If This Don’t Beat All

Howdy ma’am we uns was just passing through

while hitching a ride on that truck of fertilizer

on our way to check out this tent

when the old lady done seen your sign,

shouted ‘tarnation Elmer look at dat.”

 

We’ll we just jumped right off that dang thing,

good thang the youngins bounce so rightly well

and even fix little Sally Ann Becky Sue’s crosseyes too.

 

All I can say is this is the bestest dern most fancy place

that I ever done seen,

it would do us proud ifen youd let us stay a spell,

on account of anything be an improvement

over trying to get all six of our kids

to sleep all night at that outhouse behind the bar

where I play poker for drinks and the wife is a cocktail waitress.

Get tired of her having to go in back to fetch the booze,

wash the dishes and scrub the floors

lot of work for a gal eight months pregnant.

 

I’ll tell you sure gets hard finding new bushes

for using as a bathroom

since that dern outhouse done got clogged up,H

reckon shouldn’t have tried to let our pet skunk

try and fit into that place.

 

Now good news is we is all set

for being the bestest renters you’ve ever seen,

why we do learn from our last time of renting

so you never worry

because we knows better this time

than to try and check to see how much gas there is

in a gas can by using a cigarette lighter.

 

Do you happen to offer any of them fancy things

heard about, but never seen,

like that thing called indoor plumbing,

honest never seen any pipe stuck in a door before.

 

As for the rent we will always be on time

though our cuckoo clock is busted,

cus Ethel takes in laundry for cash,

she’s doing great too,

got her one of them washing machines

you know that tub with a washing board,

works better than when she just washed stuff in the cesspool.

 

So when can we move it,

need to know right way

before the dump closes

then we have time to look for a bed.