MINUTE MEN AND APPLE TURNOVERS

I was trapped in the Library the other day. I say trapped because I went in the place by accident, that is I was about to have a bladder accident unless I made it to the bathroom and they were the closest one. Guess that is what I get for deciding to try and find out if that all you can drink soda fountain at the burger joint really meant it.

Anyway there I was rushing in to use the toilet, but when I came out I didn’t want the librarian to think I just wanted to use the bathroom. You would have to know this lady to appreciate that comment.

Sometimes I don’t care what people think of what I do. But with her, gee I don’t know she just has the way of looking real disappointed and hurt like you were trying cut out her heart if you don’t show you are at the library to actually read something.

Well when she saw me coming out of the bathroom with that “can I help you look,” which in her case is “you better ask for my help or I might have a heart attack from getting my feelings hurt” that is when I went up to talk to her. Only since I didn’t really have anything special I was wanting to look for I had to fake it.

That’s when I saw a book in the stack of books that had just been returned. This one was about the Revolutionary War. And I thought if I just told her I was interested in the Revolutionary War that would do it. She could just hand me that book and I could pretend to look through it for a couple minutes, smile and then leave.

But NOOO, she had to ask me “what subject about the Revolutionary War was I interested it reading about.” Lucky me.

So under the panic of the moment I did remember that they had some dudes called minute men. Only I didn’t remember why they called them minute men. I figured it probably had something to do with things you can do in a minute. Well I know about the only thing you can do that quickly is nuke something in a microwave.

And about the only thing that really nukes that good in just one minute for me is a pastry. Like an apple turnover. I figured that perhaps these guys were just pros and nuking apple turnovers or something.

Then I remembered how there was this other dude named Johnnie Appleseed who had a lot to do with apples for some reason. Well that meant to not show her I was some big dummy on the subject I decided I better figure a way to talk about minute men and apple turnovers.

I told her I wanted to learn about how the minute men learned to make pastries from Johnny Appleseed and then went on to turn them into Yankee Noodles before sticking a feather in some crap and calling it Mac had a pony.

After that I was going to explain how some dude from the Revolutionary War named Paul Refer some underwear had a party in Boston where he used lots of “T’s” which I figured meant he was into turnovers too.

Only I guess I impressed her enough with my comments about minute men because she decide to help some other people after that. I don’t plan on going back to the library soon, but next time I’m going to study on history a little more. This time I think I’ll give a lot of thought to what is called the Louise-sang-a-banana Purchase. I don’t know any girl named Louise though. So I might have to read up on bananas instead.