Heck Fire, I Is Home

Well dang it all this sure am perfect for me

with my second cousin common in law wife,

Bertha Sue Peggy Mae,

plus the three youngins,

one of which I’m pretty sure is mine.

 

Now you never mind about the rent

because we-uns get those unemployment right on time.

Course I even got some other bucks

from my still I’ll keep in the living room,

right next to the deer head from that hunting trip

and that engine from my pick up truck.

 

Gonna get it running some day

even get some tires too.

 

Granny will come by

once she’s on parole from prison

shouldn’t need to say more than a year or two.

But if you decides to let us stay

we will treat you to a nice possum dinner,

unless that skunk we found run over on the road

hasn’t turned to the point it can’t make a good stew.

 

Hope you got cable there

since we are gonna get a TV that ain’t busted someday,

just don’t tell the kids

on account of they still think them magazine pictures

that we hang on the broken set are the real thing.

 

Why you sure will be in fer one big surprise

for one of these days we are gonna be

big country western singers.

 

Mah geetuar sure done sounds great

even gonna learn to play it eventually,

but my yodeling is getter better

haven’t made the hound dog howl in days.

 

You all ready for us to move in?

Reckon well camp out in front

till you do.

 

Yeah, our couch will look great in the yard,

gopher makes such a cool covering you all.