GOING FOR THE OLD

My buddy Otis said the dumbest thing the other day. He said everybody gets old. I mean he made it sound like it isn’t a choice or something.

Now the way I figure it you don’t really have to get old. Oh true you continue to have birthdays, but I think the reason people really get old is because that I what they are told to expect. So if you didn’t get told it and instead you thought you would never get old then you solve the problem.

Well that is my theory at the moment. I imagine it is too late to help the poor people who are already old. You can do much for them I suppose.

But it ain’t too late to keep everyone else from getting that way. Of course I imagine part of this will require a person to at least figure a way to not get older with some help.

And I’ve been thinking that I bet there is a way to do that if you just try hard enough. Which I think starts with people being willing to make sure they don’t neglect any options in that regard.

The place I think you have to start with this is in Hollywood. Have you ever noticed that some of those movie actors look so darn young no matter how old they seem to get. Shoot you can see a movie in which they appeared twenty years ago and if you see the movie today they haven’t aged at all.

That tells me they got some kind of special secret they know and aren’t telling. And I think I figured out it has to do with some time machine. I mean they made a couple of movies with time machines in them so that makes we wonder what they did with them. I bet they are just keeping them hidden and hording them just for themselves.

However even if that don’t work I got a few other ideas to consider. One is to give a lot of thought to that thing they call the “International Day Line.” I understand that you go over it and you gain time. Which would be a good thing to use in order to keep from when you need it too.

Plus there is that thing called Daily Savings Time where you can gain and hour too. And then there is leap years where they have extra days.

So they way I figure it maybe if you were to cross the International Date Line during the time of Daily Savings Time in a Leap Year who knows how much time you could save. I bet you would have never of thought of that without my help huh?

And that’s just the beginning folks. Why I understand that there are devices out there they have invented that are suppose to save time from whatever you were doing. Well shoot then it ought to be obvious. All you got to do is get a bunch of those things together and cross over that International Date Line and man I bet you actually get younger.

But if none of that works out I got a back up plan. That is the one I came up with when I hit my head while Otis was backing up the garbage truck. Basically this one involved birthday candles and making sure you never use more than a certain number on your birthday cake. Then you make a wish while blowing out the candles and heck one more year to hang on too!