TALK IS CHEAP

Boy is this ever true. Well at least at STINK it is. Because the one thing I can count on is that my boss Dr. Hemoglobin will never say words such as “raise” or “bonus.” That isn’t to say he doesn’t ever give us raises, he just doesn’t like to actually use the word.

I get the impression that he feels the longer he avoids talking about it the less chance there is he’ll have to actually give us a raise. Plus he often changes the subject to try and use a guilt trip to get us to forget about things like raises. You know by mentioning junk like how being a grimefighter is a noble calling and that you can’t truly put a price tag on the role of being a super hero. Er, pardon me if I yawn here for second. I guess I’ve heard that speech too many times with an empty wallet.

Now when it comes to talk really being cheap you can be darn sure that my boss love words that inspire cheap. Words like “frugal,” “thrifty,” and “austere.” Man if he can work any of those words in a conversation he does, plus a whole lot more that all come down to the idea that we are going to get shafted in terms of bucks.

Of course I do not want to actually complain about pay. Otis and I get by okay. We got all the usual stuff that most people have. Plus our share of junk and crap you buy because it is on sale, but you honestly don’t need.

Which is probably why I suppose we don’t like to make a real big deal about when our boss gets in one of his “cheap” talk moods. And I do suppose I have to confess that normally he gets in those moods most often after one of us grimefighters has an “oops.” That’s what I call accidents. The kind where we accidentally manage to change the appearance of a garbage truck or diaper service van.

And it normally gets really anxious to talk that way when that accident was our fault. Only he often doesn’t just talk about things like “affordable.” He’ll add other words that sort of express how the help itself is “cheap” in terms of quality, along with mentioning stuff like calling up an employment agency.

The one time when an “oops” happens that he doesn’t say that is when the accident wasn’t our fault. Then the cheap talk sort of doesn’t come up as a rule. Instead he sort gets this look in his eyes as if he just won the lottery or something. And he often starts spending a lot of time talking on the phone checking on prices of stuff he decides he suddenly can’t live without.

In the meantime we just go back to fighting grime and doing the other stuff we are suppose to do as grimefighting, super hero trash men. And that ain’t all bad. The best part is while Dr. Hemoglobin spends his time shopping it keeps him from any kind of cheap talk with us.

Which is definitely a good thing for us. The hard part is trying to have an “oops” on purpose that isn’t our fault so we can keep him from any cheap talk. We’re still working on that part. And most of us haven’t taken rat boy Junior’s suggestion we try letting a car run over us!