CAMPFIRES

When I think of campfires, I think of camping. That means sleeping in sleeping blanket out in the mountains somewhere. It means fighting mosquitoes, freezing your butt off and worrying that some stupid bear might be lurking who decides you would make a good snack.

As you can tell, I’m not a big fan of nature or what they call the great outdoors. Which I prefer to think of the great out-bores since I find it a boring subject.

That to me makes campfires about the only decent thing in that subject. Because a campfire means the joy of cooking. You can have hot dogs, hot chocolate and a whole lot of other cool stuff. Plus those yummy things called Smores. They are messy, but so darn good!

I think the idea of the campfire when you are camping is to sort of take your mind off out the rest of the process is so insane. I tell you if God intended us to live in the mountains and sleep on the ground surrounded by animals and insects he wouldn’t have invented houses. My interpretation you understand, but a good one as far as I’m concerned.

Now why any sane person would decide to give up a nice warm bed and all the advantages of a house to sleep with the raccoons, skunks, ants and god knows what I have no idea. Plus you ain’t got no refrigerator. You got to depend on those lame ice chests. I never figured out how come they call them ice chests when they don’t make ice. You got to do all the work and they get the name. It sounds like some people I know like one creep named Rat Boy Junior Hemoglobin.

In any event the only part I look forward is the campfire stuff. And frankly I’m not all that keen on that part.

After all if I am hungry and I can eat at home or a restaurant. I don’t need to use wood and start a fire or mess with putting a circle of stones around it like it is to keep the wood from escaping.

Plus whenever I get stuck on some campout it is when Otis volunteers us to be in charge of a bunch of cub scouts. That means in addition to messing with fires we’ve got to sing those dumb campfire songs. Will somebody please tell me how we can get that Michael dude to row his boat ashore finally so we can stop signing about it? What is his problem anyway? Does he need rowing lessons?

Anyway, when it is all said and done and I finally have managed to gobble down a couple of dozens hot dogs and stuff, I’m happy for a while. That is until those stupid insects start chirping. Then you can’t sleep. That is such a pain.

At least the only good part is that Otis does snore so loud it generally shuts them up eventually and for that I am grateful. Now all I have to do is figure a way to talk him into not trying to make all the hot dogs out of Spam.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "There is hair cream, sour cream, whipped cream and ice cream. Does they call it hair cream to make your hair think it is getting something good to eat?"

BECAUSE

You ever try giving this as the reason you do something? Does it work? It sure hasn’t for me. And believe me I sure have tried on plenty of occasions.

Honestly, there are times when because is the only reason I do something. I didn’t sit down and write some book first. Nor did I have some long drawn out explanation before I figured out what I as doing.

Now if you do something cool and it makes sense to others nobody cares if you just did it because. They may not even bother to ask.

However, if you do something just because and it turns out to be a big mistake or you mess up somewhere nobody seems as willing to accept because as good enough reason. I think that is unfair.

It is like as long as what you do works out then even if you did it for a dumb reason, no big deal. But just don’t expect the slightest degree of sympathy if things go wrong.

As I said, if find that as totally unfair. I mean they both were cases of because. One ended in a “hey look what I did.” The other ended up in “OOPS!”

The point to me is that both are still a because. So if we you are going to shrug your shoulders when things work out shouldn’t you do the same when they don’t? Seems like we ought to be consistent on this?

Well, whether you ought to be consistent, I know it ain’t going to happen. Which is why I always keep my trusting little wooden pal available for if and when. It has a tendency to end any complaints when those folks get to harping on not being satisfied with me saying because.

It is wonderful how they don’t seem to be as prone to bellyache over the because when they get whacked unconscious. After that they just kind of don’t even ask any longer.

I guess I wish that all the because situations could be handled that way, but they can’t. Some just don’t luck out and give me a chance to settle things with a bat.

But I suppose as they say you do have to take the good with the bad. I just wish the because thing was always good at time. After all there is nothing more annoying that to sit there and listen to yourself to somebody with a because and realize how dumb it really sounds.

I am grateful that doesn’t happen all the time. I sure would get awful tired of hearing that is totally stupid right after saying because with an explanation.

In the meantime I guess life goes on. Why? Because? Yeah I think Father Time probably invented the idea first.

NUTS

These make great snacks if you are talking about the kind that come in a can. But if you are talking about the two legged kind, well that is a totally different issue.

What is it about being a little strange that cause it to be associated with some kind of nut? It makes me kind of wonder if at one time somebody ate too many of them and went a little goofy so that ever since you just end up thinking somebody weird is nuts.

The one thing that doesn’t happen is people don’t make the suggestion that perhaps eating nuts really does cause some kind of insanity. At least nobody stops you when you are munching upon them to say, “Hey buddy you better watch it those things will drive you crazy.”

It is true that you know if you are say eating peanuts that come in shells and you keep cracking them or walnuts you can drive people crazy with the noise, but that isn’t quite the same. However, I personally don’t like to take any chances. That is why I always try to have my nuts covered in chocolate.

I figure that way I’m not taking in chances. Plus I don’t mind the sugar rush either. It just makes for an extra cool excuse.

Meanwhile, I do have to work on deciding a better way that we could talk about being a little off other than mentioning nuts. There has to be a way to do it that might even sound cool. You know so you don’t have to hurt the person’s feelings because they are hopelessly demented. Not sure what though.

But I really think it would be a good idea. I mean with some people you get them upset and they can really start acting goofy in a bad way. Why shoot you could perhaps offer them a can of nuts and the next thing you know they are getting out a bat and er, on second thought I probably shouldn’t talk about that option.

I know I could say how you know one way you could tell they really had a problem was if they spent all their time talking about one thing was better than everything else in the whole wide world. It would probably be something you eat.

Of course I’m grateful that isn’t my problem. All I get excited about is jelly beans and as everyone knows they are so special and — darn, can’t I finish this posting without it ending up sounding like I’m one of the crazies?

I know that isn’t the case because people don’t run away every time they see me. Oh they are always so darn busy that they don’t have any time to talk on occasions. Like when the time that one guy who is my neighbor ran off when he saw me coming. It does jogging a lot. Only in this case he was wearing his pajamas like he had just got out of bed. Plus he kept screaming about the nut being loose again. I guess he had just spilled a can of nuts and it pissed him off.

Oh well, no problem in that regard. I’m sure I’ll come up with something eventually. I suppose I can even ask my neighbor providing I can catch him when he does run away to practice his jogging.

BROCCOLI AND HEADCHEESE

There are some things that made sense in life and some that don’t. Two that don’t are broccoli and headcheese. I’m not a big vegetable person myself. I might be, but you know the problem is that stuff you got to drown in salad dressing to sneak up on just can’t excite me. That just doesn’t work for me. I mean how come if vegetables are so dang good for you they can’t taste more like stuff that is really cool? My opinion naturally.

But beyond the vegetable thing I got to ask what is up with this headcheese stuff? I isn’t made just of cheese and ain’t shaped like a head so what is somebody doing by calling it headcheese. Personally I just feel happy as I can be if I never even see the stuff.

As for the people who do like it, well there are entitled to their opinions. It won’t be the first time I’ve known somebody who was weird enough to like something that wasn’t necessarily good.

I suppose that is one of the problems in the world. Everyone has the right to be wrong or whatever. I know if I was a farm and was really serious about growing something everyone loved it wouldn’t be broccoli. I wonder if they make seeds to grow stuff like donuts? Never had a chance to find out and I guess I won’t start now.

In the meantime I reckon I’ll live with this reality that as long as there are strange people in the world I’m going to have to accept going to the grocery store and finding a few strange foods to eat. I only wish they would put them all in the same place so I didn’t even have to go to it.

They do a pretty good job what with putting all the vegetables in one place. But in the grocery store I go to that is right next to the ice cream section. Now they might be suggesting that vegetables might go better with ice cream on them. However, I’m not about to check it out for sure.

Nope for me, they can just keep those veggies where they are and I’ll be happy to run passed it on the way to fetching the ice cream. It works okay for me.

Gosh it would be great if life were simpler huh? But then I do my share to make sure everyone is informed about important stuff like vegetables so they don’t get confused and think of them as some strange kind of ice cream.

That way nobody will come complaining if they stick a hunk of broccoli in a ice cream cone and take a bite and then go yuck. You just know I wasn’t responsible for the yuck part.

As for the headcheese, well one thing I can say, is you just stay clear of anything that says cheese on it that has the word head added. Real cheese won’t do that to you. And I know that is enough of a rule on that subject to work for anyone. So have fun and be careful when shopping. And if you happen to end up with some broccoli in a ice cream cone, don’t try sharing.

CHIMNEY SWEEPS

Is this a major problem where you live? And who exactly is doing all this chimney sweeping? Personally I think it has to be somebody’s idea of a real sick joke. I mean I’ve seen lots of chimneys and never once seen anybody standing outside of them with a broom trying to sweep off the dust. Plus who cares if a stupid chimney gets dirty anyway? I know I don’t.

There was this move I saw once about this lady named Mary Soppins or Moppins or something. Anyway it was kind of weird. She had this crazy umbrella that allowed her to fly and did strange stuff with spoons and medicine.

Anyway in this movie she was always singing and hanging around with this dude that was suppose to be a chimney sweep. Now I might have been impressed that he was doing a good job at it if he had ever taken a bath just once in the whole movie, but he never did.

I mean the dude was always covered in some black stuff that kept his face dirty. I ask you is that somebody’s idea of clean or what? Not mind that is for sure.

Oh well, by the end of the movie the father of the kids who that lady was watching supposedly learned a lesson. Kids are always suppose to learn lessons in movies and the way you can tell that they have is because that is when the movie ends.

In the case of this movie, the lady watching the kids went off gallivanting around in the air with her umbrella while the kids’ dad took up flying a kite. It didn’t seem like he let the kids do much flying, which you would have figured would have been only fair. What good was it for a grown man to learn how to fly a kite and the kids to only get to stand around looking stupid?

Perhaps the dumbest part of that whole movie for me was the part where they said a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Who the heck decided only one spoonful is enough?

Now if it were me I would concentrate on say a cup full of sugar then you might not even need the medicine in the first place. See, they never thought of that part. But then what do you expect from a movie that tries to get you to believe you can leap into a painting on a sidewalk and it will take you someplace cool?

Anyway, I still got to gripe because at no time in this movie did one single chimney sweep ever even try to sweep a chimney off on the outside. I would have demanded my money back for watching the darn movie if I could have learned out to spell that one word, “super-call” something. I reckon it was some secret code you needed to know before you got to do something fun in the movie.

Next time I try to see a movie like that, maybe I’ll even bring my own broom. It might not help, but it can’t hurt.

ON TOP OF

Now toppings are one thing you can definitely get excited about at times. Stuff like whipped cream on hot chocolate, frosting for cakes.

Well as you as you make it just frosty on the cake. A little side note, frosty on a cake made totally of frosty doesn’t always work so good. I should say it works, but um even for dude like me that can be a tad too much of a sugar rush. Believe me after my third helping of chocolate icing on a cake made of frosting and then heaping rocky road ice cream on top of it sort of tested my idea of something for a snack.

I did survive. True, I did pass out for a while. Not sure how long though. I think it was the same day, but I decided that trying it again might not be a good idea. So now I’m just content with using frosting on a cake without using it for the cake mix alone. It goes pretty good with rocky road ice cream with hot fudge sauce poured over it and a couple of cans of whipped cream added to be sure it has enough flavor. Oh yeah and naturally you got to have cherries. Six or seven bottles generally work providing I don’t end up snacking on them in the meantime.

Anyway that’s enough of waltzing down memory lane as they say. Never found it on a map though. I’m sure I could get directions. However, I then I would probably need dance lessons too and who wants to go to all that trouble?

So in the meantime getting back to this whole idea of on top of it really is great. I enjoy it in the right situation. You know such as with pizza. I only wish the pizza place were a little more flexible on the idea of what goes on top of a pizza. Don’t get me wrong, cheese and pepperoni and other kinds of stuff are good. But how come they can be a little more tolerable of other good stuff?

I’m still working on trying to find a place that will let me add things like jelly beans and peanut butter. My buddy wants Spam, but they don’t go for that either.

I know I can always add the good stuff when I get home, but I don’t know, it is just not the same to me. But so far they haven’t been that willing to cooperate.

I have just learned to work around that little problem. And sometimes it really is fun to just set aside what is called convention, though they never say what kind of convention, and do what I want.

Only one suggestion though, if your idea of on top of is different than anybody else’s then it is a good idea not share it. Believe it or not there are some really strange people out there who actually would think eating chocolate cake with double fudge frosting buried in rocky road ice cream and smothered in a gallon of fudge sauce to be a bad thing.

They can have their idea of on top of as far as I’m concerned. Just as long as they don’t offer me any dessert. That’s the part of on top of that I have a right to figure out myself.

PIE IN THE PIE

I heard a guy talking about pie in the sky ideas. Well let me tell you the one thing that isn’t is a good idea. I mean if the stupid pie is in the sky, which I doubt anyway, how you going to reach it? I figure it was just one of those dumb ideas people get that they hope you’ll never stop to decide it is utterly stupid.

As best as I can figure the deal with this is that you are talking about really good stuff like pie, but that it is somehow in the sky so it is impossible to have. Like we ain’t got enough problems in the world without coming up with this kind of whacky stuff.

So okay, somebody decides that calling something pie in the sky is a good thing. It is telling me basically don’t bother getting your hopes up because it will never happen.

I get that part. I don’t like it, but I get it. What bugs me is when the pie ain’t in the sky. I’m speaking of cool stuff that is possible only it will never happen. So that is pie that isn’t really in a pie type of stuff.

We’re talking things like all that junk people talk about doing someday. You know darn well they will never actually do whatever they say they will do someday. So that is pie that ain’t in the sky, but ain’t in the pie either.

Which is what really I get concerned with when you are talking about good things that you really want. It is always important to be darn sure it is real pie in a pie and not some pie that will never actually be in a pie you can actually have.

I reckon life would really be so much easier of there were only pie in the pie. Then you wouldn’t have to even worry about if the dang pie was in the sky or in a pie plate.

But as long as you got people and pie there will no doubt be pie that isn’t in the pie and pie that is in the pie. Which doesn’t even get around to talking about what flavor is important either.

I mean if you are talking fruit pie in a pie it can be darn right messy. As for pie in a pie that is cream, well it probably would be okay. And less we forget there is the mud pie, which I guess really ain’t a legitimate pie so nobody would much care if it was in a pie.

Well I reckon all of that is pretty detailed and a lot for some people to think about. All I know is if you want to talk to me about pie, please make it pie in a pie. Which comes down to being darn sure you actually are holding a pie when you are talking pie.

Only be darn sure if it cream, you aren’t smiling too much. Because if there is one thing worse than pie in the sky that isn’t in a pie it is when you end up with a pie in the eye. Cream or otherwise, that ain’t the kind pie in the pie that I enjoy. Unless I’m the one doing the tossing. Then it is a matter of whether I got enough pie in the pie to eat when I’m celebrating.

BAGGING

Well after doing that other posting on sacking, I reckon some folks might think that this is what they call “redundant.” I’m not sure who this re guy is who done did it so they shortened it to give him credit for saying junk that has already been said, but I’m still in a mood to talk about this bagging stuff.

For me, I like to use bags some times. Oh the difference between a bag and a sack to me is whether you use it to haul good stuff to eat. That’s might view of it naturally. It might not be how somebody else thinks of it.

But when I go to the mall and see people lugging around all those bags I really do wonder what they are carrying. Not enough to bug them about it. Just enough to wonder.

And I really like when they give you the bag with the name of the store on the side. That way you can show off when you bought something good so that everyone knows what a cool shopper you are.

Course for me, I always prefer to just use the bag from the store where I did the shopping. It just seems more honest that way.

Now my buddy Otis sort of looks at it differently. What he likes to do is to go into some expensive store and buy something cheap. He calls it affordable, but to me it is cheap.

Anyway, he’ll make a big fuss about being sure they put it in a big bag. Then he’ll go over to one of those discount stores and buy something that costs a lot less. Afterwards, he’ll put it inside the bag from the expensive place so people won’t know he really shopped at the cheapo store.

I guess that is a good thing. It sure seems to make him happy I guess. Plus if I go with him he always takes me by the candy store first so I can load up on some jelly beans. I think that he does that in order to be sure I keep my mouth shut about the bag thing.

Which is okay by me as long as I get some jelly beans in the process. Although I do admit that there are the times when I sort of forget. Then we will be sitting there in the food court after he’s done is shopping and I’ll ask him about what he bought.

Only I guess I sort of talk too loud and somebody hears me and then they look at his bag and kind of smirk. Boy does his face get red when that happens. However, the fun part is if I plan it right and make it seem like and accident, he’ll end up buying me extra good stuff to eat so I won’t talk anymore about the bag thing.

Gosh going to the mall can be so much fun when it comes to the bagging thing. And I always know when it will mean a really big meal too. That’s when Otis has some discount coupon from a cheap bargain store. It always means seconds and thirds at the food court for me, depending on how big the bag is that Otis manages to get from the fancy store where he didn’t really do his shopping.

Thought for the week: "Why do they call the funeral 'homes' if you don't really get to stay there unless you are dead? Or are they 'haunted' houses we just don't want to call by that name?"

SACKING

Normally this is a good thing to me. I enjoy stuffing goodies in little brown bags and using them for lunch. Toting it around and making people wonder what great stuff you are hiding in that bag. It can be so cool.

Now what I do understand is this business in football of what they call “sacking” the quarterback. I mean really, as far as I know a quarterback is a guy. So where the heck do you get a bag big enough to stuff him in? Plus why is this a good thing?

I realize that football is about beating the snot out of each other for the simple joy of doing whatever you think is cool with that thing they call a pig skin. Personally, I can take bacon or leave it, but I guess it is pretty darn important to football players if they are willing to fight over it.

All I know is that from the way I see it I have a hard time believing that any quarterback would enjoy being sacked. I bet it isn’t something he cooperates over either. When probably where they get that thing called a “quarterback sneak.” I know if some big ugly dude was trying to stuff me in a bag I’d be willing to get sneaky about it too.

Anyway, from best I can figure this sacking business isn’t always fun because every time I hear them mention it they also mention downs. So that means it ain’t necessarily something that makes somebody happy.

What is really amazing is they apparently need a referee to witness the whole thing. Who thought up that idea? What does he do anyway? Does he like look at the big bag with the quarterback sacked and decide it is somehow okay? You got to wonder.

Well I suppose if I really wanted to know I would go over to that big outhouse where they love hanging out during the football games. It sure seems way too big for just a place to take a piss.

But then I hear them mention the “super bowl.’ Boy it must be awful big to be super. And considering the size of the outhouse, it just has to be gigantic.

I guess that is why they are always harping on the touchdown business. You got the quarterback finally stuffed in some sack and then touch him down the ground. That generally happens right before that referee who dresses like a zebra decides to raise his arms and make sure his deodorant is working okay.

I tell you sports sure can have some strange rules. But somebody things there are okay. After all if they didn’t they would all spend so much time talking about it on the television. And we all know if it is on television it just has to be true.

Gee I wonder if maybe sometime they will actually show one of those sacks they use on quarterbacks. That would be fun to see. I reckon it might be worth waiting to see providing they ever get over kicking that pig around.

CRACKING UP

Well, well, well is this fun or what? I reckon that depends on if you enjoy having this happen to you.

I imagine I could devote this entire posting to the issue of whether this is a good thing. However, instead I want to talk about something that really bugs me with this.

Now the last time I heard when they are talking about cracking up it means you got a screw loose. Or basically you are falling apart big time. That is the opposite of getting better right?

The part that I don’t like is how this thing just isn’t worded right. I mean the thing to me is if you are falling apart shouldn’t it be cracking down? When you say cracking up it sounds to me like you are falling up as if you fell into pieces and they suddenly went floated off into space. Okay, call me being picky, but how come nobody else ever even bother to ask?

Shoot, the way I figure you know somebody standing there and says, “Oh my god I must be cracking up.” Then shouldn’t you be able to see turning into small chunks that are flying off into space so you could say, “There he goes.” Doesn’t that make sense?

I’m sorry, but it just bugs me that we get so hung up saying the dumbest stuff without thinking. I wonder if somebody from another planet was visiting and heard people say that if they wouldn’t decide we are a bunch of idiots who don’t know the difference between flying and falling when you got a big whacky.

Of course since we do say such stupid junk and any aliens might hear it on the radio or television, I can appreciate how if they did listen they would say, “Forget it, I’m not messing with those clowns.”

In any case you know, I think in order to avoid the risk of being consider as the prize dummies of the universe we should fix this problem. Maybe you don’t mind the idea of some big mouth alien cruising around the stars and talking about us in a bad way. I’m not crazy about that idea personally.

I just wish there was a way to convince more people how important it is we stop doing this kind of junk. But I’m afraid there is just too many darn people who think it is no big deal.

However, let me till you the one thing I sure don’t want to mess with is the idea of running into some alien someday and having him look at me like I’m a jerk because he heard us talking about cracking up. I reckon till the time comes when I can succeed in getting this message across we will have to tolerate the problem of saying stuff we could regret later. And just remember if you get abducted by some alien some day and he and his pals start laughing their heads off and pointing, I told you so! That is providing you get a chance and they don’t take you back to their planet to put on display as a idiot.

THE OTHER SIDE OF A PANCAKE

I think this has to be one of the greatest problems facing civilization today. Basically how you make sure you have enough syrup and butter so that the last pancake in a stack gets as much as the first one. You really need to give this some thought and respect it for the problem it is for your life could someday depend upon the answer. I just threw that in to make sure you were reading.

Some people really do ignore so many important problems in life. And this is one that should matter more than it seems to get attention.

Among the methods that should be considered is the one pancake at a time method. By that I mean only having one on your plate so you only have to mess with it. But the big problem with that approach is if you are in a place with a bunch of greedy rats they will probably eat all the other ones before you can get them.

So I don’t recommend that choice. You can naturally consider adding extra butter and even syrup to the batter if you are making your own pancakes, but I don’t know they never seem to cook up right when you do that.

For myself I’m still working on the soak it up method. That is where you buy syrup with butter in it and then you keep pouring syrup on to the stack of pancakes till they stop soaking it up. Unfortunately if you mess up then the problem is that you get a flood. Now licking up the excess ain’t necessarily a bad thing either though. Just remember to only do it to your own plate. People get kind of upset if you reach over with your tongue and lick their plates.

Well unless you want to play dumb and do that so you can end up with them giving you their pancakes. But you have to be careful because people can sure get upset and down right violent if you do that to the wrong people.

In any case, the most important thing I reckon is making sure you got enough butter and syrup that no matter what happens you don’t end up without enough while eating your pancakes. I recommend having at least four or five cases of butter and say ten gallons of syrup. That normally is a safe amount from my experience.

There was that one time however when those sponges accidentally fell in the pancake batter. Man I didn’t think I would ever have to stop adding syrup. Course after I explained it to Otis when he kept chewing and could never swallow he sort of volunteered to make the pancakes from then on.

Happy pancake eating to one and all. And if it happens you happen to make a mistake and make too many some time, don’t worry I’ll be glad to help you with that problem.

I’ll even bring my own syrup too. So you can relax about worrying over that part if it was a thought.

SAVING TIME

Okay who is the joker who has been spreading this lame idea around? If I find him I can make sure he gets a chance to save some time because I bash him unconscious long enough so he’ll not even have to think about time for while.

Do any of us actually by into this silly idea that you can save time. I have about people claiming it, but I ain’t buying. What, do they expect me to believe they have some secret way to stuff seconds into a jar and save them for use later? Is that stupid or what? It is too me.

I figure it was probably some jerk of a clock making dude that tried to pull this idea off. Yeah that makes sense to me. Only a guy who peddles watches would have a reason to get you to think if you bought his watch it would be miracle so you could save it for whenever.

That is like the bogus thing called daylight savings time. Where do you manage to put the stupid daylight time that you can do whatever with it later? I’d sure like to see the box you stuff it it.

Or maybe the whole thing fits into, you know, a bank. Never heard of one that pays interest on time though. I wonder whether you have to pay tax on the extra time you save? Yeah it would be like those snots in the government to tax us on that. God knows they do it on everything else the rats.

Well I know if I find a way to save time I’m not going to blab about it to those creeps. Why should I give them any of the extra time when they don’t seem to do a good job with the time they have now.

Course it would be my luck that they would probably have it already from some other source and have it hidden in a sock or somewhere extra secret. Then they want my extra seconds too. Darn rats are so greedy.

In any case, I’m still not persuaded that this whole deal really works that well. It seems to me from what I can tell most people barely figure out how to spend the time they have in a good way. So if they figured a way to save some for later they wouldn’t probably do much good with it.

Still, perhaps there is a way to make it more useful and helpful. They got those times on stuff like DVD recorders. So I wonder if you know they got a way to save time on some DVD. That would be cool. Then you could replay it later for the fun of it and waste all the time when it was for something fun.

But then with my luck I would get ripped off and I’d be enjoying that time right in the middle of a cool event and then have a power outage. Yeah and you can bet the darn electric people wouldn’t do anything to give me a rebate on the lost time. Either that or I would waste even more time on hold trying to get a rebate!

FOREVER

Man talk about a long time! Like this is practically, well always. That is definitely more than tomorrow or next week.

It is kind of tough for me to imagine forever. Heck, I just have enough trouble thinking if how long an hour lasts. It can seem like forever when you are in waiting for something. And it can seem like way too fast if you’re hurry.

The one thing I wonder about most of all is why do we even need a word like forever in the first place. Nothing I know lasts that long. So what does it honestly apply to? You got to wonder.

Now what I’m thinking it that perhaps whoever the dude that was in charge of thinking up words had a really sick since of humor. I don’t who the person was, but I imagine he was the same crazy guy that invented the dictionary so he would have a place to keep all those words. You know how it is. If you see something in a book you pretty much figure it has to be true.

So you open up this dictionary to look up some word, which you can’t find because you can remember the stupid rule about whether you put an “I” before or after an “E.” Then while you are getting pissed off about that you accidentally come across this word forever. You take time to read about it because you are still fuming over not finding the word you really wanted.

After you read the description boy are you really pissed. I mean you figure out, wait a minute some clown thought a word that suggests things can last and never stop lasting? That’s about as close as I can come to describing forever without saying the word.

Well boy is that a pain in the butt or not. It sort of ends up with me stressing out thinking, okay what is the deal here? Does that mean somebody knows something about living and never dying or wearing a pair of underwear that never wears out? I tell you the possibilities really depress me.

At least it works that way for me. Heck there are enough things in life to worry about, do I really need to have some impossible crap added to my grief by some word maniac who dreams up junk that will never be true?

Boy I’ll tell you, I didn’t just sit back and let that one slide without thinking about it a whole lot. I really figured I owed to other people to try and see to it somebody admitted to doing this kind of thing on purposes.

It sure was tough to decide that part. Honestly, we just need to find the person who pulled this thing and get them to spill their guts on how it was a bad idea. Not that I want to get rid of the word out of our vocabulary. We just need to decide on a way to control the problem more. Perhaps like changing the word forever to say, something like for-almost-always.

DON'T LOOK NOW

Is this ever a good thing? I do wonder. It just seems to be something people only say when they want you to know about something bad. Like say if some big dude is coming by to pound you into a pile of goo. That don’t look now isn’t something I enjoy.

And the sad thing is there is never a DO LOOK NOW kind of option. It is you only end up blind when not looking is a bad thing. Or maybe your eyes just don’t work right.

Now what I’m thinking of working on more is the do look now options. I think that would be really cool to spring that on people, especially if they are having a bad day. They might really like that part huh?

But the tough part is figuring out when for sure you can honestly find a time to say it. I think people’s brains just love to look for good stuff anyway. So surprising them is tough at times.

Of course if I’m dealing with a jerk then maybe I don’t want to even worry about it. Yeah I got to admit the jerks really piss me off at time. So I might with them want to them to look now if it is a bad thing. That might sound unfair, but it is how I feel at times.

Perhaps I ought to come up with a don’t either not look or do look. Just in case you can’t make up your mind if it is a good thing or bad thing.

In any case I know I still got to work out the details on this part. Not sure though if I’ll be able to work out a decent way to keep score. It should be a game after all. At least it would be fun that way.

Only I can’t figure out for sure when you would be the winner. And if you did when would you be able to brag about it?

That is the problem. It really is hard at times to be able to know when things are good for others and then also yourself.

Oh well, as they say, life goes on and on and on. Then it is important in such situations to shout don’t look now.

Otherwise if you take a peek and things haven’t changed it could be depressing. And who needs that.

In the meantime I’m going to work out all the details to be sure that this thing gets the thought it deserves. I can’t say when I’ll get around to it.

Probably after I figure out when you are shopping that it is okay to say don’t look now. For me it is when somebody is eyeing something I want and I want to distract them so I can grab the item for myself.

ONE MORE SIGN

What I want to know is how the heck is in charge of all the signs they put up along the side of freeways? Now they are always telling us you are suppose to keep your eyes on the road. But then they distract you, but putting up all these big billboards so you can’t help, except be distracted. Is that stupid or what?

I mean if they really want to help why not make them something that is you know really interesting. Most of them are just telling you to buy whatever. Like we don’t already not what to buy.

My thought is that first of all we ought to get rid of all those signs and instead perhaps give everyone a big book. Then perhaps all these dudes who put up these signs could put their crap in the books and we could look at it when not driving. Seems like it might make more sense and be safer too me.

I bet some clown will object by claiming we won’t look at the darn book. Well we could take a test I suppose. Providing the paid us to do it. I figure that would only be fair.

But I reckon we aren’t going to luck out and have anyone do that for us huh? And I imagine nobody is going to get rid of the signs either.

Still if and when I can figure a way I going to find the dudes who make these signs and make a few helpful hints to make them more worthwhile. Like perhaps they could change them more often.

How many times do I have to see the same stupid sing anyway? Some of them never seem to get changed. That is so dang boring if you ask me.

There just have to be a better way of doing this. Not sure what though. But I wouldn’t mind giving it a shot.

Perhaps we could rotate what they talk about. Yeah, we could let regular folks use them from time to time to say something cool. Like maybe, “so and so is a big, fat jerk.”

That seems to be a real popular thing for people to say about each other at times. So maybe we ought to let them put in on a sign so they didn’t have to waste as many words saying it.

Course I guess to be fair we need to take turns in that regard. We could have something such as a big, fat jerk of the week deal.

Hmmm, I wonder if that would be considered as an honor. Not sure if I would want to boast about it though.

Well till I can get a chance to talk to the billboard folks I suppose I’ll have to wait to find out. In the meantime I’m going to keep practicing coming up with cool things to mention. Maybe some poetry would help. I wonder what rhymes with big, fat jerk?

Thought for the week: "How come they call it standing up when it is a sit down strike. I bet somebody stole the chairs while nobody was looking."

SPEWING THE WIND

This is NOT a good thing if you are the poor dude getting the fallout from the spewing. But then if you are the one doing the spewing you would end up not doing that unless you were feeling crappy in the first place.

There are some things you can avoid in life. Like, for example, stuff that is just plain dumb and stupid that you have a choice not to do if you don’t get a industrial strength case of being a moron. I won’t bother giving all the details on those kinds of situations since we all know those incidents way too well.

So in that regard I kind of treat a lot of situations where you do end up spewing in the wind as a case of “I should have known better.” It is like having a big, spicy meal just before you go on some rollercoaster. Now that’s stupid! I know because I did that — er, let’s just say I got some memories on that subject that I would prefer not to necessarily share.

In any case, I was thinking that this subject did deserve to be mentioned since like so many subjects there are times when we just plain leave are brains somewhere other than in our heads. Mine normally manages to fall into my stomach. Which is why I end up spewing in the wind when it does happen. Darn, I wasn’t going to blab on that part. Oh well, guess I was going to do it eventually I suppose.

Keeping secrets for me is sort of like asking me not to ever fart, especially just after I had a big plate of beans. Talk about spewing! Well it is sort of like it, just out of a different end. But let me tell you to the poor slob that ends up down wind whether you spew or pass gas isn’t going to be happy regardless of whether he got drenched or just a bad whiff.

In any case, I was trying to think of something I could say that was good about this spewing thing. It was tough, but I reckon that the best part is once you’ve spewed you almost always feel better. That is until the big dude you spewed on happens to figure out you were the one who did the upchucking.

He’s not likely to say thank you. It is more like he’ll want to rearrange your body parts in a way that you’ll look like a pretzel. And trust me that is NOT a good feeling.

Still, I think the only way to avoid the spewing part is to not end up eating junk that might make you sick when you decide to ride a rollercoaster. That sounds like great advice. Only I never do very good at remembering it when I go to the amusement park.

The problem is those chili dogs, popcorn and all that other tasty stuff just seems to call my name. I don’t know, perhaps eating ice cream right after ten hot dogs smothered in sauerkraut before I ride the rollercoaster is something I need to rethink. I just hope I remember next time before I ride the ride and not afterwards when I end up with another incident of spewing in the wind.

A WORLD WITHOUT BEANIES

I just can’t even bring myself to imagine what kind of world it would be without any beanies. Oh I suppose there are some people out there who wouldn’t think it was a big deal if there were no beanies. But let me tell you they are in trouble if they think that way.

Now being a big fan of beanie wearing I can honestly say, I look up wearing that kind of hat as a form of freedom. It says, I’m okay, you’re okay.

And as long as we together remain accepting of that fact then I know there is hope for the world yet. You take away that option and it could be down right scary to imagine what we would be expected to give up next.

Some people might snicker when I say that, but those are the kinds of persons who probably don’t give a whole lot of things much thought. That is until the become a crisis, then watch them scream.

For now then as long as I can walk down the street and strut my stuff with my beanie on my head I will feel just fine. If that day comes when somebody makes up a rule that says no beanies in public then I’m going to know we got major problems.

The thing is some of these people who like to control stuff can be so darn sneaky in what they do. Oh they will come up with some lame reason to justify telling us what we can and can’t do.

And sometimes they will make it sound so cool. They will toss out some crap about how this is for our own good. Only it never really is for our good. It is just what they so we won’t be pissed off when they ruin our day.

So for now, I’m always on watch out to be sure not such beanie police start roaming the streets. That is really important from my point of view no matter what others say.

Otherwise, first will go the beanies. Then a whole bunch or fights. Before you know it we are all forced to wear only certain clothes. Afterwards they will tell us what to eat.

Next comes the point where they do crazy crap like putting you before firing squad just for farting. And you know how good that will work out for any of us.

Well before all that happens, I’m going to keep patrolling the streets with my beanie firmly on my head.

Then if by chance one of those creeps wants me to take it off you can be darn sure I’ll make everyone know. Now if you don’t want to hear about it then don’t blame me if you end up cutting the cheese some time and the cops break down your door with their guns ready for a nice game of target practice with your behind.

POPCORN, PEANUTS AND CLAPPER SNACKS

Now this is one of those subjects that I really regard as important more than usual subjects. I’m speaking of the kind of stuff you need when watching a real cool movie. And it is real critical that if you pick out stuff like popcorn you figure a way to hold it that won’t keep you from being able to clap when you need to.

They do that in some movies you know so you got to tell them they are as cool as they think they are. I mean them movie dudes can be kind of sensitive so you really have to work hard showing them they are okay otherwise they get all depressed and who knows what kind of lame thing they would do at that point.

Anyway, I’ve been working on improving my clapper snacks. I find small boxes like candy come in work great if you can stick them in your pocket. Peanuts can be cool too at times. Only with them the tricky part is making sure you get the kind that doesn’t come in shells. And if they are chocolate covered that is even better.

I’ve never quite figured out how come if they can grow some so they are chocolate flavored and others without shells they ever bother with the ones with shells. I guess some people must like the mess of shells for some reason. But not me.

Popcorn is generally okay too. Providing you get in a big bucket you can sit on your lap during the applause time. But you do have to be careful about using too much butter. If your hands get too greasy they don’t clap very good.

Of course nothing works better in my book that a nice big bag of jelly beans. Yeah, you’ll probably complain about that, but you can sit them in your lap and keep your hands free for whatever.

Oh yeah, we can’t forgot about pop. I mean it is just awful to get a bunch of snacks and not have a decent about of pop. But trying to balance a drink and bag of whatever can be tough at times.

That is why I like going to those movies that have them holder next to your chair. They work great as a place to hold a bag and two if there is nobody sitting next to you on one side.

It is too bad you can put your drink cup in them. But some wise guy decided to put a hole in the bottom of that holder. And if by some chance your drink cup ends up having a leak, if you were to put in that holder it could really get messy.

Oh well maybe one of these days I’ll get those darn folks over at the theater straighten out on such things. But they seem kind of slow in that regard.

I guess whoever said there is no business like show business never visited my theater. I can think of a lot business that are like that theater. Well in terms of having weird dudes working for them.

FADE TO BLACK

Okay, okay, this is a movie thing. I know it. I just don’t like it and I sure don’t enjoy when this happens when I’m not ready for it.

But them crummy movie dudes who make all the cool movies about people getting blown up and junk just seem to lack the creativity to keep a movie scene going once they blow the people up. That really bugs me.

There I am watching the good guy, who always has one of those great guns that never runs out of bullets and he never misses, fighting the bad guys. Those morons always run out of bullets and can shoot straight either. They say crime doesn’t pay and I can see why. If you can hit anything you are shooting at, then you suck and ought to take up another job in my opinion. But I doubt the idiots will ever listen.

Anyway, there I am rooting for the good guy and he ends up shooting about a bazillion bad guys. Then they fade to black! Just when it is looking so cool and the good guy is going great they do something lame like fade to black. God I hate this.

I mean there are all kinds of bad guys in the world. So once the good guy has gotten warmed up how come he can’t just keep going. It can’t be because he ran out of bullets of just got tired either. Good guys never have that problem.

I think it is more an issue of them running out of bad guys. Shoot there are so many of them that get wiped out in a movie. I guess you can’t risk them ending up as some shortage.

So I think what happens is they have to take a break to round up some more bad guys. You would think the least they could do is plan ahead. That would make sense. I mean if you are going to kill of X number of bad guys then for Pete’s sake, be sure you got enough to start with.

That is the problem with those movie make dudes they just miss out on the important stuff at times. At least in my opinion.

Maybe one of these days they’ll reply to one of the scripts I send them where I had my own character, Jack Whackem Smackem, be the star. Old Jack is so cool to me. And they never have to worry about this fading to black crap with my movie script. Heck if they took my advice they wouldn’t even need to have an ending or a beginning.

I just cut all that stuff and have this “come and get it” part added. That is where you watch one part and then come back later for the next one and so on. Course to do this I make each movie only fifteen minutes long. You do have to have a potty break time, let’s get real here.

Well, I’m still waiting to hear on that part from those movie dudes. I’m sure they will contact me eventually. And then I can finally help them see the light, er stop seeing the black I guess.

REALLY?

Man I hate when people tell me the most unbelievable crap and it turns out to be true. I mean if they make it up that is cool at times. Kind of annoying also, but it can be fun.

What bugs me is when they ramble about something and I end up listening, saying really when I mean, “No way!” Then I find out there was a way. Boy does that suck.

Well the thing that is the hardest is figuring out for sure when stuff is real and not real with some people. I even have to worry about that with my buddy Otis at times.

He’s a big one for knowing lots of stuff and most of the time it is true. Or at least it seems to be. But the problem is that there are times when he is a super big fibber too.

Most of those cases though are when he is making junk up for our boss Dr. Hemoglobin. And I have to say I’m cool with that. Man if he didn’t then we both would look like clowns to our boss when we mess up, which we do a lot.

So I understand when he has to come up with some big fib that sounds true so we can keep from getting yelled at all the time. Plus being super hero grimefighting types of guys it is also important for our image. That is the thing you call it when you have to look cool even when you aren’t because you got to do so for somebody else’s sake who worships super hero types.

At least that is the thing Otis keeps telling is the reason. The only problem is that you know I have found too many people who get all jazzed by us as super heroes. I wish I did. It might make things more encouraging to have a few more fans and they would take the place of the ones that are sort of less than encouraging. Yeah the buttheads who always act less than grateful when we try to do something nice.

I don’t know, but when you accidentally bash some dude who you know you think is a die hard griminal and then it turns out he wasn’t they just have a hard time appreciating your super hero status. It is more like they want to appreciate it by clobbering you. And let me tell you it doesn’t do much for our super hero status if we get found lying on the ground unconscious from that kind of appreciation.

In the meantime outside of Otis I really got to work hard and sorting through some of the stuff I hear for the really, really instead of the no way type of really. It sure is tough to do for sure, but I’m working on it.

I guess I’ll probably have to give up on listening to that one radio show too where they talk about all this cool stuff that Otis ends up rolling his eyes when I tell him about. He never even says really about it either.

Guess with him you know, he does feel a need to worry about when stuff is no way or real like I do. But then since I’m always telling him about it, I guess he figures I do all the work on that part myself.

SUB ZERO TEMPERATURES

Okay, the news guy on the radio was talking about them having sub zero temperatures in some place in the middle of winter. I got the impression this place was in a place like Canada or near that part of the world.

Now I’m not expert on places, but the way I understand it the place he was talking about wasn’t near any ocean. And unless they are making submarine’s different than they use to, you still have to have an ocean of some kind to use them properly.

As for this stuff about sub zero temperatures, well shoot if you are talking about place where you can use a submarine so it is sub zero meaning having zero submarines that can sort of make sense. I’m not sure why you would be all that worried about how cold or hot it was if there were zero submarines around, but apparently it is important to somebody.

As best a I can figure these places that have zero sub’s must have a lot of people who like submarines. And I reckon that is why some places have submarine sandwiches. So if you can’t have the real thing you can at least stuff you face with something that looks like a submarine.

Why that is such a big deal, I have no idea. I mean you never hear about battleship zero temperatures or aircraft carrier zero temperatures. Only sub zero.

Does that mean there are more folks crazy about submarines than other kinds of ships that are in the ocean? I don’t know for sure.

Maybe this is something I’ll have to ask somebody in the Navy to find out. I mean last time I heard the Navy dudes were in charge of floating stuff. Well almost all floating stuff. But not everything.

My buddy Otis was talking the other day about floating a loan. I didn’t know they made boats out of money to loan to people. I would have figured the water would have made all that money soggy. But my buddy didn’t seem to worry about it.

So I guess one of these days I get down to the beach and then find a sailor type dude to ask him more about all this sub zero stuff. At the same time I’ll find out if he knows what that dude Davy Jones keeps in his locker that the ships end up visiting when they go down to wherever it is located.

Meanwhile, I’m going to keep checking to see if I can find out just how many places are uptight over this zero sub business. Maybe we can do something to take their mind off their lack of subs.

Perhaps a few extra submarine sandwiches providing it doesn’t depress them over their lack of subs. As for me, well, I can live with the need for any subs. And I won’t even break out in a sweat over it.

SAME TIME, SAME...

Yeah, who said this was a good thing? Not me. What is so cool about same time, same whatever unless you like the same in the first place?

They never mention that part I bet. You know why? That is because they don’t want you to know. They would rather have you think all same stuff is okay. It is a conspiracy to me that is about trying to make sure we are all dull as dirt.

So the way I figure this there are a bunch of dirty rotten creeps with no imagination who can’t think up new stuff so they want to jam their old crap down our throats no matter how boring it is. Only they never talk about it that way.

Instead they pull that stuff about calling the same old thing as new and improved so you won’t know it is really the same. Yep, that just really burns my hide when they pull that crap. I swear I wish they would ask me, I could come up with some good options if they ask.

Take soup for example. Does it have to come in a can? Why can’t they like do something such a soup on a stick? A nice frozen version you could eat like a popsicle? See that was a cool option, but will it ever happen? I doubt it!

Plus if they figured some other means you need a can opener on those stupid cans. I bet that is the idea of the can people who are afraid you could find out how cool things would be in some other container that wasn’t a can.

The one thing people can expect with me is that I will share these important ideas and not let anybody bully me or keep me from talking about them. Yep, I going to see the world doesn’t have to fear those darn can people. Or any other of the same like the box people either.

Now all I got to do is figure a way to come up with something you could use instead of a can or box. Maybe making it edible would be cool too. That would save on trash.

Hmmm, I wonder if you could make a box or can out of crackers very easy? Well you might have trouble putting liquid in crackers. I guess you could use some kind of paint that would be sure it didn’t leak. Some kind with lead perhaps would work good since I hear that would be a way to make sure it didn’t leak.

I wonder if it would tastes okay? I guess you could add some sugar to it. Yep, see that is all the way it could help and I just thought it up without much effort.

I bet we could find all kinds of people to do the same if we tried. Come on folks, put on those thinking caps and save us from the evil container people.

I know we can do it if we try. And I think the world would truly be grateful for cracker container covered in an edible lead paint. At least it wouldn’t be the same thing huh?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "It is pride comes before a fall. If it involves bragging you probably fall down because you got punched in the nose."

NOT IN MY UNDERWEAR YOU DON'T

There are some things that to me are totally sacred and not negotiable. Underwear is one of those.

I heard some clown talking the other day and maybe it was his idea of being funny, but he talked about shooting an elephant in his pajamas and having no idea how it got there. Now is it just me or does that sound stupid to you?

What kind of knucklehead even has pajamas he wears that are so big and elephant would fit in them? I don’t think I want to meet that dude.

See those are the kinds of stupid junk that gets said and I find it really annoying. It is kind of like when they say you should always put on clean underwear before you go anywhere in case you get in an accident.

What’s the deal with that? Do those doctors get some sick pleasure out of checking your underwear when you get messed up in some accident? Do they like giving it a double check and it if isn’t clean they just shrug and say, “Heck any moron who refuses to wear clean underwear doesn’t deserve any medical help?

Plus show me where in the medical insurance stuff it says one stupid thing about underwear? I can see how that would suck. You go in to the hospital for some emergency and you show them your insurance card and some pervert of a clerk says, “Okay buddy drop you pants and prove to me you got clean underwear.” Like that is going to happen!

But the very fact that somebody was thinking along those lines is kind of scary to me. God if they are going to stay thinking weird crap about your underwear what comes next? Pretty soon before you know it they’ll be going after you socks. Or maybe you pajamas.

Hey, you can kid about my underwear, but never kid about my pajamas. Those are very personal and I don’t think anybody ought to be messing with them.

Er, I’m not saying that messing with my underwear is okay. And especially not while I’m wearing them. Any crazy dude that would try to mess with my underwear while I was still wearing them would be in big trouble.

Which sort of makes me wonder if perhaps there is some connection between clean underwear and aliens who come here in space ships. The idea just sort of popped in my head.

What if those darn sneaking aliens, who as far as I know don’t even wear underwear got some hang up about checking them out. Maybe with all their smarts they never invented them so they jealous and want to come here and screw with our minds so we won’t know just how stupid they are in terms of underwear. Sort of makes sense to me. It might even be why they mess with those crop circles. They might be you know trying to come up with a place to put up a clothes line to hang underwear and simply get too embarrassed to admit they have no idea what one ought to looks like. I guess I’ll have to give that some more thought. I’ll keep you posted if I figure it out.

FILM AT ELEVEN

Oooh, I hate hearing about this. The horror, the tragedy, it just really disgusts me. And I wish they would stop bragging about it.

To me there is nothing yuckier than to have some film form on a glass on other surface that makes it seem so scummy. Seeing it just creeps me out.

Will somebody please tell me what is up with the news people who want to be sure the whole world knows about some film on something? And if that isn’t bad enough they make sure you know that this film is going to be worth showing off at eleven. Not sure why they are so dang proud of this nasty film that they want to show it off at eleven, but I think they are wacky for doing it.

Of course being a grimefighter and super hero the one thing more than anything that bugs me is something that celebrates any kind of grime. I ask you is that shameful or what?

Well you can be sure that I ain’t going to simply sit back and allow these news creeps continue to shove this film crap in my face forever. The first thing I have to do is find out where these dudes hang out.

Then I’ll have a nice little chat with them. Yep that always helps. Kind of, at least. Providing they don’t start trying to pretend that this film stuff isn’t bad or grimy.

If that happens then I only am left with one choice. I will have to reason with them. That takes a little longer naturally. Depending on how many times I have to use my bat. Which also is dependent upon how hard their head is before I finally get them to stop being a jerk or end up unconscious.

Right now the first problem is even finding them suckers. I tell you I tried calling the television station and asking them, but boy they sure weren’t helpful.

I mean I went to all the trouble to explain about the problems of film and stuff and you would have thought they would have cared. But NOOOOO, they just got real snotty over the phone.

So for the moment I still got to figure a way around those dudes in the uniforms who guard the entrance to the television station. You would think they would be able to appreciate the importance of clean seeing how they do wear uniforms and are suppose to be the good guys.

Well that is a problem I’ll work out later. It might take some effort. I’m thinking that I might make up some kind of booklet to show them what film does to stuff. That way I could educate them so they wouldn’t be so darn uncooperative.

Course if that don’t work I might get real clever in how I get their attention. I bet parking a garbage truck on their chest would say what I needed to say.

IMAGINE

I always enjoy imagining life being different than it really is. To be able to play that old game of “what if.”

Some people don’t enjoy that option. They feel that kind of exercise leads to regret. Perhaps they are right.

Why do I feel inclined to play that game? Because as I reflect with the help of God’s spirit I like to thing it gives me a chance to see how my life might have been different if I listened to him more often. It might seem futile to some, but it is inspiring to me.

That is Mmainly because in the reflecting I apply it to the now. And when life becomes to burden with a sense of emptiness, it gives me a sense of joy to think the future could be a time for improvement and change.

Does that mean it will happen? No. Still there are times it does and that is a chance to rejoice.

I’ve seen so many who reach some zenith in their lives and slowly begin to vegetate. They somewhere decided to stop chasing their dreams, they stop literally hoping. Instead they slowly die in their soul as the scriptures declare when it says, “without a vision, the people perish.”

I’m not suggesting that dreaming is better than facing reality. What I am saying is that without some point to trust God, if one is a follower of Christ the very passion for life can ebb if not die completely.

A person can live for years in such a condition, but it doesn’t mean they will be content in the least. And so often I’ve seen that vacant, desperate look in their eyes. The one that is where they are restraining their real feelings like trying to keep from admitting to some deep abiding pain.

Some prevail in that kind of denial for a very long time. It is sad because they never let God fill that void. There is no expectancy of tomorrow ever improving. It is to me a form of suicide for the soul that one allows to simply wither rather than breathe.

Another aspect of this resides in the fact that through such efforts one also discovers that God will at times open the doorways to visions of one’s eternal destiny. We can see the spiritual forecast of out we will dwell in a greater essence when in the presence of the Lord.

That can carry one through the valleys and give warmth when surrounded only by a sense of cold where others lack that experiencing. For many often do not avail themselves of that type of blessing. It is one that we must reach for in faith and the devil will surely do what he can to keep us thinking it is a silly pursuit. If we listen with our heart and not our mind we will know the truth. May we all find the means to savor that joy and discover it on journeys where others fail to travel.

TOMORROW'S FORECAST

They are always talking about this on the news and most of the time about stuff like the weather. Now you would sort of think that if the deal is that you want you know it to be a good thing in terms of something like the weather they ought to be right. But it does sort of bug me that sometimes they aren’t even close.

So how come they can’t at least get creative and forecast other junk too? I would like them to forecast stuff like how tomorrow there is going to be a free lunch over at some restaurant or whatever. That would be cool.

But gosh darn it all they never do that. This just ends up being only about the weather. And what is really silly is how they have some big board behind then with cool pictures. You would think just looking at the board would be enough. Only it never seems to help much.

It was like the other day they were talking about lows and highs. They never got around to saying exactly what was the deal on the low or the highs for that matter. All I know is that there were seventy of the highs and fifty of the lows. Was this a good thing? I couldn’t tell.

And what really bugs me is how none of that matter anyway. I mean they didn’t do anything to make things look better in the process. Not as far as I could tell.

Maybe they mean how you feel with this low and high stuff. Not sure what fifty or seventy is suppose to feel like though.

I’m wondering if you know that has to do with say stuff like oh you feeling like you were that age instead of whatever age you really are. If so the obviously people feel way much better in the winter. Because the highs then are only in the thirties and forties.

Only since the lows are always lower than the highs and have something to do with night I guess you feel younger at night. Guess that is an okay thing.

Well I’m not personally convinced this is a good thing though. Maybe to them, but you can’t go by me.

And how come the weather dude has to be in charge of deciding how I feel anyway? What is the deal with that?

I guess maybe one of these days that will all make sense. Not sure when, but eventually.

Probably about the same time that you know I get a big chance to see some of those days when the high is like a hundred and then still be happy about it. That is going to take some doing if you ask me. But I’ll give it a shot I reckon since nobody else seems to be concerned about it.

JUST DO IT

Now the part that worries me with this is the IT part. I mean doing it can be cool if it happens to be a good thing.

Only if it is a lame thing then just doing it and not thinking about it first can be dumb and stupid! Well too me at least.

Anyway, I do like the idea of just do it if you at least explain the it part first. I recall when I saw this phrase on this poster where there was this dude dressed in what looked like his underwear. He was running in the poster away from the camera. So all you saw was his backside.

Now I got no idea what IT he did, but it must have been something kind of bad since he was running and just wearing underwear probably means he was in big trouble. I’m not sure that was helping the idea of doing it.

Maybe I ought to find the poster people who took that picture and see if I could get them to think of a better kind of IT picture. Like say having it taken from something like a candy store.

I figure that kind of IT would be something everyone would understand. At least I would think it would be make more sense than seeing some sweaty dude in his underwear!

Of course being a grimefighter I guess I ought to toss in something about maybe showing picture or two of people putting trash in a trash can. I don’t reckon that would need much explanation would it? Probably would be best if they were smiling though.

I know one thing, if you ain’t enjoying the doing part you’ll probably not be as keen on doing it no matter what it is. At least I know that works that way for me.

Perhaps it works different for other people though. I can’t say for sure. Guess I could ask. It would hurt.

I wonder what the best way to ask might be. I could just go up and ask someone how they like to do it?

Only I reckon I better be careful who I ask that of. It would better be somebody I know. Because otherwise their idea of an it could be really weird and I already got enough weird crap in my life.

Anyway I guess this is worth giving some thought. You never knew when it will be something worth talking about.

Just like most things in life it is better when you think about stuff before you just really do them. At least I think it works best that way.

I hope it works that way with you too. Well on the it part at least, whatever the it is that you enjoy.

CURVES AND NERVES

I’ve been working on this theory that thinks with curves are strange in a way that gets on your nerves. That might seem weird, but believe me I think it is true.

When you think about if something is straight or square it generally can be stacked easy or doesn’t give you any hassles when you are following it like a stretch of straight highway. But if it has curves then you don’t know if there might be some car coming your way or if it is something you have to stack then you got the added problem of will it even stack right.

So consider for example that paper is always flat and straight. Who wants paper that is curved? Pens are curved lots of time and that makes it a pain if you have to lay them down somewhere. And if you use them to write with, you can make curves, but they are flat on the paper so they don’t bug you as much. It is sort of compromise, but I got no idea who figured that one out.

Okay, so boxes, which are cool for lots of things don’t have lots of curves if any. They got edges, but that just makes them square. Oh the other hand stuff like bags end up bulging so even though they are sort of straight by the time you fill them up they got curves. So you can’t stack them.

I think the idea here is that straight means neat, curves carry the risk of a mess. That sounds like a pretty good rule to me.

Now the big hassle is of course figuring out a way to avoid those curves. And that can really get complicated. See jelly beans are straight, well not completely. But they aren’t really curved either. So I have to us what is called “my discretion” on that one. So I ruled them as wanna be straight things.

Let me tell you that discretion thing really has gotten a work out lately too. I mean the other day I had an ice cream cone. The cone was kind of straight and the ice cream, well it was not either straight or curved. More lumpy than anything. But since it was in a cone that more on the straight side I counted it as okay.

I just hope all these rules don’t make things too complicated for you folks. After all that would be more like a curve than something straight and who needs that.

In the meantime I’m going to be working on a curve rule thing. Something we can look at and enjoy since it will guide us through the murky world of curve mess.

And if I can spare one person from falling victim to that then I know I’ve done a good thing. That is something I can feel good about.

Here’s hoping all your curves don’t end up getting you in trouble. That would be dang messy that is for sure. Just don’t forget to keep something to straighten out any curves you can. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.

KNOCK THREE TIMES

Boy it sure is amazing what some people thing makes for a good song. I was listening to this radio station the other day that likes to play older songs and this one came on where part of the words included “knock three times.”

It was okay I guess. The tune was kind of catchy, but I’m not that convinced the words were that great.

I got to ask from my point of view here if this really didn’t have a lot to do with somebody that was hard of hearing. Heck if you go to knock three times that tells me the person inside the dang house is probably not home or can hear from some reason.

Plus what happens if they have a door bell? Is your broke or something so you can knock, but can push a buzzer?

How come I’m the only one that seems to be able to figure that kind of stuff out? It doesn’t seem that tough.

But I guess it was too much for that dude who wrote the song to know. About half way through I want to slap him up the side of the head and ask “Hey moron, can’t you just pick up a stupid phone and call this person?”

That sure would save the wear and tear on your knuckles if you ask me. Which obvious they didn’t.

Nope I think they need to redo that song and make it more modern. Something like email mail we twice and phone me once.

Or perhaps, give me a break and answer the doorbell clown or next time I throw a stupid rock through your darn window! Yeah I bet that would do it.

Back I guess back in the old days when they wrote that song perhaps they didn’t have a way of figuring that part out. At least we can feel cool we can think better these days huh?

It is too bad though. I think of you know all those poor folks who probably listened to the song and never got it. The poor slobs probably spent forever at somebody house knock three times and all that crap.

Perhaps I’ll give some thought to helping people out by writing my own version of that song for today’s more enlightened audience. Yep, it seems like the least I could do.

All I have to do is decide the rest of the words. Like maybe “Knock three times if you are dumb and stupid and don’t have a cell phone. Or knock three times only after you’ve checked your emails to see if I’ve answered your emails.” Yeah, it seems like it would sure work better than that old song. Now all I have to do is find a song publisher with the ability to appreciate my talent for its real worth.

Thought for the week: "What's the deal with that groundhog seeing his shadow and knowing how long winter is? I bet he secretly has cable and the weather channel."

ARMED TO THE TEETH

Okay, okay this has to be one of the most scariest things I can think of. Imagine somebody having a gun hidden in their teeth. Then they casually walk up to you, smile and bam! Before you know it you got a bullet whole somewhere that God didn’t need intend or even say was okay.

What I want to know is where in the world did they find a dentist crazy enough to invent this kind of gun? I wonder was it considered for self-defense like if say you were afraid of being robbed when you were walking somewhere?

Seems like a fair question to me. I sure hope that the police have figured a way to check for that kind of concealed weapon. It could be kind of hard when you think about it. Heck you could hardly go up to somebody who was smiling way to much and squinting like they were targeting you and say “okay pal, freeze because I’m going to stick my hand in your mouth and it better not go off!”

I also wonder how you could put a safety on the teeth without it being noticeable? See that is another of those important questions that don’t get asked very often I bet.

I’m thinking now that I’ve had plenty of chances to really think about it that I’m going to be extra careful when seeing somebody who smiles a lot. Well shoot now that I really think about it I also better watch out for those dudes who don’t smile at all. They might be the kind with a weapon their teeth can’t hide. Probably had a crappy dental plan so they had to go cheap.

As for everyone else, gosh all I can say is just be careful. If some dude you know doesn’t like you very much happens to come up smiling then you better duck. Or you could just whack him in the mouth to be safe. That way you wouldn’t have to take any chances. Just a thought though.

I do get concern that the government who are suppose to know everything and protect our butts don’t bother to tell us about this thing? Makes me wonder if that darn dentist paid off the politicians. Or maybe he just smiled at them and threaten to shoot them a dozen times or something. Yeah that might do it.

But you know you can always count on old Philo Milo Buttercream to get the word out even nobody is willing to do so. And you can also know that I won’t let anybody keep me from telling it like it is when it needs to be told. Heck even if I’m not sure it needs to be told I’ll tell it anyway just to be safe.

Yep, it gives me a whole lot of joy to be able to share the facts. And even more joy when it sometimes turns out that I was right. Er, I suppose I shouldn’t have mentioned that part huh?

Oh well no big deal to me. We all got what is called freedom of speech and that means we don’t have to be right to shoot our mouths off!