THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE A TOILET

If there is one place I really feel safe it is in the bathroom. You can lock the door and not worry about somebody sneaking up behind you to do something crazy.

Plus I don’t know, when I’m in the bathroom I just feel like I can really be myself. Like I don’t have to worry about any complaints when I pass gas. People kind of expect it when you are in there.

There are other times too when the bathroom and especially the toilet can be a person’s best friend. Such as when you feel like your stomach is about to vomit. You can barf on anyone without them being pissed, but the good old toilet just never says a word. In addition when you are done you can flush it and the toilet won’t embarrass you by telling the whole world what you did.

Also the think I like is that you can drop your pants and plop your naked butt down on it without fear of getting bitten. Try doing that somewhere else? Heck you do that in public and they might arrest you for in-dee-recent ex-over-use. Um that means you done showed your naked butt to others without a license or without a mooning permit or something. In any case it isn’t a good thing.

Meanwhile, I do have a few other reasons for enjoying the bathroom. You can get all cleaned up and do it at your own pace. That is providing my buddy Otis doesn’t start griping about how long I’m in the bathroom. Shoot it don’t seem that long too me. He says forty-five minutes is too long, but it passes so quickly and I don’t have a watch with me so how am I suppose to tell.

Normally I use the hot water rule for figuring when I’ve been there too long. That is when you are in the shower and you run out of hot water. It is the time you know it is time to stop using the bathroom.

To me that is a good way to tell time. I suppose I ought to come up with a better way to figure keeping track of time when I’m in the bathroom and not taking a shower. I mean it is such a pain sitting there on the toilet with my hand under the shower and waiting for the water to get cold.

Oh well I’ll figure that part out eventually I reckon. In the meantime I still enjoy doing all that fun stuff in the bathroom.

I just wish there was a way to feel the same about the bathroom over at STINK. Those guys over there get a tad grumpy when it comes to thinks like passing gas when they are in there too.

But that isn’t as rude as when they start snickering when I go into the stall and start talking to the toilet like it is an old friend. Hey just because they don’t appreciate the cool way a toilet is your pal doesn’t mean I have to be rude too. Perhaps one of these days I’ll even figure a way to cure them of being rude besides stuffing their heads in the toilet. I’ll work on it.