Dear Emmy

Well wanted to say things in my part of the world are pretty much the same as always.  Not much exciting going on.  My neighbor, the one that created that time machine, which he dropped into a calendar and couldn’t find it again, says he has a cure for baldness.  He says all he needs is some onion juice, an electric light socket that is one where you can put your finger, a portable toilet that sings show tunes and some garlic flavored chewing gum to make it work.  I will have to wait until he gets back from his trip to the roller coaster museum he goes to for more details.  It is located somewhere over this rainbow that he says appears at midnight above this sewer treatment plant.  Anyway, can’t wait to help him market it.  Says he is going to sell it as shampoo in a container shaped like a pinecone.  I’ll let you know how we make out.

 

Meanwhile, I’m still working on my own invention.  I’m trying to come up with an edible swing set for kids.  I tried to use crackers with super glue and sardines, but didn’t work.  Then I tried vanilla ice cream and added concrete.  Still not happy with that option, but think if I pour fudge sauce on it that will make the difference.  If that doesn’t work out I might give a try at using bananas dipped in mud and then add some jelly beans.  Would sure look great.  You know I told my boss about this idea and for some reason he didn’t want to see the pictures.  Just like the time I wanted to show him those pictures of the puppets I made out of used toilet paper.  Can’t please everyone.

 

Oh and I have a nice surprise for you.  This guy has been coming by as a door-to-door salesman with some really great bargains.  Actually he is from Mars and part of this invasion force, only when they got here and hear about unions and pay days, they went on strike, so he has to moonlight selling to get by.  I mean I really enjoy those donut laser beam emitters he sells that are suppose to zap all the extra calories in food.  At least he says it works that way.  And I can’t wait until he comes back tomorrow.  He says he’s going to bring me a new machine that can eat clouds and make dandruff on fruit.  Now that ought to be great at parties I bet.

 

The wonderful thing is he’s decided to extend his route to Australia, so he might drop by, won’t that be great?   Plus he has said once they conquer the world, everyone will get free internet and basic cable.  Course he mentioned something about you have to dress like a pink squid and use a tuna for the monitor, but hey it will be free.

 

It is time for me to get back to work.  I’m the head of our neighborhood vigilante committee to guard our block against rogue cooties.  Hope all is well in your world.

 

Yours Truly

 

Grandpa