SUCKERS AND SUCKERS

I like the lollipop kind of suckers. I don’t like the kind where somebody lies to you and makes you feel like an idiot.

What really sucks is when some jerk gives you one kind of sucker to keep you busy while he plans how to make you a sucker in some other way. I hate that.

But I’m learning ways to avoid those jerky kinds of suckers. Which is pretty dang good if I say so myself.

I’ve been thinking how cool it would be if they had a special school you could go to that would teach you the best forms of sucker defense. Oh I do have my own method you understand. Basically if I get somebody who tries to make a sucker out of me to often I just solve that problem with my bat. A few whacks normally gets people’s attention, not to mention it often leaves them with a broken bone or two unless they are unconscious in which case they might not notice.

But outside of that idea I think I’ve learned that you just got to be sure you pay attention all the time. See there once was this one dude who understood all about suckering better than anybody else. At least that is the way I hear it.

His name was P. T. Fartsome. And he said, “There is a sucker worn every moment.” Or something along those lines.

Anyway from what I understand this P. T. Fartsome had his own circus called Dingling Brothers. I guess he had some pals who used bells and rang them a lot. It was probably to distract people so they didn’t notice when he was busy doing whatever caused suckers to be worn.

Guess he got pretty famous for this circus thing. And imagine it was a little bigger than one of those flea circuses.

But the important thing was that he managed despite all that farting he must have done to figure a good way to do plenty of suckering and then making sure he someone had a moment or two to wear something that told people he knew all about suckers.

I wonder if he had to have any special kind of outfit to use to make people know he was wearing something that told others how he was good at suckering? Gee I have no idea what that would be, but I bet it was pretty cool.

Now I guess I won’t get a chance to see this P. T. Fartsome dude because my buddy Otis says he has gone on to his great reward. I bet that is somewhere he had something on lay away and finally got it paid off.

But if by chance you happen to end up in the store and see a dude wearing a coat covered in suckers who farts a lot, just say hi for me.