Thresholds

 

How often I would imagined

standing at portal of my dreams,

the doorstep to my happiness,

full of dread and hurting so deep inside

from being too panicked to knock,

to risk opening the entryway unto that world

where I wasn’t a tortured prisoner

unto every excuse and lie

that I could invent

for not moving out of my induced agony

and reach for once at the realm

where all my potential would burn as a fire.

 

During night’s mask

did I dare to touch that barrier

so no one might notice

how all my tales about it being impenetrable

were mere myths that I prayed

would never be exposed.

 

But inward the cancer of self hate

rotted away my life and peace,

miserable and so destitute,

each day wishing it would end

with darkness that never saw another sunrise.

 

It was when I had sunk into a chasm

from which the desperation became too intense

something shuddered and fractured all my chains,

rising with a resolve to never again

remain enslaved to my phobias,

 

At last, calmed by the wave in surrender’s tides

I faced what I always thought would remain

beyond my grasp,

swallowing my anxiety with pounding trepidation

while reaching for that knob,

which turned as I opened that door

discovering it had never been locked

except with fear of failure’s key.