Tape Envy

Who was the lunatic that decided presents needed to be wrapped?
I smell a conspiracy by someone trying to expose
my male clumsy paws for their lack of dexterity.

Now if it needed to be nailed, I could pound that paper all day,
but I know that the evil tape makers must have contrived this
just to prove my Neanderthal legacy!

Alas, I ponder the furious filet to my soul
over how am I supposed to wrap a frying pan so it doesn't look like one?
Thank god there are gift wrappers in the store,
though I do keep from sneering because only women are behind the counter!