READ THIS

How come there are so many writers out there that decide they have to do your thinking for you? Take this business of putting up some sign and with big letters at the top that says, “read this” or the also popular “do not read this.” Now the second one really bugs me. I mean shoot why does somebody put up a sign that they don’t want read?

At least you don’t see that one every day! But when it comes to signs, let me tell you as I said there are sure some crazy writers out there. Such as the dude with the obsession about hanging up no trespassing signs. Or what about the “private property” signs? I mean isn’t that obvious when you see some house with a big electric fence around it that they aren’t exactly saying come in and be friends?

I don’t know, but it just seems like there are way too many of the wrong kinds of signs out there and too few of the ones you ought to have. Like with bathrooms. There are the ones where they put the word men or women on it and then also an image of either a man or a woman? What up with that? Are they figuring I’m too stupid to understand the difference between the two signs or something?

I guess the thing that got me started on this was going to the mall. They have all those stupid signs like the one that says elevator. Now I ask you who in their right mind can look at some elevator going up and down and NOT know it is an elevator? I just find that a little annoying if you know what I mean?

Then you go by the jewelry store and they will have a big sign up saying jewelry sale. I come on folks what in the world would you expect them to have in a jewelry store, socks and underwear?

Of course what bugs me is when you go into some store and they will have what they call a “buy one and get one free” sale. Only they don’t bother to explain what it is that it is you have to buy one of in order to get the second one free.

Boy I think I sure taught that dumb department store a lesson. I saw that sign so I went inside since they didn’t say what was on sale and asked where to find the jelly beans. I mean that sounded like a good deal if you could buy one jelly bean and get he second one free.

Well let me tell you that lady clerk in the store sure wasn’t much help. She gave me this look like I was some kind of moron when I asked for jelly beans. Hey that had clothes and blankets and crap so the least they could do is carry some good stuff too? It is a department store so how come they don’t have a decent sugar department?

I never did get a decent answer out of her. I might have if this darn security guard she called didn’t insist upon wrestling with me at the time. Plus he cheated since he had a nightstick, stun gun, mace and handcuffs. That was okay though because I borrow a bat from the sporting goods department to sort of even things out. It might have worked too if those three other security guards hadn’t showed up and wanted to wrestle too. I don’t remember too much about what happen after then what with them using those nightsticks and all. Wish they would put that on a sign sometime!