TOAST

A little butter and jam and there ain't nothing better to help sneak up on a bowl of cereal to help start out a new day. Yep, toast is one invention in my book. It ranks right up with other miracles of our civilization like jelly beans, cable television and um, oh shoot once you mention jelly beans it sort of says it all.

Anyway, when it comes to toast, it just is one of those real deals that you can compromise on and still make it worth anything of value. None of this muffin stuff for me or them other things called bagels. Them they ought to call holes a lot since somebody done put a whole right in the middle where you would normally want to put butter. It wasn't the smartest idea I've ever seen, that's for sure.

So I guess you have figured out when it comes to toast, I'm in favor of it. Which I can see why not to be since it is a good thing. Never heard of anyone doing something bad like trying to rob a place using a piece of toast, have you?

But apparently my idea of toast and somebody else's isn't quite the same. I was in this restaurant one day, which is one more place to get toast, providing they serve breakfast, when I heard somebody mention toast. Only they said, "let's have a toast."

Not sure why you would only one "a piece of toast" and not two pieces, but I'm cool with that. Just in this case what didn't make sense was that these folks didn't have any toast of any kind. When they mentioned having a toast you would have figured at the very least somebody would have produced a loaf of bread and a toaster. Kind of hard to make decent toast without a toaster. At least I think it is.

It didn't apparently matter to these folks. And for a bit I really got a little worried since these folks were acting kind of weird.

Why shoot, instead of raising a butter knife, they lifted their glasses full of drinks. I'm sorry, but there is no way anyone could possible confuse something you drink with a honest-to-goodness piece of toast is there?

Then one of them muttered something about "here's to" and I was figuring it meant, "here's to where you can find the toast." Only instead of actually coming up with any toast they just started drinking whatever they had in their drinks.

I decided they must have been drinking that funny stuff that makes you see stuff that isn't there like our one neighbor who is always drinking from this bottle he keeps in a brown paper sack. I tell you when he gets enough of that stuff he sure ends up with lots of friends, only nobody can see them, but him.

I'm glad they all felt that imaginary toast was okay and drinking instead of eating was a good thing. As for me, I went home and had real toast. Which made me a lot more happy in my tummy I think that whatever they had in their stupid glasses. At least I got mine with butter. Don't think I want to try spreading it on any glass.