NEVER AGAIN TILL TOMORROW

I love no when it involves swearing how I will not do something stupid again. And I really mean it at the time. I just wish I still felt that way the next day.

I just wish that the junk I said I would never do again that was stuff I should stop doing was as easy not to do again as I wanted. What happens is that I generally end up with the crap I really don’t want to do again happening while the stuff I should do not happening. That is to say the no for bad junk don’t work and the no for good junk does.

Like cleaning. Heck if we got busy cleaning and I ended up with my back hurting from all the lifting, I can say I’ll never do it again and odds are I would have no problem keep that vow. Otis wouldn’t let me though. He never figures we will ever be done with cleaning so I’m sort of out of luck in terms of keeping that vow.

What I wish at times although not all the time is that I would be able to keep a vow like after I ate too much at the all you can eat buffet place. Man, when I leave there so stuffed I can hardly breathe you can be sure I want to nearly die. So I swear to myself that I will never to that again.

And believe me at the time I mean it too. There is nothing worse that feeling so good and so bad at the same time. My stomach is so full I can hardly use my belt and I think I’ll explode at any second. I will sit there on the curb with my buddy Otis who is feeling the same way and we both keep saying this was the last time we would try that.

But then you know the next day we always feel better. Oh we might talk about how we will be smart this time and not do that again. Then later we will say something stupid like, “we need to go there again just to prove to ourselves that we don’t have to be pigs.”

Naturally the next thing we do is show up at that buffet again. And I don’t know, we start out by maybe just a small amount on our plates. I just vow to myself, this time I’ll be good and just eat that amount. Oh it sure sounds so great.

That lasts till we finish that plate. Then we tell ourselves we will just get some rolls and that will be enough. After the rolls to prove we are in control we go and get dessert because everyone knows once you have eaten dessert you are not going to eat anything else. I think it is some kind of law.

Just don’t tell anyone though because after eating dessert we end up going back for another plate full and then another and well, by the end we are back on the curb groaning to ourselves and vowing not to do it again. Ain’t that stupid?

At least we only do that once and a while. No more than five times a week on a slow week. So I can’t say it is a habit or anything.

In the meantime I’m going to try and do better. But it will have to be later. All this talk about going to the buffet is making my hungry. Guess that vow can wait one more day.

Thought for the week: "What's up with the woodchuck? I mean can't he eat junk food like any sane person?"