GIFT WRAPPING

Wrapping paper is so cool. I like it so much I even use it to write on. Only I try the side that is white and not the side that is decorative. I did try that side once, but nobody could read what I wrote.

That wasn’t so bad in some situations, but it can be a real bummer if you use it the wrong way for making a shopping list. Believe me I found out that the hard way. Otis will never let me forget when he sent me to the store to get a big bunch of stuff and all I came back with was a grocery bag full of cookies because I couldn’t read the other junk.

Now most people might not look at wrapping paper as good for stuff besides used on presents. And I think that is a tragedy. I mean think about how sad it is. Here you got this nifty colorful paper you used to wrap a gift. So you take it off and you got the present. But wasn’t seeing that paper part of what made you happy? Does it really seem kind of lacking gratitude when you just toss the poor stuff away and never use it for something else.

Of course there is Granny Potts. She tries reusing the paper for a different present. So if she gives you something such as for Christmas she will stand over you and watch and make sure you don’t tear it. Then she takes it back and uses it the next year. I tell you that paper is so worn out that you can practically see right through it. That sort of takes the fun out of using it for me.

What I do is after say Christmas I take the paper that is still good and try to save it for when I need to say send a letter. That really is great for example if you have to write a letter to some creditor like Otis does and is making up some lame story why he is late with a paper. A nice colorful paper just sort of helps to make the person reading the letter a little more cheery so maybe they don’t feel so grumpy about what you say.

The only person you don’t want to do that with is old Mr. Mammongrabber. That is one dude who manages if you use wrapping paper to send him a letter will end up sending you a bill. Don’t ask me how or why he does it, but he does. And man let me tell you getting a bill for doing some thing like sending a guy a birthday card made out of wrapping paper is definitely not cool.

Outside of him and bill collectors though using the wrapping paper again generally ain’t so bad. I find most folks are okay about it.

Course one other helpful hint is if you decide to send a nice letter to one of those great cops in town who you want to thank for being so nice or whatever, be sure you don’t use some kind of paper that is too much like for some girl. Like pink in color and all covered with dolls. They kind of get upset when you do that. I guess I learned that the hard way when I grabbed the wrong paper one year to send that nice officer a thank you note for the parking ticket he gave me. I never won anything for parking for.

Lucky for me I guess, I thought I would impress him and decided to make it looked like I was somebody important, but not too important. So I signed it using Junior Hemoglobin’s name. All I can say is that Junior’s stay in the hospital after that cop thanked him with his nightstick and did it like fifty times was sort of restful. And he even got his memory back for good or bad about two months later.