Darn Gravity

This silly scale is a sick, sadist sign
just don’t pay it any mind at all,
because I got it straight from the source,
the guy over at Home Depot in the plumbing section
none of these darn things do other than lie
because they were invented by Newton,
you know the Sir Issac one that created figs,
yeah, yeah, it is all his fault
not something we can trust in the least.

Imagine life back in BC
that was Before Calories,
why they didn’t have a clue about gravity
since it hadn’t been invented yet,
so nobody ever feared their weight
since the earth was flat
and everyone rode on magic carpets
between the flying pigs and cows.

Now see, don’t even touch that thing
we’ll just go back to eating what we want,
plus with enough candy we’ll pass out
then we can forget weight completely!