The Acme Gift-O-Matic 5000

Now’s your chance to enjoy

the best Christmas ever,           

with the new, innovative invention

the Acme Gift-O-Matic.

 

Why put up with that person

who pisses you off  and drives you insane,

when you can use this fabulous machine

and wrap them up as present.

 

Ah, the joy, such incredible thrills

once you’ve boxed up

your boss, mother-in-law,

dead beat uncle or anyone else

then sent them off to somebody you hate.

 

Yes, is the only way

to mak the holiday perfect.

And with each purchase

you get six fruit cakes

from two years ago,

stick them in the box

so you can at least avoid

somebody claiming that those you wrapped

didn’t have anything to eat.

 

We offer a complete delivery option

though you probably aren’t too concerned

about if your package arrives,

(hint, hint, wink, wink).

Still we’ll make sure it get to the right address

even if it only makes it in come

for next year’s Christmas.