THE WEIGHT IS OVER

I groan every time I think of this. What I’m talking about is the latest, weight off cure my buddy Otis has decided is going to help him stop looking as if he’s got the shape of an egg.

It seems about every two or three months he decides to try something different and that means I have to also. And let me tell you there sure ain’t much we haven’t tried over the years. Some even work for a few days. That is until he seems some bakery we can’t pass up or they are having a sale on junk food at the store. Then forget it.

What cracks me up though is how Otis decides this time is going to be different. It doesn’t matter what it is, he decides it is going to be different. Basically that the weight problem is permanently over.

Now I don’t even mind that he decides this. I didn’t even care. What I do get bored with is how he insists upon talking about it constantly. Man talk about boring me to death this sure does.

I mean he’ll sit there, his eyes saying, “I’m starving,” and his lips saying that salad really tastes great and is enough to eat. And then he goes on to talk about how eating stuff that tastes good, but is bad for you is a thing of the past.

I just do my best to listen and when he isn’t looking I add some jelly beans to my salad or excuse myself as I claim I need to go to the bathroom. Then I stop by and grab a candy bar or ice cream or whatever to satisfy me while trying to make him think I’m enjoying the salad too.

If all of that wasn’t bad enough then there is the problem of him deciding to tell the whole world how this diet is a miracle cure. He’ll tell our neighbor, the waitress, the people at the table next to us, basically everyone he can as if it is going to make that stupid salad taste great.

But I guess what I love best is later. There is always a later when the munchie demon zaps him. He gets that crazed look in his eyes and I know there is nothing or no one that is going to keep him from eating a whole lot of sugar. It can be downright scary when that happens.

At that point of course he stops talking about the weight being over. He gets really silent on that subject. However my buddy is not the type to keep silent in general. So he’ll start talking about other junk.

I just do my best to listen and smile. The whole time grateful to be biting into something nice and sweet instead of those darn vegetables.

And about the only good thing I can say about this weight is over thing is that I know there will always be an afterwards time when I’ll get some great snacks. It just gets hard to remember that during the salad phase, but I do the best I can.