Glory Be!

Oh Suzie done found God
right there at the grocery store check out counter,
saw an ad in the back of a gossip magazine
to become a High Priestess
of the Divine Golden Holy Jicama Abundant Life Tabernacle
where for a ten dollar donation
she got a ordination from His Pious Veggie Sacred Saintless,
Brother Bobby Joe Lo Precious.

Then she was so thrilled when she got that box in the mail
came with a Jicama having a halo carved in the side,
gave her instructions for chanting,
“Jica-jica-sticka-micka-mama,jama WOOSH PIE!”

Her instructions swore
if she held that Holy Jicama long enough
it would bring blessings and visions,
which was okay by her biker boyfriend Zed,
since one the first things that came to her
was that Bud and pickled eggs are truth paths
to eternal peace, or maybe it was infernal piece,
hard for Suzie to keep that straight
since she chanted so hard she nearly passed out.

Well things moved right along alright,
each day Suzie got a new message
from her Holy Jicama,
the last one being rather strange,
about how it was a sin to wear underwear
during that time of the month.

But who she to argue with a god vegetable after all?
So when that time of the month came,
she just done went all natural,
which weren’t so bad,
excepting for when they were cruising down the road
and it came time to change that tampon.

Dang it all, if she didn't slipped
that old, bloodied one went flying in the air
hitting poor Motorcycle Cop, Pete,
right in the mouth
when it was yawning.

Now Suzie’s got a citation
for littering in the first degree,
just holding her Holy Jicama
and praying for some carbo light
to show her how to pay that huge fine!