KEEPING THE NOSE TO THE RHINESTONE

They got this stuff that is real popular with some people called “costume jewelry.” It sort of is like the real stuff only not real. That makes it more affordable, which basically means it is cheap.

Normally I don’t give any kind of jewelry much thought. Unless you count a watch. I do wear one of those. But stuff like rings and junk forget it. I don’t have any need to mess up my hands with shiny stuff.

In my case it is a matter of self-defense I guess. See if I was wearing a ring or something then it might flash and get a jerk’s attention that I was about to bash with my bat. Then they would have a chance to duck. And that hardly is a good thing for me.

So that is why I don’t have much need for jewelry whether it is the costume stuff or the real thing. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have to be involved with it in some way.

Mainly that is because of where I work. This is one situation where thank goodness Dr. Hemoglobin ain’t a big one for worrying about jewelry. Oh he does wear a watch and even glasses, but none of that other ring or necklace stuff.

Even old rat boy isn’t one to make a big deal about costume jewelry. Of course with him if it doesn’t involve cheese he probably wouldn’t care in the first place.

Nope, if all we had to worry about was Dr. Hemoglobin or rat boy then I doubt jewelry wouldn’t even be an issue at STINK. But see beside a boss we also got the secretary types. And also Truly Grimy who although she does secretary stuff too she is more of a pain to the stomach that anything else with that cooking of hers.

Anyway the thing is from time to time Dr. Hemoglobin decides for one reason or another that it is important for us to show the ladies that they are appreciated. That eventually comes down to figuring a way to say it with jewelry. And that is the long way I suppose of getting to the subject of how I ended up having to know the difference between costume jewelry and the other stuff.

Actually it isn’t that tough when you get to the store. Sometimes with the jewelry stuff they will have it on some rack in the store. It is sort of like they are saying, “shoot this stuff is so dang cheap we don’t worry if somebody steals it.”

Not so with the real stuff. It is kept locked up and in some places they even have guards to watch over it. Buddy let me tell you they sure don’t do that with stuff that isn’t worth a lot of bucks.

Of course the hard part when somebody on my salary tries to shop for this stuff as a gift for the secretaries is to find something that looks like it is real, but costs cheap. Only I ain’t about to tell the secretary that I bought the cheap thing. No sense ruining a perfectly good fib.

About the only thing I get confused about on this whole thing is that I never see anyone who wears this costume jewelry dress in a costume. You would think I would see at least one decent clown outfit in the process. Guess we all have our own idea of a costume I suppose.