FIGHT ON FOR...

I got to tell you the other day was the closest I ever came to seriously thinking about quitting my job as a grimefighter for STINK. It wasn’t that I had suddenly dislike the job or that there were big problems, it was just because of this so-called big improvement our boss, Dr. Hemoglobin wanted to make.

This was an idea he had for how he was going to improve morale. I just wish he had asked somebody before he actually picked out the method he wanted to us.

His idea was to form a cheerleader squad. And the big problem with that was because he had decided to have Ms. Truly Grimey be the head cheerleader. Truly is a lot of things, including the worst cook in the world, but if there is one thing she shouldn’t be in charge of it is trying to cheer people up.

Okay I can handle her orange hair and mustache. Plus her problem with being cross-eyed and how she often gets confused and bumps into walls or thinks things like a water fountain is a person. Like I said those are things I can deal with. As for her cooking, well, the nice thing is she is easily distracted so you always have chance to throw the junk in the trash when she isn’t looking.

But with being cheerleading, man what can I say, happy ain’t the way I felt when she wanted to cheer us grimefigthers before we went on assignment. It was more like, quick hide before she tries to cheer us again.

The first big problem for me was with the name she picked out for her cheerleading squad. I’m sorry, but to me calling the STINK cheerleaders the “Slimettes” just didn’t work very well. In addition she insisted upon trying to inspire us by making her pom poms from garbage. Hey, I don’t care how good you are at trying to cheer, if you wave some smelly thing in my face that brings tears to my eyes, I ain’t going to be cheered up.

I suppose if she had bothered to pick cheerleaders for her squad that didn’t make her look like a beauty queen it might have helped a little. Bag ladies are okay I guess, but I think if she could have gotten them to stop talking to the wall and claiming it was some dead relative or pet skunk I could have been more inclined to want feel they were going to help.

As for the actually cheering part. Man Truly is about as good at coming up with cheers as she is cooking. Like that one cheer, “Two, Four, Six, Eight, let’s go and make them puke right out the gate!” Oh yeah that really helps when the them that ended up puking was us since she was testing a new perfume made from fruit that was way past being what anyone would call fresh.

I suppose it might have helped if she hadn’t had a cold at the time and could have smelled like we could. But I have a feeling at least that Dr. Hemoglobin won’t be in any rush to have them do anymore cheering anyway. Especially after they decided to bless him with a special cheer in his office. One that went something like “Give a wink, hurray for STINK, we’re gonna win with lots of pink.” Ending that cheer by splashing him with Pepto Bismal sort of helped to motivate changing his mind. And I’m sure you all know once we found out that part was when we did our form of cheering.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: "They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. I say let the dude get his own fruit no matter what happens!"