TIME STAGGERS SIDEWAYS

I bet you’ve heard that saying about how time flies when you’re having fun. Well time to me seems to do what it wants regardless of whether I’m having fun or not.

As far as I can tell the clock always moves at the same speed. Providing it is working correctly. If you’re clock is moving backwards or real fast then I suggest you might want to either have it checked out or perhaps have your eyes looked at. But that’s just a helpful hint.

Unless you are like that one guy I met who swore his clock had extra hours on it between the one and two. Of course we are talking about a dude who also claimed that God spoke to him through his toaster and that eating too much cheese gave your stomach warts. So I imagine it might be a good idea to perhaps rule out his opinion on this subject.

Still even if all clocks do sort of move the same way, there are times I do wonder on a given day if you know perhaps Father Time is maybe a little under the influence. I’m talking about those days that everything just seems to be goofy and strange.

These aren’t days that are well totally full of stress, just days when to me time sort of staggers sideways instead of ahead. It is like you are travel in a given direction in a car and making good time. Then all of sudden you come up on a detour sign. So you hang a left and end up in some traffic jam that is the result of something stupid like an old dude who thought the white line in the middle of the road was a parking space.

And after you survive that you come to some signal light that you could swear has a personal grudge against you and refuses to change. Finally you manage to get away from that and end up having a flat tire. Which leads you to discover you have a flat spare tire because when you had the last flat tire you forgot to get it fixed.

So you end up wasting forever getting both the spare and regular tire fixed and by now you can’t even remember how to get back from the detour to where it is you intended to go in the first place. Then you stop at a burger joint to get something to eat to recharge your brain. While you are there you get all caught up in listening to two guy talking about how the government has a conspiracy to keep us all stupid by putting dumb juice in soda pop.

Afterwards you at last get your brain working again and manage to get back into the car or van or whatever and head down the road. Somewhere along the way you do manage to get where you wanted to go. Only you can no longer remember what it was you needed to do when you got there.

So you fake it when the lady behind the counter of that donut shop asks for your order. Later you head back to headquarters with donut breath and holding that soggy bag of day old donuts for the guy who sent you to mail a letter that you managed to lose somewhere.

You ever have one of those days? Ain’t it the pits? Yep, when time staggers sideways all you can do is hope the donuts won’t end up too stale or greasy!