BEAN, SCENE AND GREEN

Okay I like stuff like pork and beans. And I don’t even mind eating them right out of the can. Well I do open it first though. Plus if Otis is around I take time to put them on a plate. But if he ain’t around then I just get a spoon and enjoy myself.

Now the important thing to me is there are certain realities you have to accept about eating beans. For one they can really make you fart. So it is always a good idea to find some place out doors to enjoy them. Because even though it might be fun to sit in the living room and gobble them down, the smell sure don’t encourage visitors.

The hard part is finding somewhere that you can have a pleasant scene to enjoy this glorious tasty meal without anybody griping. It sure can be tough to do that with some places that might otherwise work such as an amusement park. Unless you can get the hang of say eating them while on a rollercoaster so the wind blows the smell in a direction the poor dude behind you don’t have to pass out.

A park can be a decent spot to eat beans. After all people are used to having picnics there so they often don’t think much of what you are eating. And the adding blessing is that is is nice and green so that makes it peaceful.

One cool lesson I did learn too about eating beans in the park is that if someone complains about the smell you can always claim it is because of fertilizer and not a fart. You would be surprised how often that works.

Another place you can enjoy beans without too much trouble is the mountains. Sitting on some rock high in the mountains gives you a chance to look out on nature and makes the whole thing a little cooler. Well I’m not a big one for nature, but I don’t know I love having the mountain air as an excuse for stuffing my face with beans or just about any other cool food.

Perhaps the best part about going up to the mountains and all those green trees and buses is that it helps to make people feel like they are doing something different from just hanging around a city. And that can be helpful too when you are eating beans.

That’s because the one nice thing is if you happen to cut one and there are too many people around you can say it was some bear’s fault. And most people will generally buy that one.

I did try claiming it was Bigfoot once. Not sure the people who were turning green from the smell truly believed it. But at least I was able to finish off the beans and get rid of the can before they started asking me too many questions. So I’m not sure I’ll try that one again.

Well I guess those are some pretty good guidelines for eating a can of beans where you are around people. Now if you really want to avoid the whole thing of course you can always just stick with jelly beans. Then you probably won’t even have to worry about finding a place that is green or with a great scene.