THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE DISGUSTING

Being a grimefighting I’m an expert on the different quality of trash. Okay I cheat since I’m also a garbage collector. But I still spend a fair amount of time handle all kinds of trash and have learned it isn’t all trash.

Sometimes it is a broken whatever that somebody was too lazy to repair. And my buddy Otis is so cool about helping me save that stuff from total extinction. Yep you would be amazed how you can add a little paint, maybe some batteries and the next thing you know you got a perfectly good birthday or Christmas present.

One word of advice though, be sure you check so you know if it smells. Like if you dug it out of a trash bag full of rotting garbage a paint job might not be enough. You might have to clean it till it don’t stink. People can be so darn picky about stuff like that when they open a package and whatever you gave them smells funny.

Of course when my buddy Otis goofs up on something like that he normally claims the smell comes from the packing materials. See while we are going through the garbage we also look for empty boxes. That is when we put the repaired thing in the box so it will look more like new. Hey we might be super heroes, but we do live on a budget like most folks.

Not like I said there is a difference between good and bad in that regard. Good is repairable, bad is sort of beyond help. It is something so broke it costs more to fix it than buy something new.

Bad doesn’t mean it is disgusting though. You see bad you can still sometimes use as a gift. You just have to be more creative about explaining how come it don’t work. Like saying some radio that is missing any knobs is a knickknack. That is what Otis calls it. And let me tell you we sure have found our share of knickknacks. Not sure the folks we give them to always appreciate them as such, but we do try.

Beyond the bad is the disgusting. That is normally pure garbage. And let me tell you that is one thing you can’t hardly give away as a present no matter how much air freshener you use on it.

Well I hope this little instruction was inspirational to those of you who are rookies at messing with turning trash into presents. Just remember the first rule and you’ll be okay. If it truly stinks, has mold or rotting in anyway, then you are best to just forget about it.

That is the good thing about trash. There is never an end to possible gifts if you look long enough. So don’t give up because you never know when that next trash bag will have the kind of surprise you’ve been looking for.

If not, well hang in there just the same. Tomorrow is another day and trash will always be there no matter whether we look for it or not.