DEAR E.B.

Dear E. B.,
greetings oh brother bunny,
who makes Easter so sunny
with those chocolate eggs and jelly beans.

No I don’t wish to ruin the season,
but back at the hutch factory
where we slave away
to make all those tasty treats,
we’ve got a few minor problems.

Now I confess when you suggested
we needed a holiday in Spring,
it sounded like a great idea,
especially after you took out that patent on egg coloring kits,
then having that secret meeting at the North Pole,
did give the concept a special enchanted flair.

Only you’ve been off passing baskets
and having such a great time getting famous and all,
while I’ve had to deal with those darn strikes by the elves
that are moonlighting from Christmas,
they want us to make the day more jolly,
plus add in some fruitcake.

You know things have never been the same
since that Willie Wonka flick
those darn Oompa Loompas more likeable
than our cute and fuzzy acts.

I’m telling you we need some help,
a few miracles to restore our popularity,
something that makes our plastic grass magical,
perhaps asking Mother Earth for subsidy,
because you we got turned down
for the government grant,
which would have given us bucks
to sink into that slim-fast stock
as a survival precaution.

CHEERLEADING

All the perfect hair day clones
who danced and shouted on how to touch the clouds,
how they made the leap sound so easy,
just try with all your heart
and suddenly you’ll be an hot air balloon
turning into a space ship
traveling to your dreams non stop,
no problems, not a single risk from gravity.

They were so busy yelling and being excited,
to bother mentioning a ladder might be found
helping you climb to the top of a tree
where you could find the remnants of a blimp.

Or that if you stopped yelling and went to the library
there you would discover some special book
about places you could actually ascend
with a lot of effort and pain.

Somehow their philosophy of excited
has dominated the cheerleading clans,
skipping over things such as plans and details
so you might know the risks
before you jumped around
while pretending to be a bird.

Once I stop listening to the lofty loonies,
gave the desire a honest and earnest passion,
the bruises and wounds didn’t stop me
from extending my arms to grasp at my hopes,
only with band-aids instead of pom-poms.

THIS DAY

This day, this dream,
my heart shall finally
leap to the pace of love’s waltz,
enraptured and spellbound,
at last able to partake
passion’s intimate ballet.

For my legs are full of desire,
ready to sway in such intense display
because I am on frog on fire,
prepared to jump onto
the goddess who captured my soul,
that siren I can’t live without.

I know she is betrothed to another,
but the moment I saw her face,
it was kismet, soul mates forever,
knowing we were destined
to one life, one creation
of divine amore’s artistry,
waving this veil of fly wings to impress.

Oh I am aware my challenge is great,
my competition such a prince,
but I will risk all to hold her tight,
step together towards a sunset
where I will be her partner always.

Alas poor Kermit,
forgive this fated union,
because I do what must do
in order to make
Ms. Piggy my future wife.

PLAIN TRUTH

There are some things where plain is good. Like with chocolate. Plain chocolate is great. Still tastes yummy.

But there are other times when it just is darn crummy. Like that stuff called yogurt. I call that wanna be ice cream.

I got some of it one time. Man it was not fun to eat. Well not to me. Really who thinks that is a good kind of truth?

Probably somebody who wants you to not eat their ice cream. So they want you to believe this is a good choice.

Sure ain’t in my book. Yeah really I have to say it is not my idea of something I want to put in my stomach.

But that is me. Those weirdoes who call themselves health food addicts are the problem. Yeah they are crazy.

This is where I am doing myself the big favor. I ain’t taking plain as okay when it comes to food unless it tastes good.

Yeah that is my choice. And let me tell you that will be a rule for me from now on because it makes sense.

In any case I will be thinking about it and that means no crap. Nothing that ain’t decent to my tummy.

I’m sorry, but I sure don’t plan on this changing. Unless you are talking about ice cream. Because vanilla is considered plain.

Only it has flavor and one I like. Yeah that is a good thing. Now for other stuff you got to wonder

I mean I like so many things. But they all have flavors. So I want to like make plain other than bleah.

I think that is far. Yep I want to be able to be sure it all will not make me sick. That is just plain dumb.

And who needs that. So maybe I will call plain something that nobody messes up with some organic junk.

That will be my rule and I like it. And you can be sure I will keep it that way. Unless they let you put chocolate on all stuff.
That would work for me.

OH THIS I JUST AGONY

I don’t know how to share my shame
over the guilt of keeping the truth a secret too long,
but I have just been in such deep agony
over hiding this from you so very long.

Please forgive me for my despicable deception,
it is a regrettable learned behavior back on Neptune
we don’t get trained to deal with confrontation
without normally eating somebody’s face.

Oh I tried to learn to change when I spent time with Bigfoot
in that commune where we worshipped The Holy Jicama.

How I miss those nightly visions of that Atlantis Gelato shop
they just blessed me with the ability to commune
with the departed spirits of cute and fuzzy
carnivorous trout and cannibal sponges.

Alas it is too bad the High Council of the planet Snavely-thistle
decided our polka chanting rituals
were threatening the karmic balance
of the fruitcake they use to contact black hole demigods.

So sad I got that sickness there,
especially since the doctors still haven’t determine my disease,
but they said it isn’t contagious, well pretty sure,
haven’t noticed you thinking you were Smokey the Flatulent Bear
so imagine you are safe.

Now I must leave and say good-bye
can’t even tell you where I’m going to be for always,
don’t think they have phones
inside the Loch Ness monster’s tale.

Hmmm, did you hear that?
Darn zebra banshees can be such a pain.
I do promise to cherish the memory of out time forever
hold it as dear as the times I spent
in that igloo with those hemophilic jelly bean pirates
while I was cloud fish named Gertrude.

YAH ALL COME

I would invite half the nuts and crazies in my life
to a freeloader bash,
telling them I had just won a big windfall,
then let them stuff their faces
with food that was drugged
before allowing them use a hot tub I rented,
making sure I could adjust the heat
so they were boiled and turned into a stew
after they feel asleep.

Then serve the others that concoction at a different party,
adding seasons to make them insane
before arranging to frame them
for eating the first bunch
and calling the cops so they all went to the loony bin.

Writing a book to get rich
telling all about these maniacs,
having enough money
so I could rent friends
who would all lie
and tell me how great I was.

ONE MORE TIME

Well when this is for good junk then it is cool. I just wish that was always the case. Which it ain’t.

Like with them crummy griminals. Man they are nuts. Always leaving a mess and then doing it again.

It is just plain dumb. I mean who thinks all that messing is a good thing? I don’t. And I wouldn’t.

Now what I need to do here is fix this so it don’t keep on happening. Well when you are talking bad stuff.

Yeah I really want to like fix this problem with the nuts. I mean there are too many of them out there.

Now what I am working on here is a way to make this less of a problem. I figure they need some encouragement.

That is what Otis calls it. And this also is called inspiration. Not really sure what the difference is between them.

I do know that neither of these involves using my bat. Now that is really the kind of one more time that counts.

But Otis says it don’t count. Darn it I hate when he says stuff like that. Really takes all the fun out of stuff.

Now that the part I am working on. I really think I need to get him to see how cool of a solution this is.

Hmm, maybe I need to give him some motivation. Well not with bashing naturally. Buds don’t do that to each other.

But then what I could do is find a way to get him to like bashing. I know I need to get him a bat made of Spam.

Might be a bit to soft. Perhaps if I left it in the can? Well that might work. Could be a tad heavy.

Guess I will have to work on that part. Gosh this could be complicated. But shoot for my buddy it would be worth it.

All I need to do is get a little more practice. Perhaps a different kind of canned meat. Have to think on that one.

Sure it will work eventually even if greasy.

Thought for the week: "How come dish washers don't also cook food? Sure would save time."

DEAD AND LOVING IT

Oh the barrels blast and the bodies bend
on Oakman streets several times a day.
Bitter Creek Outlaws
dueling to the death
with that wretched Ghostrider gang.

Eyes glued from tourist stares
while the accusations exploded,
outraged father’s vowing slaughter
over violated daughters.

Tensions grips before the pistols boom,
everyone ends up on the ground,
audience regaled by the bloodless drama
no bullet holes can be found.

What old west tale unfolds in regular duels,
impressing the visiting dudes,
local never flinch at the spectacle,
their burro behinds merely lifting their tails,
leaving their criticisms and indifference
in warm smelly piles.

DOING IT WITH CLASS

There are times
when you can’t take it any longer,
and that secret craving has to be appeased,
pulling the drapes closed
so neighbors won’t see
our wretched and depraved form
of pure, unbridled insanity.

Removing those hidden pleasures
from the place their kept under a blanket
on the closet shelf.

Then turning on the DVD
inserting the film,
“Attack of The Killer Tomatoes.”

We smirk in our private addiction,
happy the people next door
haven’t found out about our shameful and shocking obsession.

If our minds can handle more without losing control,
after that comes, “Amazon Women In The Avocado Jungle.”

That is all I’ll dare confess in verse,
about my movie dementia that keeps growing worse.

NEW AND IMPROVED

Sounded like pure genius
when the idea was purposed,
eliminated air bags in dash
and replacing with inflatable
gear shift knobs.

No more having them
suddenly come open by mistake,
just one simple expandable ball,
responding to computer crash alert system.

Oh the pride they had,
over what little change would make,
newest models so touted safety
with extra comfort.

But in the haste to make this dream
a reality at the marketplace,
they gave the design job to an engineer
without checking his background.

Didn’t even pay attention
at his plan that connected it
to the emergency brake.

So the cars rolls off the assembly line,
everyone happy as they could be,
until that first time the thing opened
when a driver activated it accidentally
due to faulty wiring circuit creation.

It blew up so much bigger than anyone expected,
panicked driver fleeing car screaming,
then investigation discovered the blunder
turned out the guy they let created the thing,
used to work at making balloons
for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade!

EINSTEIN KNIEVEL

Joey’s parents were so proud
their child progeny had skipped three grades,
they knew he was going to be another Einstein.

Didn’t pay attention
when he got interested in cable television,
for he was still a kid after all,
weren’t watching as he viewed,
The Wild Pack, Easy Rider and Bye Bye Birdie.

Didn’t even give it a thought
as he started ordering bike parts
off the internet.

But now they’re paying for their mistake,
for he built a nuclear powered motorcycle,
haven’t to explain to a judge
about those tire tracks on cop’s behind
after his throttle got stuck
with them glowing in the dark
making the evidence
impossible to deny.

Now genius is on skates,
but they are checking them twice a day,
making sure he doesn’t add some invention
to cause them to speed.

Neighbors have all put up front yard fences,
since Enstein Knievel talked about
the joy of leaping over obstacles,
always looking out the window
anytime he’s outside.

BLAME IT ON THE NYQUIL

A time to turn sickness into silliness,
do things utterly insane
totally lacking any reason whatsoever.

And when everyone thinks your nuts,
just blame it on the Nyquil.
Let the light of creativity
truly shine into those dull and boring moments,
bound to bring a laugh
even if it doesn’t cure the flu.

But what better time to do the unpredictable,
make the world appear upside down,
find so many things to do
that you might have otherwise
been to worried to try.

Can’t hurt and might get so many
really anxious for your recovery,
as long as they don’t hide your cough syrup.

So come on call that cable customer service line,
make up some phony life story,
talk to some sales clerk at a store
ramble endless over dribble
while he listens in hopes of a sale,
then fake some emergency,
leave with him just scratching his head.

Might not get rid of your cold,
yet could help add some joy to the blues.

FINDING SMILES

A curl of the lips
can be found so many places,
just let your imagination
be your clown.

Try to read the titles
of your favorite books
and then add “under the bed,”
after each one.

Imagine if Peter Pan
was president
and Tinker Bell
the Secretary of Defense,
would Neverland make a good democracy?

Read the newspaper
only rewrite every story
as a soap opera.

Pretend your couch is a roller coaster
see your self heading down the bottom
only to notice the track is broken,
make so much noise your neighbors come,
then merely smile and say, “what?”

Make paper air planes
out of your bills,
sent they flying and tell creditors
the check is in the mail,
oh yeah, I’m sure that will give them a laugh.

So just let the jester in your head
go a little crazy,
might not make the world better,
but at least for a while you’ll have some fun.

AWAKENING

Now one thing I know is that wake works better than asleep. Well providing you want to do junk that is fun.

Well dreaming can be kind of okay. Only you can quite say get to eat if you are dreaming.

You might imagine it, but your tummy will now know the difference. And that sure sucks.

So I prefer to like have this be for real. Yeah I want this to be all okay. I want my cake and eat it too.

Heard that somewhere. Not sure where, but let me tell you it sure sucks if you have cake and can’t eat it.

So that is where I am like going to really be careful. I want to be sure nobody is planning any funny stuff.

Yeah there is a lot of this kind of stuff out there. People doing weird and crazy junk. Where you wish it was a dream.

Because it is just too weird. Oh yeah you know that just ain’t the right deal. Don’t think I like the idea.

Really who wants you know junk that ain’t my idea of good. Because unless I can enjoy it then it just ain’t the same.

Well they say you know it is something you need to work on. Sure is a lot of junk that like that.

As if it always under repair. Is that a good deal? I got to wonder. Because let me tell I sure don’t think so.

Nope not going to let anybody convince me that sitting there and napping is as good as being awake. Just ain’t true.

And let me tell you that is no a thing I want to even do. I want fun. I want good times that I can remember.

Oh well guess it is good thing somewhere. Just not something I heard somebody say once and really questioned.

So just have to wonder. Really they can have this sleep and call it fun stuff. I will just be me.

Which is good from my view.

Thought for the week: "Is there a miracle cleaner for the mind?

A TRIBUTE TO VOGON POETRY

Ode To A Broken Zipper Flec Of Wondrous Dull Fartiguity

Oh wretched mucation of trepmasticoid harbingous flimep
how begotulated is your tootrakatrory bulldish zerzlime.
Riverneck doodle flunation torry stupa dor uhanage hom
let the candle musticate its nove wag hemalomp simmer lom.

Copsequious urgen lobos ream
doth though muctiscare a jeam,
beeglesnurt reglatoid flem get pugalist
um toona snort kem sander nuptalist.

Givlick gumswell dedstan boiled puslifier
unto the muscus snot the ham riddle mulsifier.
Dancet monet cometous clarible rediddle snort
the apple is a bug in bigwiggle felm feld cnort.

Gurglapex sturgeon pox in latherme grr nurger
flox in pathoma bean booga uma tune durger.
Zol rapny thou imslaze felbar quatnacky
waffled figgle mug digger in slotnatacky.

Beetlenux with nevermore turdidamost vingle meeze
get thy potnus pine cheese unto the bingle deeze.
Continzim urglex umil brownie cookle yanther
flec is a pondering snort in fartiguity ganther.

IF THEY ONLY KNEW

I take my rest
and dream canine miracles
as all my brothers
have always done.

Quietly blessing humans
so often without their thanks.

We taught cave man
how to hunt,
all he did was give us fleas.

Chased our tail
that he could be inspired
to invent the wheel,
yet never showed any gratitude.

Then we played catch
with Issac Newton
bringing him that apple,
oh he got our hint about gravity,
but said it was the fruit’s motivation
instead of sharing the credit.

Done so much
helping him in many ways
even offered him heroes
like Rin Tin Tin, Lassie,
Old Yeller and Underdog
in order to show him more noble paths,
yet what was our reward?
They idolized that cat, Garfield,
just for hoarding Lasagna.

Little is our appreciation,
still we do what we do,
deep down we do love them all,
even if at times his idea of entertainment
is limited to rubber bones and squeaky toys.

ANCHORS AWAY

Julie, Cindy and Susie all dreamt of sailing upon the sea,
though living in Kansas and having never seen the ocean,
thought they knew it all from an aquarium/fish buying spree
so elated when finding that future mariner’s camp promotion.

Took Julie’s pet cat, Tiger, to defend against attacks by a shark
arrived at the beachside entrance, with swim fins and a mask,
confident they would make naval life one long easy lark
nothing would prevent them from conquering any tidal task.

Oh they were so cool when going to barnacle awareness class
didn’t even mind that lesson about how to recognize a whale,
enjoyed having lunch with those shell designs on their milk glass
and nights spent in that bedroom dingy listening to a seafarer’s tale.

Then came that special day when theory would meet the water
boldly venturing down to the shore for a ride upon the waves,
taking the feline as protection against any finned plots of slaughter
along with a toy cutlass to keep from ending up some pirates’ slaves.

Proudly boarding their official Davy Jones dream glider raft
smiling as their instructor quickly warmed up the speedboat,
promising them a towing thrill upon a briny racing draft
their hearts pounding from chance to take home a reason to gloat.

But suddenly panic and screams flooded their once smiling faces
because the swells inspired their stomachs to start doing a flip flop,
while the man driving thought it meant to rev up the engine’s paces
cranking the rpm’s until he couldn’t hear their fearful pleas to stop.

Banking at the right moment bucked their craft and sent kitty flying
ended their passion for salty fantasies, quickly retreating back home,
while they decided afterwards of land jobs they would be applying
with Tiger hiding in his litter box, still shaking from his dip in foam.

TAKING A CHANCE

Well this is such a rip off to me. I mean that darn arcade machine is just so mean. Really is disgusting.

To me this is just not fair. You got some crummy machine that gives you a chance to win something only you never win a thing.

Now I think they ought to call it a deal like no way you can win machine. So just toss you coin in and forget it.

So this is the deal. See this is one of those machines that you can possibly use some claw to grab a cool prize.

And man I sure have tried. Yeah, I’ve done all I can to make it believe I really wanted some prize.

I tried to be nice to it. Brought it some oil. I know machines like oil. But couldn’t find a spot to give it some.

Thought about the coin slot. Only I knew that wouldn’t work. It would get the coins all messy.

So figured that wasn’t a good choice. Yeah, sure glad on that one. Might have really made things worse.

Sure don’t want to risk the vending machine cops paying me a visit. They do that you know.

Been lucky so far. I just haven’t had them dudes come over to give me any trouble. And that sure is cool.

What bugs me is when you just can do a thing to please that machine. Oh I tried like telling it jokes.

You know to show it how cool I am. Guess it didn’t impress. Anyway thought I would ignore it.

You know like try some other machines. Didn’t work either. Really just ain’t fair. But I ain’t giving up.

Nope, that is not what helps I found out. But am willing to keep trying. Yeah got to want to do that.

Maybe I will even figure it out. Sure hope so. Because I got my eyes on one of its prizes.

Sure will be great if I can get it to work or at least stop pissing me off.

PLEASE PASS THE...

Was family reunion time at Granny’s home
Aunt Ethel was fixing the meal all alone,
we were told she had just been to cooking school
so we figured it wouldn’t be any sickening gruel.

Looked forward to a special treat
until we got a whiff of what she called meat,
sure didn’t make us ready
for what she claimed was spaghetti,
last time I heard it should never move
too late our stomachs churned in a vomiting groove.

So glad there were so many bushes outside
because there was only one toilet inside,
digging holes so of our upchucking we could hide,
crawling back to the table wishing we had died.

Yep, auntie may have learned something gourmet and new,
but to us it was what we called, “Cordon Phew!”

TAIN'T FAR

Sure you can make it
E on that gas gauge
is just a warning

THE WAY OF FORTY TWO

Forty two card challenge,
being daring enough to play solitaire
after removing all the Aces or Kings
the Queen of Hearts or Diamonds
from the deck of fifty two.

Forty two sneaker gifts
as the number of shoes needed
for the feet of the twenty two
starting defense and offense players
on a football team.

Forty two treats,
from three boxes of 12 Hostess Ding Dongs
and one of six Eskimo ice cream bars.

Forty two breakfast thrills,
after you order 14 short stacks of three pancakes
over at the International House of Pancakes.

Forty two lunch feast,
when you get to eat
two Pizzas for twenty one days in a row.

Forty two DVD marathon
while watching all the Stars Wars Trilogy,
Indiana Jones Four flicks,
Lethal Weapon Four Sagas
and Lord of The Rings Trilogy
three times in a row.

Forty two quotes to impress others,

“England has forty-two religions and only two sauces” – Voltaire

“I’m not different from anybody else with two arms, two legs
and forty two hundred hits.” – Pete Rose

“The Answer to the Great Question Of.....Life, the Universe and Everything.....(is) Forty-two.” Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide To Galaxy.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "If you steal steel, do you add an E or an A?"

OUR WILDERNESS TREK

It was the occasion for our annual journey into the woods,
to let our spirits be immersed in nature’s soothing forest balm,
I knew it would be perfect, always a victor over the elements,
because my partner, Old Piney Pete,
was a pure pulse driving Mountain Man.

He was a descendent of Daniel Boone,
wore a coonskin cap made from a live raccoon,
learned how to hypnotize them with help from the spirit of Geronimo.

Still can remember when he amazed me
by winning a fight with three men in a bar who all had knives
while he just had a pair of fingernail clippers,
but that is another story.

So we made it out to the trees,
where he stopped and creek to catch a trout with his toes,
then used a blade of grass and his special trapper mind powers
to start a roaring fire.

And when this bear showed up,
why Pete rendered him unconscious,
digging up these roots that were a form of drug.

By the time he was done making that grizzly sleep
we were able to use it for a nice cover for our sleeping bags.
In the morning he had that creature so tame
that we rode it to this waterfall,
my buddy so gifted he taught the creature to yodel.

Sure was so mesmerizing that several wild birds landed nearby
they laid eggs as if under some spell,
finding a piece of glass he harnessed the sun’s light,
focused it like it was a magnifying glass
heating this rock to use for making scramble eggs.

Spent the rest of the weekend having one long fantastic time,
with so much more to talk about,
like when he climbed that glacier on the side of a hill
just with the help of his nose and teeth,
but then that’s another story.

NOON

I stood at lunchtime
outside so I could enjoy the sun
let its rays warm and bring some smiles,
just knew it would take away
any stress from the morning.

But then a car drove by
and blew a blast of fumes from its tail pipe
in my face making me cough,
some kid show up to hound me
to buy his candy for a fund raiser,
claimed it was to send underprivileged to Disney World,
might have believed he was in need
if he hadn’t been wearing designer jeans
with a pair of hundred dollars sneakers.

Did my best to not let it ruin my attempt
at making noon my time for savoring light,
then some bird flew over and bombed my shirt.

Went into the fast food burger joint,
looked at their poster on the wall of a sunset,
wasn’t the same,
still the vanilla shake sure was more fun
than standing outside and being some kind of target.

R I P

There are too many R I P situations in life,
those “really insane prophets”
who can’t let you enjoy life
without making you worry
about something you didn’t even want to know.

Why can they put on a clown suit
tell about doom with a few jokes?
I want to see warning labels
written in crayon and mistakes.
Have morticians dressed
like giant pink bunny rabbits,
news reporters take a pie in the face
and do silly imitations of farm animals.

Do I really care that my food has junk in it
as long as it taste good?
How come the only cure the politicians have
for when things sound bad
is to merely confuse and not tell the truth
instead of cheering us up
with some comic act that makes it all fun.

After all I might know
that I’m not going to live forever,
but why not smile along the way,
giving me a rubber chicken and box the giggles
when stuffing me in that box
so I can go out with some laughs,
keep the party going despite
the lousy things going on,
because who needs to die from boredom?

DEALS

Man these are so cool. Getting stuff for a great price. Providing people behave themselves.

Sure are some big fibbers out there. They make you think they have some deal and then change their minds.

Like the other day I was you know looking in the newspaper and they had this ad that says, buy one get one free. Sounded great.

But didn’t work that way. I just wanted the free one. Seems like a fair deal. But would the do it, nope.

Like when they say there is some per cent off on something. Then you get over to the place and it ain’t off on everything.

That ain’t fair. And I don’t know I figured you know if it is in the paper then all the stores in there should do the same thing.

Well that sure didn’t work out that way. Really was a pisser. And let me tell you whoever said customer is always right didn’t shop there.

Well I don’t know I guess I just want them to make it all make sense. That is a lot to ask I guess.

Too much for some. They are just so darn difficult. And who likes that? I sure don’t. I want honesty.

That is the part I hate about those darn ads. They just never tell you all the stuff. All those little details you find out later.

Well I guess I need to be more particular over the phone. When I ask stuff they do seem to say no problem.

Then you get in the store and it is a big problem. Well I reckon I will just keep hoping I can make it work.

Haven’t found that true so far. But I will just keep working on the idea that somewhere people aren’t fibbers.

Yeah I bet there are a few. And maybe a few actually work for a store. One that doesn’t make crazy deals.

Just sane ones. The kind that really works when we need them too. Yeah we need those a lot.

Just when we need to buy them.

THIS IS

Well one thing I know is that when you hear this is that will not be good news. This will always some pain in the butt.

They will be say it is a good deal, but it won’t be. Nope that you can count on it being other than good.

I wish it wasn’t the case. I mean really you know just kind of sucks when you get all those people do that.

I suppose I wouldn’t mind if work wasn’t where it happened most. They get this deal about rules.

Then you get the rule changes. That is when the this is part starts. And it really sucks. Because those changes are so dang dumb.

I don’t know why they have to be that way. I think if it is working then you leave it alone. But they never listen.

Nope that will not happen. And they will like drive you nuts with some junk that doesn’t even make sense.

Yeah that really is the part I would like to change. I mean first of all they come up with these dumb rules.

And you can’t even remember them. That sure sucks. Because there are too many of them.

Well the thing is to me that this is where I need time to like get them to see the light. That is what Otis calls it.

Only from what I’ve seen you could like shine a big flashlight on them and it still wouldn’t do any good. They still wouldn’t get it.

Because you know it all is one big pain the butt. And then you just end up with even more problems.

That is with the new rules always pissing you off. They will change junk to make it more complicated.

Forget that business of you know that being a case of if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Because you can be sure they will make a rule about it.

Which will most likely break some thing. More than likely it will make like more complicated.
And that ain’t ever a good thing.

SOMETIME

You might as well say never ask me again with this option. Yeah it sucks. I mean sometime don’t often mean any time.

I know because I have heard it from too many and let me tell you their some time never happens. I sure found out that the hard way.

Well let me tell you I don’t fall for that any longer. Nope I don’t mess around with such things.

If a person doesn’t give me a specific time I just figure they are making it all up. Yeah that is some thing I know.

Now wish it wasn’t that way. Really do wish you could count on people to be more honest.

And let me tell you no way I am going to accept that any person I don’t know that well. Or how smiles too much.

Now that is something you just can’t be too careful about. I mean I wish it was easier to deal with.

Oh yeah would be great if some time was really a good deal. I would love that. And would make things so much easier.

So I came up with my own rules on this. And figure I could help others by telling them about what they think is important.

Now first of all a some time should mean a real some time. So if somebody says it they better tell you when.

And it better not be some time like that never comes. Yeah I’ve been suckered by those no fun.

Just have to be sure you don’t get this to be a tricky deal either. Seen to many of those too.

Yep just be careful when dealing with the jerks. Because they will fake the jerk part all the time.

Which is the part that I really get picky about. Them fibbers will get you every time. They are so sneaky.

And that is the part that you can let them get away with. Nope they suck when you let them.

But then that is what bats are for.

LET IT BE

I hear some dudes wrote a song by that name. But I bet they didn’t mention what the be was they were letting.

Now that is the part I really get tired of hearing about. All these people who leave you confused.

They toss some idea out and never say how it is suppose to work. And the whole time it is just some crazy joke.

This is one of those times I would like to see a law made. Yeah that would be cool. A no fooling law.

Make it like where the person gets in big trouble for making junk up when it really ain’t true. Well not for everything.

Just you know dumb stuff you just can’t stand. Junk they expect you to believe. That I would think would be a good idea.

Hmm, I wonder what would be a good punishment? I don’t know. Maybe staple their tongues to a door.

Now that would be very nice to see happen. Not sure anybody else would agree. However I reckon you can’t help it.

Gee I wish they would ask me on this stuff. Really I’m a writer so why couldn’t I like toss a few good deals out there?

Course I know how them other folks love to you know to hog all the credit for themselves. So no way they will bother to give somebody else ah try.

Personally I think it is some kind of you know trick. Well on me at least. The kind of deal where people just are not willing to let me show off.

See it is like when I spend time talking to these friends of mine. I will tell them all my great ideas.

Only problem is that they are so jealous they just never can handle my genius. Nope they will get all weird on me.

I think they get scare and tell others. Then before you know it somebody else is like saying let’s not give this guy a chance.

Yep, I know how that works. Really does suck. Now what I’m going to do here is fix it if I can.

Well going to think on it. Have to find the ones I can trust. Those who don’t get strange when I tell them my brilliance.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Can't way till my ship comes it. Hope it fits in the bathtub."

GOOD NOW

Now this is one part I don’t like. When some jerk pisses you off and then acts like it is your fault.

Yeah, this is just more of the crap you get from dudes that needs to be fixed. Good really is one of those deals we all need more of.

And let me tell you that is not a cool deal. See the things there ought to be more of the time when it is fun.

I think that good and fun go together. Really ain’t happy when it all goes nuts. That is what I call it.

Lots of nuts out there. Way too many. Well from my way of looking at it. Just not far. And I vote against it.

All I need is a place to vote. Have been looking around, but haven’t found one yet. Which is not what I want.

You can be sure I don’t let this go without some kind of notice. Yeah that is a big deal on my part.

I just want something that makes sense. Just what makes life worth living I you believe Otis on that part.

But he has lots of those kinds of ideas I wonder about. Really isn’t much fun at times. Even if he calls it good.

Now what I’m trying to do here is find the best way to not let this happen when you can avoid it. And without using my bat.

Otis always says that ain’t a good solution. Wish I had a way to fix all problems so they didn’t end up like that, but that doesn’t happen.

However, I am not looking forward to that part. Well only if it doesn’t do what I want it to do.

Guess it is a matter of how you want to look at it. Which I prefer to do it with a few good swings.

That is my view you understand. Some don’t agree. But that is where I get so much fun. Just you know making sure it is what I need it to be.

Oh well that is where I am going to take more time to be careful and make it work. Well going to try and make the meanies listen.

But if not my bat still works.

PART OF OUR PAST

Yeah this is supposed to be important junk. Only I ain’t quite sure if it is a good or bad part.

I mean really you do have to give it some thought. That is what Otis calls it when stuff don’t make sense.

He is funny that way. Always is saying weird junk like that. And let me tell you that sure isn’t always cool.

Yeah you get some really odd dudes out there. They got some amazing ideas about good junk.

And you can be sure it ain’t my idea of fun. Nope I don’t think of some old crap you can’t use as a good deal.

Which is why I don’t get that part. I mean they will take some old rusty can or whatever and call it an antique.

Which you got to wonder about. I know I sure do. Just don’t get why some name being added to an old thing makes it better.

Now I personally prefer junk that makes sense. Yeah, I don’t care that is it old. I do care that it don’t work.

Now that is where I am working on making this better. Yeah I’m going to make them fix this whole deal.

I don’t want some overpriced crap that is old and crummy. I want it to make sense. Now that is what counts.

Yep, just had me junk that you can depend upon to do more than just sit there. Make it do junk that ain’t junk.

Then you can do all you want to make it work better. And I will be happy to just hold onto it.

Providing it don’t need batteries. Because one thing you can count on is that old batteries don’t ever work.

Yeah that is one thing I do wonder about. You know it should be a good deal. And then we can all be happy.

Providing nobody gets weird. I don’t need any talk rusty buckets. They don’t work for me.

And you can be sure they won’t either.