APRIL'S FOOLS DAY

I know that April is a long way off, but I thought I would start practicing to make sure I didn’t get picked to be “it” for this day. I’m not sure why somebody decided that April was a good time to celebrate being a moron, but we seem to have holidays for so many things I reckon having one for being stupid was a good idea.

I appreciate how that April is when taxes are due. It does make me wonder if the two events are related even though they happen on different days. But then perhaps that is how the whole thing got started.

My buddy Otis is always talking about how he feels that the government is filled with idiots and hates the idea that we have to pay taxes to help fund their stupidity. So that is what made me figure perhaps those government types started this whole April first thing to try and get attention away from them.

And the best way was to have people go around pulling funny stuff and making you feel like a jerk. That way you know we would all get pissed off at each other for being so darn mean that we would have the time to gripe about the government as much.

Well I know that in the past there have been times when I seem to end up ‘it’ in the April Fool’s thing. Seems like everyone I know just gets obsessed with having fun at my expense.

I do take a shot at trying to do the same thing. But so far nobody seems to see the humor in the times when I sneak up behind somebody and whack them with my bat. Gee it sure seemed like fun too me.

Anyway this year I decided to get a head start on this whole April Fool’s thing. I figure I try to start do funny stuff to people by Christmas. That way by the time April comes around I should have the whole thing down to a real good system.

What I haven’t quite figured out is how I’m going to make a Christmas present explode in a way that will surprise somebody without blowing them to smithereens. I’m thinking that maybe using some kind of paint will work. But I will need something that causes the paint to explode.

I know that gasoline will go boom if you put a match to it. Only I don’t know yet how I would get the match to light the gasoline when I wanted it to.

Guess I need to work on this a little before I can get it to work right. But I think once I got the hang of it I bet I will sure make a lot of people have a reason to smile come Christmas. Gee I wonder if that dude who lives next to me still has all those Army hand grenades he said he borrowed from some Armory? Yeah that might work better than a match and gasoline. And I could paint them so when they went boom they would give out a real cool color. So I’ll go over and perhaps borrow a few from that place in his basement where he keeps them in a big metal box labeled first aid. I’ll let you know how I make out.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "Winning by default is when you manage to find somebody you can say it was der fault!"