SCUM, SUM AND NUMB

Boy when it comes to griminals the one thing I know is you can never expect them to clean up their act. People who love filth and grime might achieve some level of not being totally devoted to those things, but clean — forget it!

The other day old rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin came up with what he thought was a genius idea. He decided that perhaps we could work out a way to pay people not to be griminals. Now admittedly there ain’t a lot of money in committing a grime. The plain fact is that the people who do it are mainly doing it because they love being dirty and all that other crude.

So my buddy Otis and I figured it was kind of pointless to go out and find some griminal and instead of arresting him or beating the snot out of him we would pay him or reward him for stopping. We just thought it was a dumb and stupid idea.

However regardless of what we thought the one thing you can be sure of at STINK is that since Dr. Hemoglobin is Junior’s dad that whatever rat boy thinks is cool is going to end up being something we get stuck doing. Reason may be a good thing as is common sense, but it just don’t seem to matter when you are talking about a son getting his way with his dad.

Anyway there we were with these special coupons for getting stuff for free from these stores that Dr. Hemoglobin had gotten somewhere. Oh there wasn’t anything he was giving away that was like super expensive, but they weren’t all bad either.

Well the thing was we did try to see if we could pass them out. All except the ones for the 99 cent store. Otis found out they just got a big shipment of dented Spam cans in and there was no way he was going to miss out on that.

However with the other ones for various stuff we didn’t care about anyway I can say that we did honestly try to find griminals to give them too under the promise they would stop being so darn filthy. Which might have been one of those ideas what was good in theory, but it sure didn’t work out that way in reality.

I guess one of the big problems is that the only griminals we ran into were ones we had previously busted for one reason or another. And it was sure hard to get them to stop getting down on their knees and begging for me to not clobber them with my bat so we could give them the coupons.

But after I threatened to beat them senseless if they didn’t shut up most did actually listen. I just wish by listening that meant they cooperated. You know I mean that they did agree to take the coupons and stop trying to commit any grimes.

Oh they did take the coupons, but they didn’t want to promise to give up committing any grimes. Which to me sort of defeated the purpose. Well my buddy Otis wants to give this a shot again some other time. As for the dudes we meant he thought maybe after they recovered from being so numb from me using my bat on them they might reconsider. That is one of those wait and see deals to me. However you can be sure my bat isn’t going to be left in the closet when we try this again!