THE FUN GROAN

Okay this might seem a little mean spirited, but I got to admit when I see some scum of a griminal suffering I groan with joy. It works for me that’s for darn sure.

Now maybe you never groan when you’re happy. But I don’t know it just is something that feels real natural to me. So that is good enough in my book. That’s the one I keep in my closet to read at bedtime. Some call it a diary. I call it a book of OOPS.

Actually I have developed a method for enjoying several different groans. I got my short quick deep groan. That’s for stupid and dumb mistakes by my friends who I don’t want to offend.

Then there is a little more of a long groan. This one is like just after having some great bowel movement when you’ve been constipated for a while. That is one I use for jerks who screw up and it makes me happy to see them get what they deserved.

Finally my last one is a long and real loud groan. We’re talking about one that could rattle walls. That one I reserve for one person, rat boy, Junior Hemoglobin. It normally happens when he’s freaking out over not having enough cheese. That gives me a real reason to groan from pure satisfaction.

The thing is I do have a couple of other groans too. Those are related to jelly beans and a couple of boxes of real hot donuts on a cold morning. Generally after you know maybe three cups of hot chocolate and the first box of donuts I start feeling that need to groan my way through the second one.

So what can I say? The fun groan is cool. The fun groan is well, fun. I enjoy it and I look forward to when I get to use one.

It sure beats the groans I get from times I hurt myself. Those are a lot of things, but fun isn’t necessarily among them.

Funny how a simple thing like a noise can be so complicated. But what fun is it in life if you have to just put up with stuff and never really have a reason to smile.

That is the other important part about a fun groan. It always comes with a smile. The other kind don’t generally produce a smile unless you are kind of strange. I know a few people like that. They’re okay I guess, not just folks I prefer hanging around with in terms of hearing their groans.

Now maybe somebody has their own rules in terms of how a groan ought to work. That’s good too. Noises that come from inside ought to be something you get to enjoy figuring when it works best for you. After all that is a good kind of freedom. Although I guess they didn’t think to include the fun groan in the bill of rights. Well perhaps I’ll take time to write some senator and see if he could have them added it some how. Yeah, I bet just suggesting it would give him a reason to groan.