UNDER THE GUN

Well unless you are some really tiny midget or the gun is like a cannon, not sure how this happens much. And yet I hear some talk about it a lot.

You do got to wonder what kind of gun these people are dealing with. I mean how come these people end up under a gun anyway.

Make me wonder if they like take weird naps. You know get tired a lot and decide to just sleep wherever.

Now you would think they would notice a gun lying around. And not be so stupid as to like try to use it as a blanket.

But you know, people do strange stuff at times. Really can be so weird. Why you would not know a gun wasn't good to use that way I can't say.

Anyway if you are dumb enough to do that, why complain about it? That seems to be what people love doing.

Like if it is so bad, then next time don't trying being under gun. At least make sure it isn't loaded.

That way it won't be so heavy. And see now that isn't all that hard to figure out. Well not to me.

But then I don't mess with guns much. Oh the occasional water pistol perhaps, but otherwise nope.

Now maybe what people need is more time thinking this over. Yeah, they need to figure less of a way to be stupid.

I'm sorry, but guns really ain't that cool for blankets. They really don't seem to work at all.

But then if you are goofy on that subject, at least don't whine about it. Nope just go on and be stupid to yourself.

I don't want to know about it. And especially if you are like going to claim it is a reason you are late to something.

Or didn't get something done in time. Next time around perhaps you need to just not mess with them.

Then you will have time for a change. Seems simple enough to me. I think it is a big deal.

Yeah, funny how it is hard to help some people.

BAD NEWS

This sure isn't fun. Unless the bad news is like about griminals. In which case it is sort of good news.

Now the only problem is that you know I'm not sure I would prefer to not know bad news either. Well providing it is going to affect me.

I mean like if they world is going to end tomorrow then I might appreciate the heads up. So I can duck.

Been working on that part a lot too. Seems like the Reverend Analbe is always talking about the end of the world.

He is kind of vague on when though. Oh he keeps saying it is soon. But soon doesn't ever seem to come.

Sure gets tiring you know, sitting around and waiting for stuff to be wiped out and then it never happens. Just makes it kind of boring.

Now outside of that problem though there are other kinds of bad news you do have to think about. Like storms.

Haven't heard of good storms very much. Most don't seem to ever bring good luck. Might be nice if they did.

Well in any case, I just pretty much know that bad news is not cool. Wish it was like the kind of thing where you got vote on it.

You know say, well today I want only good news. Yeah that would be nice. Not sure when that will happen.

Maybe they could turn it into some kind of a law. Seems like they do that for everything else.

So why not with bad news. Or even figure a better way to fix the bad news into being good news.

Yeah, those guys who are good at fixing thing would nice to help with that problem. What we need to do is find somebody with the right tools.

Hmmm, I wonder what kind of tool you need. Guess that would be something to ask the news people.

You would think they would know. Not sure how, but I imagine they would somehow. Just might be good if they would.

I mean without fibbing about it. That wouldn't be cool.

ANOTHER

I want to know who made the rules on another? You know the person that decided what was okay to get more of and what was not.

I reckon it was somebody who didn't like to share much. Yeah, they like to horde stuff all for themselves.

There sure is a lot of that, which goes on. And for me that doesn't work. Oh the stuff some people come up with.

Yeah like I'm going to belief they really have the right to say I can have another bag of jelly beans, but not another bash of a griminal. That sucks.

Now I suppose I wouldn't mind if the rules were written down somewhere. But they never are.

Nope, this is more like playing a game with somebody who keeps changing the rules as he goes along. That is so dumb.

Oh well, I am grateful this don't happen at home. I can sit and watch television all I want and not be told no.

That is the word that always comes with the another part too often. So many dang people are real good at that part.

Which sucks. Because they wait to tell you it too. Not today, but only after you get all excited to have another something.

I was hoping they would make a law on this. You know like issue another license. That would be cool.

I like that idea. As long as they don't get crazy about it. Like say you need another license for another another thing.

Hmm, see that is so dang confusing. I can imagine it will only get worse if given the chance.

Well maybe I will check around and find out if there is a place where nobody bugs you about the whatever. That would be great.

Probably on some another list that you can't get a copy of. Yeah, I reckon that will be the case.

Oh well I will figure it out someday. I will make sure I get all the another I want. And if somebody does like it they can have another bashing.
Those I never run out of.

911

Oh yeah you got to be sure you don't forget those numbers. Emergency calls always have to remember them.

Only I was wondering is it okay if your emergency doesn't add up to nine hundred and eleven whatever? I was sort of concerned on that part.

I mean you never know if that is a problem. I mean if you call and you can add up your problem to that total do they hang up on you?

Guess some don't need to know. But I sure would like to know for myself. Just in case I have to add up that many emergencies before I call them.

Now do they have a number to call for less emergencies? Well seems like a far question. One that you should have the right to know.

At least I would imagine knowing it would be a good deal. Not sure where you can ask for the information.

I did go over to the mall. They have an information booth there. And it really is a nice place.

The people aren't always helpful though. I have gone over to ask all kinds of questions, but don't seem to get the right answers.

Now the deal is that I figured for some reason they wanted to keep the details a secret. Yeah, they might have their reasons.

Like if they don't want the number called too much. Now that is a really big problem I suppose.

I mean people might call or reasons that are not emergencies. People will do that I reckon and it messes it up for the rest of us.

Yeah that ain't good. What if I have real emergency such as running out of jelly beans. Oh yeah I need that number.

Well since those mall dudes aren't that helpful in that regard. Well I suppose I will keep checking other places.

I know they got information number for the phone company. Hmmm it is 411. So maybe that means the other emergency numbers are between 411 and 911.

Perhaps I just need to dial them all till I find the right one. Kind of a long way to do it. But perhaps it will work.

Worth a try I supppose.

HOT LINES

I heard about these. They are those places you can call on the phone. They have these that are called psychic hot lines.

I guess this is where you call the psychic and she tells you were to find hot. I didn't even know it was lost.

And to be honest I can find hot easy all the time. So I wonder who this is a problem for? Really have too wonder.

I reckon it is a bigger problem that I would have thought. You know such a great option in terms of if you did have that problem.

Which I suppose can happen. You know if it is like winter and say your heater is broke. Then you need some help.

Not sure how that would work in the summer. You wouldn't have to work hard to find it none.

But then I don't imagine that is a big problem for some. Maybe they like have their air conditioners stuck on.

It can happen. Yeah, I bet it will really be a problem for some people. Not for me. But some others.

Well hope them people you know don't have trouble calling that hot line. Have no idea how busy they get.

Gee perhaps I ought to try and help them out. Yeah, I bet they would appreciate the thoughtfulness.

The only thing is I should be careful on the thoughtfulness deal. I mean when Otis uses that word he kind of means I messed up.

So perhaps I would be better off to just call it helping. Otis doesn't gripe too much when I use that word.

But then I might not even tell him. Yeah, it might be the best choice. He sort of can be funny on such stuff.

Hmmm, wonder how would be best for me to do that helping with the hot line thing? Maybe pass out some business cards.

Well don't have any, but can find them. Philo's hot line or hot might sound good. Yeah can tell them where the hot is no problem.

All I need to do is like maybe pass around our phone number and say get your hot here. That ought to do it.

Thought for the week: "Modesty is not bragging about being modest."

BATMAN

Boy it sure would be cool if I could get a hold of him. Yeah, it would be great to have him help out some.

Like tell me where I could get one of those cool capes. I have figured that you can't be a great superhero without them.

Only I can seem to find the best place to get one. I mean I did check a the costume store. But I didn't find where that helped.

They had some lame versions. Not very impressive. You could wear them, but they don't do the good stuff.

You know like stopping bullets or giving you super powers. Really I would like to find out the perfect place for that option.

However, so far I haven't had much luck in finding that super hero store. They have to be around somewhere.

I even thought of looking on the internet. Haven't found much luck there either. Still working on it though.

Perhaps I just need to try harder. Yeah, were are talking super heroes here. And that is important part.

I'm sure I can find it eventually. Maybe I need to find somebody who knows a superhero personally.

Now I know Robin is Batman's bud. Haven't seen any listening in the phone book for him.

And perhaps he just doesn't have much need to use the phone. I mean being out saving the world all the time doesn't give you lots of free time.

Oh well I will keep trying. And how know perhaps I can even find a bird specialist or something.

Yep, one who knows all about robins. They probably have all kinds of free junk from him if they are his pal.

So perhaps I just need to hang out at the park till I meet one. I'm sure that would be the best place.

Gee maybe Robin even goes there. And Batman too. I bet that would be fun to have a picnic with them.

Hope they like jelly beans.

CAPTAIN AMERICA

I was trying to figure out what super hero army this guy belong too. And made me wonder if there is like a General America or Major or Colonel?

I don't know. Seems like they need at least a general of some kind. But they only talk about this you know Captain guy.

Guess he get stuck doing all the work. Not sure that is a good thing. I mean beating up the bad guys is important work.

But do you think that he gets stuck with all other Army junk too? Like does he have to drill a lot?

Hmmm, would be nice to know for sure. And what about like doing KP? Can't imagine is fun doing dishes in his outfit.

Hope he doesn't have to march a lot, unless he has some cool tank. Never seen him with one.

Maybe he leaves it parked in his garage. Yeah, no sense wasting gas with the price of gas today.

Oh well, I don't suppose it is a big problem. I mean he is a super hero, so I'm sure the tank is a super one.

Yeah that is the good part. Super heroes do get super junk a lot. I reckon it comes from the Army surplus super store.

Not sure where you find those. Probably you know kept the address in his super address book.

Yeah, you never know what all kinds of cool stuff he has that is super. But I did notice he doesn't wear green outfits like regular army guys.

So I will assume he keeps them for them maneuvers that all those army types do. I bet there are a bunch of them.

And you know I do recall seeing him doing much in the way of saluting. Kind of a shame.

You would think he would have practiced that a lot. At least I would figure it would be a big deal.

Well maybe he doesn't have time to worry about all that stuff while saving the world. Nope I can appreciate it.

Probably saves it for special occasions like Armed Forces Day.

SILKY

I guess this is another of those deals that will never make much sense to me. The idea of silk is okay. but not one I see as a big deal.

Now as far as I know, this is supposed to do with clothes. Well silk seems to fit in there for some reason.

So somebody explain to me how it got in a milk shake? I was over at this ice cream place and they had this sign, saying how their milk shakes were silky smooth.

Well I don't know about you, but I sure don't want some milk shake that is stuffed by some pair of socks or a tie. Sounds awful.

I wonder if they sell many like that. Guess if they thing was too cold or something that would be a reason for socks.

Only who eats a milk shake with their socks? Sounds crazy to me. Gosh I hope they don't like use a needle and thread too.

That could be terrible. Man them new management people over at the ice cream place really need to rethink that part.

And you know I asked them about that, but they really didn't make much sense. I really wasn't impressed. No they said the milk shake was like easy to swallow.

Oh sure like that will happen if you put a sock in it! Who they trying to kid on that one. Sure not me

Nope, I wasn't going to fall for that kind of deal. Sure didn't work in my mind. I think that new management need a few pointers.

And I did try to help. Didn't do much good though. They just kind of acted like I was being weird.

Hey, I'm not the one who is the one trying to do weird junk with milk shakes. I mean I know every body is suppose to need milk.

But the milk is enough. I sure don't want to have to use socks with it. What comes after that, underwear?

Just not sure where they plan on stopping. Kind of scary to even imagine. Really you do have to wonder.

Well so much for going to that place. If I want socks I will go to the mall. Not to some ice cream place.

Yeah, no sale on that part for me.

A FEEL TO IT

This is really a weird thing to me. People who talk about it always seem so strange. You got to wonder about them.

The problem is the it part. You know it ought to b simple, but it never is. Just too many crazies out there.

I was in this restaurant the other day and heard a guy say this. Oh man was he making a big deal about it.

Okay, it really wasn't much of a restaurant. It was this place that sold books. And they had this spot where you could buy coffee and junk.

There were sure a lot of people hanging around the place. Like it was some dang amusement park.

No personally that is okay I guess if it is your thing. But personally, doesn't do much for me.

Oh books are okay. You know they do work great as bookends and paperweights. Wonderful for putting on top of newspapers.

At least until you need the paper to use as filler in some box. Then you have to move the book.

Anyway, back to the look of it deal, this dude as sitting there drinking some coffee and talking to some pal. They were talking about something to do with politics.

That is when the one dude mentioned not liking the look of something. An it of some kind.

Which sort of sounded so dumb. I mean they were talking about needing new laws for some reason.

Only they didn't even know what they looked like. Or if they were an it. So I had to wonder.

I think it was that coffee. It can make people kind of squirrely. Which isn't a good thing at times.

But at least they weren't tell me so I had to worry about it. Nothing worse that getting some jerk to decide to make your life miserable.

I sure am glad that whatever the if was they didn't like it wasn't my problem. Yeah I got enough real junk to worry about.

Which is one less problem I reckon.

ON AND ON

Nothing is more frustrating to me than if you can't find the stupid on button that makes something work. Really is such a pain.

The other day I was over at STINK headquarters and was helping out in the office. Yeah, it happens some times.

Normally I just help out with stuff like taking out the trash. But once and a while I take my turn at the paper work.

The thing is I was sitting there and doing some stapling. Yeah, they sure need that done a lot.

Anyway, I was doing a good job. Everything that needed stapled got stapled. And the thing was I guess I was doing such a good job, they took a break.

Well the thing is I was there by myself and figured it was a good time to catch up on stuff like using the computer. Figured that was fair.

So I went over to the one and tried to turn it on. I must have pressed every button I could find and nothing happen.

Boy did that suck. Honestly I hated it. I figured must have been some kind of problem and maybe it was broke.

So then I went over to another one and same thing happen. Now I'm really getting pissed.

And brother was that so frustrating. It was like they hated me or something. Well I kept trying.

Even tried to hit them a few times. You know sometimes that seems to help. Well it didn't though.

Then I figured maybe the wires were the problems. So I took off the back to check out the wires.

Man they had a lot of them. Oh I worked on them a lot, but didn't get them to turn on. Which really sucked.

Eventually the people did come back. Guess it turn out there was this one switch on the wall that controlled the electricity to the outlets.

Which was kind of nice to find out. But I guess it didn't change much. I mean even after the flipped those switches the computers wouldn't come on.

Glad to know it wasn't my fault.

THE SWEET BUY AND BUY

Oh man there is nothing greater, so much fun as shopping at the candy store. You got to have a smile when doing that.

Well I guess some don't. But I sure do. And I don't think it is complicated or the least bit a problem.

Just one of those deals I don't get to do everyday. I am sure working on it though. Yeah, really been trying to add it to my daily routine.

But the big problem is my buddy Otis. He seems to think this is not a good thing. I don't know why, he always gets something too.

Just kind of makes it out to be other than a cool thing. Now personally I think the world would be a better place with more candy stores.

Just imagine how great that would be. Able any time you got the urge to stop in and grab a snack.

I haven't figure out why more people don't make this a habit. In fact they ought to make it a law.

I mean there are so many crummy laws out there that only piss people off. They really don't help at all.

Wouldn't it be great if for once there was one that everyone could enjoy? I know I would be so happy about it.

Well I did think of writing my congressman about it. You know to let him know how cool it would be.

Then I figure why stop there. Heck, I decide to write everyone who is some elected dude about it.

And I will get around to it eventually. Sort of gets very distracting at times. I mean I figured I would add some you know candy to the letter.

And figured chocolate was best. No sense wasting my jelly beans on that part. Well the thing was writing got very tiring.

So I decided to snack on the candy. And I don't know what happen, but after eating abou three pounds of chocolate I just got so sleepy.

So I guess I will have to try again another time. When I have more chocolate. Yeah that will be a while.

Otis wasn't too crazy about me using it all up and telling him I was using it in writing. He sort of thought I was making that part up.

STILL AND STILL

I think still is a cool word. It suggests something is happening that is a good thing. And I sure can accept that.

Kind of makes you really feel that life is nice at times. And who can complain about that? Not me.

Now the big problem is making sure this happens a lot. And that can be really tricky. Wish it wasn't.

I don't know why when something works great you always end up tolerating somebody that decides to fix it. Where is the smarts in that?

But that always seems to happen. I know I didn't vote for it. Don't know anyone who did, but it does happen.

And from what I have heard there are way too many cases where this happens. Some moron decides their still ain't working.

Why can't they take a vote? Come on give us a break here and ask us if that is a good thing to change.

Sure would like that option. And let me tell you it ain't happening often enough. Not too me.

But from what I understand this stuff really bothers some people. I heard of how some get so upset they been drinking over it.

Now changing a still is not cool, but making a whiskey over a still don't sound good to me. They need to work on that part.

I can understand about whiskey anything. All I've ever notice is that those drinking it seem to do a lot of stupid things.

That is one still that I can live without. You sure got to wonder the wisdom of that part. At least I do.

But somebody seems to think a still for just whiskey stuff is good. Why, I have no idea. I think they are crazy.

Maybe they are related to the ones always messing with the other good kinds of still. Yeah that sort of makes sense.

Not smart, but sense. Reckon I will do what I can to see if I can improve this thing. Like make sure stuff don't change.

I think I'll check with the Reverend Analbe on that one he's good and keeping junk other than changing.


THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "What is the deal with spark plugs? I mean can you use lightning like a cork?"

SNOW FLURRIES

Alright is this like punishment by some deranged snowman? Is this where the Frosty dude when nuts or something?

I do have to say this is not something I think is for the best. I heard about in on the weather channel.

And the talked about based on some weather over in another part of the world. And I figure maybe the snowmen are up to now good.

Like isn't it bad enough they mess around with snow cones? I figure there is something wrong on that deal.

Oh well guess I'm glad these flurry deals, whatever they are, don't happen around me. Nope I'm happy about that.

Well I think I am also glad that snow melts. Yep, it really does. Honest, if you didn't know it.

But that doesn't mean they can't be sneaky. Bet it is some kind of a plot. Yeah, some thing to give you frostbite so your butt falls off.

Would be just like them darn snowmen to pull stuff like that. Now I ask you is that fair? I don't think so.

Now these are problem those snowmen called Abominationable, or abdomen-ate-an-apple or something like that. Anyway, it don't sound good.

Guess it is kind of tough to live only in winter, well at least till you find some refrigerator to hang out in. That would really not be cool.

Ooops, I guess it would be cool, huh? Maybe not fun though. Have to appreciate that part.

Oh well I can't blame them for maybe be grouchy if they are all that you know stuck in an ice box. Not fun I reckon.

So maybe they sneak out at times to cause trouble, being bored an all. Can't blame them or that.

But I'll pass on the frostbite thing. Really doesn't sound that appealing. People can take that and keep it for themselves.

Me, I will take the snow cone, as long as it ain't yellow from some snow man having weak kidneys.

Don't want to think about that one.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

Do you like those dang to be continued things? Where you are stuck waiting till some later time to find out something?

Personally I hate them because they never end up being a good wait. Whatever it is never turns out to be as cool as you hope.

I think they just do this to drive you nuts. They just dangle it out there to give you the hope it will be a good deal.

I don't mind I guess. Just wish sometimes they would turn out to be a good deal. A reason to tell you that you aren't an idiot for waiting.

But this just ain't how it turns out most of the time. And I sure wish I could change that. Still working on figuring that part out.

Now my thinking is they ought to like have to tell you all the details up front. So you can decide if it is worth the wait.

Which is sort of the reason I think they make you wait. Just because if they told you all the facts up front you would say forget it.

Now you would figure with all the extra time they have to make you wait they could make it extra cool. Yeah that would be great.

Only I'm not sure it ever ends up that way. But I keep hoping. And I figure sooner or later there just has to be somebody out there with some cool.

You know who can honestly say that this wait will not suck. They won't make it all so dang boring.

I suppose you can expect a certain degree of interpretation. That is what they call it when they fib a lot.

Only they never call it fibbing. Instead they ramble and make it all seem okay. Which it never is.

But that is the part I'm hoping to change. Just still working out the way I will do it. Maybe I will try hurrying up the people a little.

Not sure if my bat will help, but I'm don't mind giving it a try. And let me tell you that is one thing I sure figure it a good option.

Course the one drawback is you know that when the person is unconscious you do end up having to wait. Which sort of defeat the whole point.

Have to work on a half bashing choice I guess.

HOLDING ON

This might be a cool thing for some. Why I have no idea, but I guess it can be a good deal.

What is it with these hold music places anyway? I mean really, all those customer service locations that make you think being a music lover is going to fix a problem.

You can call some of them without ending up on hold. And it can be for a really long time too.

It ain't like I am calling for the fun of it. I'm calling because I have a problem. And music ain't going to make that better.

Oh it might not make it worse, but it sure doesn't improve stuff. Why can't they do something good.

Like you know what about if they like told you all their secrets. Such as how come they keep messing up?

I would find that a lot more fun to listen to than some stupid hold music. And I also find it boring when you know you have to put up with some dude talking to

One of those recordings that tells you how great they are. Yeah that really works. I'm sor impressed with them.

Might be good if it was true. But it sure never works out that way. And what makes it worse is how it never gets better in person.

Yeah, I can go down to the cable company and still get stuck having to wait. Like they will be there and they are talking to somebody on the phone.

Only it ain't me. Which really is even worse. Because then they have to pretend to ignore you.

Who needs that? I sure don't. And that really is a choice I am going to work out. I've been thinking of disguising my voice.

Works even better in person. Well if you like wear a mask. They can be kind of hot though.

Plus if I do that next time I am not going to wear one that looks like a gorilla. Didn't work last time.

And didn't get me any better service either. Well I reckon I will figure it out eventually. Not sure when, but eventually.

Hopefully without being on hold either.

SHOOTING THE MESSENGER

Now this is really strange. I've heard it mention in places, but go what the heck? I mean really are some crazy people out there.

I suppose it would make sense if the messenger did something wrong. Like you know burn down your house.

That would not make me happy. Nor anyone else I imagine either. But outside of that I reckon you know I just won't watch for them dudes.

Really not clear on who all these messengers are. Bet there are some weird ones out there.

Hope I don't run into many of them. Yeah, who wants to deal with some crazy person that comes back later and does something to freak you out.

I reckon maybe it is something in the message. I've heard like some kinds of glue can really be yucky.

Maybe it drives the person crazy for some reason. Or they end up with a really bad paper cut.

Oh yeah, those can really hurt a lot and make a person pissed off. So perhaps you know that really gets people to doing strange stuff.

Gosh I hope they don't like have something extra important they are delivering. Nope that would be terrible.

Like you know a catalogue about say jelly beans. I would hate to think what it would be like if they mangled it.

Then you would never know if it was a good deal. Too bad when that happens. And where is the fun in that.

I reckon you know you do have to appreciate that these messenger dues have it tough at times. It can be hard you know driving around all day.

What with traffic problems and all I can appreciate this would not always make a person happy. Hope they cool off before delivering though.

Not one who gets too many messages though. Honestly, most of the time they just leave messages on our answer machine.

But then you know if this was like some crazy message I could see why a person would be unhappy. Those are cool.

And that might get a need for a bullet or a picture I guess.

RADAR AND SONAR

Okay, I got this figure out. Radar is called that because it deals with rays. And sonar because is it in the sea. So um waves I guess.

Not all that makes sense till you deal with the cops. They use radar too. But not to like find you know stuff in the air.

Nope they look for speeders. I don't think that is fair. I mean how come they can like do it with cars and not for other junk?

Like what if say a bird is going to fast? Can they give them a ticket? How about plane? Or say an astronaut?

See they never mention that junk. Nope, kind of get left out. So my question is do they do it without telling you?

Have to wonder. At least I do. I mean really is this a good deal? And at the same time do they like also have some sonar thing just in case you are drinking some pop while driving?

Yeah, that could be scary. They could pull you over for drinking too fast. Gosh I don't want to get a ticket for that.

Oh man do they send you to traffic school for that? Like that would definitely be scary. I mean you could be forced to watch movies about people drowning?

I tell you that is really not appealing to me. Nope, not at all. I wouldn't vote for it. And I think it sucks if they don't have the decency to warn you about it.

That is the really crummy part. I think I would sure make a fuss over it if I was a milkshake in a car and they pulled us over.

I don't think that would be cool at all. But you know them darn people who use this stuff can be so strange.

You just never know for sure what would make them happy. I don't think I want to find out either.

Guess I will see if I can find out a way to like make this whole deal easier to not worry about. Yeah, that would really be a good idea.

Now I guess from what I have heard they can use this on lead stuff. Like you know not able to see through stuff with x-rays if they are covered in lead.

And all I got to do is find a bunch of lead. Bet that would make me save. Him I wonder if you would need to put it in the milkshake? Guess I'll have to think on that one.

FRAID SO

Ah, this is something that you just get all gnarled up inside over. Yeah, I have to admit that it ain't that cool.

And it always comes right when you are all excited. Which really sucks. Yep, I have to admit this is one area that I can live without.

Now it normally starts when you are all jazzed. You got some good news and want to celebrate.

Then some creep comes along to be sure you in no way able to enjoy yourself. Yeah, this is really not a cool thing.

And you can be darn sure that will not stop. Nope that never changes. Well when you are dealing with the same people.

Nope the ones like that totally suck. They are just no good at doing anything except pissing you off.

Now the best way for me to deal with this is to take and make it work for me is to create a list. One kind of like Santa Claus might use.

See this is where you take all the jerks who ruin your day and put them on one list. Then you have the list of those who make you feel good.

What is really great is if you can take the time to you know try and let the one group meet the other. And hope they can like fight it out.

Well at least to the point that the ones on the good list win. If they lose then it really is worse.

Now I do really like to make sure this works out in a way that I don't end up with more bad dudes left. Which does take some thought.

I had you know given thought to like getting the good ones a bunch of bats. And then giving them the places to find the bad guys.

I might have even done it if Otis hadn't stopped me. Yeah, he get weird about such junk at times.

Course it doesn't mean I have to tell him either. Yeah, I hate not always letting him know about junk, but sometimes you gotta do, what you gotta do.

Just can't explain it to him that way. He tends to get a little less than happy about finding out about this later.

Sadly people who get bashed a lot tend to talk.

SEEING SPOTS BEFORE YOUR EYES

I don't know what the big deal is with this thing. There has to be you know some reason people worry about seeing some dog name spot. Or even more than one.

Is this like a serious problem to some? I just feel like it is work asking. Because as far as I know it should be cool.

At least I think seeing a few pups would be good. Now providing they don't get weird or something.

Yeah that ain't a good thing. You know it is when they get that rabbis thing. They get all crazy and act goofy.

Then you have to be sure you don't like start howling at the moon. That can be so embarrassing.

Oh man this is really tricky. You just have to be so careful. Seeing them spots is a good thing.

Because if they are behind you then you could be in big trouble. Then they could bite you and you would have a real big problem.

So it is much better to see them before you eyes. No way of missing junk then. And who needs that.

As for me, well I think the big and important part is to always carry some dog food with you. Just in case.

Always a good choice. Dry food is easy than lugging around cans. Yeah, they can get way too heavy.

Nobody needs that. Nope, just better to have a small bag in case them pooches are running amuck.

As for me, well I also am careful about where I go. I take other ways of making thing work out.

Like being a pooch watch a lot. Making sure I always look both ways and behind me when I like get out of a truck.

That way they can't sneak up on me. Yeah, that can be a real problem. Them spots are tricky that way.

Can't blame them I guess. You know just a need on their part to get some attention. Somebody needs to help them with their fleas.

Just hope it is somebody else.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Rain on my parade, but don't piss on my head."

A BOAT WITHOUT A PADDLE

Well I heard about this the other day. Yeah, some guy was talking about being up a creek without a paddle.

Now I would have figured that he might have got a motor. They do make them for boats. Doesn't seem like it would have been a big deal.

Guess you know that wasn't easy to come by though. I can sort of appreciate that part. I mean cars kind of always have them, but not all of them.

Like them sailboats. Yeah, they don't necessarily have motors. But I reckon you sort of need you know to be sure you found some really strong wind.

Doubt you can order those either. Be nice if you could. Oh yeah I could love that. You know make it a deal you get with the boat.

Gosh I reckon some might be wondering if I was well getting all hook on boats after my last two postings what with anchors and all. Nope ain't that way.

Just was watching this movie about sailors and got to thinking. You know who that works.

Anyway, back to this paddle deal. You got to wonder if you ain't got a paddle and no motor why are you out on the water?

Did you swallow a stupid pill or something? Would sure hate to see that. Nope woudn't be cool at all.

Oh well I can live with not knowing. I mean boating junk ain't really my thing. Ever since I saw those shark movies I'm not too keen on being out in the water.

But you can be sure I won't go out there without a really big paddle. Want to make sure them dang sharks don't pull any funny stuff.

They can be pretty sneaky I reckon. And none of us needs that. Nope we don't want to mess with some shark pulling crap.

Which is important because I don't plan on changing either. Unless they make boats you use other than on the water.

Bet somebody has them. Wonder if they have paddles? Hmmm, that would be cool. I like that idea.

Can never have enough stuff for bashing. Yeah, one big thing to clobber with always makes any trip better.

Got to love it.

ANCHORS

These are those big iron goodies on boats. Which is a good thing I guess. I mean you know you are supposed to use them sort of like brakes on a car.

Only they aren't shaped like a shoe. Which is kind of strange. Well it is to me. And I just can't figure out why they are so confusing.

I mean if they all suppose to be used for braking the how come they don't you know make them all look the same? Come on let's make sense of it.

Yeah, I figure that stopping is a pretty important deal. You know it sure wouldn't do if you couldn't.

Now what I want to understand is how they can't make them anchors for other stuff? I mean if they are all that cool why don't you get them for planes?

Yeah, that would see important. So you could do better with them than those things they call air brakes.

I don't know about you, but air is cool. Just not sure how good it is at stopping stuff. Can't see it, so it is hard to figure out.

I never thought of air as something that could possible stop anything. But must work for them planes.

Unless you know they don't work for some reason. Hope that doesn't end up being the reason that planes crash.

Gosh does that mean that planes should use anchors them? Hmmm, kind of have to wonder.

Well, I don't know who you can ask to find out for sure. Let's see, now you need to so with boats and planes.

Er, reckon it must deal with like you know sea planes then. I wonder if they use both? Well I suppose it might be fun to find out.

Now where can I find a sea plane to know for sure? There aren't any around where I live.
None that I know of.

Suppose that someplace by the ocean would be the best place to check. I don't live near the ocean though.

So I could call. However, not sure where to check first. Yeah, that's it. I will call the navy.

Maybe later. They might still be pissed when I called about the toilets on submarine thing.

KIDDING

I admit this is fun. When it makes you laugh. If it brings pain, forget it. Then it isn't cool.

And you can be sure I don't like that part. Can't think of anyone who does. But I reckon some do.

We got this one dude over at STINK who thinks playing practical jokes is a fun thing. Only most of the time the rest of us don't enjoy them that much.

He can be a real jerk at times. And it is kind of hard since he is supposed to be a good guy. Just kind of hard to call him much of a good guy.

In any case we do try. Yeah, we do what we can to cope with him. And sometimes there are those who do make sure he gets the message it ain't always cool.

Course that never seems to get him to stop. Wish it did. Would be kind of nice if he got that idea.

Oh I have tried to explain it to him. And I thought he understood. But he still kept doing it.

Well we did work a little harder on making it clear to him. And even had some others do the same.

Still he didn't get it. So then some decided to give him the fun of us doing some practical jokes on him.

You would figure being such a big kidder kind he would like that. But he sure didn't. Man did he freak out.

And then really got upset. Well that didn't quite improve stuff. Wish it had, but it didn't. However, we all did discuss the kidding thing and decide not to try it again.

Hopefully, he will agree. Once we let him out of that locker. You know that was pretty funny when we shoved him in there.

But he didn't seem to think so. And that is okay I guess. Because you know funny can be kind of weird at times.

He doesn't laugh much these days. Hope he hasn't lost his sense of humor. Just sort of you know put it somewhere safe for a change.

A place that doesn't piss the rest of us off. Yeah, that ain't cool. Well hopefully we will all get it straighten out eventually.

Just a soon as he stops complaining over that glue we used on his locker.

NOW

How come all the good nows never last that long? Oh the crappy ones seem to linger forever.

But the cool ones, forget it. Like you know going to an amusement park never seems to be long enough.

You stand in lines and try to have a good time, but before you know it the day is over. And that really does suck.

Whereas when you are doing some really yucky chore then it lasts forever. You can't even do a thing to get it done quick enough.

Boy does that suck. And no matter how smart you are it just never gets much better on some days.

Sure not my idea of fun. Can't think of anyone who thinks it is. So why can we fix this problem?

I mean they got ways of fixing other junk, why not this? I don't know of anyone who wouldn't enjoy things like this not being a problem.

Seems to me what we need is you know somebody who can do something about time. They already have those dudes with the daylight savings time deal.

So can't they like do something about? I don't know why not. They can do so much about other junk.

Hey, I got it, bet the ones who do this time travel junk to take care of the problem. Yep, I bet they can like borrow from some future minutes to give us more.

Hmmm, guess it could cause problems though. I mean sooner or later I suppose we would have to pay them back.

I wonder if there would be a finance charge on the time? I suppose that involves some bank.

Yeah, it would be just like them banks to figure a way to charge you for minutes. Hope they don't charge too much though.

I mean I have no idea how much would be fair in those situations. Gee, I wonder what they do if you don't pay?

How do you repossess some minutes anyway? I reckon they have it figured out that. Yep be like them jerks to do that.

Guess I won't try to take out a loan though.

JUST PASSING THROUGH

Now I got a problem with this. The people who say it are big at liars! Yeah the talk about passing through a town.

But you know I watched them and not once did I see them go through a store or wall or anything. So it was nothing, but a fib.

You got to admit they sure are stupid on that subject. I'm telling you it is so dang silly the stuff some people come up with.

Besides, nobody can go through buildings unless they are like superman or say some ghost. And these people were either.

At least I don't think they were ghost. Gosh I hope not. Hmm, I wonder if you have to have a driver's license if you are a ghost?

Kind of an important question I think. Bet it makes their cars get good gas mileage. Yeah, they wouldn't weigh much.

Only can't believe they would need a car if they were a ghost. And I reckon though that would be sort of up to them.

Gee maybe they are like ghosts who never got to travel much in life. So they are making up for lost time.

Hmmm, wonder if they need a map? Guess they don't worry about getting motel rooms. But then don't imagine they have to pay for them either.

Yeah might be a good thing. Still not eating would take part of the fun out of it for me. I mean nothing to me makes a trip better than stopping for food.

But then I reckon if you are a ghost with nothing to do then traveling is a good idea. I mean with the exception of say Halloween.

They do have to be kind of busy for that. Hmmm, wonder what they do with their snacks?

Hey if they can pass through walls and junk, I bet they can get all they want. You know I bet they have them stack up somewhere.

Sounds like they could use some help. Yeah, hate to see them all go to waste. And I reckon you know I will have to ask.

Next time say one of them comes to town and says they are passing through. I'll just ask them were are the goodies.

Hope they didn't lose them.

DRAGONFLIES

Okay now this might seem silly, but I don't get this deal. I mean I have seen those bugs they call dragonflies and I don't get it.

Where are the ones that eat cities? I mean them monsters in movies are always eating stuff like that?

Plus I don't see where they breath fire either. That seems kind of important to me. Well if they are going to be real dragons.

Can figure out the flies part. I mean dragons have to do that. At least from what I understand.

Only I sure don't see where these little bugs it would matter that much anyway. Gosh it really is kind of strange.

Oh well lots of junk in the world like that. Way too much. Stuff that is different than what the name says.

You just have to wonder why people do that so much. Really I don't get it. I think these should be like wannabe dragons.

Or maybe like a wannabe dragon that is a fly. Kind of long to me though. Oh well, I reckon it all works for somebody.

Really there sure are a lot of things like that out there. Makes you wonder. I know I do. And that really is a big deal.

I think we need to fix this too. Stop calling junk names that don't make sense. Sure would cut down on problems.

But I have a feeling it ain't going to change. It is probably some name law. Like you have to let the name be a name.

Only nobody explains why. It is just another of those laws that leaves you going huh? Way to many like that.

I sure would like them jokers to stop messing the world up. Really how come they have to do that?

I bet nobody tries to stop them. Yeah, I can imagine it is a big problem for others to. We just need to fix it.

I wonder if we start calling politicians something else it would help? Heck could be fun. I know Otis would like it.

But not sure they would care for being called morons.

SWELL

Nobody seems to say this much. And I think that is very sad. I mean we all do have those moments that are swell.

You know make you feel good. Boy who doesn't need them? I can't imagine anyone that doesn't enjoy them.

But then you never know, it can be so hard to always agree on them. Because we don't all have the same swell meter.

Yeah, what works for me doesn't always work for somebody else. Just a way life seems to work.

Not sure that is always a good thing. But then you know I can say if everyone will agree. And that is cool.

Still I do think if we had more of these swell moments it would be wonderful. And who knows if we worked at it maybe we could have them all the time.

I wouldn't complain. Not at all. Just would be so happy to know the old swell seconds were getting attention.

Now what I am talking about is a little extra effort here. We need to spread the gospel of swell.

Well the Reverend Analbe is always talking about the regular gospel and that seems to be about making people happy. So why not toss in some swell?

I mean maybe I wouldn't be always toting around donuts like the Reverend does. But that is okay.

I can imagine this swell thing would be something we could handle. I can't think of a reason it would be terrible.

We just need to get more involved making it a good thing. Yeah, I can feel it would be a great deal.

I can imagine all the people out there who would like find a little happy a good deal. And swell would do that.

Hmmm, now I wonder if perhaps a deal like say making it into a lottery would help? Couldn't hurt.

Just you know toss it out there as an option. Oh we might have to you know give some stuff way.

But I'm sure we could handle that part too. That would sure be swell.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Is showing both cheeks when mooning someone a full moon."

GOING, GOING

Ah well stuff going away can be so cool. If you are talking crap. That part I like. But it ain't so good if you are talking about losing important stuff.

Now for example. Otis and I always buy a nice stock of snacks when we get our groceries.

My buddy loves to calculate it all out. You know figure it out so we know the amount we will have for each day.

Which can be kind of complicated. I mean you know we got night snacks to consider and also lunch snacks.

Then there are the other times like extra breakfast stuff. And he will do such a great job of putting it on a graph.

Looks so impressive. Well for a graph. Which can be good. But then somehow that sort of doesn't work for all the time.

We get to the point that you know we have the times when our stomachs sort of get a mind of their own. Then the graph gets to be kind of useless.

Yeah it in no way helps. Oh we try stuff like writing IOU's or borrowing tomorrow's snacks. To be sure we use them today.

Doesn't quite work for too many days though. Nope sometimes we just end up really having them all gone way too earlier.

Like see we buy groceries on Friday nights. And then they are supposed to last till the next Friday.

Well gets really tough when they are gone by say Monday. And let me tell you that sure ain't fun.

I mean them IOU's don't help with the munchies. Oh we try to hold out. You know like by say trying to do something such as eat fruit.

Yeah, I sure don't feel cool about those times. And that lasts until like Tuesday. Then it really sucks.

You sure don't have fun with that option. So we sure get desperate for something good. And Otis can sure get creative.

Man the times we get ourselves a chance to visit a place that has free donuts. You know some business that sets them out for the customers.

Trick is not to got to the same place too often. We learned that the hard way. the

LET THERE BE LIGHT

Oh yeah this is a good deal. Light is something to get happy about. Well it is to me. And hope so for others too.

I get sort of confused though on some this thing. I mean I know what a light bulb is. And we know what the sun light is.

But I don't get how they manage to get lights into thing like boxes of frozen foods. Even spell it weird. Make it lite. Guess trying to save letters.

Not sure how that helps. But the seem to think it helps. And I reckon that is okay. Just not sure I know the plus part.

Now perhaps it means they got some light inside like in a refrigerator. You know the kind that comes on when you open the box.

Tried opening one of those boxes, only didn't see one inside. Maybe it was hidden somehow.

But that is okay I reckon. If they put it on the box I will assume it is true. Ain't that a law somehow?

Now what I want to know is you like get an extra bill because of them? Hope it doesn't mean like you know an electric bill.

I wonder how they would even find you. Do they like have some kind of special finder deal?

Sounds kind of scary to me. Yeah, I do love that idea. I mean do they have meter readers lurking in the aisles?

Boy does that sound weird. But I reckon if it works for some then it is a good thing. As for me, well I think I will avoid it if I can.

I mean the last thing I want is to be like opening some can of whatever and get knock on the door. That would be terrible.

Oh well you never know, it will be so much fun. A chance to find out if by chance they have some meter hidden in the box.

Not sure that sounds all that appealing to me. I guess it works for some. Man I wonder if they like shut off the cans somehow if you don't pay the bill.

Really sounds crazy. Talk about an energy crisis. Wow that could be amazing. Talk about not cool

I don't think I would be thrilled. Guess I will just stay away from them cans.

ALWAYS AND NOT SO

Oh man talk about crazy stuff. I just hate those always deal where they don't mean always for sure.

You know you deal with some dude who makes you think the world is cool and they will make things perfect. They always got the answers.

Only somehow it never works out that way. You find out they were just making it all up, providing you can find them again.

It is like on the television. I was watching this cable show the other day. Oh man did they have some cool stuff for sale on this one channel.

It was great. And they made it sound like you know it would always work. So you figure that is a good kind of always

Well I got on the phone and talked to this one dude. And oh man he was so cool to talk to.

Everything sounded great. And I sure was looking forward to getting that deal in the mail.

Well when it arrived. I was so happy. Boy I just like turn on it on and the light in the nose of that plastic dolphin lit up as they promised.

I sure was happy about it too. Boy was so proud of how it worked. Did some nice light deals with it.

But then the dang bulb stopped working. They sure didn't mention that anywhere. It really sucked.

I called them up and sure expected them to explain how come it didn't keep working. I tried to talk to the same dude, but kept getting different people.

Anyway, eventually I was stuck you know, had to go and buy a new bulb. Not going to get suckered in like I did on those dang batteries.

The ones that said like everlasting on them. Yeah, that was a joke. Only thing everlasting was the cost.

Guess only thing I don't know if I can really trust anyone who says always now. I mean they really do mean it fine.

Just don't want anymore of this tomorrow. Or the next day. When they don't mean it wll last even that long.

Oh well such is joy I guess. For somebody I suppose.

BECAUSE

This sure is a lame comment to be told. There you are all freaking out over some crisis and some knucklehead comes along to ruin your situation.

They like make things so much worse and then when you ask their reason, they go, because. As if that really is an answer.

That to me is always the pits. You know the answer is a total whopper. Because most of the time is just some way of saying I don't care.

They really are saying, hey pal, I just wanted to act stupid and have a good time about it so tough. Only they never put it that way.

Nope that would never do. Just would not make the day better if they admitted they were really jerks.

I don't think I mind them being jerks, I just mind they insist on doing it while I'm around. As if I should have a reason to enjoy it.

Now what I do is normally try to get them to explain the because. Like did you really have a reason for acting that dumb?

Yeah like that ever ends up being a good conversation. I tell you it is never the way that results in good answers.

If I'm lucky I will not have to solve the problem with my bat. Oh man is that a pain in the butt.

I mean after you bash a person you have to sit back and let them become conscious again. Then sometimes they won't remember the reason you clobbered them.

Then you have to start all over. And you risk the problem of your arms getting tired if you have to hit them too often.

So it is nice when I don't have to do that choice. But that depends on how much the clown tries his because crap.

Unfortunately at work I get stuck with old rat boy, Junior, doing this because stuff. And his because always involves cheese.

I'm just glad that he doesn't say that too often. I would hate to you know hear him toss it out that much.

As for the others around. Well I'm glad I got some of them cured of that habit. Yeah, really didn't improve my working with other grimefighters when I had to bash them.

Oh well live and learn as they say.