GOOD PEWS

Man I sure wish this was possible. It might be somewhere, but not where I'm involved. I don't care where I've had to go and ended up sitting in some pew, it is down right hard on my bottom. I'm talking numb buns.

Oh there is the usual places I got that have pews. Like over at the Reverend Analbe's church. And let me tell you, boy there ain't much fun to that in more ways than one. My butt isn't the only part of my body that gets numb after hearing him ramble on for too long.

Course there are pews you sit in for other reasons. Like with a wedding. Been a few of them too. They are okay, but for me the big fun is after the mushy I do junk and you get to go over to the place where they serve the cake and stuff. It sort of makes up for the part where you end up sitting in some pew in between to the bride's granny who is crying so loud you can't hear what is being said and her big fat cousin who sweating big time in his rented tux.

Outside of that fun the other time you end up in some pew is at a funeral. And the real down part of a funeral is there ain't even a decent cake to eat afterwards. Plus normally funerals aren't exactly a time for having lots of fun either. You would think they could like living it up a bit with a clown or magician, but I doubt that will happen.

Anyway, from what I can tell the main thinking behind pews appears to be to make you stay awake by making them as uncomfortable as possible. And then after that you just get real motivated to do something like hurry up and leave to get some feeling back into your buns.

Mainly it seems like the idea is to be sure you don't enjoy yourself too much. Which seems really dumb if you ask me. I mean shoot take the church thing. Heck they talk about heaven like it is a real cool place to go. Only it sure seems like they could make you enjoy it more if you did have fun while sitting there. But I kind of doubt anybody will ask my opinion on that subject.

As for the wedding and funeral thing. Well I doubt anybody is suppose to have much fun at either one. The weddings seem like they ought to be a time for being happy, but you sure see a lot of crying going on.

Which holds true for funerals also. Maybe that is because all three of these pew sitting deals involves some pastor leading the program. Kind of makes me wonder if you know they are the ones that have a special hang up about the pew thing. Like they get a commission for making sure that is all you get to sit in.

I don't reckon anybody will ask me on that subject though, do you? Nope it is just like trying to find out what happens to socks that seem to get eating by the dryer. I guess there are just some mysteries nobody will ever be able to figure out. But we can always hope, can't we?

Thought for the week: "If life is a bowl of cherries, what kind of fruit bowl is death? Or do I want to know?"