not beat people to death for their mistakes. But then I have made so many of my own.

What I learned in such occasions is that sometimes the lessons we take will benefit us more when we can talk about them with others. Sometimes that makes all the difference.

Providing we in the process do discover what we needed to know. If not, all the talk in the world doesn't seem to help.

To learn and grow is the Lord's will for our lives. There are times when that happens easier than at others.

When not the challenge is often there to have to start over and try again. Hopefully, with the Lord's help.

Not leaning upon the Lord always makes the lessons harder.

FLOWERS FOR THE ZOO

Will somebody please explain this too me? At least why I should even care. See I got this thing that bugs me with animals.

How come they got to always be surrounded with plants and junk? I mean what are they too good for stuff like buildings? Sure seems like it at times.

I was over at this zoo the other day and notice they had all these flowers all over the place. And I got thinking, nobody messes up my apartment like that and I get by.

So perhaps like animals need them because it helps cheer them up. Or perhaps they aren't feeling really good.

Now that would seem kind of weird to me. I mean I know they got all these dudes watching over them all the time and giving them food. And they don't even have to work for it either.

So why would they have a reason to be unhappy? Can't think of one myself. Shoot it ain't like they have to do much for a free place to stay and all the food they want to eat.

I mean most of them don't even have to learn any stupid tricks either. Now honestly I think consider how well off they are that would be fair.

Yeah, can't they learn a few fun things to do in order make it seem like they appreciate how easy they got it? I would think it would be fair.

Not sure what kind of tricks some animals could do. I mean what would you expect an elephant to do? I suppose you could try to get them to jump through a hoop or something cool like that.

Hard to imagine in some ways though. Guess they are kind of bottom heavy. But then maybe they could learn to dress up in some funny outfit to give us a few laughs.

Hey, I'm just doing what they call brainstorming here. Actually for me when I think to hard I end up sometimes having to pass the gas. Now that is the part I just considering as thunder sound effects.

Meanwhile, I think I'll talk to the trainer dudes over at the zoo and see if I can get them to work on that part. Then maybe they won't need as many flowers around the place.

That is providing I can find them. I got to talk to them once I recall. We chatted about animals and what not. But ever since then they just seem to get so busy when I come around. The moment they see me they end up heading off to do some errand. Oh well, I'll just try again.

I can't imagine they don't have some time when they have to shampoo the rhino's hair.

HAPPY HOLLOW DAZE

How come being dumb and stupid works for some holidays? I don't know it just seems like you have to do really crazy junk because somebody decided it was a good idea and nobody even says who thought it up.

I mean take like the Fourth of July. Where does it say that the founding fathers wrote the declaration of Independence and then went on a picnic? Oh had some lame parade?

Now the fireworks thing I sort of understand. And I'm not against any kind of picnic, especially when they have some barbecue and ice cream. Those are cool.

All I want to know is decided it was a rule? I sure didn't hear of them passing a law. And how come you got to have the picnic without fireworks for things like Memorial Day and Labor Day. What they too good for fireworks?

Plus how come they call it Labor Day when the one thing you aren't suppose to do is labor on that day. Shouldn't it be called Unlabor day?

Seems like we need to get this stuff straighten out a little. It is just like Thanksgiving. I never do any giving on that day. I just stuff myself. So I don't get it.

Then there is like Valentine's Day. I mean I think that ought to be more call, "Proof you are an idiot by acting goofy over love Day." Would make sense to me. But then I reckon nobody is going to ask my opinion anyway.

Now I suppose if I could find the clown who came up with these ideas it would be nice. So far I haven't found anyone.

And how come we can have some really good holidays? Like say, National Fart Day. I mean everyone seems to get pissed off when you break wind.

So why not have a day when it is okay? True, we might have to like issue gas masks or something, but what would be wrong with that? Maybe put a bow on them to make them look more festive?

I just think we need to apply a little better logic to this deal. Just seems we haven't honestly thought it through very well.

Now as for me, I'm open to some creative ideas for new holiday. Only ones that make sense. Personally, I'm ready for them to start a National Jelly Bean day.

Course for me that would be a day when all jelly beans you wanted were free. I admit there might be some technical problems getting that one to work.

But heck we give way candy on Halloween and nobody gripes. Only you have to look stupid in the process. Maybe this holiday could be reward for looking smart?

BEAT IT

You know when it comes to beating stuff, I think I understand it pretty well. I don't think I need any lessons. It is all a matter of you know, making sure I beat them till they stop moving.

It is pretty simple as far as I can figure. No problem at all. You just take out you trusty bat and keep whacking till you are finished.

I don't think it needs much explanation or anything. And I pretty much thought it worked great with the bad guys.

What I'm unclear about is how you decide when egg needs to be beaten. I've personally never met an egg that I wanted to beat, but I saw this guy on this cooking show talking about beating eggs.

Seems of like it would be rather you know, less than a challenge. I mean it ain't like eggs can fight back.

Never even met an egg that can talk either. So I can't figure out how they could say something that might you know piss you off.

So all I can figure is that they have some kind of egg out there that can be really snotty. Gosh I'm sure glad I don't know them.

But in any case, I'm not going to go looking for them either. The last thing I want is to have to put up with beating some wise cracking egg.

Honestly, the egg might deserve it, but I would just not feel cool about saying I beat up some egg. Just don't seem like I would find that a joy.

In any case, as long as those darn smarty pants eggs don't come around me, I'll not go looking for them. Seems far to me.

Course if I'm minding my own business and one of them stupid eggs happens to come by, then I'll just tell it to leave. If it doesn't well then I will make sure it don't have a second chance to mouth off.

I think that is only far. After all why can't we just live and let egg. Well something like that huh?

I am glad I got that straight. Man it sure would not be my idea of a fun way to spend any day.

Guess for now, I got that pretty much settle. There is always tomorrow though. Eggs could be lurking anywhere. I'll just watch for any signs of chickens. Normally they hang out together.

THE GOOD LIFE

Okay rule number one with is would be that is has to be good. Anybody got a problem with that?

I hope not because if you rule out the good part it kind of makes the rest really tough to accomplish on a life end. Now you can have life without it being good. But I don't think anyone actually gets all jazzed about that option. At least not to brag about it.

As I see the tough part is getting the good right. If you take care of that the rest seems to work out fine.

Now figuring out how you accomplish it can be a challenge. The way I figure it the most important part is being sure you decide what makes you feel good.

You can be sure that is where I would start. Which is no problem for me. I know what makes be feel good.

Course jelly beans are on that list. Like I would have a reason to not include them. But that is okay, since it is my list.

However, I do have to include other items. I do enjoy my jelly beans, but there are times when I want a little good than my sacred beans.

Other stuff that makes my list is cool stuff that makes me happy. I guess I can you know that being a grimefighter tops on my list is bashing a griminal.

That really is such a great feeling. Man oh man seeing some jerk lying unconscious on the floor really does get me to smile.

The difficulty is when it takes too much work to bash them. I mean if they have a really hard head and it takes so long my arms get tired then it take the fun out of it.

Those are the situations that I really have to work the hardest to find the good. Sometimes it means you know really working hard at being creative.

I got to think of something other than my trusting my bat for that smile. It does work you know if I work it right.

Oh yeah, that is when something like using a diaper service van really helps. I just put it in drive and roll over the dude a few dozen times.

It generally does the trick of restoring my smile. Not always, but sometimes. Enough for me to be happy that I tried.

And that for me adds up to the good life. Well in part. A few jelly beans always makes a difference too.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Seems with all the clowns who end up making the rules, fair should mean like a circus. At least they could pass the popcorn."

TIRES AND SOAP

Well normally you might not see how these two go together, but I can tell you if you have ever dealt with tires, you know you need soap. There is just no way to handle some tire without getting your hands all messy.

And if you use gloves then you end up getting them dirty and they need to be washed. Which still requires soap.

Either way you have to have soap. So there is no point is trying to get too sneaky about figuring ways to mess with tires without it.

Now it would be cool if you never even had to touch tires in the first place. But if you plan on going anywhere you will sooner or later get stuck dealing with tires.

Let's say you are the kind of dude who thinks he can get by without driving. Good for you, only it won't stop you from having to cope with the curse of rubber.

That's what I call it. Yeah, you always can call anything that is a problem a curse. At least I do.

Anyway, the thing is even with walking you got to wear shoes. And that means you got to probably deal with something like rubber, which still can be a dirty mess at times.

So the way I figure it the best thing is to be prepared so you don't have to get stressed out when the end up handling some flat tire. Which is part of my desire here to be sure I share helpful tips that will in some way make you able to enjoy this process easier.

I suppose the first option would be to get somebody else stuck with handling the tire. That's the kind of option my buddy Otis would choose.

Only problem is for him to do that generally means I get stuck changing the tire. Unless for some reason there is a problem changing it then we call that road service dude.

Wish Otis did that all the time, but he won't. It would be so cool if he did, but for some reason there are time he decides we ought to do it ourselves.

That always comes down again to me doing it. Oh, he will use the soap naturally. Even though his hands never got dirty.

Guess it is his way of making it seem like he helped. But that is okay as long as he leaves me some too.

So far he has done that. And maybe one of these days he will actually even make sure that we have a jack and lug wrench that work right. Nothing makes changing tire more of a pain than if I have to use a bat to try and change the tire. Let me tell you that can take forever and who needs that?

SO BAD IT IS GOOD

Now for me this is when you have to deal with something that is at first glance totally bad. I mean you look at it and all you see is something that is a disaster.

So you naturally figure there ain't a single thing good that will come from dealing with problem. And if you can't forget it then you get stuck hoping you can figure to make the bad less bad.

Then if you can think of something you really get depressed. At least I do. And let me tell you when you get stuck knowing you are going to deal with crap it don't make you want to dance. Never does me anyway. But then I don't like dancing to start with.

Even if I did, I don't think it would improve something really, really bad. Might make me look stupid, but I hardly need any help with that. Er, ah, never mind that part.

What makes this whole deal even worth talking about is when something so bad really ends up turning out good. And I'm always surprised when that happens.

Which happen just the other day as a matter of fact. Otis and I were out on grimefighter assignment. We were using one of STINK's diaper service vans and it went floogie on us.

That is when it stops running. There we were out in the middle of nowhere and in the middle of the night when it broke down.

Not exactly my idea of the perfect evening. At least Otis had his squash cell phone to call into headquarters. That was sort of the good part.

Might have been even better if we didn't run into those griminals. They can be so dang annoying at times on stuff like that.

So there we were with a broken van and surrounded by bad guys. Definitely not a good thing.

Well about the time we figured we might be gonners Otis managed to try and start up the van again and it backfired. Which got the bad guys all nuts.

They ended up beating each other up while we sat there enjoying the show. Which almost being a bad thing when they called their boss for help.

But that ended up a good thing since their van load of bad guys they had coming over ended up having an accident with the van coming to our rescue. Which was not that cool in some ways.

However over all it worked out good. Sort of. Because in this one situation I didn't get in trouble. Which makes me happy since I didn't end up you know having to tell anyone that I forgot to fill up the van. By the time everything got done, nobody asked about that part.

SHOW OFF

Oh yeah, this is one of those deals that can be fun when you do it and really boring when somebody else does it. At least to me.

And I ain't being one of those dang hippo - fits when I say that. Besides I don't even know any hippos so I can hardly be expected to throw a fit like they do.

What I'm talking about is that if show off it is only because I'm a grimefighting super hero. You know I'm not doing it to say look at what I did, I'm just doing super hero thing.

Whereas with those other dudes they really bug me since they only do it to make you think they are like this super duper better than everyone else in the whole wide world thing. That sure is annoying too.

Now maybe if they actually did something once and a while it would be different, but otherwise I wish they would just shut up. And let me tell you that sure never happens.

The basic rule here seems to be the more they brag the less they do. Yeah it is such a pain in the butt.

Not as much as one time. See I use to listen to these guys and when they started bragging I thought, cool these guys are going to really be such a big help if I need it.

I only wish it worked that way. But let me tell you after that one time you can be sure I in no way plan on messing with trusting those jerks ever again.

I trusted one of them once to come and help me on a grimefighter assignment. He bragged all about how tough he was at battle griminals.

I sure got all excited figuring he would be there to help me out. Only when we did run into some griminals he made up some lame excuse about having a sprain in his toe nail.

Then he took off right before we had to duke it out with those creeps. Later after Otis and I got back to headquarters he was there bragging all about beating up the bad gusy.

What was worse was that when he saw us he didn't even stop bragging. It was like they all were so convinced he was telling the truth they never listened to us.

Personally, I wanted to give him a nice thank you with my bat, but Otis wouldn't let me. So we headed off to clean up.

Course later when Otis wasn't around, I did meet up with the guy. And I was pretty satisfied with how I handled it. Didn't even use my bat either. Nope just parked a Diaper service van on his chest. At least he didn't have a chance to do any more bragging and that was the best part.

LASER CENTERS

Man let me tell you, I guess this is a good thing. Only not for any cool stuff I wouldn't imagine.

This whole thing about centers I figure has to do with sports. They talk about baseball having a center field. And in basketball has a center. So I reckon it is a big deal in sports.

Not sure hard to figure how lasers fit into the sports thing though. I mean I hear they even have those special places called laser centers. Makes me wonder what those are all about.

I figure they are probably places where you go to learn how to laser junk. Course it is hard to say what all they learn to laser.

Haven't seen them whip them out at any sports events. So I guess they are not allow to like vaporize any opponents.

Would be kind of an unfair thing I imagine. Beside the person might do it to you in the process and I sure don't want that.

So I got to wonder you know if they aren't using these lasers in sports, but the sports dudes are the ones getting them, what are they doing with them. You got to wonder.

I bet it is some weird junk. Not sure I even want to know. It might be really scary and dangerous.

Which is probably why they have to go to these centers for training. Or maybe it is target practice.

Sure don't want to go there and find out I reckon. It could be painful. I wonder what they use for targets?

Perhaps that is why they don't go around talking about it very much. Just in case somebody wants to ask.

I sure hope it isn't some kind of target involving people. Well at least not any of the ones I like.

Would be great if it was something where I could recommend somebody. I send Junior over there in heartbeat.

Problem is my boss, Dr. Hemoglobin might ask some questions. That could be so tough. Yeah, I don't think I want to explain that pile of melted cheese where Junior stood earlier.

But I can dream. That makes it all fun.

RAVING AND STAYING

Now for me these two things just shouldn't be listed together. Which means if you are going to do lots of raving about whatever, then don't do any staying.

Unfortunately it is tough at times to get some people to appreciate that you aren't excited about hearing their griping all the time. I might enjoy it if they gave me a chance to do the same.

Only they never stop talking long enough to do so. It is like they are the only ones in the world with problems.

Even if you do manage to get them to shut up for five minutes and tell them your gripe, they won't remember. They'll just listen out of politeness and they go right back to talking about their complaint. This is not what I call fun.

You would sort of think these people might figure that part out too. Only they never do, they just keep rambling no matter what.

I wish my buddy Otis was better at appreciating this problem. He insists upon being polite. That isn't so bad, but he makes me be polite too.

If it wasn't for him, man I'd take care of this my way. That would mean getting my bat. Now that generally does a good job of inspiring.

And if by chance they don't get inspired to shut up or leave, they sure will be nice and quiet for a while. Just can't get my buddy to appreciate that part.

Let me tell you when it comes to the opposite to raving, my buddy is the best at taking forever to say something you never can understand. The one thing you don't wan to do is ask his opinion, especially right after he has eating a case of Spam.

Something about a full stomach that just makes his brain get these strange moods. That means he has to talk a lot whether or not he actually has something to say.

I can always tell when he has nothing to say. Because he'll use all these big words and keep talking about stuff that I don't understand.

Goes on and on forever about all kinds of strange stuff or things that I honestly don't even need to know. And let me tell you there are too many of those in life I would rather not even talk about.

Really can't get my buddy to grasp that part at times. So since he is my bud, I just do what I can to listen when he gets in those weird moods.

I will admit that isn't easy though at times. But conversation are only temporary, buds are forever.

STICK THIS

Yeah, this is such a cool thing to focus on. When problems are hard to deal with grabbing a stick can be so satisfying.

But you do have to be careful. Not everyone seems to appreciate this kind of solution I admit. They can be so darn unreasonable at times if you catch them at the wrong time.

Now, I do admit that this can be a bad choice if you make a mistake in terms of thinking somebody did something wrong and they didn't. Somehow if you say I'm sorry to a guy who is unconscious. They really have a hard time hearing what you said.

So it is a good thing to at least make sure the person actually deserved to be bashed. And it is at least important you get those facts straight too just in case some guy with a badge shows up later to ask some questions that can be hard to answer.

But all that being said, over all I'm pretty content with the whole stick option. You just have to be sure you get the right size stick.

Now that might seem obvious, but there are times when a huge stick really don't cut it as much as you think. Like if you try to pick out one that is too big you can't lift it. Then you really got a problem.

So you have to be sure you think this through a little. And you also have to be sure you can find a stick when you need it.

There are places this is harder than others. Like you know if you are in a big park. Now it might have lots of trees there, but that doesn't mean they have lots of branches you can use.

So you have to give it some thought. And there are times you have to keep in mind that you are talking about bashing. So that means you can't limit yourself to just sticks.

Yep, there are occasions when you have remember the sticks AND STONES rule. That means naturally that you look around for stones too.

Just have to remember that you pick out one that you can lift just like with the stick option. Otherwise it just won't work that well.

Well, I hope this help any of you out there that might have been wondering about this whole deal. We do live in times when it is easy to not always remember everything.

Which I'm always happy when I can do my part to help explain things. And if by chance we ever meet, well I will be sure to demonstrate this too if you need me too.

We can discuss ducking too along the way. I mean bending down, not some bird either. Hope you don't need too much help understanding that one.

FUZZ

Oh my, is this a horrible thing to have to talk about it. Just makes me itch all over to think about it.

I just get all weird thinking about it at times. I mean there is no way to avoid it. The fuzz gremlins lurk everywhere.

That is the biggest problem. You just can be so tempted to take it for granted. Let me tell you that is so scary too.

See, fuzz is different that other kinds of stuff like lint. With your regular types of lint it normally hides out in predictable places.

You know like on socks and pants and jackets. It can be something that is annoying, but you have plenty of ways to take care of that problem.

Whereas with fuzz you have the problem of it just showing up in the most unexpected places. But what is worse is you can't do that much about it.

Well true you can try to get rid of it, but it sure can be tricky. I mean that stuff likes to hang out on fruit.

And that can be so dang tricky to remove. Because you start by cleaning it off and then the next thing you know, it is all wash off and you got nothing left.

It sort of works that way for me at times. I will sit there and washing it and I swear it just gets so hard for me to tell where the fuzz ends and the skin begins.

So I don't want to take any chances, but honestly, there are times when that stupid fuzz just seems bent on hanging on to the fruit. Which really bugs the heck out me.

That probably in part also explains why at times I don't eat that much fruit. Man it can really suck.

Not that I plan on starting to eat a lot more any time soon, but once and a while it is nice.
Only it just doesn't help much when you are never sure if the fuzz is gone.

I mean heck, what if the stuff stays on there and I eat some. I could like get some terrible fuzz disease. And who wants that?

But try getting Otis to appreciate that? Talk about a major pain in the butt. Yeah, you listen to him and he says fruit like apples don't have any fuzz.

However, since he can't see it how can he know for sure? That is one of the problems. And for me that is really an important thing to consider. I sure don't want any fuzz warts myself.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Do undertakers call their boxers underwear or something else. Just thought it might we worth asking."

MONEY AND CALENDARS

You know there is that old question about, which came first, the chicken or the egg? To me money and calendars are kind of like that.

It is just hard for me to figure whether the calendar came first or paydays. I mean you could pretty much have it either way.

Like somebody had trouble remembering when they got paid and decided to write it down. That would make sense to me.

On the other hand, you know it might have been they invented the calendar first and then decided like Fridays needed something special to remember them for so you might as well get paid. I would say that would work too.

So I guess it really is hard to say for sure which came first. At least I'm glad they we have both now.

Does make me kind of wonder what people did for money before they had money. Probably you got paid in something like rocks or twigs.

Man that must have been fun to try and put in some checking account. Which have been part of the problem for bankers what with having way too lumpy vaults.

So they might have figured coins and paper were a lot better. And seeing how lots of banks have these calendars I reckon they might have been the ones to come up with the whole deal of money and stuff.

Seems far too. After all they do most of the money junk and plus you figure they got the added deal of using certain holidays to goof off.

Which probably would be another reason they came up with calendars so they would be able to figure when the best time for a holiday so they could catch up on counting money. Yeah, that makes sense when you think about it.

Only I reckon that it is more than that. Because they give a lot of us time off for a holiday when they have it as a bank holiday.

I just figure that is their way of not wanting us to find out they have trouble counting. So it is easy to just let us have the time off and so we could goof off.

Then they can sit back and if they made a mistake somewhere they have time to fix it without it being a problem for the rest of us. Yeah, kind of thoughtful I guess.

They get to cover up some mistake and we get a chance to go out and have some fun. Which is better than the other way around because I sure don't want to get stuck in some bank on a holiday.

A GROAN AT LAST

Oh my god let me tell you this sure is one heck of a horror story. It just makes me all shaky all over to think about it.

Perhaps I ought to start from the beginning huh? Yeah, I figure that is always the best place to start a story. If you start in the middle, it never quite works out that good does it? Which is still better that starting at the end I guess, but maybe not as much as starting after the end, when you are just sitting there giggling and the other person has no idea what the heck is so funny.

Anyway, getting back to this disaster, it all started when Otis had trouble fitting into a pair of pants. Well, the easiest solution would be to buy new pants. That is what I would have done.

But not Otis. Man his idea was to do something totally insane. He decided to take up exercise.

Which would have been fine if it was HIS idea alone. However, he decided I should join him.

Let me tell you, being a Super Hero is enough of a workout for me. I don't need to be drug off to some gym.

Only I didn't have anyway of getting out of it. Not after Otis suckered me into going by telling me we were going shopping.

And when we got to that big building with the words, Fitness Center on it, I should have known it wasn't a mall where they put all the fit stuff in the center to look at. But lucky me, I didn't find out till it was too late.

Plus what I didn't know is that he had already paid for us to have memberships. And I also didn't know that meant we were going to have to sweat and get all exhausted.

I mean if you are paying for something it ought to be fun. Which for me is like going to some place to get something to eat.

Boy, let me tell you, the one thing they don't do there is give you anything to eat. They slap you butt down on some exercise machine and keep telling you how this is good for you.

Only it never feels good. It made me feel sweaty and tired. Was this somebody's idea of a crazy or sick joke? I had to wonder.

Anyway, I ended up not getting anything to eat and instead having all kinds of need to groan. They seemed to think it was a good thing. Otis smiled about it at the time.

The next day he wasn't smiling when he was groaning and couldn't get out of bed. We haven't gone back there after that. He did buy some new pants though.

SPILLS AND CHILLS

I have this rule, well more like a theory when it comes to things you love to drink. My favorite drink is root beer. But I also like grape soda.

In any case what I've come to appreciate is that the more I'm really thirsty and looking forward to a big drink, the greater the chance is that I will spill it. Just one of those facts of life in my case that drives me nuts.

I'll come home from some really rough day as a grimefighter and go to fix myself a big drink and the something will happen. Then I'll have some spill, which will make some mess and also soak my clothes.

So not only do I end up having to clean up some mess, but I have to change clothes. And till I do I get the chills from that ice cold drink.

Plus the worse thing is that I'm dying of thirst and have to do all that crap before I get a chance to actually get a drink. Unless I spilled the last of the drink. Then that makes it even worse.

Because then not only do I have to clean up a mess and change clothes, but also have to go to the store for more drink. However, that is providing I don't have to wash clothes in the process because I just soaked my last part of clean clothes.

So all and all I pretty much know this whole deal sucks. Which is why I have to try and be extra careful getting home and being way to much in a hurry from thirst to be as careful as I should.

Only by the time I realize it, it is too late. By then the floor is covered in liquid, Otis is giving me that stupid, you did it again look and I got to go and change clothes.

All in all, not my idea of the perfect way to be when I come home. At least so far I don't treat it as fun.

About the only time I do treat it as fun is when Otis is the one who blows it. Somehow seeing him have to go through all that pain of cleaning and changing clothes just doesn't seem quite as bad.

I just have to remember that if he is in changing clothes not to drink all the soda. I mean there is nothing that is worse than that trip to the grocery store when I got a full tummy and Otis is dying of thirst.

Happy isn't quite how I would describe his attitude. And if he just sat there it would be different. But trust me it doesn't work that way.

Instead he insists upon talking. And let me tell you the one thing you don't want is to have him do that when he's pissed. That is enough to make anyone dying of thirst.

NO PROBLEM, NO WAY

Okay now this is where you know, somebody claims they have a problem and then when they can't figure a way to make it better they decide it isn't a problem. Only naturally it really still is a problem.

However, you just don't get the person to admit it. Which still don't improve things, just leaves people feeling that everything is going to be okay even when it isn't.

Now this happens a lot where I live. And even though it happens where I work too, I see it lots of places.

Like with the politicians we got in our city. We have this one guy, Mayor Rash Limburger. Now there is a dude who sure come up with some strange stuff at times. Really drives me nuts.

I mean like during the last election he kept talking about how he was going to deal with the issue of unemployment in our city. I thought that was pretty cool.

And shoot I knew a couple of guys who needed jobs. So right after the election we dropped by to see him. I figured he'd be happy to you know personally talk to a couple of guys who actually needed jobs.

Man was that a mistake. First problem was even getting to see him. Like most of the time he is in meetings or something. Man does that suck.

Well we waited around for the longest time and finally caught up with him when he was leaving the office. Oh after first he was a little uncooperative.

Okay, maybe we should have not trying to visit him while we still had that silverware in our hands from lunch, but gee I didn't think it was any reason for him to start screaming for help.

Anyway, after those security guards beat on us a while and finally gave us a chance to talk, we sort of made sure he understood we were related to some guy whose wife apparently the Mayor had done something with, not sure, involved a motel. But in the meantime, when we did get to chat with him, boy talk about never getting a job?

Oh he said all kinds of stuff. But you know, none of it made a whole lot of sense All I know is when he got done, my two pals didn't get any jobs.

We did get a couple of campaign buttons. I guess that counts for something. Only not sure exactly what.

In the meantime, we are going to try and see him again. Only without the silverware. Actually, we will be trimming trees first. I imagine seeing us holding a chain saw should impress him don't you think?

STICK EM UP

I've seen this done in movies by the bad guys. They always say it to somebody when they are going to rob them.

But I personally think they are checking to see if you're deodorant is working right. Because who wants you know lots of money from some dude that stinks?

So I reckon it makes sense they would want to check your armpits for sweat. Only it does make me wonder why the good guys don't get to say the same thing. Seems kind of unfair. It is like if you are a good guy your nose doesn't smell what stinks.

And let me tell you that doesn't work for me. No way I want to pretend that as a grimefighter and Super hero that I never smell anything. Shoot I wish that were true.

But let me tell you when I'm picking up the garbage it really stinks at times. It smells so bad I can't even explain how bad it smells. Guess it is good for you that you can't smell it.

Because let me tell you I don't think you would be to inspired to do much more reading if what you read make your nose hairs curl. Okay, there have been a couple of people who said that about what I write, but I figure they were just being weird.

So you can take somebody like that serious. Besides it ain't like you have to read what I write anyway.

As for the other folks, well all I can say, is I do try to help by sharing a thought or two that will inspire. Sometimes people ain't as appreciate of my efforts as I would hope, but then I keep trying.

In any case, getting back to this whole stick em up thing, I just still think it is an unfair deal to with just haven't the noses of the bad guys get any attention. There is something wrong with that deal.

Anyway, I suppose I ain't going to get them to change. Just like that other saying about reach for the sky.

Which to me is nearly as dumb. Who has arms long enough to do that? They still say it though like it is no big deal.

I guess there is some clown somewhere that makes all this stupid crude up. Yeah, I bet he sits back and laughs his head off about how he suckers us into saying this crap too.

If I didn't know any better, I would swear it was that creep Rat Boy, Junior Hemoglobin that started this kind of saying. He is the type who would do something like that. Yeah, but in his case, he would do it when you had some cheese on you so you could end up having him steal it while your hands were in the air.

TINKER TOYS

Well the kind of tinker my buddy Otis does is definitely one that requires toys. But you got to understand, he never calls it tinkering.

Instead, he makes it sound like it is very important. Calls it a project. Stuff like a home repair project or whatever. Only problem is that we live in an apartment so the idea of it being a home repair is kind of silly in my view.

That sure doesn't keep him from treating it like a home repair. Which really comes down to something that takes forever in terms of time and nothing really changes when he is done.

Now none of that would bother me if Otis just spent the time himself and I didn't have to be involved, but he always suckers me into helping. Which of course always end with us wasting time and nothing changing.

What happens though is that Otis will need some tools for whatever project he wants to work on. These are what I see as tinker toys.

Because he only needs them to tinker on that project, not for anything else. Only he keeps explaining all the other things he can use it for.

So it means a trip to the hardware store or home improvement place or in some cases the mall. And naturally I go along in hopes we will end up going somewhere to get something cool to eat.

That will depend mainly on what kind of mood Otis is in when he goes shopping for his tinker toys. You see the problem is at times he really doesn't know the exact toy he wants.

He'll have some theory that a certain toy exists to do whatever he wants. But when we get to the hardware store and he explains what he wants, if the sales clerk looks at him funny, I know I'm in trouble in terms of us going somewhere fun to eat.

Unless they give him hope. By that I mean they give him a different option that will work.

Which sometimes happens and sometimes it doesn't. Actually you can pretty much count on whatever gadget they sold him not working either.

Not that Otis will admit it. Shoot no, no matter how messed up the project gets, he say it was a success.

Unfortunately that will be after I have to get sucked in wasting all afternoon on a Saturday helping him. Which I cope with providing you know I have a full stomach in the process.

CLAY AND BOOMERANGS

Okay, let me get right to it. I wish you could make your own boomerangs and do so out of clay. You know that way you could shape them in any form you wanted. And when those suckers got really hard, man that would even be better.

Then you could really do some damage with them. Only so far I haven't found any decent clay to mold into a boomerang.

See, I took the clay and figured I could make the coolest boomerangs ever. Shoot those things are the best.

You know you sit there and toss them, get to clobber somebody big time and then have it come back so you can do it again. And you can be far enough away so its safe to throw without them being able to hit you back. Now that is great.

So I figured you know, I would like take time to make this super special boomerang. Shoot, I even went so far as to add some wings and feathers with that clay.

When I got done, man was it a beauty too. And I didn't make it small either. It was about five feet long. Boy was I sure proud of it.

But you know I tried to throw it and something went wrong. I just dropped to the ground and didn't fly at all. I was sure disappointed.

I figured the problem was with the clay. I mind it just seemed to me that it was obvious that something was wrong with it.

So I went out and got some different kind. And let me tell you this time I was really extra careful.

Heck I even painted it and made it look so cool. We're talking about a work of art. Well I won't say the kind that Otis said it was, but it was sure a piece of art to me.

But you know what? That stupid clay didn't work with it either. Boy did I feel cheated. It was so pathetic.

Here I was, lifting it up so great with both my hands and getting ready to toss it out and hope it came back and all it did was hit the ground. Didn't fly anywhere.

But then you know I just figure I got some lousy clay that is all. I figured I got to get some of that clay they use to make those clay pigeons. Yeah, I bet it would really work great.

And I even called up one of those skeet places to check on the clay. You know I explained it all. Only I must have gotten a bad connection. They kept hanging up. But I'm going to try again. Maybe I'll go by and check it out in person. I wonder what kind of animal a skeet is anyway? Hope those skeet don't try shooting me though. That could hurt.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Chore and bore happen to rhyme. Only I don't think it is an accident."