ONWARDS AND SIDEWAYS

Man how come when my boss gets up to give us one of those motivational speeches things never quite go as he claims? I mean we all get excited and jazzed about how we are going to finally reach the “finest hour in the history of clean.”

Only we’ve been supposedly going to reach that hour about three or four times a month at times. But somehow things never seem to actually come to that point. Oh it sounds so darn cool when he first mentions it. We just never experience it.

Take the other day for example. Our boss, Dr. Hemoglobin, got us all excited because of what he said was “the latest innovation in grimefighter enhancement in the war against grime.” That sure did sound fantastic.

Only what he said was the big deal enhancement turned out to be a booklet telling us about ways to spy on griminals. Yeah that was some help.

I don’t know what made him think it was such a good thing. And I think it might have helped if he had actually read the thing first. It turned out that he took his son, rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin’s word for it being extra cool.

However nobody told us that. So when Dr. Hemoglobin had this meeting and started explaining how this booklet was going to solve all our problems in terms of finding griminals, boy did it get us thinking we were moving onwards to greatness.

Instead we took a detour to frustration after we read it. And it only took ready a couple of pages to figure out Junior had something to do with it. Only he would suggest that eating more cheese improves your eyesight to search for the bad guys.

And those stupid illustrations. He made one of a griminal with a head that looked like a slice of Swiss cheese. Does that sound like it would be helpful to you?

Later we found out that Junior had gotten a deal through this cheese manufacturer, which for some reason included a discount with some publishing place. Don’t ask me how that worked because I have no idea.

But I guess Junior thought it would be a good idea if he wrote some handbook and then didn’t bother to tell any of us who wrote it. He used the same Junior Cheddar for the author. Real creative huh? We thought so to.

The problem was that we didn’t notice who wrote it till after we read it. And at least we did read it through completely before trying to do anything it said.

At least for now, Dr. Hemoglobin hasn’t been bugging us about this pamphlet any more. I’m glad for that.

Plus the last I knew he had taken away Junior’s typewriter. I heard Dr. Hemoglobin claim it was going out for repair. But I think we all know the real reason!