MONSTERS

Well let me tell you this is pure danger. Yeah, no way you can ever be pals with any real monsters
you can have fun with the fake ones. Like some dude who is dressed up for Halloween.

But a really monster forget it. Like that Frankenstein dude. Oh man is he scary. And sure ain't a fun guy either.

Too much groaning. And all you know he will do is like eat your face. No thanks I will pass on that part.

Then there is that darn vampire, Dracula. Into math I guess. Call him count. Don't say what he counts. Must be bodies I reckon, yuck!

Can't forget those Wolfman and mummies either. Well there is only one Wolfman I guess, but more than one mummy.

Sure don't want to have a visit by either one. Way less than cool. I have no idea why they can just chill.

Now we all know that Halloween is their big party time. And I guess that is fine. Suppose even monsters have right to be party creatures.

Just not sure why I would care to be part of their fun. Way too scary. I think I will pass. Honestly they really can keep their monster stuff for themselves.

As for me. I guess the worse monsters are them darn sharks. Course they don't come over to where I am.

As long as I don't go into the ocean. Or some pool where you can see the bottom. Well maybe a river if they are extra sneaky I guess.

But that is okay I will not worry about it I reckon. I think I will just let them be them and I will be well me.

And hopefully they don't decide to like come around and attack my beanie. Man that would really suck.

Oh well, the nice thing about monsters it they don't hang out over at the candy store. Never seen them there.

So I guess I will just have to stay there a really long time. Which means eating a lot of jelly beans to pass the time.

I'll take that risk.

EGG NOODLES

What I want to know is where do you find these? I would like to know what kind of darn chicken lays eggs full of noodles?

Are these like some of special chicken? I do feel I have to right to wonder. But I sure would love to figure it out.

I think it would be great to find out if there are other types of chickens out there. Yeah if there are some that can lay eggs full of noodles then maybe others can lay other cool stuff.

Heck I don't understand why nobody even tell us these things? You would figure something that cool they could handle no problem.

Gosh now that I think about it there is that talk of stuff like a goose that lays golden eggs And then there are all those that make the chocolate Easter Eggs.

Bet the are all related somehow. In fact I bet they all are on the same farm or ranch. Only they don't go around tell us where.

I guess I can appreciate that. Wouldn't want us sneaking in there and stealing them. Gee I hope none would like turn them into fried chickens.

Oh well I suppose the big deal here is that we all need to be on the watch for these chickens. They might be around anywhere.

And then you know if you find them, maybe they give you some free eggs. Man I could live with some nice free noodles.

Or even better some chocolate. Ah, now that I would never complain about. Yeah, we need to be so ready for it when it happens.

Hmmm, I wonder where these chickens would hang out. Kind of doubt it would be near some fried chicken place.

So one could rule those out. Have to admit I have no idea for sure. Bet it is some place fun though.

I mean it ain't like chickens work. Or have to go to school. Nope they should have lots of free time when not laying eggs.

Ah now you never can be too sure on that one. Guess they aren't going to talk either. So maybe I will just watch out for feathers on the ground.

And maybe hope I can find a few chocolate eggs to. Now that would really be great. Ah one can hope.

DOODLES

I don't think it is an accident that this rhymes with noodles. Because when you see some doodles they are kind of stringy.

Now what I like about them is that you can do them and don't have to explain them. You don't even have to be an artist.

It is so cool to be able to make it whatever you want it to be. And even if nobody else gets it, well heck it makes sense to me and that is good enough.

Plus most of the time nobody complains about what you did. Unless you like decide to say use a magic marker and doodle on somebody's walls.

Then they get a tad upset. Otherwise no big deal. Well at least as far as I can tell. Yep, really is a great thing.

Wouldn't it be great if more junk worked that way? I sure think it would be wonderful. Just to have people take your word for junk.

However, it just don't apply to other stuff that well. Like opinions. Oh man is that such a crummy deal.

Can I help it that my thoughts are brain doodles? I mean it sure seems like it ought to be counted the same way.

But that sure don't work that way for when I would like it to. Nope never does from what I have noticed.

That doesn't mean I am giving up on the idea. I figure it is more a matter of getting people used to the idea.

Yeah, kind of make them sort of appreciate that it is not a bad thing. Maybe take time to really study the doodles I toss out there with words and think they are cool.

Sure would be the other options. I mean all that sneering and other ways people use to show they don't like something.

Kind of a doodle for saying yuck. Not all the cool either. And you can bet I'm not thrilled by it.

Which is okay, I will survive I reckon. Maybe not quite as well as if I could work out this mind doodle thing better.

I will get the hang of it eventually though. A chance to make it all better. Gosh it sounds great when said that way.

And man is that something worth working on.

PIE AND JAM

These are two really cool things. And they don't need each other to be cool. Still, they are kind of one of those deals where they need help.

I mean there is coolness you know from the kind where you are cool all by yourself. Nobody helping.

But this isn't like that. A pie is really cool once it becomes a pie. But not so when it is just some shell and filling.

So it needs help and a whole lot of stuff like er, a baker and some extra inspiration, maybe a place to be showed off. Then it can really be cool.

Course with jam it needs help too. It needs to be in a jar. Otherwise it just sort of lays there as a lump. Not cool.

Now the thing is what makes jam extra cool is when you put it with peanut butter. Now the both end up extra cool.

I don't know, they just seem to go together so well. But again better if put on some bread. But that is great that way.

So I reckon the deal is that there really are times when something it cool only in special situations. And otherwise it is sort of almost cool.

Sure seems like I know plenty of those types of things. But some aren't like pie or jam. They are just almost cool no matter what happens.

Which ain't all bad as long as they know it Man talk about stuff you should know. Some really have a problem with that part.

Oh not me so much. I don't mind telling you that it is sort of crummy when you are thinking cool and only get sort of cool.

Hate telling some it is that way. Man some thing they are a pie and in reality they are a jam that never will accept they need help.

But that is okay. I don't mind too much. You know life is so much fun in that regard. A little smile when you really do figure out the cool parts.

I'm still doing my best to make a list though. You know of all the stuff that is either cool or almost cool.

Think it will be fun to check it out with other's lists. Yeah there are few out there. But not sure we agree on them.

So you just enjoy the one you have.

DOING IT RIGHT

Okay I need to know if you use your left hand on this deal are you going to be in big trouble? Just seems like the left hand gets kind of snubbed in this deal.

So it means I guess if you are left handed you are out of luck. You can be right if you are only using your left?

Well I have to ask. Just makes me kind of sad for all the left handed folks. Like they can't win.

And that sure ain't far. So how do we fix this thing? Seems to me it can't be that hard. Something good has to happen if you do it left.

Which sort of is something that really sucks. Besides does doing it right mean it is always good?

Got to wonder about that one. Heck that would kind of imply that the lefties are not so cool.

And is that what we want to make them feel like? I sure don't. I think we need like more you know times where left is a good thing.

I mean we could like you know talk up how left handed turns can lead to somewhere fun. And how we enjoyed going there.

Now that would be a good start. And then perhaps do something about the roads. Yeah, they only let you drive on the right side.

Couldn't we do some kind of one way deal? Or more backing up. Now that would be a thoughtful deal.

Heck I bet with a little effort we could do all kinds of cool things involving the left. Yep, that would certainly help out I imagine.

I guess once that I get that taken care of the next deal would be to figure a way to cope with this up and down thing. That really bugs me too.

They make it sound like up is all good and down all bad. As in when you feel up you are happy and if you are down you feel like crap.

That seems unfair to basements. Ain't they got a right to be cool some time? Man I tell this whole direction thing needs a lot of work.

And maybe I can fix it eventually. For now I will just do little things to help. Maybe I can move a few one way signs to get the ball rolling.
I wonder how it would work on a freeway? Guess I will find otu.

FIRE HYDRANTS AND WALNUTS

Okay, I bet somebody is wondering if I've cracked up. I can imagine they figure these two things can't be related.

Ah, well just shows they can't know everything. So I guess it will be up to me to explain it like everything else.

Now first of all the good stuff in both you can't too with opening them. Yes, see I bet you didn't think of that!

Now the next thing is you don't get to open them when you want. You can't just open a fire hydrant because you like water. There has to be a reason such as fire.

With walnuts, well you need to be hungry. Or something along those lines. Just a fact of them being important as a need goodie.

Now isn't good that I explained it? Yeah, that is so important to know this stuff. And if you don't you never know what might happen.

Okay so you might say, what about other types of nuts. Well that might be true and it is cool if it is.

But then I don't know I kind of think you know that walnuts are kind of special. So they kind of come to my thoughts.

Maybe because unlike peanuts they don't come in bags that often. And their shells are so dang hard.

No you can talk about other nuts if you want. But to me the walnut is different. It is nice and soft and so fun to eat.

So I just think of them when I think of nuts. So there. Take that and enjoy it if you can. I know I do.

Ah, I'm glad I just explained all of that. I feel so good knowing it is all clear now. Yep, I'm sure everyone is.

In fact I be when you see a fire hydrant you will think of walnuts now. Yep that makes a person proud.

It does me. And that is the part of reason why it needs to be talked about. Got to love it when it call comes out cool.

Besides I wanted to root for the walnut anyway. Peanut butter gets all the attention. So felt the walnut deserves a little.

Isn't that great?

ME AND YOU

Oh this might sound cool in some places, but depends on the me that you are talking about and also the you. If you are talking like Otis, then great.

But if you are talking say, referring to Junior then forget it. I mean there is no way I want that as a me and you.

Kind of scary to even imagine. And to be honest I'm not sure who would want him on their list.

Now, it might work for some people. Nobody I can think of, but I'm sure there is somebody.

But then I will be happy to let them do that if they want. As for me, well shoot, I sort of have a list.

On my list there is Otis, Ramy Jarvis, these dudes who are friends that live over in that place where they don't get to leave much. Need a pass.

Then there is Granny Potts and our landlady. A few others that don't come to mind at the moment.

Another person not on the list is the Reverend Analbe. I mean sort you know can't afford a me and you with him.

He's kind of expensive in terms of needing lots of donuts. So many that there are none left for me by that time I take care of his you.

And I'm sorry, but any me and you ought to be cool. Not something painful or upsetting. Gosh I guess for him me and you is mainly a God thing.

Oh well there are others too. Most not ones I care to think about that much. They don't really inspire any smiles.

Nope I think I will stick with my list. Which is cool. That is enough for me. And I can handle it.

I mean you really don't want a lot of me and yous anyway. Could be too crowded if they all showed up at the same time.

Who needs that? I sure don't. Not interested in some you that is other than a fun you. There are plenty of them out there.

Which is something to think about and trust me I do that a lot. But that isn't quite my idea of something I intend to keep thinking on.

Just enough to have the friends who are a decent you without being a phew.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "How come they call the pay phones, when you don't get to keep them after you use them?"

OTHER STUFF

This happens a lot at work. We get these times for meetings and man does this happen to be so yucky.

Because it is a deal where you think there is no problem. You are just going to talk about one thing and whammo, they talk about other stuff.

And trust me that is never a good deal. It sucks. Because it is always some lame lecture. Who needs that?

You can be sure they feel we do. And I sure don't agree. Wouldn't be so bad, but they keep telling us stuff we already know.

Which is so lame. And you know you aren't going to get a chance to leave. Even if you have to pee.

Oh brother does that suck. You sit there doing the pee-pee dance and that never is good, not to me.

Nope, I could go all day and not have that dropped on me. And I kind of feel others have the same opinion.

That is the one we don't get to tell anyone. Because they are too busy telling us other junk.

Which they claim is important. And it is always other. As in not important to be mentioned first.

So it is not the super duper stuff. It is the other type you really don't want to hear and drags out a meeting. Like forever.

About the worst part is when they have lots of other stuff then they give us donuts. Only they don't hand them out till after the meeting.

Like that improves much. Never did for me. I'm sitting there watching those donuts and trying not to drool.

Only that doesn't matter to them. Instead it is like some kind of bribe. And that would be cool if we got to eat right way.

However they aren't dumb. Nope they are smart. They know if they gave us the donuts first we would listen at all.

Oh well I will try to keep smiling. Which is my way of thinking something greasy and glazed.

Without them knowing it so they think I'm having fun.

CLAY

There is the strange guy that shows up on television named Gumby. I mean what is with this dude?

Is he got some strange diet or what? I do kind of wonder. And how the heck did he end up on television?

Oh true changing shapes can be fun. At least I would assume it would be. Just can't say for sure because never been able to do that.

Makes me wonder what kind of parents that he hand. Maybe they ate a lot of clay when he was growing up.

But it does concern me. What if you know this makes kids think we can all be like that? Now that would be scary.

I know it would be to me. All them poor little kids thinking they can turn into junk. And that could be dangerous.

I sure don't want some husky kid trying to squeeze his behind through some hole or tube. Then gets stuck.

So who gets the blame for that stupid move? I sure think somebody needs to fess up. And it sure won't be me.

Wasn't my idea. Which is why I have felt it was very important. I want this people to be sure they tell the kids not to think Gumby is their future.

Now if it were me, I would make Gumby out of something else. Er, you know a nice substance that people wouldn't think was really a person.

Jelly beans might be nice. Jumby? Hmmm, now that has potential. And for that horse of his, not pokey, er maybe chewy?

Got to admit that has potential. Well at least it does to me. Maybe not to others, but they don't count to me anyway.

After all they were ones that came up with clay in the first place. Lot of good that did anybody.

Oh well I will do my best to send off some suggestions to them television dudes. Sure hope eventually they write me back.

Can't want to see that television series about the jelly bean detective who save the world form alien health food nuts.
Gotta love it.

SUPER GLUE

Is this like only for use by super heroes? I mean that wouldn't be very cool. I would think they could make it for everyone.

Not sure what makes it all that super. If it glues junk then it has sort of done what it needs to do.

Nothing all that super about that too me. And it doesn't even have super power. Otherwise you could maybe use it for cool stuff.

Like you know if you ran into some jerk you could glue his lips to a car or plane. That would so much fun.

I mean like super fun. Which super stuff out to make as part of what they do. And if I had my way then this would always be fun.

But then you know I don't get a vote on this thing. Wish I did. Man that would be great. I know I could always make junk super.

Yeah, they ought to make glue so you can like do all kinds of fun junk. Make junk stick to other junk.

That way you can just stop worrying if a jerk is being a jerk. Gluing his butt to something would take care of that problem.

You could stop worrying about him messing up again. And you know let him stay there till he smartens up.

Now with some jerks that would take forever. On man you just can teach an old log new licks.

At least from what I have heard. Logs are not that smart from what I remember anyway so even if they are old you can't teach them much.

And I sure ain't going to lick them. Can't figure out how that would make the log learn much any way.

Might you know teach the person doing the licking learn something. Like how to get splinters out of you tongue.

That is not the kind of lesson I want to learn. And it is okay if another person wants to try.

Only if they end up stuck to some log or whatever, that's fine. I just don't want them expecting me to do something about it.
There are some things that a super hero shouldn't need to do

SUPER POWERS

How come you can't take a pill for this? I think that would be so cool. One little pill and you could like been steel with your lips.

But then they never quite seem to get around to the really cool super powers. Like you know what if you could say make people fart when you wanted them too?

See I wish the super hero types would check with me on that stuff. I mean they normally wear masks and all.

So nobody knows who they really are. So that ought to count for something. But don't seem that way to some.

Now maybe one of these days I will get a vote on it. Yeah I mean I am a super hero. Sort of more stuck on the hero part.

Don't have too much in the super part, other than if you count eating jelly beans. But those don't seem to count with some.

Now if it were up to me, man I would sure fix that problem. I would like set up some kind of super hero store.

A place you could become a super hero in training. Maybe issue licenses. Yeah that would be great.

And I wouldn't mind you know doing some teaching either. I could give beanie lessons. That would be nice.

I man there ain't nothing better than being sure you beanie fits right. Just have to be careful none of them gets the wrong idea.

Yeah, they can learn to use a beanie, but sure don't want them like expecting to ride in the garbage truck. That won't do for me.

I might agree to give them a spin on my scooter. Yeah, that would be okay I guess. As long as they didn't expect to drive.

Then it would be a problem. You know perhaps I should start by making a list. Dr. Hemoglobin always seems to start with those.

Not sure what the list has to do with super powers. Must be some kind of set of rules. Gosh I hope it isn't like the Ten Commandment thing Reverend Analbe talks about.

You know that gets kind of confusing trying to remember all those thou shalts. Or thou shalt nots.
But then I guess as long as they don't like have a test, I guess that will be okay.

SAVE THE LAST DANCE

Well for me that is no problem. I never do any dancing. Well with my tummy maybe. When it is full of jelly beans.

But otherwise no. And never really understood the big deal about dancing anyway. Just a lot of headaches to me.

The other night Otis decided to take me to a special dance. It was called a ballet. And about the only thing I can say good is that I didn't have to dance.

Sure was a weird thing though. All those people dressed in white underwear holding their arms up so high like to show off their deodorant was working.

This is something I needed to know? And the sure danced funny. All that tip toe and leaping around.

Well I sure wasn't impressed. But the folks in the audience seemed to be. Oh yeah, when it was all over the did lots of clapping.

Just not sure if that was for the dancing or for being happy it was over. Never was sure on that one.

I must admit that I was sure glad it ended. Yeah was kind of boring just sitting and watching them.

At least they could have done something to make it more interesting. Yeah, maybe stop for a sword fight in the middle.

Or even have a wrestling match. Yep, I wish they would ask me, I would fix them right up, no problem.

But then I guess they will never need to ask me since those other people acted like the loved it. So maybe I will just send them a note.

Like I do to the movie people. Still waiting to hear back from them. You know I'm sure it does take a while.

But I'm all set when they do. Ready to head of to Hollywood and make that epic movie about aliens and jelly beans.

Bound to be a hit too. Can't beat that combination. And plus I would be glad to be in charge of the jelly beans.

Heck, somebody would need to be. So I could handle it. Might even share a few with the actors.
Providing no real aliens showed up.

SAVE IT FOR A RAINY DAY

Well not sure what all is supposed to be saved in that regard. I suppose it could be like an umbrella.

Normally don't use those much when they are around if it ain't raining. But I do kind of wonder about that.

I mean who needs to be reminded of how to use an umbrella? Are there a lot of people out there who are ignorant about them?

You do got to wonder. At least I do. But I suppose there are people who have that problem.

So this makes sense to them. It doesn't to me though. But then I never can remember a time I didn't know raining got you wet.

Gosh really is scary to think of a lot of people having that problem. Can't imagine it being as bad a deal that tons of people worry about it.

You don't hear of that being the case. Or maybe they just are keeping it a secret. Yeah, I know I would.

Being that dumb about umbrellas wouldn't make me get all proud. Oh well not my problem.

At least right now. Course maybe some day I might end up with like amnesia. Then I would end up being ignorant about them.

I would hope somebody would tell me. Yeah, that would seem fair. But then people can be weird at times.

They might get their kicks out of making you think it was fun to be stupid on the subject. Oh well that is the way some are.

Well glad for now I don't have to worry about. Yeah, got my umbrella where I can reach it.

Hmmm, what if some jerk decides to steal it? I know how that works. You lose yours and then you figure you will go get somebody else's.

Reckon that I will take time to like check to be sure it is safe. Gosh here I was thinking everything was okay.

Now I'm worried about some dang umbrella thieves. Guess it is a good thing there is no rain coming soon.

But going to check on my umbrella just the same. Hmmm, wonder if they make locks for umbrellas?

SAVE YOURSELF

Now nobody knows more about this than the Reverend Analbe. He's real big on saving people.

Well I guess he really doesn't save them. Kind of makes it the Lord's job. But he sure knows all about it.

Mainly with him it seems to be about not doing stuff. Only he's kind of vague on the stuff you can do.

Except for maybe getting him donuts. That seems to be okay. In fact he really seems to be important.

In any case after talking to him. I sort of figured that I would like you know figure the rest out myself.

Which I don't think is that tough. And the first part I know is how kids and moms are the first ones to get saved.

Saw it on this movie once. They were on this sinking boat and somebody yell out save the women and children first.

So I guess that means you know that if there is a risk of somebody getting wet then the women and children get first shot at being saved. Um, something like that I reckon.

Anyway, I guess this is a good thing. I mean it is cool that ladies and kids are important and I don't have any complaints over that part.

But then you know kind of leaves me confused a bit on the boat deal. I mean does it work that way other than on water?

Guess that might be the part about baptism. Seems like that is very important in this deal. At least from the way the Reverend talks.

Oh well I suppose in other ways this has to do with banks. A lot of saving seems to go on there.

Which do make me wonder if those banks are like in same business as the Reverend. Don't seem to be the case, but I guess you never know.

Never seen any donuts in there though. Unless the Reverend was there and took them all. Which is a different kind of saving I reckon.

Well guess I have to give that some more thought. Not sure it matters much. But would be nice I guess to have it all make sense.

Just hope I don't have to give a bunch of kids some bath. Not interested in that option.



Thought for the week: "What's up with mermaids anyway? Are they a product of some bad inventor? Or was God sort of wavering on if man needing fins?"

NOT HERE

Well this the pits when it happens. I mean it normally happens with those things like reserved signs.

I don't know who came up with those, but they sure are the pits. They like take up all the cool spots for some dude named reserved.

Who is this guy anyway? I can't imagine he really needs all those spaces. And you know you never see him in them any of those spots.

Now true, I see these spots mainly at night. You know next to buildings that I am picking up trash.

And it really gets weird when you see like several of these parking spaces in the same lot. I mean does this guy drive some limo?

Honestly, you do got to wonder. At least I do. This just plain makes no sense. Unless the guy has like a whole bunch of cars.

But how many can he drive at one time? Unless they are like relatives. Which would make it a family business.

Only why don't they say junk like reserved for cousin or mother or whoever. Really has to be confusing.

Gee I wonder if they do the same thing at home? Do they have like the same sign back home? A bunch of reserves all over the place.

Man I hope they don't have them in the bathroom. Now that would be really crazy. Nope I don't want to visit there and wait in line for a toilet.

Now I assume this dude is the same one who goes by reservation. Maybe it is his formal name.

And he needs it at restaurants. So I hear them talking about needing a reservation. So perhaps he owns them.

But shoot man he ought to give the rest of us a break. I mean he can't be in all those restaurants at one time.

In any case, I guess maybe I will run into him eventually. Bound to some day. Then I can ask him what the deal is on this reservation stuff.

Hopefully he doesn't like do something weird like try to give me a reservation. Don't think I want to try being adopted just to have a parking space.

Okay maybe dinner, but would have to think about that one.

NOT NOW

Oh man these are the worst times. I'm telling you they really do suck. Kind of like when you have a flat tire.

Now I know that tires don't have brains, but it sure seems like they know when to go flat that will cause the most problems. As if they plan it.

I know that might sound crazy to some, but not to me. Because maybe they are faking about not having brains.

In fact what if they are smart. Real smart. And have a sick sense of humor. Then you can have real problems.

Because they might be talking to the engine or messing with the gas tank so you run out of gas and don't realize it till it is too late. That sure ain't fun.

Oh well, none of that controls or changes the not now times. Those moments you hate so much.

And you know they are not going to stop anytime soon. Because flat tires don't stop happening.

And you know that won't improve unless you got a way to stop having a need to use tires. Oh yeah that would be kind of cool.

But then I guess we can hardly expect this kind of stuff to just die out. No exterminators out there for flat tires.

None that I have ever heard of. Be nice if there were. I could get happy about that idea if I could figure a way to work it.

Oh well, I'm doing what I can to find new ways to cut down on the not now times. Yeah, would love to have that happen.

Hmm, maybe if I figured a way to talk nice to tires it might help. Well worth a tire. Now what would a tire enjoy?

Boy that would be kind of hard to say for sure. Perhaps I need to figure a way to check with somebody else.

Might be worth a try. Yep, never hurts to check around. And sometimes it would be cool to check with the right person.

Yep, maybe a tire store. They should know what a tire thinks. Hope so, because if they don't not sure who would.

Unless it is some parking dude who sees tires all day.

NOT ME

Oh yeah, I hear that a lot. Normally from some creep who is trying to weasel out of admitting they did something wrong.

And they really expect me to belief it. Like I can't see they are making the whole thing up.

You sure can bet I don't get thrilled when this happens. I mean all that fibbing can give me a headache.

It might not be so bad if they didn't like do this suddenly. You know there are the ones who like you are aware always do that.

But what I hate are the ones who make it sound like they can be trusted. Oh yeah they do this often.

Just get you all excited that they will be able to you know make it all seem fine and dandy. But then whammo it turns out to be bogus.

Then they have to blame it on somebody else. And who needs that? Which is made worse because they always blame somebody that isn't there.

So even if they are telling the truth you have no way to prove it. So you have to decide if this dude is telling it like it is or fudging the facts again.

Which is not a cool situation. Hopefully it is never over something important. Yeah, I hate when that happens.

You just end up wanting to strangle somebody. And that never quite works out for the best.

I do like to imagine though. Would be so cool if you had that option. Well at least enough to give a person the reason to think about what they did.

Meanwhile, I am like sitting up a system to figure when all our making this stuff up. So of one of those things called a lip-must test.

Haven't got all the details worked out yet. But I sure am having fun thinking about ways to make it happen.

Even going to consider ways of like putting them all in a book. One with a snazzy title. Like stuff it when you get stuff with somebody's crap.

Could be lots of fun to figure ways to make it all happen. But then I can't quite tell Otis when this happens.

He's not quite as cool on this as I am.

YES I AM

Oh wow this is so cool when somebody admits it. Yeah it really is wonderful to have some jerk admit they are a jerk.

But I only wish this would happen more often. Maybe if people did admit I imagine some of us would be far more cool about mistakes.

Only it never works that way. People seem to be more concerned about pointing the finger at somebody else.

Is this a good thing? I don't think so. It all sounds like a boring way to keep from being guilty of what you really did.

Man is this such a pain with griminals. Boy do they love to lie about being griminals. That really is so frustrating.

Even if you catch them in the act they lie about it. And should you seem them try to pretend it is all a big mistake.

Now my favorite time is when I am alone with them. No Otis to bug me about rights or other things that are a pain.

That is when my bat comes in handy. A whack or two really does help with refreshing the person's memory.

Well most of the time. There is that rare occasion when I made a mistake. The person wasn't a griminal.

Does so of complicate things. Kind of rough for me to say Yes I am when my boss is giving me one of those looks.

But I do try to fess up. Only some times with a good excuse. Yeah, you know that would be great.

Those seem to be such a good thing. Providing he believes them. Otis is the one who does those so good.

And some times he can be so cool about it too. Wish it was all the time, but there are occasions when you know he just can't find the right words.

Mainly when our boss has some video tape of my messing up. Then he sort of finds it hard to buy some excuse.

Fortunately I've gotten better about those times. Look for cameras a lot more. Yeah, bashing them sort of solves that problem.
Well some times. Still learning though. As in when they have more than one camera.

DON'T SAY IT

Yeah, you read that right. Don't say it. And I sure wish some would remember that. Man does that suck when they don't.

See I don't mind if somebody tells me about stuff that is a problem. I can live with that. But I don't need a lecture.

That part is just plain boring. I guess because the people just keep talking and talking like you didn't hear them the first time.

And boy does that suck. I mean it really drives me nuts. I hate when I have to hear them do that.

Like I'm blind and deaf and can't feel a thing. Which is really annoying. But you can be sure that I don't quite say thank you either.

I only wish you know you could return the favor some time. Now that would really make it all the more fun.

Yeah, you know be able to say, the same thing when they mess up. But no, they are too busy being the talker.

When they mess up they have to tell you how it isn't their fault. It ends up another chance for them to give a lecture.

And if I didn't need it the first time, I sure as heck don't want to hear it the next time. So what is the deal with that?

It sure ain't smiles. Nor is it the type of joy I look forward to. But so far I haven't found a way to avoid it.

Now most of the time I just try to avoid the person. Well when I can. Kind of tough with old Rat boy, Junior.

He is not the kind to shut up no matter what. And you can be sure I ain't thrilled by that choice.

Oh well he ain't the only one. There are a few others. None I want to brag about knowing.

Course then there is the Reverend Analbe. Yeah, he is always right. Well according to him. But then he does know God personally.

So I have to sort of accept he is okay to lecture. Wish he did it more without a mouth full of donuts.

That somehow makes it extra hard to understand.

NUTS BE ALL

Oh man nothing is cooler that a big can of nuts. A nice mouth full of something crunchy and salty is really so tasty.

And the great thing is that they are easy to find. Almost every store has them. And you can really savor it whenever you want.

Now that is the best part to me. You never have to worry somebody will complain you are doing something wrong.

That really isn't a problem with nuts. Though you might have a problem of them wanting some.

Yeah, that can be such a pain. A really annoying issue at times. I mean if they are some kind of nut addict you can really have a problem.

So then you end up just being frustrated. And who needs that. So there are times when it is best to just not say anything.

Oh it is hard. I mean you are sitting with some can of nuts and feeling so dang good. Part of you want to share the joy.

But then you know if you do the whole world may come and ask to for a hand out. Before you know it they all want some.

And then they will go out and tell others. Then if you run out you are in big trouble. Because they won't believe you.

Man is that scary. I really dread that kind of risk. And it all started because you just wanted to share the joy.

Plus then you have to worry that you will never get a chance to be able to let a single person know. So you just are better off not saying a word.

Just be content you are not nut poor. And smile if you can do it without anyone smelling you have peanut breath.

So hard on the tongue to say are out of nuts when you smell like them. So you have to be sure you don't eat them anywhere near others.

Funny, but I don't have to do that with jelly beans. I guess some don't think of them the way they do about nuts.

Oh well all the better for me. I can eat the jelly beans with nuts and that really makes it all better.

Well to me at least.

SUN FUN

Guess it is that time of year when you are supposed to pretend you love the sun. Which is like doing it even though the rest of the year you stay insides.

Now that is okay if you are like tan and look good in shorts. But if you are shaped like and egg and bleached, shoot forget it.

My buddy, Otis, is really cool. But he does get weird in the summer. About twice a month in the summer he decides we should go the beach.

Only we don't live near the ocean. So we go to the public swimming pool. I don't mind. They got great snacks.

I like make sure I wear this shirt so I don't get sun burnt. Oh yeah a few do get freaked out when they see me wearing a beanie in the swimming pool, but I live with it.

Anyway, Otis decides to wear a pair of swimming trunks and no shirt. He does look kind of silly being so white, but heck he tries to pretend he is cool.

Well the thing is you know, I just kind of smile and not snicker. What s funny is to see him suck in his stomach to try and appear he is not overweight.

I love watching him holding his breath to take and keep it sucked in. Course it never works for long.

But while it does he seems happy. And then later, after he can't do it any longer he covers it with a towel.

Doesn't hide much, but he seems to think it helps. And that is okay, except for when he gets hungry.

Oh he holds out as long as possible, but I guess all that holding his stomach ends builds up some appetite. So he goes a little crazy.

And that is what makes me smile a little. After about four snow cones and a few hot dogs he gets sane again.

Which then really makes me smile. I like it when he stops acting weird. Oh we do have to deal with a few snickers.

But you know, that is okay. One of these days I'm going to have him let me take my bat to the pool.

Then we will see if they are still laughing after I say hello. Yeah, it seems to do wonders in that regard.

But that is part of life, well my life at least.


THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Who invented dawn and why would they bother?"

THOSE

This is more than one, that much I know. And let me tell you that I will definitely expect with those you have experienced them before.

They don't hide either. Just sort of sit there, being a those. Or more than one those. No comment or whatever. Hardly helpful are they?

So you can't go by any of the other junk for the them, that or this. These suckers are totally different.

And that is cool. Well if they behave themselves. But these guys can be so tricky. They can really fool you.

And make it so disappointing if you think they will do one thing and then they did something else. Which can happen if the those are a food deal.

Like those apples or chips. Now with apples it can really suck if you have worms in them. Yuck.

Now if you are talking chips, we are talking stale. And that can be so sad if you find out after you bite into them.

Still it ain't the those fault. Had a lot of trouble remembering it at times. I mean it ain't like they can talk.

Or think either. They are just those goodies that do what they can do without being troublemakers.

But oh well I have done my best to cope. And the those are really tough to deal with. Because the can sneak up on you.

Now the big part is in being careful about how you cope with this. I mean we just have to smile at the whole deal.

Just hanging in there as best we can with the those. No griping or making a fuss. Just doing what I can to not get bugged.

Which is the biggest deal with the those. Like them, cope with their strange silent nature and still like them.

But that is the way life is at times huh? Now I didn't vote for it. I don't even know any who did.

Still I do think the those are decent. Just kind of unpredictable. But that is okay because when you learn to accept the those, you can smile.

And that is a good deal.

THEM

Now to me the big deal here is that you are talking about people. You just never see them.

They always stay hidden. But you never seem them ever. Like they are experts at hiding and yet can sneak out any time they want to beat the snot out of you.

Yeah, that is really creepy. And since you have no idea what they look like it is an added problem.

Just makes it all the worse. Yeah, really can drive you nuts. I mean you can't even watch out for them because you can't see them well enough.

They could look like anyone. Only you know they are dangerous. That is a big problem and one that is not easy to defend against.

So all you can do is watch out for everyone you don't know. Any of them could be one of them.

And that ain't cool. Because having them jerks sneaking around really sucks. You just can't be safe with them out there.

There is no way to get rid of them either. They just are so messed up. Well at least to me they are.

Now if they were decent types they wouldn't be lurking around doing whatever they shouldn't be doing. And I sure don't expect them to change.

Nope this is where you have to be extra careful. Get out there and check anyone that looks weird.

Or strange or acts crazy. Yeah that really makes a difference to me. Just trying to appreciate how to not get suckered in by some them jerk.

Can't smile about that. Nope all I can do is smile at idea of making sure they don't do anything stupid.

Now some times that leads to some guess work. You know like if you don't know a person and they start acting nuts.

Course that is not quite the way Otis handles it. I mean he never lets me have the option of using my bat.

Okay so I have been wrong a time or two. Well a lot more than that, but what the heck, we all make mistakes.

Just wish the cops and judges were more understanding on that part.

THIS

Now to me this is a lot different from that. That is over there, somewhere out of your reach.

Whereas this is like in your hand. And that means you can tell a lot about it. Like from personal experience.

Which is so cool. Because you know it is a good thing. A thing you can enjoy and savor or well be happy about.

Well that is the general idea. Can't say it always works out that way for real. Nope been a few of those this times that ain't all smiles.

I wish it didn't work that way. Man that is not my idea of something I have reason to enjoy.

So you can be sure that I don't want to take this one too lightly. Now with a that you can mess up.

You can make a mistake about it being a real that. Because you don't actually touch the thing.

So you can kind of end up using your guessing mind to decide on something. Which is fine, because guessing can be fun.

And I really do enjoy when I am sort of like close to accurate. Then you know you don't feel so bad when the other times you are mistaken.

Gee I love the word mistaken. Sounds so much better than to say I screwed up big time. Now that I really hate to admit.

Oh it does happen, just don't enjoy the times you can't come up with some good excuse. My buddy Otis is so cool at that part.

Which is not surprising. He always knows how to figure a thing to say that makes stuff seem so much better.

But you know that is the fun part too. You can make these times of this a really big deal. For you can tell when it is good.

Hopefully you can. I mean it sort of depends upon you know if your brain is working right.

Sure is easy for that not to happen. Just kind of goes back to the guessing part again. Love when that happens.

Well sounds good at least.

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

Well you know this is about something. Yeah, a reason to know something is out there that will be cool.

And that is a that you look forward to. Like one of those look at that. You know it is going to be good.

Now good can mean it is a real mess like some car wreck, but really catches your attention. And that is a good thing.

Well it is to me. Because most people are at knowing what is a good that. At least that has been true in the past.

But you know as fun as this is, sometimes it can be kind of boring. Well if there are too many that's at a time.

Then you just end up with another round of yawns. And that is not fun. Nope when the yawns come you know it ain't good.

Now I have been working on way to improve the that situations. You know to sort of improve life in general.

Really is great when you can accomplish this. I love it. And there are so many times it works so well.

Course sometimes they need a little help. You have to kind get creative on that part. Sort of find ways to make that happen without others knowing it.

Which can be kind of hard at times. You know you can be obvious about. People hate that part.

You sort of have to be careful to pick stuff that works. The kinds of cool times that will make you happy to show as a that.

People really ain't to crazy about those situations. And you better not fake it. That ain't a good that either.

Now being a good guy I have to be careful on this one. I can't like really do something rotten here.

All I can do is concentrate on making a that related to some griminal. Yeah, those are a good kind of that.

Providing you are sure it is a griminal. Got to real sure on that part. Made a few mistakes along the way

But did learn to not leave any witnesses!

ANSWERS

Man is this a joy or what? If you had all the answers in life it would be so much fun. Boy do I wish this was how life was all the time.

Now the one thing I don't have is as many answers as I have questions. There seems to be a real unfairness in that.

But you know I don't mind if that happens that way for me. What bugs me the most is how life seems to work different for others.

Man there are some people that seem to know everything. You can ask them any question and they have an answer.

Isn't that amazing. Never do they say like huh? Or I don't know. It is always some answer.

Which is cool. Only wish they would tell me how they manage it. I sure would like to know.

Problem is that they don't tell you how they do that. If you ask what they say sure doesn't help in being much of an answer.

So you just stand there and keep listening. Which is about all they let you do anyway. Because of the fact that it is they only thing that they let you do.

They are so busy talking they can't take time to listen. Guess when you know everything it makes sense.

But then it would be nice if like they gave you a chance to learn stuff too. Well enough so you had the answers.

I don't know, just don't seem fair in that regard. I'm kind of cool with it. Providing some time they let somebody else know stuff too.

Haven't seen it myself. Those guys sure ain't about to share from what I've seen. Nope, they just let you keep listening.

And that is alright I guess. Only I keep wondering what school they went through where they did that kind of learning.

I sure haven't seen any college called know-it-all school. Hmmm, wonder what kinds of classes they would offer?

Think I would be afraid to find out. I mean the homework for knowing everything would be awful. Would take forever to finish I bet.

Gosh I wonder if at least they let you get some certificate to let you know you know it all, providing you could remember.

COOLER THAN COOL

Nothing better than this. Oh yeah this is really important. Like the icing on the cake. A special joy that is beyond joy.

You know when you get something you really, really want and then you find out it has some extra goodies with it. Sometimes they are called bonuses.

Oh man if you can get these they are well worth it. Because they sure make the world so much better.

Well they do to me. Oh yeah they are worth it. A special zinger that doesn't hurt. It just gives you a reason to smile.

Now the problem is that you can't control when this happens. Bonuses just don't happen every day.

They are the kinds of things that are like lightning. They sort of happen when you least expect them.

I wish I could change it too. Sort of like pluses. Those are the other types of cool goodies. Yep they make you smile too.

Only problem is finding them. And let me tell you that really is worth working for. And I know I love it.

Which is where I take the time to be sure I can find this any where it is possible. Now one place that really sucks on this is car dealers.

Oh they mention how cars have lots of pluses, but when you get there they don't like give you them unless you buy the stupid car. I mean it sure don't work that way with bonuses.

You sure can hardly do much with pluses if you just want them. Just bugs me how they make it sound like they are doing your favor.

So sooner or later I just like look for the places that don't fib on this pluses or bonus things. Yeah, that is a good thing.

And so far you know I imagine there are more of them around than I can figure. Just don't want anymore of those that talk about them and then expect something else.

Yeah, that is the part I am working on. Really worth the fun when I can find it. Wish they had those at the candy store.

But then I have enough problems with them just giving me discounts. Oh man that is a pain.
Yeah, they won't let that buy one get one free deal work for me like they say at some places. But maybe some day.

LIFE

I know this is a really big subject. And that is cool. And I guess somewhere somebody has it written down about what it al means.

At least it seems that way. I hear about people going in search for the meaning of life. I never heart though if they found it.

Might be nice if they had it written down somewhere we could all read. Or better yet had it in some movie or television program.

I got to admit that I don't know to many people who seem to know this answer either. I have asked and never get too many good answers.

Course the first one I asked was Otis. He's my bud and seems to know so many things. And I guess he sort of answer it.

Only problem when you ask him something like that he always ends up using a bunch of big words. None ever are easy for me to understand.

So I reckon that means that part of the meaning of life is that you need a dictionary. Okay by me.

Not too clear though on how that makes life all that understandable, but sort of makes sense in a weird way. But I didn't stop there.

I took time to ask my boss too, Dr. Hemoglobin. I kind of figured he might know. But all his answers had to do with trash cans.

Well I knew better than to ask Junior. Somewhere his answer would have been about cheese.

Oh I sort of checked around with others. None gave me an answer that made a lot of sense.

And let me tell you the one thing I did learn is never ask the Reverend Analbe such questions. Unless you want every other word to be God.

Well I think it was. I mean kind of hard to be sure when he had his mouth full of donuts. Yeah that made it tough to understand.

Still I might have hoped he could have made more sense. Just so I didn't have to keep asking around.

Guess that is part of the problem. You got to spend your time looking for it. Which to me makes it part of the meaning.

Wish they had a map.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Why can't the sun rise at a decent hour?"

SUCK IT UP

Oh man this is so cool when the vacuum cleaner works right. It can be such a pain when it doesn't.

Nothing is a bigger pain in the butt than when you are using a vacuum cleaner an it doesn't work. Then you just can get so frustrated.

Now the other day we had this mess in our living room. And you know I figured it was important to clean it up.

So I got out the vacuum out of the closet and plugged it in. There I was pushing it back and forth, the motor humming and thinking how I will have this taken care of in no time.

Only after a couple of minutes the mess looked the same. I was like hey this ain't right. Boy was that the pits.

Well I tried everything I could think of to fix it, but nothing work. Oh man was that frustrating.

Otis was gone at the time and finally came home. So I told him about it. And he looked at it and said its belt was broken.

What the heck of a sick person puts a belt in a vacuum cleaner? I mean they should put that on the outside.

Well that was only part of the problem. We had to go over to this department store to look for a belt.

I found plenty of belts that I could wear, but Otis said those wouldn't work. Boy such a pain.

Well eventually he got the one he said would work. It was this strange rubber looking goody.

Heck it didn't even have a buckle! What kind of belt was that? And the dark vacuum didn't even have pants.

Oh well he got the belt back and took the vacuum apart and then put in this belt. Which fixed the problem.

That sure was a lot of work for a stupid mess. Let me tell you I wasn't impressed either. Just wore out from all that time used up.

I think next time I will just figure a way to not make a mess. Unless Otis is home an he take the time to use the vacuum.

Yep I think that will work best.

REPRISALS

Well let me tell you if you can avoid this then do. Oh man this ain't good when it happens to you.

Yeah, this is like having somebody beat the snot out of you. Only they do so with some means other than a bat.

Like figuring the best way to make you miserable. And to leave no marks so nobody can say what happen.

Now like I said if this happens to somebody else, cool. I will even clap. But I won't be celebrating if it is my butt that is getting reprisal stuff.

Then it is not a good deal you will laugh about and get all excited over. Nope done that and I don't get thrilled.

Our boss over at STINK likes this word a lot. Yeah he is always talking about reprisals on some griminals.

But then he never quite says what all the means. So it kind of leaves it up to us to figure out.

And that is okay, as long as he doesn't complain you know when I use my own idea of this deal. My idea is fun.

Well at least for me. A nice chat to use my bat. Yep, I really get excited by those. Just gives me lots of reasons to smile.

Only Dr. Hemoglobin doesn't always you know seem to appreciate my interpretation. I mean I just practice on the bad guys.

So that seems fair. Wish he saw it that way. He tends to get upset though if I make a mistake.

I mean I can't help it if part of this deal is guessing. You got to like draw the line somewhere.

In my case I like to draw it with my bat. Make the marks for lines. Right were I figure I need them most.

And that can be fair. I think it works good. Just doesn't seem like it works that way for others.

I guess they can be kind of picky. Like if I happen to make a small mistake. Just a minor one.

Well I mean you know that priest should have been dressed as a priest and not them old clothes. He should have said he was doing some painting.

BETTER OFF DEAD

Can't think of too many situations where this is the best choice. But then I reckon somebody knows of a time.

Maybe they are talking in terms of different kinds of dead. As in a fake dead. You know as in dead tired.

Now if you are dead tired, which is different that tired of death, then we do kind of know that is to be better off than keep being tired. You just need a nap. Maybe two.

As for the other kind of dead. Where you are like without a heart beat, well not clear on when that would be cool.

Guess you know somebody has the idea here is that perhaps there are times when you would have a better time after you were dead. As if you were in heaven.

Now that would be cool. Yeah, I could appreciate how that would be good. Well as best as I know.

I mean I haven't been to heaven so I can't say for sure. But it sounds great. At least providing you know that you are going to the good part of heaven.

At least I assume there is a good part. I mean as best as I can figure from what Reverend Analbe says this is kind of like a big amusement park. He talks about it having lots of joy.

So the only place like that I know of is the amusement park. Only amusement parks do have different areas.

Some are more fun that other. Like the rollercoaster is great. But then there is the section with kiddie rides.

They are okay, but hardly the best part to me. Gee, I wonder if they have kiddie rides in heaven?

Hmmm, I guess I would have to ask the Reverend on that part. Hope he would know. Kind of hard to be sure at times.

I mean for a guy who seems to talk to God a lot he sure doesn't get vague on some details. I would think he could write out a map or something.

Yeah, that way you could know in advance what to look for. And avoid the stuff that ain't as full of joy.

But that is okay, when the time comes that kind of park as long as I can find the food court I know I'll be fine.