TRIPS, SIPS AND TIPS

I’ve decided there is some kind of conspiracy out there to embarrass people when you have to take short trips. I think there is a bunch of dudes running stuff who think are such great comedians about making people do the pee-pee dance.

Now I want you to consider for example that there are a whole lot more places where you can buy something to drink and really big things for sipping than there are places to take a leak. I mean there are like some 24 hour fast food places that will see you a big drink at two am, but won’t let you use the toilet.

And I’m sorry, but there just ain’t enough places with bushes where I live to stop wherever on some trip in the middle of the night. I tell you the battle against filth and grime can get tough at times if I work up a thirst and soak up a bunch of soda and then can’t find a bathroom.

What is worse is if my buddy Otis and I happen to be in disguise costumes at the time. You try going into some gas station mini mart at three in the morning dressed like a giant purple avocado and see what kind of tips for bathroom locations you get. I tell you I’ve practically worn out too bats trying to show some wise guy of a clerk what I though of some of the comments I get in those situations.

Plus I got to be honest if the boys in our disguise department cook up some really stupid disguise costume then I really feel dumb trying to ask for a tip about finding a bathroom. It just don’t earn me much respect as a grimefighter super hero I tell you that much.

It was like that time that they gave me this darn costume that was a giant taco. The guys in the lab were in this Mexican kick an so everything they had looked like some kind of Mexican food.

And let me tell you I sure didn’t scare anybody wearing a glow in the dark orange taco costume. That didn’t do a thing to earn any respect.

At least Otis got the burrito outfit. He claimed it was a special garment that protected him from the harmful effects of the sun’s rays. But I knew the dude at the mini mart knew it was a burrito. Besides it was the middle of the night and everybody knows you can get any harmful sun’s rays if there ain’t no sun in the sky.

Still I reckon I don’t got a choice. There will always be grime to fight and costumes to wear. And I know that I’m going to get thirsty that’s for sure.

So I’ll just keep working on that map of emergency pee stops just in case. And if it involves any bushes then I got to make sure they are big enough to hide me from being seen when I have wear something like that stupid giant banana outfit. Boy all I can say is that I’m glad that one isn’t passed out that often. It is kind of tough to find a bush tall enough at night to keep people from noticing a ten-foot tall banana standing behind it. But if you happen to see me in that situation, just give me a break and don’t honk!