PIE IN THE SKY

Somebody want to explain this being a good choice? Maybe if you are talking an airplane then maybe

But if some dude is like figuring a way to put pies in clouds I would say he has a problem. At least to me.

Oh I don’t know that I would mind providing he has some way of letting you taste them. I’ve heard of things being heavenly, but not sure that is the same thing.

Anyway did some thinking on it after I heard some dude talking about this other person have dreams that were a pie in the sky. Sure sounds like great dreams to me.

Well only if somewhere along the way you get some of that pie. Reckon they might stay up with help of a hot air balloon.

Might be kind of hard to find though. Reckon they would move around a lot. Suppose you could catch them.

But might need another balloon to do it. Which is providing you know where to find one. And that can’t always be easy.

Not like they have them lying around the toy store. Oh they do have balloons. But sure would take a lot to make it all enough to get you off the ground.

Plus if you had to hold them that would even be worse. Yeah, I don’t think that would be so cool.

Gee this just seems so dang complicated. I mean at least it is to me. And all for taste of some pie you don’t know is any good.

Yeah just never been fond of those options. I mean eating junk mean eating it. Not some silly wishing deal.

Gosh I hope this ain’t like something a guy fake. There are a lots of weird folks out there like that.

Just ain’t fair. I mean if you want pie then you should be able to get it when you want it. And that ain’t in the air to be sure.

Well I know I’m going to be sure I don’t go figuring out some air pie without knowing it if has any flavor. Sure ain’t what I look for.

But we are working on it. Well I am at least. Maybe just going to eat lots of pie till I see if any taste like air.
Now I got to wonder on that part too in terms of air even have a taste.

WELCOME BUGS

Our boss Dr. Hemoglobin came up with this grand plan the other day. He is always coming up with them.

Which is cool. When it actually works. Yeah that is the hard part at times. Just you know try to be sure that this thing is somewhat possible.

He normally gets all jazzed after attending some seminar. Don’t know what gets into his brain, but he sure gets screwed up by them.

Really he comes back all excited and ready to change stuff. So we do. Get all set with some change and then nothing happens.

Kind of drives you nuts. I mean I don’t mind that he wants to improve things, just wish it actually happen.

Still we do the best we can. Well try at least. And sometimes it does seem to work. Not all the time though.

So like this time. You know we were all ready to do what he wanted. Hoping it would somehow make a different.

Now this time his idea was that we like start this welcome deal. Go over to places where people just moved to town and say hello.

Sort of like some welcome wagon I guess. He figured that it would be a good deal. And it sort of made sense.

Just drop by and show them how we were cool. Make sure they knew we could help them.

Might have worked I guess. Well in theory. Yeah that is the part that really ain’t good. This theory deal ain’t always fun.

I suppose it might have worked better if Junior hadn’t been in charge of the snacks. He figured everyone would love cheese.

Right that was a good idea. Maybe that would have worked if he had picked something other than Limburger.

Might have been nice if you know he had told us too. Just wasn’t that much fun to find out when we got there.

Didn’t quite impress though. Nope that wasn’t what happen. But we keep hoping to have it better next time.

Just make sure we look in the gift box and if they smell forget it.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "I heard them say about when life give you lemon make lemonade. But what if you are out of sugar? See they forgot that part."

NEXT TIME

This is one of those consolation prizes I heard about. When what you want doesn’t happen.

So you end up with this deal of the next time thing. As in next time you’ll get a better prize.

Always with the next time joy. Oh it is something you can almost enjoy, but well not all the time.

I’m sorry, but I’m all set for some great and cool reward I don’t want a lame back up deal.

And telling me that it will be almost as good don’t cut it either. Well not to me. Nope I don’t like that at all.

But at least this doesn’t come up all the time. Nope that is not how it falls down. Or comes out.

So this comes up other than all the time. Which is really a good deal. Only would sure like to know who is in charge of this deal.

Must be somebody. Takes a brain to mess junk up this bad. Well at least as far as I can till it it like that.

But unless that happens when I want it, then don’t talk to me about next time. Nope I don’t need it.

So how we have to do this is be sure the person is telling it as it really is. Don’t raise my hopes with some lame options.

That won’t do. I know want any of those dang promises that never come true. You can keep them for yourselves.

Yeah, I can enjoy that part. Well like to think so. Only not sure exactly who to change this.

Hmmm, we could like add a few extra prizes. Yeah that would be cool. I could handle that.

But I reckon somebody will come along that makes it all worse. That is how these next time people are at times.

But see that is what we try to avoid. And you can be sure it ain’t going to improve any time soon.

So we just add some junk for prizes. Somewhere I hope.

NOT SO

Now this is the part where somebody tells you things ain’t how they seem. Yeah, you can be so sure it will work that way.

But you have to be sure you they don’t like make stuff up too much. Because that does happen.

Just not you know the kind of thing that you can accept. Always got to be sure that they don’t take advantage of you.

Yep, that is the one thing I sure do hate. You get all jazzed about whatever and then it sucks.

Which is why you have to pay attention when they start bragging. That almost always ends with something being made up.

The more they say it is great the more you know they are fibbing. Well at least that is the part I find true.

What gets confusing is when you know that somebody is going to make darn sure you suck before they are done. Yep, hate that part.

Now the thing to me is that I hate when you can know for sure about deals. Just get all ready for a miracle and then you get nothing.

Sure don’t make me happy. But there are just so many who make you think they are good at junk, yet ain’t.

Now this happens to often with repair dudes. These guys are supposed to be the experts on repairs.

Only when they come out you figure cool they will just use some wrench and they are done. Wish it was that easy.

Well sounds cool. Until they show up. On the phone it was like no problem. Yep, I could be happy if it worked out that way for sure.

But then you know after all the talk, they come out and have to go and get parts. Always with the parts they are.

Then if you are lucky they come back and then actually fix the thing. Yep, now that would be nice.

I mean if they are going to promise to fix something sure hope they do. But it is nice when they explain how banging on a television is a problem.

Pity that can’t tell you on the phone. But they never asked.

SOMETHING

The inevitable accounting of what can’t really be counted. It is the vague bookkeeping of paranoia.

All the times we take and decide somebody we can describe is to blame for the problems in life. Feels so good.

Just a pity that you have to leave this without finding the right person to truly make a scapegoat. Always so messy making one up.

But that is how it works the best for certain people. Yep, life can be such a joy. If you work it right.

This is the challenge you have to live by. A willingness to refuse to just ramble without purpose.

Personally, I prefer to make sure I always find a person for this. Even if I have to make them up.

Some just works so much better when you can give them a personality. Then you have a specific kind of face to say is the bad guy.

Ah it is just a cherished memory. How I savor those times. The joy of ruining the moment by letting someone take the fall
It is such a thrill when you create an enemy. And if they don’t know it even better. Yep, I love it.

So you just find the selected person you can say did all the wrong things. Then you just pass on the info.

Now the joy comes when you find somebody you can tell who you let know this is a secret. That guarantees they will tell everyone.

Now the fun part would be picking out somebody who you can think you like them. So they treat this as being a confidant.

Which is wonderful. Because they will truly believe you like them. And when they accept it that is the best part.

That is when you can tell them anything and they will believe you. This is such a joy for you can let them have any kinds of lies.

Then the fun really begins. Why you can have them looking all over for the some who are going to destroy the world.

Now that I love.

NOT THIS TIME

Oh yeah this is pure super hero cool stuff. Those times you deal with some creep and can say, not this time.

You get to bring an end to their stupidity. Whatever dumb crap they are trying to pull. Yeah, that is so much fun.

But then you know we do just have to go through the pain of trying to get them to do better first. Give them a chance to improve.

Otis is so dang insistent on this part. Really bores me. Like it ever helps. Really just so dang boring.

Can’t get him to agree though. He keeps insisting they need to be given a chance to change.

Me, I figure my bat makes changes. Yep, I sure make it clear that they need change. And the bumps help.

Only Otis ain’t as ready to accept that. He wants to try and inspire them. Makes a big deal about that part.

Well I do get so happy when he says okay go and get em. Yep it is the fun part. For me it is.

Course the big chore is listening to his speeches. He’s always got to try and see if he can make them see the light.

That is what he calls it. Which is his way of getting them to admit the were wrong. Boy that sure don’t happen enough.

Now with me it is easy. Just bash them silly and worry about the talk later. Get them nice and cooperative and then no problem.

That isn’t to say they will be that way. Nope not always. Oh once and while it works. Yeah it does at times.

But then you never know for sure. Just get into those moments when it kind of gets a little vague.

Mainly you know because they like will be too fuzzy in the head to answer questions. Still they don’t do it again.

For that I am happy. Makes my job easier. Which makes the not this time all the more fun.

Yep, to me at least.

WHERE IT'S AT

Now this sure don’t seem like a good thing to me. There was this dude I heard say this. Like it was somewhere he wasn’t.

Only he didn’t seem to know where the at was. Not that it appeared. Sure sounded like wherever it was might be cool.

And that is nice, but what happens if you don’t get there? Kind of makes the whole deal pointless.

Oh well I thought I might help him out. You know get him a map. Heck if it was that cool I could get myself one too.

Kind of hard though to get all jazzed about a place just call at. Like they don’t include if it is at the mountains or a lake.

Would be really great if it was at an amusement park. Now that I could enjoy. But since he didn’t say what the at is hard to say.

Plus you never know if this guy was telling the truth. Yeah people get weird that way. Which is even crazier.

Now I am okay with the crazies. As long as they don’t want to mess me up too. Then it ain’t fun.

But that is okay I suppose. For now I guess I will just let them ramble about their at. And if it helps them cool.

Would be nice to you know have them act more sane though. Really have to wonder. But that is fine.

Now in any case I am ready to take care of this myself. Yep, I’m going to check out all the ats there are.

Might take a while though. Yeah that would be something that won’t happen right away. Because I do have to take to figure it out.

Which is good. No point rushing about looking for an at. Might miss it. Course I will start at the good places.

Yeah the amusement parks and theaters. And naturally the candy store. Yep that is best choice too.

But then you just can’t be too careful. Might spend a whole week at the candy store. I mean got to look at every jelly bean.
Can’t rush on that.

WHAT'S THE POINT?

I sure have to ask this all the time. Really is so dang sucky. All this crap that don’t make sense.

And why is it the dang stupid people who always make you so darn miserable? Yeah they come up with such lamebrain ideas.

And the expect you to agree. Which is really dumb. Like I need some idiot telling me something is true that ain’t.

Now what is worse is that they tell you crude and expect you to like it. As if moron is a good choice.

And if you try and complain they get mad. Like that is really all that helpful. But try to get them to understand.

That won’t happen. Nope it doesn’t help at all. Just can’t make much of a dent in things. Not a good one.

But then I will try to do my best to listen and not beat the snot out of them. Nope that doesn’t work.

In any case I find it so frustrating when this happens. Yeah that is the part I find so silly. And sure not happy with that option.

But you just can’t get them to appreciate that stupid is not a cool deal. Still they do keep up the same thoughts.

Make suggestions that don’t work. Only they sure do and you can be sure I don’t enjoy that.

But that is okay. I just play the nod game with them. You know you agree even if you don’t.

And that is the part I live with. Trying to not let the jerks be jerks too much. Oh man that is hard.

But that is just not the option I get excited about. I want them dudes to go away. And to take their stupidity with them.

Now that I can enjoy. Yeah, it is the best part. And if that can happen cool. Just never get them to go away.

And I will tell they don’t come back again. Which is never soon enough. But I can still dream.

At least to some degree.

NOTICES

Posted on the head, the thoughts we can forget. Some will always do their best to let such things control them.

How easy the mind is control that way. Some past memories killing the mood and destroying hope.

This burden the heart and drains it of any ability to try. How easy one can be crippled by such things.

And when it comes to the times we feel that way it is a time for faith. To trust to the Lord for help.

But that is when it comes to the point of acceptance. To not allow the image to fester til the notice becomes a for sale sign on the soul.

Now to avoid this problem means to rely upon the Lord. The true aid for doubt is faith. But in the Lord.

It is easy to succumb to doubts. So naturally to let circumstances crush. But it is so hard to always overcome.

That is the part you have to battle. To not let it have the victory. But it only can happen with the Lord’s help.

Because He can empower in ways that will help overcome the problems. And it does take time.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Would it be fair to have candy as a trick for trick or treat? Might make it more fun.'

Maybe not the kind you will see as the way you like. For the Lord really does decide our best needs.

And it will only help when of others. And that will be the ones He places before us. Only we have to be willing to trust Him.

Not everyone can do this. Not everyone wants to be free of their notices. They prefer to just complain.

This never improves things. But we can enjoy the misery perhaps. Just won’t bring a blessing.

Not in the long run. But that is a matter of how much we try to make it realistic. That will only deter.

And that is never a help. Not in terms of progress. For that I only can see the joy in the Lord.
He brings us so much that helps.

BLOOD TYPES

I guess I’m on this whole blood deal right now. Suppose I ought to stop watching all those vampire movies.

Just can’t help it. I mean when I got the rental place they have a bunch of old ones on special.

And so I guess I’ve been sort of trying to save a little money that way. Besides it is fun to see the vampire die in the movie.

Yeah that is the fun part. After acting like a jerk and all they got what they deserved. Got to be happy about that.

But this whole deal about blood types sort of makes me wonder. I mean really I heard this lady tell this guy that he wasn’t her type.

Then later he called her a blood sucker. Sure wonder if she was some kind of vampire does that mean she was picky on blood type?

I just always thought you know that a Vampire would like any old blood. Just be happen with whatever they could get.

But perhaps somebody would have a reason to make them picky. Like if they bit somebody who was eating something disgusting.

I don’t know what would make a Vampire think it was yucky, but I guess something does. And that sucks.

Um, I guess they suck, don’t they? Well might be good to know what they didn’t like. So you could be safe.

Not sure what would gross out a vampire. But I would sure imagine that it might be fun to figure it out.

I mean a Vampire is sort of this dead dude. So hard to say how well his nose works. Can’t be sure we could find out.

Maybe I need to keep watching them vampires movies. Yeah I bet somewhere in them you can figure it out.

I know they don’t like wooden stakes and cross. Hard to get them in our blood though. Not sure I want to try.

Well maybe some day I will figure it out. Yeah that would be a good thing. And to find you ain’t there type, even better.

Hmm, hope it ain’t a lady who will suck you dry anyway.

DONORS

Well one thing I appreciate is that this is not the same as a donut. Them I can get excited about.

Oh not like with jelly beans, but they are nice at times. However, they problem is that donors don’t necessarily end with donuts.

Now if I had my choice it would work that way. I heard about these people call blood donors.

That sounds like something for vampires. Do they like get to accept donations? And like do they give receipts besides say bite marks?

Hope they are tax deductible. Would be kind of nice. I did hear that you know mention if this worked that way.

I did hear they give out donuts once you donate. So perhaps that is like a good options. Sounds like donuts make blood somehow.

Or maybe they have those types with garlic so them vampires don’t get to eat to much. Only I don’t get how come they are like needing donors.

Seems like they would have money. That head blood sucker lived in a castle I heard. Above some railroad I think called the Trans-ul-vania. Or something like that.

Anyway I reckon they must have had some hard times. Yeah, there isn’t much pay I suppose in biting people.

Don’t imagine you have much luck with getting people to pay them to get bitten. And then you know they do end up zombies and stuff.

So unless that is your joy I don’t figure you would want to pay a person to bite you. But hard to speak for everyone.

Now the way I see it maybe they like figured donuts would entice more people. I mean they sure can be tasty.

Not sure I want to be among the ones doing the donating. I wonder if the Reverend Analbe would?

Yeah he loves them donuts. Oh man I can imagine he would go for a deal for some free donuts.

And I know they use crosses with Vampires so I be that would fit in there somewhere. Suppose he could work out something.
What I guess he would ask God like he always does.

FREE

Man oh man this is like the best thing ever. Stuff you get and don’t have to pay for. Only wish it was something you found all the time.

Now I have had this problem before. Where somebody says something is free only it really ain’t.

That’s a pretty crappy lie. You can make up all kinds of crap, but free that ain’t free really sucks.

Like them buy one and get one free. That is simple enough. But what if you really only want the free part?

How come we can’t find that? I mean they give it free, but then with all those darn rules. That is so lame.

It is one thing I have learned. Yeah you need this deal where you know you have so much hope in something being cool.

You get all set to figure it is free and then even better. Then you get there and they got a bunch of rules.

Really I hate that part. I mean really they shouldn’t fool you like that to get your hopes up.

It is like these free trial offers. Now I guess that is a good thing if you are say some kind of dude who needs a free trial.

Personally I didn’t even know they charged you for being on trial. When did this happen? Nobody told me.

Oh well I guess it does make sense to somebody. Like so many things. And you know there will be lots of rules.

That is the way court is. Only they rules there can get you in big trouble. Because they don’t reward you for breaking them laws.

Now what I am doing I guess is being more careful on this whole free deal. Yeah that would be good.

Just something that I can enjoy without it getting complicated. Hate when that happens. Not fun at all.

But that is okay. I’m going to fix this my way. Yeah, with a big bat if I need. Might not be easy.

But then my bat will give a free bashing. So that counts.

GOT IT

This is very big with some people. Not that it makes a lot of sense to me, but I’m cool about it.

Just that you take time to figure out what you got first. No point in being excited if it don’t make sense.

But you know it is hard to say with some. They just tell you all about it and then act like it is the best thing ever.

Only I reckon that it is a good thing as far as they think. Only not sure I agree in all cases.

From what I can tell this is one of these thins where if you have it then you are cool. Well at least their idea of cool.

Only hope they make sure they try and tell me it is a good kind of cool for me. But that is hard to tell.

Course to this all stays kind of vague and confusing to me. I mean there is to me no kinds of rules.

Seems like they ought to make some. Sort of that way we can all take time to you know be sure we agree on this deal.

That might help. And then the got it people wouldn’t seem so weird. Well at least we would figure it out better.

At least I think it would be a good option. Only not in terms of just my fun. I want it to be a rule deal.

Yeah give us some laws to follow. May it a holiday or something. Hmm, don’t want it messing up with the good ones.

It is an “it” though. So maybe we need presents. Well whoever makes up the law can explain all that.

Yeah, that would help. Gosh sure hope some smart politician type is able to like make this all work out okay.

Hope they don’t add some tax though. That would not be cool. Be just like them dudes to spoil it all that way.

Sure don’t need that. Well maybe they could like take it in a different manner. Hope that will be the case.

I would enjoy the it then. Hope.

FUN FOR ALL

Well let me tell you the all part of this sure is missing at times. Really does suck. After all without it you really ain’t got fun.

So I was kind of thinking it might be nice if you could get this taken care of in a way that don’t piss you off. Yeah that is fair.

I guess you know that I was sort of questioning this whole deal. I see it on television commercials at times.

They show you some thing that is supposed to be cool. And tell you that it is a great think to result in fun for all.

Only the all is you know kind of vague. You really are left wondering about it. Yep, you have to wonder since it don’t make sense.

I mean is this is like the real important part. Well it is to me. I mean will it make you know how some dude you can’t stand act nice?

If you like take the time to toss it his way will he be cool about it? Will he even have fun?

I just have to wonder if this is a good thing. Oh they make it out to be a good thing. But not sure all like the same kind of fun.

And will it end up with everyone really being less grumpy in the process? I sure would like to know.

Yeah well I think I will just not get my hopes up. Yeah I think they are such creeps. And you sure can worry about that.

However I do want this fun for all thing to work. Really need that kind of help. At least it would be nice.

Perhaps I will take the time to test this out. I mean from my view this is not a good deal if it don’t work.

And the one way I know it won’t work is with some dude who don’t like stuff I like. How we going to have it be all.

Anyway I am working on this. I am going to make it all fun. At least in way that I figure really works.

Now that comes down to you know adding in jelly beans somewhere. Yeah that will really make a difference.
At least I think so.

ACTION PACKED

Well this is another of those deals where you got to asked where is it? I mean the action. Should be there somewhere.

I mean if it is packed then it ought to be a little obvious. Well you would think so. I would figure it could be seen somewhere.

But let me tell you that ain’t happening from what I have seen. Man that is the one thing you can count on.

This was something they mentioned on this box I got once. It had this DVD in it. Said it was an action pack movie.

Well that sounded good. Didn’t see it myself though. Not a single person got blown up in the process.

Yeah, what is up with that? Sure don’t feel that is cool. Well from my view. I want more. I want really action.

I mean this ought to be that way all the time. After all you know it is part of the whole movie deal.

They do say lights, action, camera. So it needs to be there eventually. Well you would figure it needs to be.

Only from what I can tell that is what they say for all movies. And sure don’t see it having much need in some mushy love story.

Unless some body is duking it out over a woman. Yeah, I guess a good boxing match would work.

But then you can’t say for sure. I mean boxers can fake it. And you know it doesn’t always work out for the best.

I mean sometimes the have to stop and junk. So that takes away from the packed part. Well it does to me.

Anyway, I do sort of enjoy seeing a good action movie. Wish they would ask me on the packed part.

I could take care of it. Yeah that would be cool. I would give them some great pointers. Well providing they didn’t like freak out on me.

Which happens at times. You just can’t like get everyone to understand that part. You just can’t really have good action without some bashing.

Now you need strength for that part. I think jelly beans help the most. But most don’t seem to get that part.

THRILLS A MINUTE

Now I sure will vote for this. Never seen it on the ballot, but sounds great to say. Yeah, love it.

But not sure the dudes who say this about stuff really know what it means. I had this one board game that said that once.

Sure had plenty of minutes go by without any thrills. Reading the instructions didn’t help much.

No thrills there. Unless you count being bored. Then yeah, it works great. Only I don’t think that worked.

At least it didn’t for me. Really just was not my idea of any kind of thrills. Course was made worse when I got confused too.

See they gave you the instructions in more than one language. So there I was reading the ones in another language and really no way happy.

Thank goodness Otis pointed that out. Then I was better about it. Yeah, really was happy that happen.

But that hardly made the game any more fun. Sure didn’t make the thrills last even a minute.

Wish it had. Oh yeah, that would be great. But then you know on most occasion sure have to work to find any thrills.

In any case that would be my first choice. Now haven’t found it to happen though. Not to the degree I would like.

Actually the time it seems to happen is when I get bored and mess up the game somehow. I know bashing ain’t always cool, but sure gives a few thrills.

In any event I thought it would be nice if these dang suckers who come up with these games worked on the thrills more. Yeah if you are going to say it then do it.

Just not a way to figure out to get them to understand that part. Oh well I will be sure that is the case.

I figured I would write to these game people and help them out. Like let them know they ought to include a bat in their games.

Oh yeah that would be nice. Might make the board not fit right, but what the heck. Yep we all need that part.
Well I do want to get them thrills one way or another.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "There's a joy I think in being wrong, when you were wrong about being wrong."

DATE LINES

Well I’m not into this date stuff. I mean figs might be okay. Dried fruit don’t impress me that much.

I suppose that works for some. Why I have no idea. I mean why mess with some brown weird looking junk when you can eat something good.

I hate to say it, but really just doesn’t seem to be a good deal here. That darn stuff just looks to much like manure to me.

And I’m sorry, but I don’t eat that. Just too weird. And just when you think life is crazy enough somebody adds this stuff.

I don’t know to me it just won’t be something I will ever want. I prefer stuffed that ain’t got wrinkles.

I just get concerned if they might you know make me wrinkled. And I don’t need that kind of help.

Surely they could work on making the stuff more appealing. Dip them in chocolate sauce.

I could handle them then. Well I think. Now ice cream would be even better. Yeah, I could handle it then.

As long as nobody tries to get me to believe this is a good thing. I really can’t imagine it. But they are out there.

Yep just when you figure like is cool you get that. No I figure that is a big deal. I mean I don’t think it is an accident you know.

I mean about the fact that they keep all that dried fruit in bags. All sealed up like it is a bad thing.

That should tell a person something. Well I think it should. But not everyone does. Nope it doesn’t work that way.

Only thing you can do is relax and avoid the produce section. Really that is my advice. Course they do have raisins elsewhere.

Just can’t be too careful. Yep that is one thing you have to watch out for. Otherwise people will sneak up on you.

And that sucks. People can be so dang cruel in that sense. I sure want to avoid them. At least sometimes

All not my idea of a good option so you are welcome to my share.

FUNNY THINGS

I’m talking weird. The strange stuff that is really out there. Makes you wondering if there is like some nut going crazy.

No that is not when you get all excited and happy. Now perhaps there is a happy in this I can’t figure out.

Something that really makes sense. Only nobody bother to tell me. You know like there is some kind of goofy spell working.

I think it is an infection of some kind. You know as in somebody gets a cut or other injury and it rots their brain.

Yeah then the move around and others catch it. Boy then it gets crazy. Like nobody can handle it.

Does this actually improve life? Not that I can tell. Only solution is you have to like stop this when it first happens.

Now that is the only way to make this deal come to an end. You just can’t let them get out of control.

There is where Otis and I disagree. I believe in helping these people before they get worse.

Which there is only one way to do that. I like to bash them for shock treatment. Can you belief Otis says that is a bad idea?

Yeah, he can be so funny about such things. Same kind of funny I guess. Only he don’t get weird about it.

Now the thing is I just try to not bother him with this. Yeah, it is better that way. No questions to answer.

Unless I have another one of those funny things happen. That is when I guess my brain gets infected.

And I well kind of forget and bash a person just because. Hey, never hurts to play it safe. Yeah that is good.

Only hard to get Otis to always understand that part. So you just have to work around him.

That can be tricky. He can you know really pay attention when I figure he isn’t. So we just try to not talk about it.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

Well I guess we know that this means ladies come first. I know that is the polite thing to do.

But not always the one you like. Nope that is the part that kind of confuses. I mean not to complain, just don’t get it.

Is there some rule here that says ladies always get first dibs in life? I mean if this is some rule, then cool.

Only sure would be nice if somebody made this more clear. I mean at best it is something totally fuzzy to me.

After all ladies are cool and all, but when it is that they need to be first? I guess that is an okay thing for the ladies.

Still you got to admit this is not the easiest thing. Because it just ain’t all that logical. Well in my view it is that way.

I mean like ladies get to be first at some stuff, but others not. Like they always get to pick and choose.

So in some situations forget it. Yeah, that is the part, which I would like someone to explain.

Now that isn’t the way I expect things to be fair. Just wish that was something people could truly define this for me.

Like you know if you are talking emergencies then ladies always get to leave first. Then kids too.

So it is like they are the ones who you know always get to be first in those situations. Now if it comes to stuff like say where risk is involved then guys get to be first.

So that tells me a dudes butt is more worth being wiped out. Hmmm, wonder if the ladies planned that?

I don’t know perhaps that is being unfair to the ladies. Can’t say. I mean it is okay I guess.

Suppose somewhere this all makes sense. Not sure where, but reckon somewhere. Like so many things you can’t figure out.

Oh well I just know in an emergency to just accept I got to let the ladies be safe. And even if I end up with a broken butt.

Don’t reckon their it any reason to imagine a lady would look cool with rear end in a cast. Would make her dress fit.

EXCELLENT CHOICES

Now this is suppose to be a good thing. Some deal that you really, really like and wouldn’t hate in any way.

Only who defines the excellent part? That is one thing I sure would like to know. Seems like somebody is in charge of it.

And if they are they sure don’t advertise where. Do they have like an office? Do they issue some kind of awards?

All I know is I heard this dude at a restaurant mention this once. Yeah, that was one thing that seems odd.

See he worked there. Once those dudes who takes your meal orders then goes in back to cook it.

Comes back later with your food. Then give you the bill. Imagine he like has to spend some time washing dishes.

Anyway Otis took me to this fancy restaurant once. You know like where you have to wear a tie.

And that hardly is an excellent choice to me. I hardly enjoy the food better while wearing some tie.

Well after Otis put in his order, which was for something on this menu written in French, the dude said, excellent choice.

Wonder if he like said that about everything? Have to wonder. I mean seems like he was paid to say that.

Maybe says it to everyone. Only he didn’t say it to me. All I did was ask for some ketchup.

And he sure didn’t say excellent choice to me. But then Otis was paying the bill. So I reckon he was sucking up to him for a big tip.

Oh well, that isn’t surprising. You know I do figure the guy worked hard what with cooking and doing dishes.

And if saying that made it better fine. Frankly after I said the food he brought Otis, I don’t think it was excellent.

Had some snails in it. Otis didn’t complain. Guess he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But then still didn’t look excellent.

Maybe I will figure it out when the time comes, as in next week when we go there again.

TIES

What idiot figured out that ties made sense? I mean really where is the good part in this? Is there like a help that a tie has if you wear it?

I just have to ask. Because so far I haven’t figure out why you need them. And I see that mostly guys where them.

Which is okay I guess, but seeing how I am a guy I want to know what maniac is making me miserable. That is on the occasion I have to wear one.

Which for me is generally on Sundays. Yeah, it is like God won’t know you if you aren’t wearing a tie.

I asked the Reverend Analbe once about that. Now I know they have that one song called bless be the ties.

So guess they are kind of important. Only how come it can’t be bless be the open collars?

I mean I only wear a tie on Sundays. So can’t they like give me blessings the rest of the week too?

I didn’t get to check with the Reverend on that one. There are times it just don’t seem to do much good.

Hey, I got it, I bet if I like made a donut in a shape of a tie that would help. Yeah, then I bet he might say something.

Not that it I’m sure what he would say. I do know when he goes to eating bunches of donuts he will take his tie off.

So maybe I will just you know figure that eating donuts is the exception. So guess I could plan on eating them when I don’t wear a tie.

Gosh I think I will have to give this some though. Yeah really I have you know figure this one out.

I mean do I like have to keep them with me at nights too? Well just have to wonder. I don’t mind.

Just want to be sure. Guess I can ask the Reverend next time I see him. Not sure when that will be.

Suppose I could call him from a donut shop. That way I would have to wear a tie when we met.

Worth a try I reckon.

VESTS

I haven’t quite figured these out. I mean have tried, but still don’t make any sense. Perhaps they will with some time.

Why does anyone need these? I’ve seen guys wear them with suits. Is there some benefit to this that I don’t know?

I’m not a suit dude anyway. Otis never lets me wear my beanie with one. So that sucks. Yeah, that is not a good thing.

Anyway, I pretty much am glad nobody expects me to do that. Because I really don’t want to like have to wear one over my overalls either.

Now I guess some have a few weird ideas on these vest deals. Yeah, there is something strange when they talk about bullet proof vests.

Really that sure sounds weird. Have no idea what kind of vests have to be okayed by bullets.

Since when did they become fashion critics? I mean did they go to school. Are then paid for this?

Just leave me wondering I guess. Honestly you never know with some things. And I hear they are involved with the cops.

I have heard of the fashion police. So I reckon that is part of it. They probably like talk to bullets then look for vests.

I wonder if they people have to like have a vest shaped as a bullet. Or maybe it is made of metal.

Hmm, man a metal vest would be different. I could find that kind of fun I guess. Providing you didn’t wear it in the rain.

Now that would really suck. Like what if it rusted on your. I would feel stupid going to the hospital for some vest operation.

Would that be called a vest-o-ectomy? Hard to say. Don’t think I want to find out. Nope that is not fun to me.

Guess I will let the vest lovers work on that. Yeah that is their problem. And that isn’t my idea of fun.

Always got to let people be weird when they need to. Yeah, I will accept that. Maybe not my idea of weird, but what the heck.

Fun for whoever I guess.

TESTIMONY

I heard about this one time. Over at the Sunday service held by the Reverend Analbe. He was asking people to give one of these.

Now you know I heard of people having to do this in a court. Where somebody sits in a box and says something like, “he did it, he did it.”

Course that is where you got some jerk of a criminal who deserves to be told he was bad. Yeah they deserve that kind of testimony.

But not sure that works that well in churches. I mean I always kind of though the people in churches were supposedly on the good side.

So you know, not the type to do lots of bad junk. Well if they are they sure a good job of hiding it.

Which is why I was kind of feeling that maybe I needed to help them out a little. Like you know give them a way to understand this whole testimony thing better.

It can be hard for some. They just seem to not quite get the hang of how this is supposed to work.

Not from what I have noticed. I mean all their testimony stuff seemed really weird. Nothing bad at all.

You know they talked about how they got help from the Lord with a problem. Which is good, but sure don’t like the kind of testimony I was expecting.

I mean course with the Lord you would expect good stuff. So I understood that. But still I figured they needed help.

So what I did when they asked me to give a testimony was to try and get up so I could show them the way it should be. Figure it was the right thing to do.

Now that is why I did some talking I figured would really improve things. I got up and you know started the he did it deal.

Oh yeah, I saw lots of the folks outside and listened to them talking about somebody doing something wrong. Only they never said it inside.

So I figured they forgot. That is why when it was my turn I figured why not say it for them.

That is what I did. Sure wish they had smiled about it more. Man did they seem not that thrilled.

At least they didn’t ask me to testify again.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Is it still breakfast if you break something slow?"

IMPERSONATING

Now let me tell you this sucks. At least when you have somebody to do it that is a jerk. They try pretending they are cool.

Or even worse that they are nice. And you know you can’t trust them to stay that way. Because they will go mean later.

So you just never get excited when they act like a normal person. Because you know that inside is a beast and lunatic.

Now this happens a lot with griminals. They can run around looking sane. But they will ways go crazy eventually.

The hard part is to try and make sure you know who they are. Them darn griminals can be so sneaky.
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Now from my view this gets so dang frustrating. I mean if they manage to act okay around others it can really be annoying.

There you are talking time to let everyone think they are cool. Why they might even pretend to love clean.

Those are the worse ones. Because everyone thinks they are wonderful. And the whole time they are just rotten fibbers.

Let me tell you that is no fun. And even worse if you can get them seen for the rats they are.

I really do find way to get these snots to show their true nature. Just depends no how good they can lie.

Boy this is the pits. The times these guys manage to get away with this stuff. And then you can’t make them stop.

Or find a way to make sure others see them for the jerks they will always be. Got to hate that part.

Which is why I tend to you know act first and then worry about the innocent part later. Yeah it is safer that way.

Well sometimes I do make a mistake. But you know it happens. Just try to be sure I don’t let it happen all the time.

Sure hate to have Otis doing all those excuses for when I mess up. He’s good though at faking it.

Sort of seems far.

YEAH

Now this is definitely part of the good stuff. Those times you can sit down and say, yeah! Because you made some creep get in trouble.

So you can have a reason to be so darn happy. Just imagining some jerk ending up getting what he deserves is cool.

Problem is that the yeah moments just don’t happen enough. They just happen only once and a while.

You do got to be careful. Because these things don’t happen when you want them to. Normally it just takes place on rare occasions.

And let me tell you that really sucks. I sure don’t find that fun. Which I sure wish there was a way to fix.

I mean how come we can’t make this an extra Christmas? Where is it written that Santa can’t work overtime?

I think that would be a good thing. And for yeah moments he wouldn’t even need a bow or paper.

That seems simple enough. Yeah let’s have more of these yeah times. Hmmm I wonder seeing how all the jerks were on the bad list it would help?

Seems fair to me. Just you know make it a deal you can ask for in a letter. No big problem.

Now I think it would be cool since he wouldn’t have to deliver this stuff. Maybe use his reindeer to help.

They could like fly around and crap them yeah moments on the bad people. Now that has potential.

I like that word, makes everything sound great. Yeah, potential is a good thing. Providing you get it when you want.

I know we could get the elves to help. Yeah them dudes would be a great asset I can imagine.

Just need to be like able to get them to understand the important part. Like who to beat the snot out of.

Don’t think they would mind. I heard they are good with hammers. So I reckon it would be a good deal.

Just you know figure they would have fun.

BETTER THAN NOTHING

This is like when your choice is between crap and air. Not that you like the crap, but air just don’t do much for you.

So you know you just have to choose the crap part. And hope it don’t stink too bad. Yeah that really makes a difference.

Now the fun part is when you get to divide up and pick, which crap you want to deal with. There are so many kinds.

The types that bug you the most are the ones that are pure garbage. Those I try to avoid. And let me tell you that is not the kind I vote for.

But there are other kinds. Way too many. Those are the ones that come from the junk others make you do.

I’m talking like work. Oh some of the stuff is okay. You know the ordinary super hero kind of things that can even be fun at times.

Then there is the stuff we do as trash men. That ain’t bad either at times. I do get some satisfaction from getting rid of the junk.

But what really bugs me is when you end up with all those reports to fill out. Now that really stink.

And working for a place called STINK even more so. Yeah that is something that ads to the smell at times.

I do try to accept that is just part of the job. Sure gets hard a times though. So you just try and not think about it to much.

Yeah, that is the part I do best. We just try to get busy with other stuff. And then relax afterwards.

Course the big problem is that when they ask questions. That means having to talk to them.

And that I don’t like doing. Because they will always want info that I don’t want to explain.

See we got this way of doing stuff that works. Only some times their rules say we should do it differently.

Then you end up having to invent one kind of crap to deal with a different kind. Gets confusing and boring.

So that is just where we end up with a few fibs for air freshener.

SOMETHING

This is suppose to be a big deal. Like some kind of magic I guess. Only it drives you nuts and doesn’t make wishes come true.

I sure don’t like knowing this is out there. Nope that sucks. I mean they really need to fix this.

Oh I don’t remember experiencing it, but did hear about. Somebody was griping how things got messed up.

Then said it is always something. Course everything is something so you know that is a problem.

Because nothing don’t cause the same problems. Well not that I have noticed. I mean nothing just ain’t other than nothing.

But something can be so much. So you can’t like guard against it when it could be so many things.

Which makes it kind of scary. You just can’t trust this deal when it can be so many darn other goodies.

Hmmm, I wonder if there is some kind of place where all these some things are listed. Like a catalogue.

Yeah, that would be great. You could look for warning labels. And places it would happened.

Then no problem you just don’t bother with some stuff. Yeah, I could enjoy that part. Make it nice and simple.

Not sure if that works for others. I mean maybe they enjoy the idea of always having weird junk out there.

The kind that drives you nuts. Which I guess is fine for them. Just not for me. I don’t want any guessing.

Nope, tell me where to look. Don’t leave it as a surprise. That ain’t the kind of present I want.

You can keep those for yourself. At least you have mind if you want. I will be happy if you don’t make it part of my joy.

No, there are some things you just can keep for yourself. And then you can tell me all about it.

Only don’t make me want it too.

MEAL

I get all confused on this at times. When something is just a snack and when it is a meal. Kind of nice to know.

Because it really does matter. After all a meal is like breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then there is that supper deal.

Not sure when it happens, but it is in there somewhere. I just figure it after sundown since it does start with an S.

Anyway now for these times you get all you want to eat. And that is so cool. Really not complaining at all.

But the snack deal is more tricky because you don’t get all you want. Like a meal for breakfast is say six dozen pancakes, bacon, syrup, rolls, and couple of gallons of milk.

Whereas with this snack deal you can’t say it will be a meal so it has to be less. Something like say only three dozen donuts.

Never did get a ruling from Otis on that part. Nope, he stays kind of vague about it. Unless you are talking Spam.

Then with him there ain’t much difference. What he calls a snack of Spam is about the same as a meal.

But that sure doesn’t work for me. Nope because he always says that for his stuff, but not for like jelly beans.

Yeah, that is not fair from my view. I mean he won’t even let me add them as a meal. Says candy is a snack.

But never says that about Spam. Seems like he sort of makes up that rule as he goes along.

Which ain’t cool. I mean I do try to claim the fruit flavor ones count as meal stuff. And what would be wrong with adding them to a burger?

He hasn’t quite told me on that one. I think he was surprised I even came up with it. So trying to think of an answer.

And that is nice. Because so far those cherry ones have worked great in lots of things. I think he just figures it is easier to let me eat them.

That way I don’t gripe about him adding Spam to his cereal. As long as he doesn’t make me do it I’m fine.

So far that has worked.

ZEAL

Now this is different than the zealot deal. It is something you like have at times for junk. A real important deal.

You know something that makes you get off your butt and work hard. Yeah, that is important.

Now providing it ain’t because some other person as the zeal and is bitching at you. Man does that suck.

I sure am no cool on this thing when the zeal is like insane. Like when you got some maniac that wants to wake you up early on a Saturday morning.

Oh yeah that sucks big time. Like I get up early the rest of the week so cut me some slack on that part.

I suppose that I could find a way to cope if they showed me how that helped. I don’t mind having zeal if you don’t need to act whacky.

Nut and nutty are not my idea of being cool. Okay I like nuts at times. They are good on hot fudge sundaes.

And eating them out of some can is good too. But let’s face it. We don’t need them to drive us insane in the process.

Nope I don’t see that as good. And I sure hope others don’t either. Really that will not work for me.

Now what I am working on is finding a zeal warning kit. Yeah some kind of alarm to warn me when an idiot is about to get dumb and stupid.

We just need to be protected from such types. Yeah, that is the part that I will always look to be a good choice.

But you know I just can’t say it will be that way for others. Some just aint going to cooperate.

So I do have to resort to my bat for them types. Yeah, they really do know how to be other than helpful so they need it.

And nothing solves problems like a good bashing. Well to me. Maybe I will just let this be my idea of zeal.

All I have to do is convince my buddy Otis that it is good. Yeah that is going to take some work.

He really don’t see that as zeal and so I need a good story. Hmm, I’ll work on that.

ZEALOT

Now I’m not sure what is the joy in this thing. I hear that this is something people do when they really, really like something.

What all it involves I can’t say. Perhaps something good. I hope so. Better to get excited about life.

I should say get excited in a good way. I mean that Reverend Anable gets excited, but he always seems mad.

That is being excited but not cool to me. Yeah, that isn’t quite the kind of thing that makes me want to be that way.

Not that I wish to join that group. Nope they can keep that for themselves. I do reckon they have some special club.

A place to meet that is cool also. Hmmm, I could like that if they had lots of refreshments.

I wonder what is consider zealot food? I got no idea. Bet it is something good. I assume it includes sugar.

Yeah, couldn’t imagine it could be very exciting if you didn’t have some decent grub to munch on. Unless you are really weird.

I know a few like that. Really strange dudes. But I reckon that everyone has to be something.

Now what I’m trying to figure out is do these people charge for joining their group? And if so do they make you do stupid stuff to get in?

Well if they love acting different makes sense. Gosh I hope they don’t like you know mess up food in the process.

And I imagine that will not help. Nope I don’t think it will be cool at all. I wouldn’t want to join their group.

Course I have to admit I haven’t seen anywhere they do this. Nope if they have this club out there they don’t brag about it.

I reckon that is quite a big deal. Something they keep secret. Like it is a private club. Maybe that is a good idea.

As long as they don’t start bugging us about it. Yeah, that is one thing I don’t like. But then at least they are yelling at me.

Always a better deal providing they don’t steal my jelly beans.


THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Are sailboats cheaper because they are a sale?"

BARELY

Now this is more than none. That much we know. And that is cool when it the more than none is enough.

That is the really amazing part. I mean you get this little and you figure it ain’t enough for much.

But then like wow, it ends up being a lot. Which is pretty darn incredible. Never figure out how that works.

Normally that is where my buddy Otis helps out. He is so cool on that stuff. I’ll be sitting and looking at some stuff and no way it will work.

And every time he will surprise me. Man that is sure something great. In any case what I don’t like is when STINK does it.

I don’t get it, but they can make barely end up not at all. And you can be sure that won’t work for me.

Oh they will ramble about how it is a good thing. How this little is going to work only it never does.

Yeah, that happens a lot. It is like they are looking a junk through some pair of glasses that makes it look bigger.

Only it never works out that way for us. Really frosts my cookies when that happens. Because they never say the messed up.

Now that is the part with the griminals, which is not cool. They never seem to have any barely.

Nope they always get too much. Filth ain’t in short supply. Nope, no way they give us a break on that aspect.

Now that is the part that I wish I could change. And it means making a difference. Well that is what Otis calls it.

Which as far as I can tell comes down to something where it all counts as long as it comes out okay.

Only that don’t happen all the time. Just enough to be confusing. And that really don’t work for me.

But we are going to fix it. Not sure how yet. I bet we can take that barely and make it even better.

Or at least where it will make sense.